chapter seventy-three
fake
[anya rose steinburg]
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the drive to pickering and to shawns parents house takes longer than i expected. the heavy rain, and the fact that i have no other clothes with me apart from the ones i'm wearing right now makes the taxi journey so much more unbearably uncomfortable.

currently being early evening, late afternoon, at the mere hour of 4pm, my taxi driver pulls into the road shawns parents and aaliyah live at. i'm not sure if shawns here or at our, well his, place.

"thank you so much," i mumble, fishing around in my bag for my purse. "how much will that be?"

"52 dollars please." he says, as i sigh, taking out a fifty and a ten, handing them to him and waiting for my change. he hands me the change, and i shove it back into my purse, putting my purse back into my bag, and zipping it up.

"thank you!" i call, opening the door of the car, entering the rain storm, immediately getting soaked by water. i run up the driveway of the house, rushing to the door, where i ring the bell, pulling my cardigan sleeves further down my arms, and waiting on the step anxiously.

"anya?" aaliyah answers, shocked. "what are you doing here, come in, it's pouring." she grabs me by the wrist, pulling me inside and shutting the front door.

"do you know where shawn is?" i ask, biting my lip.

"yeah, he's at his place, why?" she asks me, as i sigh, dropping my shoulders. "oh, are you visiting him?"

"no, i'm making things right between us." i sigh. "where are your parents?"

"they're out grocery shopping, do you need a lift to his place?" she asks me, pulling me into the kitchen, handing me a towel to dry off slightly.

"yeah, i mean, i'm not walking there." i joke, as we both laugh.

"geoff might be free, you can call him if you want." she says, handing me the house landline. "he's on speed dial 5."

"he's on speed dial?" i ask, laughing.

"shawn and him talk a lot." aaliyah rolls her eyes, picking up an apple, as i dial up geoff's number, waiting for him to answer.

"hello?" he answers, as i sigh in relief.

"geoff, hey, long story, but can you come and pick me up from here and drop me off at shawns place? i need to talk to him." i say urgently.

"wow anya, you travel fast." he chuckles. "sure, i'll be there in five."

"do you want anything to change into? anya you're soaked." aaliyah says to me, rushing to the door.

"no thank you, i'm fine." i chuckle, touching her arm. "did you have a good flight?"

"it was okay, i mean a private jet is more than okay, but there was turbulence." she shrugs. "shawn freaked like a baby when he woke up because of the turbulence, it was funny."

"poor thing, he always freaks out with turbulence." i chuckle, remembering our flights when he would act calm but inside he would be freaking out.

a knock is heard on the front door, and i sigh, as aaliyah goes to answer it. "anya!" i come rushing to the door, seeing geoff standing there, keys in his hand.

"ready?" he asks me, as i nod, picking up my handbag, and hugging aaliyah briefly.

"text me what happens!" she calls, as i walk outside, following geoff to his car.

"will do!" i shout back, getting into the passenger side of the car, doing my seatbelt up and waiting for geoff to start driving. "you know where he lives right?"

"he hasn't properly started living there but yeah," geoff laughs. "can i just ask why you're here?" geoff asks, pulling out of his parking space, taking the drive to shawns house.

"i didn't realise how much i actually needed shawn until i got on my flight, it was a bit late to go back." i say. "when you truly love someone, you would do anything for them, and i don't want shawns heart to be broken for how we left each other, and said goodbye."

"he loves you so much, you know?" geoff says, making me blush. "but i think he is really confused with it too. i was there when he was with laur, you know i've seen him go through a relationship, and even then, he was being mature with all his choices. i think he's only confused with being with you because of the way you two were pushed into a relationship, you know, you didn't have time to get to know each other, and that's why shawns so confused with guilt, it reflects in his song writing."

"yeah i get it." i answer. "you know when he broke up with me, i didn't think it would last as long as it did. i thought the next day he would come back and we would be happy again, but he didn't." i sigh. "that's when i realised that he needed a break emotionally."

"you both did." geoff compromises. "but one thing i know is that both of you love each other endlessly, and you deserve to be together."

"so it was just a break?" i ask, confused, as he turns into the road i was about to move into.

"maybe, but that's what you two have to decide." he says, stopping in front of the house. "if you need picking up again, just give me a call."

"thanks geoff." i say, picking up my things and opening up the car door. "see you."

"bye anya," he says, as i shut the door, walking up the driveway, going past shawns jeep, and stopping at the front door.

shakily, i raise my hand to knock on the door, but i freeze. am i really doing the right thing? he could be in there not wanting to ever see me again, he could be in there with another girl. after debating with myself for another three minutes, and getting tired of the constant rain pattering down on me, i sharply knock at the door, waiting for him to answer.

"one sec!" he calls, followed by a huge slam into something or the other, and a glass object being shattered. "okay maybe more than one sec!" he groans. i roll my eyes, chuckling softly, before reaching under his doormat, pulling out a spare key. idiot.

i unlock the door, stepping into the house, seeing shawn sweeping away the glass that had fallen. he looks up, gasping his mouth open.

"w-what are you doing here?" he asks me, stopping his sweeping. "how did you get here?"

"another flight from the hamptons, and a lift from geoff." i shrug. "aren't you gonna invite me in?"

"uh, sure, come on in." he finishes sweeping up, putting the pan and brush to one side, holding his arm out and guiding me inside. "do you want to take a shower or anything? you're pretty wet from the rain." he offers.

"do you mind?" i ask. he shakes his head, smiling softly at me. "i don't have any clothes though, they couldn't get my luggage to the gate on time." i say nervously, rocking on my heels.

"i'll find you something, come on up." he starts walking up the staircase, as i trail behind him, carrying my handbag with me. he leads me up to the main room, and i smile, seeing it's been completely decorated to cater for shawns personality, his plaques hanging on the wall.

"the bathroom is through that door, do you want a t-shirt? hoodie? long sleeve?" he asks, opening another door, revealing his closet, and going through the rails of clothes. "shorts?"

"i don't mind, do you have a shirt that's long on me?" i ask. "could i have some socks too?"

"all my shirts are long on you," he chuckles, pulling out a grey long sleeve, and a pair of black socks. "do you need underwear too?"

"no, i have a spare pair in my bag, but thanks." i say, taking the clothes from him.

"i'll order pizza for dinner, you are staying, right?" he asks, pulling out his phone.

"um, sure," i nod. "oh by the way, i gave your address to the airport, they'll be delivering my suitcase tonight at some stage."

"okay, that's fine." he says. "you can stay the night too, i have a spare room, well i have four spare rooms but only one has a bed in it." he rambles, making me chuckle lightly. "i'm gonna leave you now, i'll be downstairs, okay?"

"thanks shawn," i say. "hey wait!" i exclaim, as he begins to leave the room.

"yeah?" he asks, turning around.

"do you mind me being here?" i ask, biting my lower lip.

"anya, i love you being here." he says, making me smile softly. "cheese pizza okay with you?"

"that's perfect." i smile, as shawn sends me a soft wink, before shutting the door to his bedroom and walking away. smiling to myself, i walk into the bathroom, getting ready for my shower.

after having my shower, i quickly change into the clothes shawn gave me, the shirt ending mid thigh and the socks coming up to just under my knees. who knew shawns clothes could be so big on me?

after tying up my hair into a bun, i exit his room, walking down the stairs and joining shawn downstairs in the kitchen, where music is blaring out.

"oh hey, pizza isn't here yet." he says to me, picking up a mug and handing it to me. "i made you some tea."

"thanks," i answer. "and it's fine, i'm not too hungry anyway." that was a lie, i'm starving.

"anya, why did you come here?" shawn asks me slowly. "not that i hate your company, i just want to know why." i bite my lip, sighing softly.

"i'm chasing you." i mumble, looking down at the tea in my mug. "me coming on tour was basically me trying to end whatever this thing we're in."

"i don't know what to say," shawn says, in shock, a slight smile on his face. "i-" he gets cut off by the doorbell, and we both groan, as he gets up to answer the door.

he comes back into the kitchen carrying a box of pizza. he places it on the already made up table, opening up the box.

"dig in," he says, as i hungrily reach for a couple slices, putting them in my plate and beginning to devour them. shawn does the same, and i can't help but chuckle to myself at what we are doing. "what?" shawn asks, confused.

"this." i laugh, shaking my head. "it's just funny." shawn rolls his eyes at me, chuckling to himself, and finishing off his slices of pizza, before taking another one.

considering the size of the pizza, i stop after two slices, leaning back in my seat, full. shawn finishes up, sighing at the half pizza that lies in front of us.

"i guess i have breakfast for tomorrow now." he chuckles, closing up the box, and putting it in the fridge. i stand up, taking our plates to the sink, and i begin to wash them up, placing them on the draining board after i've finished.

i turn off the taps, going to the towel hanging on the wall to wipe my hands on. i turn around, coming face to face with shawn. "can we continue our conversation now?" he asks me softly, playing with my hand.

"mhm." i nod, following him into the main lounge, and sitting on one of the couches, next to him. he grasps onto my hand, pulling our hands onto his lap, playing with my fingers.

"i know i made a huge mistake on breaking up with you." he begins. "truth is, i guess i was scared, and worried that if we fall apart, that would be it, and we were at the time, so breaking up seemed like the best option."

"i agreed with you, don't get me wrong with that." i quickly say to him, as he lets out a breathy chuckle. "it's just i spent some time talking to my ex at jasmines birthday party, and well he sort of convinced me that i'm still not over you and i need you in my life."

"y-you do?" shawn asks me, a sense of hope in his voice.

"i do." i confirm, turning to face him. "i one hundred percent, undoubtably, need you in my life."

"i'm sorry." shawn lets go of my hands, and wraps his arms around me instead, burying his head in my neck. "i'm so sorry." i wrap my arms around him in return, rubbing his back softly. "and for a matter of fact, i need you in my life even more than you need me."

"that's a lie." i smirk, as shawn chuckles, taking his head away from my neck, shaking his head.

"every time sales have gone up, or i've been nominated for something, or one something, or had a great performance, or something happened positively in my life, i've wanted to tell you. no one else, just you." he says to me, picking up my hand in his again, and knitting our fingers together. "i've tried moving on, but i just can't."

"so where do we stand now?" i whisper, as shawn looks down at my lips, my breath suddenly going shallow. he lets go of my hand, cupping my cheeks, before shuffling closer towards me.

"you tell me." he whispers back, looking at my eyes, then my lips, before planting his lips on mine.

"slow shawn, lets not mess this up." i mumble, pulling away from his lips. he nods, pecking them again, before sitting back down opposite me, grasping my hands in his.

"baby steps." he whispers, pulling me into his arms once more, leaning back on the sofa, and switching his tv on to an episode of greys anatomy.

"you're still watching it?" i chuckle, nestling my head on his chest. "i thought you would've finished already."

"i stopped after my heart broke." he says, making me laugh. "i restarted a month ago."

"wow, see i finished and got caught up with greys in a month." i tease, making him laugh, and holding me closer in his arms.

"what series should we watch next?" shawn asks me, tracing patterns on my arm with his fingers.

"we'll find one."