chapter ten
fake
[anya rose steinburg]
back in nyc
-
"shawn!" i laugh, as he tickles my sides, pinning me to my bed that looks over manhattan.

"anya!" he mimics, not stopping, making me burst out into a fit of laughs.

"stop!" i laugh, kicking him lightly with my bare feet. he laughs, stopping and rolling over, so he's lying next to me. "you look so tanned." i observe, laughing.

"so do you." he copies, pulling my shirt slightly, revealing tan lines. "see?"

"yeah because australia was bloody hot, even though people were in coats." i laugh, getting off my bed. "andrew wants us at island at 11, just saying."

"ugh i don't wanna go." shawn moans, grabbing a pillow and flattening it over his face.

"neither do i but he said it was important." i shrug, walking into my kitchen.

"i love your apartment." he sighs, sitting at a bar stool.

"can you two take your lovey dovey nonsense somewhere else?" kelsey groans, taking her cereal to the lounge area.

"sorry if i love her!" shawn calls, taking a mug of coffee.

"so what's the plan today? after island." i say, sitting next to him.

"hmm lets go to central park." he hums, sipping the coffee. "or can we like stay here the entire day?"

"well we are off to toronto tomorrow." i say, leaning on my hands. "central park sounds good."

"great! i have the apartment to myself!" kelsey squeals, washing her bowl in the sink, putting it on the drying rack. "also shawn next time you use the toilet, at least try to make a mess so i can yell at you."

"no that's just unguestlike." he says, laughing.

"stop bullying my boyfriend kels." i moan, standing up and hugging shawn protectively.

"excuse me while i go vomit." she says, walking into her room and shutting he door.

"you don't have any friends who are single?" i ask shawn, looking at him, as he picks me up, placing me on his lap.

"colton." he laughs. "or ian, or lyall, or heck brian."

"oh my god i'll meet all of them after tomorrow!" i squeal, making shawn laugh.

"god i love you." he mumbles, kissing my cheek.

"i love you more." i reply, smiling and grabbing my coffee, sipping it. shawns phone starts to ring, the screen illuminating with a picture of camila. i roll my eyes as he answers it, leaving it on loudspeaker.

"hey canada!" she says, happily, as i gag, making shawn laugh.

"hi camila, how are you?" he asks.

"i'm good, but sad because you aren't at your hotel." i can almost see her pout.

"oh i'm not staying there." shawn says. "i'm staying in anyas apartment."

"oh." she states, making me giggle, but then immediately put my hand over my mouth.

"sorry, did you want to meet up?" i frown.

"yeah." she says. "do you wanna meet up today?"

"sure, i'll call you when my meeting is over." i roll my eyes, folding my arms, shaking my head and walking into my room, slamming the door shut, locking it.

he literally just made plans with me. how could he already have forgotten about the one he actually loves?

"anya open the door." shawn knocks on the wood.

"fuck off shawn." i snap, going into my closet and taking out a pair of black jeans and a jumper, with white converse, and a denim jacket.

"what did i do?" shawn asks, obviously confused.

"are you seriously that stupid?" i reply, my voice cracking.

"are you crying?"

"no."

"are you upset?"

"maybe."

"are you mad at me?"

"yes."

i strip of shawns t-shirt and my leggings, changing into my clothes, spraying perfume over my pulse points.

i fold up the clothes i just took off, placing them neatly on my made bed, opening the door, shawn falling into the room, mainly because he was leaning on it.

"ouch." he says, standing up and rubbing his butt and back. "baby." he mumbles, capturing me by the waist before i can escape.

"shawn let go." i snap, stepping on his feet. he laughs at me struggling, and holds on tighter.

"i won't let go until you tell me what's wrong." he says.

"camila okay? that's what's fucking wrong!" i shout, as he lets go, letting me storm out the room, but he still follows me.

"what did she do?" shawn argues, folding his arms.

"you planned something with her, forgetting about our plans!" i shout.

"god anya can't i have one day without you?" he shouts back, leaning on one foot. i feel a pang of sadness hit me, making me frown. "oh shit i didn't mean that." he quickly says.

"whatever shawn." i mumble. "spend today with her, i don't care." i say, sitting on the couch.

"anya..." he trails off. "i didn't mean it."

"course you didn't, because you're shawn mendes and you're unproblematic so you do nothing wrong and everyone loves you." i say quickly, letting out a frustrated sigh. "i get it, you don't need me."

"i do need you!" he says, walking forward so he's in front of me. "i love you anya."

"shawn just forget it." i mumble, looking away, waiting for 11 to approach us.

at 10:55, we leave to go downstairs, waiting for the taxi. the taxi comes after two minutes, and drops us at island offices for 11:12. shawn tries to talk to me throughout the journey, but i ignore him, silent tears running down my face on the rainy day new york is currently having.

i get out, walking into the offices, shawn running to catch up with me, lacing our fingers together. i snatch mine away, folding my arms and walking up the waiting room of andrews section.

"geoff? why were we called?" shawn asks, seeing him, his band and chris all waiting there.

"i think it's briefing for your illuminate tour." he says, watching me take the seat in between max and chris, not sitting next to shawn. shawn frowns, looking down. "did you two fight or something?" geoff asks. i roll my eyes.

"yeah, because shawn is being an idiot, like he always is." i say, looking down.

"anya how many times do i have to say i'm sorry?" shawn sighs, standing up.

"sorry won't cut it!" i shout, making everyone jump, and andrew look at us in confusion as he enters the room. "you are such a fucking jerk."

"i can't help it if i miss a friend!" shawn argues back.

"god you know how much i hate her, you knew we had plans!" i shout back, standing up myself.

"well what do i say? i'm sorry for making plans with someone who i actually want to hang out with." i feel my nostrils flare.

"oh that's it mendes." i say, getting riled up, running forwards, about to slap him, but geoff and max pull me back.

"anya stop." max says to me, as they lift me up, walking me back to the sofa.

"no! he deserves it!" i shout, my legs dangling in the air, as i fight against them. however, being a weak person like i am, i fail, and they put me back on the sofa, holding me down.

"anya-" shawn starts, but andrew cuts him off.

"shawn stop, anya get yourself together, we have business to do." andrew says, pissed at our stunt.

i fold my arms, sighing and looking down, crossing my legs.

"okay so shawn, set list. what do you want to play?" andrew asks, getting out a pen and a notebook.

"um all of illuminate, stitches, something big, life of the party, the weight, i don't even know your name." he says. "maybe some more, but those are the ones i'm certain of."

"any new songs?" shawn shrugs, looking at me.

"the one that i've started i haven't finished yet." he says, looking directly into my eyes.

"transitions then, does anyone have any ideas?" andrew asks, finishing off what he was writing.

"maybe camila coming on stage and shawn breaking up with me, then getting with camila." i snap, looking at shawn, who's clenching his jaw. "or shawn shooting me, either would do."

"anya, calm down." chris whispers to me, putting her hand over mine.

"maybe similar to msg, but have more of those fancy things of myself passing me the piano stool or something." shawn says sadly, hurt by what i said.

"andrew could you excuse me?" i ask, as andrew nods. i walk out of the room, leaning against the wall, and sinking down, so i'm sitting, my knees up to my chest, tears pouring out of my eyes.

"-shawn what happened between you two?" geoff asks, as i hear shawn let out a heavy sigh, coughing.

"i made such a dumb mistake." he croaks out, making my heart break.

"which was?" josiah questions.

"i forgot about our plans and made some with camila instead." shawn finally says. "guys do you think i could go?"

"yeah i suppose we will have to continue the meeting after your break." andrew sighs. "after that it's straight back to touring, practicing and press okay?"

"yeah." shawn mumbles, as i hear him stand up. i gasp, standing up myself, and running to behind a corner. the door opens and shawn walks straight past me, wiping his eyes, and going into a recording booth.

he closes the door, and closes the blind to the glass, not letting me able to see anything else.

letting out a deep sigh, i walk to the cafeteria in the offices, buying a bottle of water and a cereal bar, sitting at a table, looking at the busy scenery around me.

no promises comes on, and a few people smile, but i frown, looking down and eating my cereal bar.

"hey anya." geoff says, sitting opposite me.

"oh hey geoff." i let out a fake smile, finishing what i was eating.

"look i don't know how long this fight is going to last but shawns in the studio screaming and belting out lyrics, he's going to loose his voice, you're the only one who will stop him from doing it." geoff says, scared that shawns going to damage his vocal chords. "he's screaming mid cough, anya you gotta help us."

"fine." i sigh. "but you owe me, big time." he nods, smiling. i sigh, standing up, taking my water and walking to the studio, opening the door, and stepping in, my ears being deafened by shawns screaming. his eyes are shut, however tears still escape them, and he clutches onto the mic, screaming, but still singing so perfectly.

"shawn!" i shout, stepping closer to him, placing my hand on his shoulder, he jumps and stops, coughing.

"anya- i'm so incredibly sorry." he says quickly. "i didn't mean it- and i'm dumb- and stupid- and-a-nd-" i cut him off.

"forget that, i'm still mad, but sit down, please." he nods, sitting on the couch, as i hand him my water. he gulps it down, finishing the bottle.

"better?" i ask, sitting on the arm i the sofa next to him.

"much better." he sighs. "do you forgive me?"

"i'm sorry shawn, but no." he stands up again, wanting to get to the mic, but i push him back. "look you hurt me, but i don't want you to hurt yourself, so please come out?"

"i'll cancel with camila, baby just let me love you." he mumbles, tears filling his eyes. "i'm stupid i know- i just i didn't know what was coming over me."

"i can't." i whisper, as shawn pushes past me, reaching for the mic again. he puts the headphones on, and gets ready to scream, but i stop him, pushing him back.

"don't do this shawn." i warn. "what would your fans say huh? what happens if you actually damage your vocal chords? shawn screaming whilst coughing is not good for you." i say, slapping his arm.

"i love you." he murmurs to me. i sigh, looking down. "i know you love me, just admit it." he laced our hands together, looking at me.

"i do, but you hurt me." i mumble. "you know how i feel about camila too, yet you still do this."

"i know and i'm sorry, i really didn't mean it." he says, frowning. "forgive me."

"i-i can't." he leans forward me, almost connecting our lips, fanning my face with his hot breath.

"forgive me." he repeats, as i shake my head. he moves closer, just so we are centimetres apart.

"forgive me." i part my lips, pushing him away.

"i'll see you at my place." i shakily say, picking up my bag and exiting the room.

my breaths go shallow as i leave the offices, walking down the street and through central park, taking the shortcut to my apartment.

"anya? is that you?" i hear a squeaky voice, the owner of camila say. i roll my eyes, turning around and folding my arms. "oh my god how are you?"

"shit, thanks to you." i snap. "leave my boyfriend alone, maybe if you did he wouldn't be damaging his vocal chords, or we wouldn't be fighting."

"aw are you being clingy again?" i gasp.

"how the fuck can you say that? it's your fault, and shawns! shawn forgot about mine and his plans and went with you instead!" i argue, leaning on one foot. "camila you win okay? you can have shawn, i don't care! spend the day with him, heck fuck him for all i care!" i spit, turning around and walking to my apartment.

i take the stairs, opening up the white door, revealing no one to be there. kelsey has probably gone to one of her college classes, and i moved to online college, but i have no classes to do today. i open up my bedroom door, shutting it behind me, slipping my shoes off my sweaty feet, and chucking them to one side of the room.

jumping onto the bed, i get under the white duvet, snuggling up to a pillow, lying there and thinking about everything that has happened. stupid camila, and stupid me, for thinking that shawn would ever prioritise me.

i check my phone, seeing a party trending.

#camilaexposedanyaparty

what the fuck?

i go onto her twitter, seeing a video posted of an angle underneath when me and camila were arguing. she filmed it?

the video was tweeted with: she doesn't care about shawn, all she cares about is being clingy and letting others fuck him

i then look at the replies, seeing everyone, and i mean everyone from ariana grande to kim kardashian shading me.

i gape my mouth open. this was not what happened. camila was the one who made plans with shawn first, and then shawn forgetting about me, if all, it was shawns fault.

i tweet back to her saying: stay out of our business, it was 100% yours and shawns fault so stop blaming me.

loudly, the door opens, and slams, as my door opens, revealing a breathless shawn covered in raindrops and holding his phone.

"you made a scene out there?" he shouts, making me sit up, getting out of bed.

"i didn't know she was filming shawn, i swear." i assure, trying to calm him down.

"saying that you don't care if i fuck camila?" he shouts back, making me jump. "do you know how bad that looks?"

"i'm sorry shawn-" he cuts me off.

"i don't need any bullshit because the evidence is there! couldn't you have just ignored her to protect not just you, but me?" he shouts. "you're so dumb!" he runs his hand through his hair. "you know i was going to come back, and-and try to win you over again, but now, i really can't be bothered to."

"shawn." i mumble. "please." i say, my voice shaking. "i'm so sorry i didn't know it would go this far."

"if i'm honest, i don't know who to believe and who not to believe." he says, sitting on the edge of my bed.

"you wouldn't believe me?" he shrugs, looking down. "you don't believe your girlfriend?"

"anya like i said i don't know what to believe." he says.

"shawn, i love you!" i shout, making him stand up slowly, turning around to face me.

"look maybe it isn't a good idea for us to go to toronto tomorrow." he concludes. "i'll get andrew to delay our flights, in the meantime, i'm going to go and stay in the hotel everyone else is staying in."

"i'm sorry." i croak. "i didn't mean to shout at camila, i just got so annoyed."

"i'll see you in a few days okay?" he leans down, pecking my cheek, grabs his suitcase and walks out like nothing else happened.

i sit cross legged on my bed, my head in my hands. does he not believe me? does he seriously only think that i did it to get attention? and i knew she was filming?

tears constantly pool in my eyes, as i wipe them away furiously, rubbing my eyes raw. i look outside, seeing shawn hail a taxi, getting in and slamming the door shut, the taxi driving off the left side of the street i live on.

i hope i don't run into him soon.
***
i plug my headphones in, sliding my phone into my leggings pocket, finishing my smoothie. i slip my trainers on, lacing them up, and grabbing my keys.

"are you sure you're okay anya?" kelsey asks me, folding her arms.

"i'm fine, i just need to get out." i reassure her. "plus i am heading to toronto tomorrow."

"call me if you need anything okay? i'll come meet you." she says, hugging me. i nod, sadly smiling.

"thanks kels, okay i'll see you in a couple hours." i say, pulling away and walking out of the building, beginning to jog to central park to run there.

i spend an hour running, before i'm parched and craving water. i run out of the park, finding a starbucks. i rush inside, getting tap water, and taking a seat at one of the tables.

"hey anya could we get a picture?" two girls come up to me, holding their phone.

"um sure." i smile, as they hold up one of their phones, posing for a picture. i smile, and they take it, beginning to argue in their own conversation.

"look anya, we don't believe camila." they nervously say. "i hope you are feeling okay, and whatever happens between you and shawn, i'm pretty sure you'll work through it." the brunette says.

"thank you, that means so much to me." i smile.

"are you okay?" the blonde asks. i shrug.

"well shawns ignoring me, the internet hates me, and camila is slowly ruining my relationship, so yeah, i'm okay." i laugh sarcastically.

"i'm sorry anya." she says, smiling sadly at me. "see you soon." they leave me, walking out of the shop.

staring down at my hands, tears pool at my eyes, dripping onto the table. i sniffle, wiping my eyes, taking a sip of my water.

the door opens again, and i have to take a double take on who comes in. shawn, and his team.

time froze, and we stare at each other, for the first time in five days. at this time i notice how messed up his hair is, and how sunken in his face is, fatigue written and painted over him.

he excuses himself, walking outside, and leaning against the window. it's only then, geoff sees me, and smiles. i smile back, finishing my water, and walking out of the shop.

shawn looks at me, stopping me from moving.

"anya." he mumbles.

"i'll see you tomorrow shawn." i say quickly, running off, back to my apartment.

i unlock the door, walking in, seeing kelsey making lunch. i lean against the door, catching my breath.

"what happened?" kelsey asks me.

"i saw him." i say, breathing heavily and sitting down against the door. she turns the stove off, walking towards me, sitting next to me.

"don't go tomorrow." she suggests.

"no i have to." i sigh. "it'll look bad if i don't."

i just hope it goes easy, and trouble free.
-
yooooo
so i have pcd