chapter seventy-one
fake
[anya rose steinburg]
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august 23rd; anyas birthday
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nineteen. it feels weird, almost like i'm comparably older to being eighteen just yesterday. shawn said to him he feels the same, however i feel old.

"guys shut up! she might still be asleep, so let her sleep!" i hear aaliyah whisper to a group of people.

"it's 11! she has to get up!" andrew complains. "come on we have to be at the venue for soundcheck at 1."

"we are waiting in a parked bus outside the venue, i think we are fine." brian chuckles, as i roll my eyes, sighing in my bed. "where's shawn?"

"i don't know, looking for something? he said something like that." geoff adds in.

"i'm here!" shawn bellows, as i chuckle to myself, sitting up in the bunk, jumping out of it, not getting any of their attentions.

"guys!" i yell, folding my arms and laughing.

"happy birthday!" they all chorus, making me chuckle, as a birthday cake is carried my way by shawn, as he stands there, a party hat on his head, and a cheesy smirk on his face.

"happy birthday," he tells me, holding the cake out. "make a wish."

for shawn and i to be okay from now on and stay happy with each other.

"thank you so much!" i say to all of them, after blowing out the candles. "can i eat this for breakfast?"

"i was planning for somewhere to go, but if you want that for breakfast, be my guest." shawn says to me. "i'll cut it up."

"no, if you were planning something, we can go grab that." i quickly say, sending him a soft smile. "where were you planning to go?"

"just a small café. apparently it's really good." he shrugs. "it's your birthday though, so if you want cake i'll cut you some."

"are you sure?" i ask him quietly. he nods, smiling at me.

"i'll go get you a plate." he puts the cake down on one of the tables in the bus, going to the small kitchen area and opening up a cabinet. he comes back with a plate, knife and fork for me, and cuts up the cake into pieces, plating me a slice.

"thanks shawn," i say, taking the plate from him, as he hands me a fork. "tommy and jasmine are gonna be here at 1, is that okay?"

"that is perfect with me, birthday girl." he smirks, sitting opposite me. "oh wait, open your presents!" shawn pulls out a bag overflowing with gifts. "don't worry, they aren't all from me." he jokes, making me laugh. "wait mine
are not even in here."

"aw, you guys!" i coo, taking the first gift out of the bag, opening it up, revealing a space blanket.

"because you're always cold!" geoff shouts, as i roll my eyes, laughing.

i finish opening all the gifts from everyone apart from shawn, who's looking pretty out of it all of a sudden. "shawn, are you okay?" i ask him softly. he looks at me, sighing. "come outside, lets talk."

"hold on, let me get your gifts," he crawls over to his bunk, reaching into it, and pulling out a large gift bag, as i walk to the doors of the bus, opening them and stepping outside in the warm weather, some fans waiting outside the barriers.

"shawn!" they all scream, as soon as he steps off the bus.

"hey guys!" he cheers back, laughing. "come on, quick pictures, but we need a private moment."

"thank you!" they yell, lining up as shawn walks to the barriers, greeting the group of five and taking pictures with them quickly, before they walk away, leaving us alone again.

"don't be annoyed with me, but some of the gifts are from a while ago." shawn tells me, holding out the huge gift bag to me. "leave the big square one till last."

"shawn," i trail off, looking up at him. "this is too much from you."

"you haven't even opened them yet, please do," he smiles sheepishly at me. "come on, open them." i smile sadly at him, sitting on one of the few chairs outside the bus, and diving into the bag, pulling out a flat rectangular box.

i open up the wrapping, seeing a swarovski box, and my heart swells, when i open it, revealing a pen. "you got me a swarovski pen?" i burst, holding it in my hands, happily.

"i know how much you love writing, so why not buy a pen that compliments you." he shrugs, putting his hands in his pockets, as i chuckle, shaking my head.

he gets me an array of joke presents and jewellery that he bought when we were together, before i'm left with the last gift, a flat square, which looks like a vinyl. i rip open the packaging, and realise i was right, apart from the vinyl is a picture of shawn and i on the first day we met, probably a picture taken by a fan and posted all over social media.

"i made a playlist for you, but then i realised what's the point of listening to it over headphones, so andrew called a few people and when we were in europe, in germany, we went to one of the vinyl factories there, and got the music put on a blank LP, and here it is now." shawn explains to me. "it's got some of our favourites, and songs that remind me of you." he says softly. "i've been planning this for a while for you, i couldn't just ditch it."

"oh wow," i mumble, looking at the back of the case, seeing the songs that shawn put on it. "this is- i'm speechless shawn, thank you so much." i stand up, leaning over to hug him, wrapping my arms around his neck. "thank you," i whisper in his ear.

"no problem." he smiles softly at me after we pull away from the hug. "now go get dressed, we have to get in the venue and prepare for the show."

"i'll see you in a few." i tell him, rubbing my hand on his arm, walking past him, carrying my gifts into the bus, going straight to my bunk where i laid out my outfit for today last night; which consists of a tie up black body, denim embroidered shorts, and a drop black, oversized shirt.

"out in ten!" andrew yells, as soon as i come out of my bunk, standing up, my ankle still feeling slightly sore, but bearable when walking and getting along with my day. "anya, you're off duties today."

"what? why?" i ask, confused.

"because it's your birthday." aaliyah snorts. "i told him you wouldn't like it."

"andrew, i can help." i sigh, folding my arms. "at least let me do something."

"you can control the meet and greet, give chris a break." shawn butts in. "plus i'll be there." i roll my eyes at him, smirking.

"hey, i'll be there too!" brian complains. "she's only gonna come for me, bro."

"yeah i am, sorry shawn." i tease, as shawn throws us an angry glare, laughing after it. "alright, i'll do that."

"great!" shawn yells, standing up, and laughing. "that gives me even more time to annoy the birthday princess."

"rude," i joke, shoving him lightly. "i wanna go on a walk."

"lets go then." shawn chuckles, holding out his hand to me. "where to, princess?" my cheeks heat up softly, as i chuckle, shaking my head.

"lets just walk around the venue," i decide, as shawn nods, pulling me out of the bus with him, and gently swaying our hands. "it's such a nice day today."

"it is." shawn agrees. "i can't believe the us tour is over after this show." he frowns, looking up at the sky.

"you'll be back out soon though, come on shawn, south america in september for rock in rio? that's amazing! and you're gonna literally be performing to hundreds of thousands, at a freaking festival!" i say to him, letting go of his hand and emphasising what i'm saying with gestures. he chuckles softly, looking down at the pathway. "i'm really proud of you."

"come with us." shawn suggests. "it'll be so much fun, come on." i stop in my tracks, sighing softly.

"i don't know, shawn." i bite my lip, rocking on my heels gently. "i'd love to, but september is gonna be so busy for me, and i can't really push myself far away from home."

"will you at least think about coming?" he asks me.

"i'll think about it." i nod, rubbing his arm with my hand gently. my phones ringtone starts going off, and i sigh, reaching into my pocket, seeing jasmine calling me.

"hello?" i ask, leaning on one foot.

"hey anya, we're here, where are you?" jasmine says to me.

"you're here? that's early, and i'm walking about, where are you?" shawn chuckles at me, shaking his head.

"you're with mendes? are you two back together? oh and i'm at the main entrance to the arena." she bursts, making me laugh.

"alright, we'll be there in a second." i laugh. "see you in a bit jasmine." i hang up, sliding my phone into my pocket again, and facing shawn. "come on, you're coming with me, no excuses." i tease, making him chuckle softly.

"why would i make an excuse?" he grasps my hand in his again, as we both walk contently to the entrance of the arena, seeing tommy and jasmine sitting on the paving next to a wall. "wait," shawn softly calls, as i stop in my tracks, looking at him. "does jasmine hate me?"

"why would she hate you?" shawn gives me a 'really?' look making me realise what he's saying. "god no, she's still the same with you."

"are you sure?" he bites his lower lip, making me smile sadly.

"i'm positive, now come on." i let go of his hand, walking up to jasmine and tommy. tommy notices shawn, and immediately stands up, running towards shawns legs.

"shawn!" he screams, as shawn chuckles, picking him up and hugging him.

"hey little guy." shawn coos, as i go up to greet jasmine.

"hey, how was the journey?" i ask her, trapping her in a hug.

"it was okay, an average train journey." she chuckles. "hey shawn," she says, greeting him with a hug.

"thank you, anya!" tommy says, running into my legs and hugging them. "also happy birthday!"

"oh yeah, happy birthday!" jasmine adds, making me chuckle, rolling my eyes.

"anya, we need to head back." shawn tells me, looking at his phone screen. "andrew just texted."

"alright, we'll see you two inside then?" i say to jasmine and tommy. "remember, find a security guard and show them the email."

"got it, see you in a bit." she says to us, as shawn and i rush off, heading back to the bus.
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"thank you so much boston, you've been amazing!" shawn yells through the microphone to the screaming crowd, whilst brian and i manage the barriers. "i will see you again very soon, thank you so much, goodnight!" shawn slides his guitar away from his neck, running off the stage as all his fans go insane with cheers and screams.

as he's about to go backstage again, he catches my eye and sends me a soft wink, before running off stage properly, as people begin to push themselves out of venue doors.

"you coming backstage?" brian shouts over the chaos.

"yeah," i say, following brian through the pathways leading to the doors which open up the backstage world of people rushing about, security guards looking over the scene, and people carrying boxes of merchandise through the halls.

being only 9 o'clock at night, everyone is still pretty much buzzing with energy from the show, and the area backstage is alive with chatter.

"i'm gonna grab a drink," i tell brian, disappearing to the main backstage bit, where people are serving food.

jasmine texted me during the show that she left because of having to leave on the same day, so i can't meet up with them.

i help myself to a slice of pizza, before finding somewhere to sit, and finish my food.

"hey," shawn beams at me, coming into my view. "what are you doing alone on your birthday?"

"i was just grabbing food." i chuckle, as shawn perches next to me on the box i'm sitting on.

"well finish that quickly, because i've got something to do tonight." shawn tells me. "well it's small, last minute and probably unorganised, but it's still your birthday." i smile softly at him, finishing up my slice of pizza, and standing up from the box.

"where to?" i ask him, as he stands up, smirking.

"the rooftop of the arena." he says, holding his hand out to me. i take it happily, as he pulls me up staircases and through empty corridors, until we reach a black door. shawn opens it, revealing an area set up with fairy lights, the late evening breeze flying through the air, and the summer sun setting, creating art work in the sky. i notice a blanket with cushions on the floor, and a bottle of champagne, with two flutes next to it.

"oh my gosh, shawn," i whisper, taking my shoes off and stepping onto the blanket. "this is gorgeous."

"happy birthday." he says to me quietly, sitting next to me, and picking up the champagne and glasses, pouring out the liquid into them, and handing me one. "i'm sorry it's nothing special, and you had to spend your birthday here of all places, but you deserve something." he rambles, making me chuckle softly.

"no shawn, this is perfect, truly." i tell him, taking a sip of champagne.

"what time do you leave tomorrow?" shawn asks me quietly, sipping some of his drink.

"well my train leaves at 7am, the bus is dropping me off to the station where i'm supposed to get the train from to new york city. i'll probably get a hotel room there for a night, and then get a train to the hamptons, you know, because i got rid of the flat." i sigh. "so i'll probably be leaving a 6." he nods at me. "what times your flight back to toronto?"

"3am." he chuckles. "this is why i was packing last night, geoff, brian and i didn't know our flight would be so early, but it's a private flight, so i guess that's good." he says softly.

"you're leaving so soon?" i frown, finishing my champagne.

"yeah, i guess." he says, croaking his voice at the end. "anya, i know i've never really given you a proper apology for breaking up with you so suddenly, or even a proper explanation, but i really am sorry." he takes a breath, looking up at the sky. "i didn't think i would ever see you again, let alone wasting the night away with you, but i just realised this might be one of the last times i ever spend time with you." he sighs, chuckling sadly. "i've cherished the past few days with everything, and i'm so happy you decided to come."

"who said i won't see you again?" i ask him, putting my champagne flute down, turning to face him. "if you ever want to spend time together, just call me, and i'll fly over to wherever you are."

"yeah but, it's just different." he mumbles. "we should head back."

"shawn," i whisper, looking at him. "i'm not ending any sort of contact with you anytime soon."

"maybe we should." he says softly. "i only ever leave you confused." he sighs.

"no shawn, don't say that." i tell him, as he stands up, pulling his shoes back on. "i'll come to the airport with you."

"you don't have to, you should sleep before your train." he says softly, as i put my shoes on, standing up with him.

"no, i am." i say. "it's only gonna be three hours loss of sleep."

"come on, they're probably wandering where we are." it's only then i notice that the sky is darkening, and there's a certain silence to the air, the occasional driving car heard.

we walk back in silence, exiting the venue to the busses, getting in our one, seeing the rest of our bus waiting.

"finally." andrew jokes. "shawn, get some sleep for a bit, geoff and brian are, don't worry, i'll wake you up when we get to the airport. oh and your bags and everything are ready, aaliyah packed away the stuff of yours on the bus into your backpack."

"alright, i'm gonna sleep on the sofa though, is that okay?" shawn asks, taking off his shoes.

"that's fine with me, everyone else is asleep anyway." andrew shrugs. "well, they're in the other side of the bus." shawn and i chuckle softly. "anya, you can sleep too."

"i'm coming to the airport, saying goodbye and everything." i say, looking at shawn, as he sends me a look of sympathy. "i'm also debating seeing if they have any last minute flights to the hamptons, i don't really wanna push around suitcases on the train."

"oh, that's fine, if you get one for after 6am, you can come back on the bus." andrew says to me, as i smile sadly, nodding and sitting on the sofa opposite the one shawns lying on.

i hate saying goodbye.
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i can't wait till shawns back in london