chapter sixty-seven
fake
[anya rose steinburg]
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sipping on a beer and having my feet in the pool, talking to ex, isn't how i expected my night to go in the morning. but, being here and realising how much i actually need to talk about my feelings puts light on the situation.

"so you're telling me you were pregnant with his baby?" daniel softly asks me, taking a sip of his beer.

"yeah." i sigh. "i was."

"anya i'm so sorry." he whispers, looking at me.

"everyone's always saying how i would make a great mother." i look down at the clear waters, moving my feet about in it. "shawn kept hinting at future kids."

"what was he like? this mendes kid?" dan asks me again, leaning back on his hands.

"this mendes kid?" i joke, cracking a smile. "shawn is the best thing that's happened to me in a while. he made me feel happy, even though we fought basically everyday." sighing, i pick up my drink, taking a sip. "but of course i'm still not over him, and i want to get back with him."

"it sounds like you've actually found someone like your soulmate." he chuckles softly at me, standing up from the poolside. "i'm happy for you."

"yeah, well, if he takes me back." i chuckle sadly, looking down at my hands. "thanks dan, really."

"no problem." he smiles, his dimples being shown off in the late summer night. "i should be going, but i'll see you soon?"

"of course." i stand up, bidding him goodbye with a hug. "go kill the sports industry."

"go get that mendes kid back." i roll my eyes at him as he sends me a wink, walking back up the garden to leave the house.

hopefully that mendes kid wants me back too.
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after most of the guests leave, i decide to head upstairs and start to pack for the few days i'll be on tour for, packing them all into a medium sized suitcase, ready for leaving in two days.

"hey anya." jason knocks on my door, standing at the doorframe.

"hey, what's up?" i ask, zipping up my suitcase, and pushing it to the wall.

"nothing much, just wandering around, you know?" he laughs softly. "hey shawn called me today."

"shawn called you?" i ask, shocked. "i didn't even know you two were friends at all."

"well, we are." he chuckles, walking in and shutting my door behind him. "look i know you want to tell shawn how you feel, and you're going early, but shawn might react differently to you."

"what do you mean?" i sigh, folding my arms.

"are you sure that he's not over you?" i shrug at him, sighing again.

"i don't know but there's no harm in trying." i mumble, looking up at him. "jason what did he say to you?"

"well no, we just got talking about what's been happening and then you came onto topic and shawns pretty much wanting you to move on." jason explains, putting his hands in his pockets. "i'm not saying anything, but i'm not sure if shawn wants what you want."

"well there's no harm in trying, right?" i repeat softly. "look i didn't even want to break up in the first place, just please, don't try and convince me not to, they're already picking me up in two days, well now one if you count the time today." i say, noticing it's 2am.

"alright, goodnight anya." he tells me, opening up the door. "don't get hurt."

"i won't, goodnight jason." he shuts the door behind him, leaving my room and me behind. yawning, i change out of my clothes into a pair of velvet shorts and a bralette, before brushing my teeth and pulling my hair into a messy bun. i walk across my room, crawling into my white sheets and turning my light off, resting my head on my pillow.

shawn is forever going to be one of the best things that's ever happened to me, no matter how many times i want to deny it, but it's true, he is. i will be heartbroken if i go over to talk to him and he says no, but if he really wants me to move on, i'll try.

what if i get there and he's already found someone else? i mean the times we've talked on the phone it's like he's over me, laughing, chuckling, sounding happy when he jokes. surely you wouldn't joke with someone who broke your heart?

honestly, i guess i did break shawns heart. slowly, but i did break it. being with me made him cry, truly and honestly cry. i'm sorry, shawn.

he has a certain effect on people. i mean, he was only affectionate to me for a matter of days, yet i fell in love with him so quickly. he's so, plainly loveable in his own way, it hurts to love him. i love shawn, so much. it hurts loving shawn.
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i wake up with the screaming of a baby at around 8am. well, at least matt knows how to sleep decently already.

pulling myself out of my bed, i put on a random hoodie that lies in my closet, recognising it as one of shawns almost immediately. i still have his clothes? it's his white vans one too, i sure hope he doesn't want it back anytime soon, it is extremely comforting. his cologne surrounds my frame, and i smile softly, feeling suddenly calm and like i'm wrapped in his arms again. i pull the sleeves down over my hands, walking out onto my balcony, sitting down on the small step leading out to the main standing area of the balcony.

i remember when shawn and i fell asleep here, and when we thought that we were ending. god, we were smart. i smile softly at the memory, tracing my hand over the paved stone, sighing.

a cool breeze softens over my bare skin in the humid, muggy morning air, creating a sense of bliss over myself. i've always loved muggy mornings, or when it rains in summer.

i can still feel him holding me. his arms wrapped around my waist, and me nestling my head on his chest, smelling the comfort, and sense of home he always gives me. i miss him, so much.

i miss shawn mendes.
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next chapter i promise will be long haha