chapter thirty-four
fake
[shawn peter raul mendes]
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at around 3am, my phone buzzes with a notification, waking me from near sleep. i groan, squinting my eyes, and looking at my screen, which is lit up with a picture of anya, her contact wanting to call me.

i immediately reach it, sliding the phone to answer it, pressing the cold glass to my cheek.

"i-shawn-" she cries on the other side. "i'm sorry."

"why are you sorry baby?" i sit up, turning on my bedside lamp, "talk to me anya."

"i-i didn't mean to- it happened- i," she sobs.

"you hooked up with brooklyn?" i ask her, rolling my eyes sarcastically.

"not hook up- kiss- and stuff- shawn oh god, i'm so sorry- i-" she sobs, her voice shaky.

"i'll see you in march." i spit, hanging up the phone, chucking it off my bed, bringing my hands up to my face and crying, sobbing, finally realising that she would do this eventually.

i let go of my emotions, reaching for a notebook and pen, words immediately coming to me reflecting on my mood. i scream in frustration, not caring who can hear me, and ripping the paper from the notebook, scrunching it up in a ball, and throwing it to the other side of my room.

"shawn! what's wrong?" aaliyah bursts into my room, turning on my light and seeing me in the state i am. she rushes forward, dragging me out of my bed, taking me down into my car, unlocking the door and letting me sit in there, making all the noise i want to.

"she-she cheated on me!" i shout, slamming my hands down onto the steering wheel. "aaliyah i'm not okay!"

"shawn, shawn!" she grabs my hands, sitting on my lap, and stopping me from screaming. "tell me what's wrong."

"i can't deal with anything! anya's basically cheating on me, and i can't even thing straight anymore!" i scream, making aaliyah flinch slightly.

she doesn't say anything and hugs me, wrapping her arms around my neck, pulling herself close to me. "aaliyah please help me." i beg to her, crying.

"you haven't been mentally well for a while, have you?" she asks me softly.

"a year, maybe a year and a half." i answer, finally calming down so only silent tears are running down my face. "come on, lets go back in." she gets off of me, opening the door and hopping out, as i follow, locking my car behind me.

"shawn you know you don't have to be strong forever." aaliyah reassures me as i reach my room. "people break and fall sometimes, it's okay to do that."

"i love you." i mumble to her, leaning forwards to hug her again.

"i love you too, get some sleep, and i'm sure anya didn't mean it, she loves you." i frown again, wanting to cry once more.

"she told me she wouldn't ever." i say softly.

"why are you two up? shawn i heard you screaming, are you okay?" my mum yawns, coming out of her room. "honey what's wrong?" she sees my face and immediately hugs me, holding me close to her.

"mummy." i mumble, crying again. "why does love hurt?"

"what happened? tell me what's wrong shawn." she says to me.

"i'm not okay mum, not at all." i say to her. "mentally, physically and emotionally."

"anya apparently cheated on him." aaliyah says tiredly. "i don't believe that she did because she's head over heels in love with shawn, there's gonna be another story to it."

"there's not and that's the thing." i snap.

"have you asked her though?" aaliyah butts in, bursting herself. "exactly, you haven't."

"you don't know her and brooklyn though." i say to her. "whatever, i'm going back to sleep, goodnight." i pull away from my mum, walking into my room, shutting the door and crawling back into bed, wrapping myself up in my sheets again.

how could she do this?
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rubbing my eyes, i wake at around 10am, turning my phone over and seeing about a hundred messages from anya, and fifty missed calls, with twenty-three voicemails. well shit.

i sit up immediately, sliding my phone and unlocking the voicemails.

"shawn i didn't mean anything, please forgive me- i love you so much- it just happened between me and him- it's nothing big i-" the voicemail cuts, and the next plays.

"i know it's bad, don't get me wrong, but it's 5am and i can't sleep knowing that you hate me- i physically can't even put it into words-" it repeats.

"how sorry i am- and how much i want to restart everything- god shawn please-" she chokes a sob. "i miss you and i love you- i know you're going through something hard-"

"and i take you for granted all the time- but i can't keep thinking that you're not ever gonna-" i cut her short, deleting all the voicemails and skim reading through her messages.

i run a hand through my hair, before typing a few words back to her.

To Anya;
we're over. for real.
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thanks for nominating me and this book for the fanfiction awards!!! i love you all xox