chapter thirty-eight
fake
[shawn peter raul mendes]
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"hey baby!" amber comes into my hotel room, sitting on my unmade bed. "do you wanna go out today?"

"i'm not in the mood amber, and i have press." i say to her, grabbing my jacket. "i'm going for breakfast with brian, so i'll see you later."

"but babe..." she moans, as i sigh, gathering my things, getting frustrated.

"amber i'm not your babe, and if i'm honest, i want to be single." i say to her. "now if you would please go away, that would be the best for both of us." she frowns at me, rolling her eyes and storming out of my room.

i let out a sigh i didn't realise i was holding, feeling bliss.

why did i kiss anya last night?

strapping my watch on my wrist, i take my phone and wallet, heading out of my hotel room and waiting outside brian's.

"dude, are you ready yet?" i knock, sighing.

"yeah, lets go." he opens the door, and shuts it behind him, as we both walk to the hotel restaurant for breakfast. "so how was your walk to anya's hotel room?" brian asks me as soon as we are sat with our food.

"i-i made out with her?" i stutter out. "man i swear she's like a drug, i can't get enough of her."

"you're whipped." brian chuckles, making me roll my eyes. "come on, you proposed to her, you're head over heels in love."

"i'm not!" i lie. "okay maybe." i sigh. "i told myself i wouldn't but i can't stop."

"then start again with her." i shake my head at him.

"no matter how hard we try, we end up fighting and in tears, both of us. i don't want to be in a relationship where all we do is fight. she doesn't deserve that." i explain.

"and here she is, ten o'clock." i gaze at her, gulping immediately.

"do i look okay?" i quickly ask. "is my hair okay?"

"dude, you're not a girl!" brian laughs. "shawn you're an idiot."

"does my breath stink of eggs?" i breathe out, getting into a funk, nervous from her being here.

"shawn!" brian snaps at me. "you're shawn mendes, you don't feel like a nervous teenage girl around her crush okay? you feel like a badass idiot."

"badass idiot, okay." i breathe, finishing my tea. anya turns her eyes to me and blushed slightly, looking away. i smile softly, turning back to brian.

"i got this." i stand up, walking towards her, slipping my hand purposely around her body to reach a plate.

"hey how did you sleep?" i ask her, reaching behind her, brushing my hand on her lower back, taking a spoon.

"u-um great, how about you?" she gets out, helping herself to fruit.

"oh, amazing." i smirk, leaning down to her ear. "i don't regret that kiss last night."

"neither do i." she murmurs back, a powder pink coating her cheeks. "my room, at 12, chris is meeting up with friends."

"you got it." i mumble back, taking fruit for myself, going back to brian.

"you did not just do that." brian tells me, shaking his head. i smirk.

"oh i did."
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"um wow." anya flips off me, breathing heavily and lying down on the other side of the bed. i chuckle nervously, leaning down to grab my boxers.

"i'll see you tonight then." i stand up, changing again, smirking at her confused face.

"where are you going?" she asks me.

"i have press." i send her a wink, putting my shirt over my head. "see you soon."

i take my phone, rushing out of her hotel room, shutting the door behind me, laughing and leaning against it, shaking my head. geoff exits his room from opposite, and looks at me, my hair messed up, my jeans not even done up properly, and my jacket hastily placed in my hands.

"you guys fucked?" he asks me simply, as i nod, chuckling.

"oops?" geoff shakes his head at me, laughing.

"sexual tension between you two?" i shrug, smiling.

"probably." i say. "or friends with benefits?"

"friends?" geoff gapes. "what happened to the guy wailing over her every second of every day? what happened to the guy who treated her like shit?"

"i had to hide it somehow." i shrug. "i'm still annoyed as it is." he laughs, as we walk to the lobby.

"you want her back don't you?" geoff chuckles at me, as i lean onto the elevator bar.

"i don't want the trouble of being in a relationship with her." i explain. "i mean i want her to be mine, but it's probably so much easier to take things as you know, no promises to anything."

"wow, you're living your own song." geoff and i join chris, brian, andrew, mike, zubin, max and casey.

"yes, my man!" brian bro hugs me, laughing, as i chuckle lightly.

"she's here." brian says to me quietly, as i turn around, sending her a smirk. she rolls her eyes, smiling slightly, joining chris.

"you got ready fast." i say to her, as we walk outside to the cars.

"you owe me new underwear, you ripped my favourite bralette." she glares at me, getting into the back of the car. i laugh, getting into the middle row, sitting in front of her.

"oh please, you loved it." i look at her blushing fire face, rolling my eyes.

"shut up shawn." she moans, pushing the back of my head.

"you might want to cover up your hickeys, just saying." i tell her, putting my hands up in surrender. "not my fault."

"what? you gave me hickeys?" she bursts quietly, touching her neck.

"oh they aren't on your neck, just don't go into the pool when loads of people are around." i shrug, looking out of the window.

"shawn!" she shouts at me, moaning. "you're an idiot!"

"you loved it, shut up." i laugh back. she stays quiet for the rest of the journey, not talking to anyone, whilst the rest of us chat to hearts content.

"shawn, remember this interview is strictly music. if anything else is brought up, remind them it's music." andrew says to me, as i nod, getting out of the car. "about your engagement, well that's your decision. if you want to clear things up, talk about it."

i glance at anya, who's leaning against the car, looking down at her feet.

"what if she's not ready for it to be released?" i ask andrew. "the reasons why, i mean."

"that's your choice to ask her." i sigh, nodding again.

"okay i'll clear it up in the interview, anything else?" andrew shakes his head at me.

"you've got it, that's it." i nod again, walking up to brian, and both of us walking into the venue.

anya looks sad the entire time we are waiting, and in the dressing room she doesn't even speak to brian, chris nor me.

"the prince of pop himself, shawn mendes!" the interviewer calls, as i laugh, walking in, greeting her.

"hey." i wave, sitting on the chair opposite her. "nice to meet you."

"pleasure to meet you, now, there's one question on all of our minds, when's new music coming out?" i laugh lightly, starting to answer her questions.

we talk about music for about ten minutes, before the dreaded question comes up. "so you and anya? the engagements off?"

i trail my eyes to the back of the small room, where anya stands. she links eyes with me, nodding.

"yeah it is." i sigh. "we both realised that we can't keep going in the relationship. i know a lot of people are saying it's her fault because of things that happened, but it's mine also, and i think that we both were blinded by the way we were pushed into the relationship caused it too. simply, we are too young, and it came at the wrong moment too." i explain. "we are still friends though, close friends even. i don't think that will change." i smile softly.

"thank you so much for taking the time to answer, we will see you soon." i say goodbye, walking to the back, where my team are, and i sigh, reaching anya.

"did i deal with that okay?" i ask her softly. she nods at me.

"you said it perfectly." she says quietly.

"are you okay?" she shakes her head, as i sigh, putting my hand on her back, leading her somewhere quiet. we find a room, and i open the door, shutting it behind us and turning the lights on.

"hey, what's wrong?" i ask her, as she sighs at me, looking down.

"we shouldn't have done what we did today." she says shakily, her eyes tearing up. "shawn we shouldn't have even spoken- i-" tears slide down her cheeks, and my instincts go first, wiping them away, cupping her cheeks.

"don't cry." i whisper. "don't."

"i-i'm sorry- i just-" she sighs, sniffling.

"if felt right." i bargain with her. "didn't it?"

"it felt natural but- shawn we ended things badly." she tells me, and i remove my hands from her face. "i'm not ready, not ever."

"so you used me?" i say to her, my voice getting louder. "you needed closure?"

"no! why would you think that?" she shouts at me. "i would never use you!"

"sorry, i'm sorry." i tell her softly, getting her to calm down. "i miss you."

"you want a casual relationship." she says to me. "and i can't give you that."

"yes you can, please." i beg her. "you're the only girl who understands me."

"shawn you deserve better, not someone like me who will probably mess things up even if they are simple and held with no promises."

"you don't mess anything up." i tell her.

"yes i do! look what happened to us!" she bursts. "i mess everything up, i messed us up, i messed up mine and my moms relationship, i messed up my life."

"you're not a mess." i say. "don't ever say that again." i sigh. "you're anya, you like chocolate covered strawberries and macaroons, just not the mango ones, but you love mango. you don't have olives on your pizza, you have it on the side, you only wear trainers except for fancy events, you hate what this generation has turned into, you are one of the most caring people i know, you like it when people step out of the ordinary, you like literature, you love it when people have confidence, you're intelligent, you're beautiful, you're honest, you respect my detest for tomatoes even though you love them, you are obsessed with cream sauce, you hate kale, you hate exercise, you prefer listening to music over vinyl than through a phone or cd, you only like cheese when it's over pasta, in sauce or on pizza." she blushes, as i walk closer to her. "besides from all your opinions and features, you're intellectual. and you know deep down that i'm right and you're not." we both laugh softly.

"keep it simple?" she asks me. "no complications, we don't even. rand ourselves?"

"that's what i want." i nod at her. "do you?"

"yes." she says to me. i lean forward, cupping her cheeks and pressing my lips to hers, moving my hands so they are holding her waist. her hands trail up my sides to my shoulders, where she wraps her arms around my neck, pulling me closer.

"here? now?" i mumble against her lips, attacking at her top.

"here. now." she confirms, sliding my top over my head.

i guess we forgot about my team who were waiting for an hour, just for us.
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lol i missed shanya