chapter sixty-eight
fake
[anya rose steinburg]
-
beep. beep. beep. i squint my eyes at the harsh light coming out from my lit up phone. 2:30am. the bus is supposed to pick me up at 3am, and according to the recent messages from chris, andrew, geoff and mike, they are almost at the house. sighing, i rise from the warm envelope of my sheets, and i slide off shawns hoodie, packing it into my suitcase, and putting on the tour hoodie shawn sent me in the mail.

after refreshing up slightly so i'm more presentable, i zip up my suitcase, take my phone and charger, and longchamp bag to the top of the stairs. i hear quiet murmurs from kelsey's room, and i sigh, heading to her door and softly knocking on it.

"come in." kelsey says softly, staying quiet for the sake of others asleep. i open the door quietly, slipping into the dark room, seeing peter and kelsey both awake, looking over a matthew who's being fed.

"hey, i'm gonna head downstairs, they should be here soon." i mumble, walking to them, as peter stands up, hugging me.

"have a great couple days before jasmine and tommy get there, and we'll see you soon." he places a kiss on my forehead, as i smile lightly, nodding.

"i will, i've kinda missed my second family." i chuckle softly. "bye kelsey."

"don't let mendes hurt you." she warns. "he'll have me to answer to if he does." we all share a soft laugh, before i gaze down at matthew.

"bye baby." i mumble, leaning forward and pressing my lips to his cheek. "love you guys."

"see you anya." kelsey tiredly mumbles.

"hey anya do you want me to wait with you downstairs?" peter asks me, reaching for his glasses.

"no, it's fine." i smile, yawning.

"go with her." kelsey says, pushing him lightly out of their bed. "see you soon anya."

"bye babes." i lean over, hugging her, as peter follows me out of the room and down the stairs, carrying my suitcase. "peter you can go back up, you look exhausted." i tell him, looking at my phone screen.

"i'll see you out, someone has to, right?" he jokes, making me chuckle softly, rolling my eyes. "no, i'm gonna miss you."

"i'll be back before you know it." i wink, leaning against the counter. my phone buzzes in my hand, and i sigh, looking down, seeing a text from andrew saying that they are outside the house.

"come on, i'll help you get your bags there." peter says, as we both walk out the house, him carrying my suitcase, and me holding my bag and phone. i see the black tour bus, which frankly is pretty big, waiting in the large driveway, andrew and geoff waiting outside it for me.

"hey guys." i say tiredly, walking over to them and greeting them with hugs.

"finally, you're back." geoff jokes. "it's been a while." he hugs me, saying hi, as i smile softly, pulling away.

"it has." i sigh. "okay where's my bed?" andrew and geoff stifle a laugh, yawning after, making me chuckle.

"hey peter, i can grab my suitcase now." i say, holding my arms out for a hug. he smiles at me, embracing me, and sighing. "i'll miss you." i mumble. "take care of matt, and kelsey, okay? update me on how he's getting on too, love you."

"i will, and love you too." he pecks my forehead gently, letting go of our hug. "remember what we said about that kid." he jokes, as i roll my eyes again.

"sure, sure." i say, walking onto the bus, carrying my bags with me. "bye peter."

"see you soon little cousin." he beams at me, waving, before i'm pushed in the bus by andrew and geoff, and welcomed to a still awake band, and christina, with aaliyah half asleep next to them, who looks pretty delirious if i don't say so myself, making me chuckle softly. a part of me feels slightly upset that shawns not here, he's probably exhausted and fast asleep after his last tour on one of the beds.

"anya!" aaliyah shrieks in a whisper, becoming slightly more awake, making me chuckle, as she stands up, running to hug me. "wait, why are you here?"

"i'm here to help out." i say, embracing her. "god, i missed you."

"i missed you too." she mumbles, hugging me back. "okay right, i'm off to sleep now."

"goodnight." i chuckle, as she waves, walking to the beds part of the bus.

"you're back!" chris says to me, hugging me from the side, as i nod, smiling.

"i'm glad i'm back." i shrug, yawning. "okay i seriously am tired, andrew where am i sleeping?"

"whichever bed doesn't have its curtain closed." he says to me. "which is over there." he points to a lower bed, which has its curtain open. "have the other buses already started going?" he asks geoff.

"i don't know, but manny texted saying shawns woken up." geoff says, as andrew sighs, nodding. "he's okay, just a little light headed, but he says he can perform."

"what happened to shawn?" i ask, putting my bag down.

"he passed out at around 8 last night?" mike explains in a question, thinking. "i don't blame him, even i have a headache from that crowd. still." he says, rubbing his head. "have a good night you lot, i'm off to sleep."

"everyone go back to sleep, we'll leave now." geoff says, pushing us all to the area where the beds are. "wait, the other bus is coming back, shawn wants to sleep here tonight."

"he does?" andrew asks. "okay, i'll wait up for him, everyone else, go back to sleep or something, we're gonna be arriving in pittsburgh at around 9, so we'll get off for breakfast at around that time."

"great, night." zubin says, climbing into one of the beds. we all mumble a goodnight, and i crawl into my bottom bunk, getting situated. i sigh, removing my hoodie, leaving me in just a calvin klein sports bra and silk black shorts, pulling the white covers over me. somehow waking up at 2 in the morning makes me less tired.

i stay awake until the bus door opens again, and quiet voices are heard. "is she here?" i hear shawn ask. oh, how much i've missed his voice.

"i think she's asleep, now you better sleep too, mr." andrew teases. "come on, get your ass to bed."

"alright, night andrew." shawn yawns, walking to this direction. i peak out of my curtain, seeing his legs directly in front of my view. wait, is he above me?

he climbs up, and considering the noise from the bunk above me, i know he's sleeping there. great, now i definitely won't be able to sleep.
-
sleep found me for about three hours after shawn came in. i sigh, looking at my plugged in to charge phone that rests on the small ledge next to me, squinting, and seeing it's 5:45 in the morning. i might as well stretch out, it's a little uncomfortable sleeping on the bed of a moving bus. i crawl out of my bunk, trying not to make a noise, and i walk across the corridor to the main seating area of the bus, grabbing my handbag with me, and fishing about for a book to read to waste the time away.

after about ten minutes, i get slightly thirsty, so i wander to the fridge, grabbing a bottle of water, and standing back up again, smacking into a person.

"oh my god i'm so sorry- anya?" shawn tiredly says, as i turn around, seeing him rubbing his eyes, yawning, and shirtless. my mouth slightly goes ajar, and i feel all the love i have for him rushing back to me, but accompanied by a slight fear of speaking to him.

"s-shawn," i stutter out, feeling my cheeks riddle pink as to the attire i'm wearing.

"anya." he whispers, his eyes glancing to my hand, where i'm holding a water bottle. "i didn't realise you were awake."

"yeah, me neither." i say, still in shock from seeing him so suddenly. "i mean, uh, i couldn't really sleep comfortably." he chuckles softly at me, rubbing the back of his hair nervously.

"c-could you pass me a water?" he stutters out, as i reach down, taking another bottle and handing it to him. "thanks."

"no problem." i mumble, closing the fridge door, coming back to eye contact with him.

"morning!" aaliyah cheers, coming into the section of the bus, probably just expecting shawn, but seeing me too. "oh- were you two busy?"

"n-no, just getting water." i say, standing up straighter, and moving my gaze to behind shawn, shifting past him. "hey aaliyah."

"shawn stop starring and talk to her." aaliyah scoffs, looking at her brother, as i blush pink, my cheeks heating up.

"r-right," he gets out. "how are you?" shawn walks towards me, and sits on the couch opposite aaliyah and i.

"i'm okay, you?" i ask, pulling my legs to my chest.

"what is it, you two have suddenly forgotten how to speak to each other?" aaliyah asks, folding her arms.

"aaliyah!" shawn shouts, as aaliyah and i both raise our fingers to our lips, signalling him to quiet down. "s-sorry." he says, looking down at his hands. "and i'm good, thank you." he says, answering me.

"tommy says hi." i pipe in, making shawn shyly smile. "he misses you a lot."

"i miss him too." shawn mumbles, sighing. the bus stops, and we scrunch up our faces in confusion, looking out of the window. "are we here?"

"i think so?" aaliyah says, looking at the scenery. "wait it's like 6:30, andrew said we would be here for 9."

"maybe there was no traffic." shawn shrugs, standing up and stretching slightly. "i'm gonna go put on a hoodie or something, i'll see you two in a bit." shawn looks at me, before he walks to the back of the bus where the luggage, well main luggage, is stored.

"hey anya," aaliyah tells me softly. "shawns different, please bring him out of it."

"that's what i'm here to do." i sigh, bringing my hand to her shoulder, rubbing it softly. "well i hope he agrees."

"he will, trust me." aaliyah mumbles. "i'm worried for him."

"i know you are." i frown. "but shawns fine, well you get what i'm saying, right? he's coping."

"yeah." she nods, sighing again, and looking up. "he's coping."
-
after shawn left the stage, i'm there to make sure the stage itself is closed off, and has no surprise visuals popping up randomly. "anya, grab that box!" brian yells at me, pointing to the box next to my feet. i pick it up, walking over to him and holding it out.

"what is it?" i ask, as he takes it from my hands, packing it away into one of the set boxes.

"guitar picks." he states. "i swear to god someone in that show cut some of my hair. never again am i gonna be waiting at the barriers." he shudders sarcastically, making me roll my eyes and chuckle.

"oh brian, i'm already getting complaints from fans that you took their meet and greets blurry." shawn comes to join our conversation, holding a bottle of water, and leaning against the wall behind him.

"i swear we had something like this conversation in la." brian laughs, as i roll my eyes again, remembering that night.

"yeah we did, brian you fucking idiot." i slap his arm lightly, laughing.

"hey, why don't you try taking photos of girls who spam you on a daily basis on snapchat?" he teases, closing up the set box, locking it in place.

"whatever, i'm gonna go find some food, i'm starving." i mumble, rubbing my stomach, feeling it rumble with hunger.

"i think the food staff haven't packed away yet, they're backstage next to the green room." brian tells me. i nod, folding my arms and sighing.

"i'll see you two later then." i say, before heading off to the direction of backstage, finding the green room and the area where the food crew are set up. i see they are still serving food, and i reach for a sandwich and a bottle of water, immediately diving into the food, finishing it in the matter of seconds. i haven't eaten since 1pm, and currently it is 10pm.

"bus one are boarding!" someone in the team shouts around the area, getting our attention. i'm on bus one, shit. i grab a tissue, wiping my mouth, before rushing off out of the arena to the back car park, where the busses are waiting. i see shawn walk into the largest of the four, and i quickly rush up behind him, following him into the bus.

"oh shit, sorry." shawn chuckles, noticing me following him, so he opens up the door to the bus wider.

"it's fine." i smile softly, walking through, as he shuts it behind us. "goodnight." i mumble, as he smiles gently at me, leaning against the cabinets next to us.

"goodnight, sweet dreams." he whispers, as i walk to the luggage area, taking out a pair of shorts and a random bralette to change into. i crawl into my bed area, shutting the curtain to give me some privacy to change in. i quickly change, getting out of the bed area and straight to the bus bathroom, brushing my teeth and washing my face quickly, exhausted from the day.

i don't know if it's the fact that shawns sleeping above me, or the fact that i'm sleeping in a moving bus, but somehow i can't sleep at all, and i feel wide awake by midnight. grumbling, i remove the white sheets from my body, crawling out of the bunk, and walking to the open seating and storage area, taking a seat on one of the couches. i sigh, stretching out my legs on the seat, and gazing at the nightlife out of the window, as we pass through a random town.

"couldn't sleep either?" i hear footsteps behind me, and i turn around, seeing shawn standing there.

"you could say that." he chuckles softly at me, putting his hands in his pockets. "you did great tonight."

"thank you." he says, moving to the couch place next to me. "can i sit?"

"be my guest." i say, as he lets out a sigh of relief, settling himself into the leather seat.

"it's funny, isn't it, touring?" he says randomly. "every night a new setting, new people, new culture, it's weird but funny."

"funny in what sense?" i ask him, bringing my knees to my chest.

"just the fact that everyone's there for me." he says, pretty mind blown. his eyes go wide, and he lets out a breathy chuckle. "it's nights like this when i know i'm doing what i love." i look up at him, seeing a red blush over his cheeks.

"do you seriously get people complaining about their meet and greet pictures?" i ask him with a quiet laugh. he nods, chuckling himself.

"all the time, every show there's at least one." he says, smiling. "they still haunt me months after it's happened."

"you're kidding, right?" i ask, laughing.

"god no, whenever i tweet, there's always a couple people complaining." we both share a laugh, the humour slowly quietening down. "anya why did you come here early?" shawn asks me, sighing softly.

i bite my lip, looking down at the bus floor, sighing myself. "i came back early because-" the bus parking cuts me off and shawn looks at me confused, but then realises that we probably arrived at the hotel.

everyone groggily starts moving towards the main four of the bus, taking their things with them, as shawn and i stay seated, waiting for everyone to pass.

"ladies first." he says, standing and letting me walk out first. i roll my eyes, chuckling softly, before grabbing my things and walking off of the bus.

"suitcases will be taken to your suites, team up with four people, four rooms per suite." andrew tells us all. aaliyah comes running up to shawn and i with brian, and we all nod at each other.

"anya, are you sure?" shawn asks me quietly, as we walk into the hotel for check in.

"yeah, i'm fine with it, i mean we're friends, right?" i ask softly, waiting for andrew to get the room keys. why the fuck did i say friends?

"i-i mean i guess." he sighs, almost as though he's upset. "god what's taking andrew so long?"

"shawn it takes a while to get a hotel key at check in." aaliyah butts in, making me chuckle softly.

"i know, i'm just tired." he says, his voice cracking at the end of it. he looks down at the floor, sighing softly, and shutting his eyes briefly.

"come and get your keys!" andrew yells, as we all go rushing forward, picking up a pack of key cards for one suite. i hand each card to brian, aaliyah and shawn, and we head up to our rooms, taking our bags with us.

reaching our room, i quickly unlock the door, revealing a main living room with a medium sized open plan kitchen island and cabinets. shawn walks straight into one of the bedrooms, slamming the door behind him.

"anger much." brian mumbles, walking into another bedroom.

"night anya." aaliyah waves, taking the room next to brian's. sighing, i walk over to the room next to shawns, and i open the door, taking my things in, before shutting it behind me.

the bed calls out to me, and i quickly jump onto it, not bothering to get under the covers at all. the first thing i hear once settled down and quiet are quiet cries that i can recognise from anywhere. shawns cries.
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