chapter sixty-six
fake
[anya rose steinburg]
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i didn't realise that going to one of shawns concerts which i got tickets from shawn himself would require talking to shawn. as my birthday quickly approaches, i can't help but feel so nervous and weird to face him again, after him leaving me utterly confused and in a state of pity and despair.

of course i'm over the pity and despair part, just not the confusion and shawn himself. i don't think i'll be over that for a while, especially the way shawn is going, somehow both of us talking every so often. i just hope after my birthday i won't have to see him ever again, so i can move on with my life.

i'm on grocery duties for jasmines birthday party. well we call it 'grocery duty' but it's really alcohol and small amounts of snacks duty, accompanied by deciding what pizzas to order on the day. jasmines never been the one to have a posh ordeal over her, but when it comes to her birthday, she always wants something big. of course it will be child friendly, and not a typical 22 year olds house party, so there won't be too many hard going types of alcohol, sadly.

i push my cart through the aisles of target, putting whatever junk into the trolley, and moving to the next aisle.

"anya steinburg?" i hear behind me. turning around, confused, i'm faced with one of the most popular jocks from high school, my ex boyfriend, daniel michaels, still as tall as ever, with a different haircut to style his ashy blonde hair.

"oh daniel, hey." i say, pretty shocked at how he's still in the hamptons. "how have you been?"

"great, how about you? i hear you found yourself a celebrity boyfriend?" he smirks at me, pulling a bottle of lemonade from the shelf and into his cart.

"well, we broke up-" i'm about to say he's my ex, but then i realise i don't want to forget the feeling of being with shawn, so i decide to just keep on the topic of being broken up. "yeah, we broke up."

"oh, i'm so sorry to hear that anya." he frowns at me.

"it's fine." i mumble, standing up straighter. "so, what's happening in your life?"

"i got a football scholarship to UCLA, so i'm always there really. i've come back to the hamptons over summer to visit family and that sort of stuff." he waves off, shrugging. "nothing too interesting though."

"are you kidding? a sport scholarship, dan that's amazing!" i see a faint pink appear on his cheeks, as he chuckles lightly, looking down. "i'm really happy for you, i knew how much you wanted it."

"thank you, so where are you now?" he asks me, as i let out a breath, with a slight laugh.

"well, technically NYU but because of shawn having to travel everywhere, i decided to move my classes to online courses, and i've kept it as that even though we broke up, it's just more convenient, and i don't really want to go back and face my classes all asking me questions about my break up." i explain. "i already get enough as it is, i don't need more."

"shawn mendes, huh?" he says to me. "i never thought you would move to someone so mainstream?" he chuckles, as i roll my eyes sarcastically.

"you, yourself are mainstream, i guess i have a type for them." i smirk back, laughing. "i was engaged to him at one point, and about to move in with him at another, god it was so fast and fucked up."

"you get around." he smirks. "surely that's a short time to get engaged?"

"hey, my parents got engaged after two months of dating. they're still together after 30 years." i shrug, looking down at my nails. "if there is true love, love to the point where you are helplessly in love with someone, why wait for something that eventually will happen?"

"you have a point." he says, folding his arms. "didn't you used to say your parents fought a lot?"

"i guess they did, but it made them stronger, if that makes sense." i shrug. "even when they were just dating, and engaged they used to fight regularly. my mom told me she almost left him for good but then realised she couldn't live without him." i smile softly at thinking about my parents love for each other.

"is she still harsh to you?" he asks me carefully, a softer tone running through his voice.

"not really, i mean she was up until seven months ago, then i think she just gave up with it all and realised she only has one child left and can't afford to lose her too." i sigh. "i'm glad though, i've got my bond back with my mom."

"that's great to hear." daniel smiles at me. "hey, do you wanna catch up soon? maybe over a coffee or something?"

"come to jasmines birthday party tonight! i'm sure no one would mind, you're basically family anyway." i suggest, nodding. "come on, please? that way we can catch up properly."

"okay, sure, what time should i be there?" he asks me, getting his phone out.

"uh, maybe 6? yeah, 6, that should be fine." i decide.

"alright, i'll see you then anya." he says, putting his phone back in his pocket. "you can tell me all about that tosser, shawn mendes then." (a/n shawn should get this quote smh)

"will do." i smirk back, as he turns around, leaving the aisle.

"see you around banana." i hear him call, as i chuckle, remembering my nickname from him. then it hits me.

shawn and i are meant to be together. it's not our fault we always fight, it's the fact that we were pushed into a relationship so fast, and i pulled him away from his single life so quickly but at the end of the day, we are soulmates, and nothing between our relationship and the stages moved quickly. it was just me who over emphasised a lot of things because i didn't want to face the fact that short relationships can lead to a sense of love that is so heartfelt and passionate. shawn and i had that. and it almost took me a year to understand that.

just like my mom felt to my dad, i feel the same to shawn. i can't live without him. he is my other half.

i quickly race around the store, getting everything on the list, before heading to the checkout, where i quickly pay, and head back to my car, speeding back home.

"coming through!" i yell through the filling up with family and friends house, carrying the bags of food and drink with me to the kitchen. "poppy, jason, unpack these, thanks!" i run from the kitchen into the main living room, where i spot my mom hanging up a few decorations.

"anya dear, can you pass me the tape?" she asks me, turning from her chair she's standing on.

"yeah sure." i reach down to the dispenser, picking it up and handing it to her. "mom when did you know you were in love with dad?"

"on the fourth or fifth day we started dating." she answers. "why honey?"

"i ran into daniel today, and we started talking and i realised-"

"you're not getting back together with him, are you?" my mom cuts me off with a light chuckle.

"god no, anyway i realised a few things about shawn and i, we can't be apart from each other, i'm in love with him, and i can't cope with being away from him. mom i don't care if he broke up with me, i need to tell him how i feel." i explain. "i want to start my life with shawn, now."

"well you can't now, but you're seeing him next week, aren't you? tell him how you feel honey, and if he doesn't feel the same way, at least you've told him how you feel." she tells me. "you're confident, aren't you?"

"very much." i breathe. "mom i love him."

"you two remind me of your dad and i." she beams at me. "just sweetie, if he doesn't want to be with you again, and wants to stay broken up, don't push yourself to that state where you won't move on."

"i promise mom." i nod. "i need to go and change, i'll be down in a few." she hugs me tightly, rubbing my back.

"are you sure you want to come out with it to him anya?" she asks me softly. "i don't want to see you hurt again."

"i'm sure mom." i reassure her, letting go of our embrace. "oh by the way daniels coming tonight."

"that's fine, now go get dressed." she smiles at me. i nod, walking to the marble staircase, taking the stairs up to my room and walking straight to my closet, where i get out a pair of black shorts with floral embroidery, a black silk tank top, and a pair of sandals.

i quickly change, putting a choker on, and a slightly longer silver chain with that, before looking through my bangles and rings. the cartier ones shawn got me stick out of my jewellery collection, and i bite my lip, reaching into the box to put them on, the ring on my ring finger, and the two bangles on my other wrist that doesn't have my watch resting over it.

"hey andrew." i say, placing my phone to my ear.

"anya! so good to hear from you, how are you?" he says to me, chuckling.

"i'm great, actually." i say. "how about you?"

"good, tour life and all." he says. "thank you so much for being able to help out for set, it's been busy because we planned everything thinking you would be there so it's been a little hectic wit one main crew person gone."

"aw, you should've told me!" i complain. "anyway, is there a chance that i could come earlier? maybe make that pittsburgh show?"

"why?" he asks me suddenly.

"if you need stage help, i can help." i suggest, biting my lip at the lie. truth is, i want to talk to shawn earlier.

"i mean we do have a spare bed on the bus, sure why not." that means jasmine will just have to meet us with tommy.

"oh and andrew could you get another person into the boston show? it's just i don't want tommy to feel like i'm ditching him and-"

"of course, we all miss you, you can have whatever." i chuckle softly at him, rolling my eyes.

"thanks andrew, see you in philly then."

"do you want us to meet you in the hamptons? we're gonna be driving near there anyway, what harm could a detour do?" andrew offers, as i shrug, looking at my appearance in my standing mirror.

"are you sure? i can get a train to pittsburgh." i say.

"positive, just get on the bus with us." he says. "okay i gotta go, shawns got his soundcheck. we'll pick you up on the 20th, ah shit, it'll have to be at some crazy time like 3am."

"that's fine, i'm up till then most days anyway." i chuckle. "oh by the way, don't tell shawn i'm coming."

"i wasn't gonna anyway." he laughs. "see you soon anya."

"bye." i hang up the phone, sliding it into the back pocket of my denim shorts, and walking out of my room, hearing cries of a baby almost immediately. wait, wasn't matthew supposed to be napping?

i walk into kelsey's room, seeing him screaming and moving about in his cot, crying his eyes out and awake. the baby monitor is on, but since i'm here, i pick him up, rocking him gently.

"hey, hey, shh," i coo, holding him in my arms as his cries quieten slightly. "matthew..." i trail off, bringing my lips to his forehead, and kissing it softly.

"oh you got him." i hear peter laugh behind me.

"yeah i was upstairs anyway." i chuckle, putting a now quiet and sleeping baby in the cot. "he's so adorable, i'm never gonna get over it."

"he gets the looks from me." peter smirks, as i roll my eyes.

"hey peter, you have a kid now." i say. "don't ruin yourself, and please lay off the alcohol and prostitutes." i whisper, folding my arms. "you're also married."

"i know, i know, but kelsey and i were on a break last year." he says. that's why i saw kelsey making out with some idiot on our couch. "i'll stop."

"good." i say, walking towards the door. "i'm heading down, see you there."

"anya wait." peter says to me. i turn around, placing my hands on my hips. "how are you, really?"

"i- honestly?" i sigh, as he nods. "i don't know how to feel."

"you told me when you were like 10 and i was having girl trouble to stay strong." i chuckle softly, looking down at my feet. "so i'm saying to you because you have boy trouble, stay strong."

i think i'll have to for the next few weeks.
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13rw has me fucked up