we've come so far with this book, tysm for all the love xx
-
chapter thirty
fake
[shawn peter raul mendes]
-
our time in the hamptons was somber, services were beautiful, yet everyone shed a tear, including me who felt so incredibly sorry for anya. currently, we are in the city again, lazing about in her apartment.

"what time are we meeting andrew?" she asks me, snuggling up to my chest, her feet resting on the other side of the sofa.

"in about two hours." i tell her, looking at my watch. "come to pickering with me."

"i don't know, i have uni and stuff." she says quietly. "oh what the heck, i'll tell them now i'll need online schooling, because i'm constantly doing stuff for your touring." she stands up, taking her phone and walking into her bedroom, leaving me alone, watching whatever is on the tv.

"done." she comes out around five minutes after, with her laptop. "now plane tickets."

"andrews got them sorted out, don't worry." she chuckles at me.

"you booked me a ticket anyway, didn't you?" she asks, figuring it out.

"yeah." i laugh, as she walks to the kitchen.

"babe, do you want tea?" she calls from the kitchen, filling up the kettle with water.

"yes please!" i call after her, leaning back on the sofa. she comes out again, five minutes later, holding two mugs of steaming hot tea, putting them in front of us. "thank you hunny."

"oh god i need to tell kelsey i won't be back for two weeks." she sighs, sitting next to me.

"she's in the same apartment as us, just asleep." i laugh, nudging her shoulder. "i love your apartment."

"you've said that at least a million times to me." she laughs softly, rolling her eyes. "i love your house."

"i don't have my own though." i point out. "to be fair if i had my own, you wouldn't like it."

"i would." she says. "because by that time it would be half mine anyway, i mean once this," she points to her ring. "happens, i'm not gonna live without you."

"true." i nod, laughing. "i should really look for my own place, but i can't be asked." she rolls her eyes at me. "i'm not moving out of pickering, according to drake i'm a pickering gawd." she laughs, throwing her head back and nudging me.

"you were so shook after that." she giggles. "you came up to me and couldn't even speak, 'oh anya, he-he-i-met-drake?' you were so shook." she imitates me. i roll my eyes, chuckling.

"okay, okay." i give in. "at least you won't have to unpack your things now."

"yeah i know, no effort." she sighs in bliss, stretching her legs out.

"lets see how my fans are reacting to our engagement." i smirk at her, taking my phone out and going onto twitter, to the replies of the tweet when i announced it.

"lets hope they like it." anya bites her lip, looking scared at my phone.

"hun why are you scared?" i ask her softly.

"i don't know, i feel like i'm taking you away from them." she admits. "and like you're growing up too fast to them because of me."

"what? no!" i tell her. "you are definitely not taking them away from me!" i lean down, pecking her cheek, making them heat up slightly. "and yeah i am growing up fast, but that's because of situations, not this." i sigh, taking her hands in mine. "this feels normal, actually incredible, but it's not changing me, or making me grow up faster. i'm ready for this, i'm ready to live with you, to marry you, to start a family with you." she blushes. "okay maybe not a family yet, but you get what i'm saying right?" she nods.

"i'm sorry." she says softly. "okay lets see what they're saying."

"oh my god, do they really thing island is behind this?" anya groans, throwing herself back to the couch. "can't they believe we are actually together, for real?"

"god this is all my fault." i run a hand through my hair. "if i never told amber to leak that you were hired- shit."

"what?" anya croaks, sitting up, and looking at me. "y-you told her to say we were fake? to your fans?"

"i'm sorry, it was when we were in the break- and you were getting close to brooklyn- and i was pissed off at everything- andrew, island, us- i wasn't thinking." i stutter out, rising with anya, as she stands, shaking. she raises her hand, slapping it firmly down on my cheek.

"you made me get the hate!" she shouts. "you admitted it to yourself before you admitted it to me!"

"no! anya-" i sigh. "baby, i don't mean anything, i didn't mean anything!"

"bullshit shawn! bullshit!" she shouts, wiping her eyes. "i can't believe you." she says softly, croaking.

"i'm so sorry." she shakes her head, turning away and walking to her room, taking her tea with her. i shut my eyes, sighing, and sitting back down on the sofa.

"shawn? what are you doing here?" kelsey walks out of her room, just woken up.

"oh hey kelsey." i fake smile. "yeah i decided to come with her from the hamptons, andrew is meeting us for lunch today anyway."

"you guys were shouting, what happened?" she sits opposite me, as i laugh sadly.

"god me and my stupid mouth." i sigh. "i physically can't believe what i did last year."

"you guys are engaged, you shouldn't be doing this anymore." kelsey sighs at me. "you two love each other, you and i both know that, she loves you with all her heart. you might have messed up, yeah i get it, but at the end of the day, you two love each other, and that's all that should matter."

"we can't go a month without fighting, i can't deal with that." i look down. "i love her so much."

"i know you do." she says to me. "and that's what should matter, not how you messed up." i look at her. "go talk to her."

"no, we should be going anyway, to meet andrew." i say. "thanks kelsey."

"anytime." i stand up, walking to anya's door, and knocking on it.

"hun, we should be going." i shout. i hear shuffling, and a thud, followed by a groan. i open up the door, seeing her laying on the floor, obviously from tripping over her suitcase. "come on." i lean down, helping her up from the floor. "are you okay?"

"i'm fine." she states, dusting herself off. "can you grab my bag please?" i nod, turning around and picking up her bag, handing it to her, as she slips on her shoes.

"i'm gonna get my shoes and jacket on, yeah?" she nods as i leave her room, gathering my things together. she comes out, tapping on my shoulder.

"here's your watch." she hands me the band, as i attach it onto my wrist.

"thank you." i say softly to her. she opens up the door, walking out as i follow her down to the lobby of her apartment, exiting out and catching a taxi to the cafe we are meeting andrew at. "anya." i say to her to her, holding her hand in mine.

she looks at me, sadness laced into her eyes, unlinking her hand from mine. i frown, feeling by heart drop, as she looks out of the taxi window, watching the buildings rolling past.

"you know i said i was sorry." i tell her. she scoffs, rolling her eyes.

"you told someone to leak the fact i'm your fake girlfriend." she snaps at me.

"you didn't keep it a secret, you told that beautician, and brooklyn when we were in london." i argue back.

"you told your entire fandom, now most of them hate me because of just that." she says. "i thought whoever leaked it was a petty fan who stalked us, not you."

"can we not fight? we're engaged." i ask softly.

"yeah well we soon won't if you keep going like this." she mumbles, thinking i haven't heard her.

"if i keep going on like this? you're the one who's overreacting about it!" i shoot back at her.

"i'm not! i'm being a normal person about it!" she argues. "'oh i'm shawn mendes, and because i'm so famous i blame everything on other people because i don't do anything as i'm not problematic'" she imitates, grumbling.

"'oh i'm anya steinburg and i argue with my fiancée about rubbish because i'm a stuck up rich kid!'" she shakes her head at me, laughing bitterly.

"oh you did not just do that mendes!" she snaps at me. "you can't even talk, you're a rich kid too!"

"that'll be 30 dollars." the driver says, clearly irritated about our arguing.

i pay, grumbling and slamming the door shut, walking into the cafe to meet andrew. i sit down on the chair directly opposite him, running a hand through my hair furiously.

"don't just ignore me!" anya shouts as soon as she walks into the empty cafe.

"i'll do what i like!" i shout back at her, earning glares from the baristas.

"guys, shut up!" andrew says to both o us. "god you two need to learn how to stop arguing! especially in public places!"

"sorry." i mumble, sighing. "anyway, how was the rest of the london trip?"

"it was good, the fans there were completely understanding, and some we met at the hotel send their sympathy anya." he says to her, smiling sadly. "i'm also so sorry for your loss."

"it's fine, at least he's not suffering anymore." anya says softly, wiping her eyes briefly.

"congratulations on the engagement too, you two." he smiles at us, whilst a worker pours us all coffee.

anya sends me a glare, and i shrug, looking down at my hands again. "it'll be over soon, trust me on that one andrew." she spits bitterly. "i don't even know why i said yes, i know that we fight all the time."

"anya..." i sigh, turning my body to her, so i'm directly facing her. "i'm sorry, okay? i didn't mean to call you a stuck up rich kid, nor make amber leak this, i'm really sorry." she looks down at her lap.

"maybe i shouldn't have given in so easily in the first place." she says to me, laughing sadly. "we always fight shawn, and i can't marry someone who i fight with all the time."

"anya we can work through it all, we have years until we actually get married." i urge her. "don't do this."

"we've had two fights since we got back together shawn, and that was only two weeks ago." she adds. "i don't think i can keep doing this."

"baby, don't give me back the ring." i say quickly, standing up, as she does too.

"i'll see you at the airport tomorrow, okay?" she pecks my cheek quickly, taking off her ring and putting it into the pocket of her jeans, rushing out of the cafe.

"what- i- huh?" i whisper to myself. "andrew what did i do to deserve this?" i croak out, turning back to him. "am i engaged anymore?"

"i don't know shawn, that's something you two will have to figure out." andrew says to me, placing his hand on my shoulder.

"i don't have anywhere to stay now- my bags are still there- my guitars are- andrew what am i gonna do?"

"crash with chris in brooklyn, i'll get your bags and send them to her place okay?" he says to me. "calm down, everything will work out fine. whatever you do, don't cry and do something stupid, there are fans outside." i look through the glass doorways, recognising some of them, but seeing all of them huddled in a circle, shouting.

"what are they doing?" andrew asks me, confused.

"i'll go check, hold on." i stand up, walking outside, catching all of their attention. suddenly, i notice that anya is in the middle of the circle, and looks at me with surrender.

"hey guys, what's going on?" they don't reply, so i push through, getting to where anya is. "anya?" i ask softly. "what happened?"

"nothing it's fine." she brushes off. "you can stay at mine tonight." she whispers in my ear, rushing off. they all start laughing, making me frown.

"that isn't funny." i say to them, making them be quiet. "people have feelings guys, you can't say stuff to them, even if you really hate them."

"is that why she wasn't wearing her ring?" a blonde asks. i sigh, running a hand through my hair.

"don't worry about that okay? we have a private life, and the reason she isn't is my fault, don't blame her for it." i walk back into the cafe, joining andrew again.

have i lost her?
-
shawns livestream today can we just