chapter forty-eight
fake
[anya rose steinburg]
-
everyone leaves at around 2am, after helping to clear up, and take brian home. aaliyah and i are sitting about in the lounge, watching whatever crap is on tv at 2am.

"where's shawn?" i ask her, taking off my heels.

"his room? you can go check, i don't mind being alone on our all nighter for a bit." aaliyah says.

"thank you." i mumble, standing up, and running up the stairs to his room. i enter, seeing the window open, and feet dangling over the window. i sigh, finding a pair of converse, putting them on, and climbing out of his window.

"i was wondering where you went." i say softly, sitting next to him.

"sorry, i just needed to clear my mind." he mumbles. "i may look so pathetic to you, hung up over a closure."

"it's okay to be hung up over it, to be fair i didn't think you would ever want to forget about her." i say to him. "it's only initial."

"i'm so sorry." he whispers, picking up the beer from next to him, taking a long gulp. "but thank you for letting me kiss her."

"sometimes you need that to move on." he shuffles closer to me, holding one of my hands in his.

"you're the smartest person i know." he whispers. "thank you anya."

i lean my head on his shoulder, sighing, gazing at the lit up town beneath us. shawn puts his beer down, linking his arm around my waist, pulling me closer to him. "aren't you cold?" he whispers, i shrug.

"a little, but it's okay." he lets go of me, taking off his blazer and laying it over my shoulders, the coolness of the spring night slowly disappearing. "won't you be cold?"

"i'm pretty hot if i don't say so myself." he winks, making me laugh lightly.

"you're so cheesy." i nudge. "but i have to agree with you."

"oh yeah? what am i then?" he smirks, moving closer to my lips.

"smoking hot." i whisper, closing the gap, and kissing him passionately. he lifts me up, so i'm sitting on his knee, and his hands loosely linked around my hips, steadying me.

i cup his cheeks, running my tongue over his bottom lip, biting it softly after. he opens his mouth, letting us french kiss, whilst his hands roam up and down my back. i bring my fingers up to his hair, knotting it into the gaps of my fingers, playing with his brown curls, running my hands through them.

he pulls away briefly, looking over my face, pure love in his eyes. "i love you." he mumbles. "so much, anya rose."

"i love you too, shawn." i say reassuringly to him. i rub his cheek with my thumb, pecking his lips briefly. "i really do love your peppermint chapstick."

"stop it." he blushes, looking down. "it's comforting."

"aw shawny boy." i tease, getting off his lap. "you're adorable."

"i know." he smiles cheekily, shutting his eyes.

"okay i'm heading back, aaliyah and i are pulling an all nighter." i say. "but before i go," i reach over his lap, picking up his beer bottle, and taking a long gulp. "thank you!"

"i'm coming with you." i climb back into his room, shawn following me and holding the beer bottle. he shuts the window, whilst i take off his blazer, hanging it up in his closet, pulling on one of his hoodies instead.

"oh hi lovebirds." aaliyah says whilst shawn rolls his eyes, sitting next to her on the couch.

"hi aaliyah." shawn says.

"ew you stink of beer, go away." she pushes him away so he's leaning on me. i laugh lightly, whilst shawn settles on my chest, snuggling up to me.

"put on harry potter or something." shawn nods, waving his hand at the tv. "i need a daily dose of hermione." he suddenly gasps. "i know what we can do for halloween this year!"

"i wish you luck with living with him." aaliyah tells me, laughing.

"thank you." i laugh, turning on the tv. aaliyah gets up, putting a harry potter disk into the dvd player, sitting back down again.

"you definitely chugged that beer down when i wasn't looking." i tell shawn, playing with the hair on the back of his neck. "how much have you drunk tonight?"

"a lot i guess." he shrugs. "not as much as brian."

"oh shit." i curse, remembering the fact we have to leave for the hamptons tonight. "shawn we shouldn't have drunk."

"why? what's wrong?" he asks, suddenly being serious.

"we have to leave for the hamptons tonight." shawn groans loudly, sighing. "we can get flights right?"

"i thought you didn't want to carry the dresses? well yours and kelsey's?" shawn asks confused.

"we'll just have to pay for extra carry ons, it's fine, come on shawn, give me your ipad." he sighs, standing up and walking about until he finds the device, handing it to me. i type in a few things, finding flights that leave at 6pm today.

"shawn we better start packing." i select the option of one extra hold-all each, going to the porch where my bag is to get my credit card out, paying for the flights, and getting a confirmation sent to my email.

"you're already packed, i need to start packing." shawn corrects, standing up and walking upstairs.

"i'm gonna go give him a hand, sorry liyah, maybe when we're back we can do an all nighter." she chuckles and yawns, shaking her head.

"i was gonna go to sleep anyway, goodnight." both of us walk up the stairs, aaliyah walking into her room and me joining shawn in his, seeing him folding away shirts into a suitcase. he yawns, and i can see his eyes are red from tiredness.

"shawn go to bed, i'll pack for you." i walk towards him, taking the clothes from his hands and folding them. "you're exhausted."

"i can do it, baby, i'm fine." he yawns.

"lie down, go get ready for bed honey." i reassure him.

"aren't you tired?" he yawns again, shutting his eyes briefly.

"i'm pretty awake to be fair, go brush your teeth, change and get in bed." i point to his bathroom, as he nods, pecking my lips.

"you're the best." he walks away, as i sigh, getting out four pairs of jeans, and his tux that he's wearing out, folding them up and placing them in the suitcase. i then get his socks and underwear, putting them in the above inside pocket, and starting to pack all his endless toiletries. after sorting them out, i put a couple hoodies, and his tracksuits in, followed by some casual tops, and a spare dress shirt for the reception party after the wedding.

shawns long asleep, little snores coming from his lips, as i sit on the bed next to him, now in my nightwear, and my laptop resting on my legs. replying to a few emails, i get a notification of a message from peter.

peter
is shawn coming?

me
yeah he is, i told you the other day

peter
okay cool

i look down at shawn, seeing a small trail of saliva coming out of the corner of his mouth, and i smile softly, wiping it with my finger.

a knock on our door is heard at around 6am, and it opens, revealing karen. "oh, anya you're awake." i smile softly, nodding.

"i'm a bit of an early riser, plus i only just finished packing shawns things at about 4am." i explain.

"oh that's right, you're going to the hamptons today." she remmebers. "when are you two leaving?"

"we ended up getting flights at 6, so around 2ish?" she nods at me, looking down at shawn.

"what time did he fall asleep at?" she laughs softly, as shawn lets out a snore.

"3am i'm guessing." i look down at him, brushing away some of the hairs on his forehead.

"okay well, i'm gonna head down for some breakfast and tea, do you want anything?"

"no thank you, i'm gonna stay up here for a bit and get some work done." i smile. "thank you, karen."

"he looks after you, right?" karen asks me quietly.

"oh, he's the best." i smile. "you raised him well."

"he never stops going on about you, even when you two are fighting he still makes you the topic of discussion, and it's always good things." i blush lightly, as she chuckles. "i'll see you in a bit." she leaves the room, shutting the door behind her quite loudly, and that wakes up shawn with a jump.

"hey, shh it was just your mom." i whisper, as he looks at me confused, but then shrugs again, sitting up. "shawn what are you doing, go back to sleep."

"you're not going to sleep, so why should i?" he asks smugly, as i sigh, laughing softly at him.

"your packing got me even more awake." i say to him, as he shuts his eyes, smiling.

"i like this." he rubs the material of my silk pyjama shorts in between his fingers, a smirk toying at his lips. "they are very sexy."

"shawn it's 6am and your mom is awake." i laugh, looking down at him. "stop being a horny teenage boy."

"you're no fun." he pouts. oh this boy.

"i know." i giggle. "go back to sleep." he sighs, taking my laptop out of my hands and putting it on the ground beside him. "shawn." i moan, grumbling at him.

"you need to sleep too, now come here." he holds out his arms as i sigh, getting into his embrace, his arms holding me close to his chest, and our legs tangled up together.

i don't find sleep at all. instead i stare at shawn, his head tucked down, and his lips slightly parted, himself breathing heavily. i look at the clock next to us, seeing it's merely just passed 8am.

deciding to get up, i remove myself from shawns embrace, going to his closet where i pull on a hoodie over my body, grabbing the bottles of water from his room that are now old and taking them down with me, along with my phone.

it begins to ring, and i sigh, answering it and pressing the device to my ear. "hello?"

"anya you're walking down the aisle with brooklyn okay bye." kelsey says quickly.

"wait what?" i stop in my tracks, shocked at what she said. "i thought shawn and i were?"

"yeah well shawn isn't one of the grooms men, and peter had to kick some out because there's an uneven balance." she explains.

"how the fuck does peter know brooklyn?" i ask, leaning on the counter.

"no idea, anyway i'll see you tomorrow now." she hangs up, not letting me say hi, and i sigh.

shawn was so excited. how do i tell him he can't walk down the aisle with me, and that i'm walking with brooklyn instead of him? he hates brooklyn, how can i tell shawn that i'm walking down the aisle with someone he hates?

"what's wrong?" karen asks, surprising me. i jump back in shock, laughing nervously.

"it's just," i sigh. "my roommate, kelsey, who's marrying my cousin, peter, just phoned me saying shawn isn't walking the aisle with me and apparently i'm walking with brooklyn- which i completely don't understand but i have no clue on how to tell shawn." i ramble. "he was so excited."

"oh anya," she comes forward, embracing me. "shawn will understand, and if he doesn't, i'll make him." she rubs my back, letting go of me. "don't worry, tell him."

"he's gonna get so mad when i say i'm walking with brooklyn instead. already brooklyn has made us break up once, and i don't want to break up again-" i cut myself off, sighing. "i really need to admit something."

"what is it sweetheart?" she pulls away from the hug concerned, as i sigh again, tucking my hair behind my ears.

"last year, um," i begin. "shawn and i were expecting, well he didn't know-" i look down. "when i found out it was too late- i- the baby was dead." i stutter.

"oh anya," karen whispers soothingly, hugging me again. "shawn knows now, right?"

"i told him last night, but i would've as soon as i found out, it's just it was just before we took the first break and-" i sigh deeply. "i couldn't bring myself to it."

"i'm so sorry." she says softly to me. "and for the record, shawn won't be mad at you, don't be scared."

"i know, i know i just- it's hard to explain." i get out, sighing. "i just don't want us to get into a petty fight."

"well he's coming down the stairs now, so you could tell him." karen suggests, as i nod.

"i'll try." shawn enters the kitchen, smiling at the two of us, leaning forward to kiss me and hug his mom.

"morning." he mumbles, going straight to make himself a mug of tea. karen looks at me, nodding, before she walks away, into the living room. "how did you sleep?" he asks me, walking forward and trapping my waist in his hands.

"i slept great, well two hours great." i smile, lying through my teeth. "what about you?"

"one of the best sleeps i've ever had." he smiles at me again, leaning forward to kiss me.

"shawn, stop." i push him off of my lips, a stoic expression going over his face.

"what's wrong baby?" he asks me sadly.

"i just don't wanna kiss you, that's all." i answer, not meaning for it to sound as bitter as it probably does. shawn sighs, turning around and pouring the boiling water from the kettle into the mug with the teabag in, filling it up to just under all the way.

"shawn-" i reach my hand forward, but he nudges it away, walking to the coat hooks, as he grabs his jacket, putting on some trainers, and his car keys, before he's out of the door.

great, another stupid fight because of me and my big mouth.

sighing, i take a glass of water, heading back up the stairs to get ready. i go through my suitcase, taking out a pair of black jeans and a grey crop top, with a denim jacket over my arms.

taking a towel out from the cabinet in shawns room, i hang it up on one of the pegs in the bathroom, prepping the shower so i can shower.

i get into the warm waters, beginning to wash my body, and leave my hair as it is.

after showering, i change into my clothes, applying simple makeup, and perfume over my pulse points, before packing away everything i had used.

his room door opens, and shawn comes in, jumping at the sight of me in his room. "what are you doing here?" he asks, sighing.

"i was packing away a few things and changing." i mumble, exiting the room.

"i didn't want you to leave." his voice stops me in my tracks, and i slowly walk back into his room.

"shawn i didn't mean it, i'm sorry." i say, whilst he gathers a few things together.

"no, it's fine. i know i am a clingy boyfriend, and you'd probably get tired of that." he shrugs. "i guess i know now that you're getting tired of me earlier."

"it's not like that shawn- and you know it." i begin, sighing. "kelsey called me this morning and said that i can't walk the aisle with you at the wedding. you've been removed from the grooms men because there are far too many, and i'm walking with brooklyn instead." i say quickly.

"you're walking with brooklyn?" shawn spits.

"i know you don't like it-" i start.

"i hate it! i hate him!" shawn shouts. "whatever, i'm going for a shower." he walks into his bathroom, shutting the door and locking it. i run up the the door.

"shawn please don't do this." i beg, knocking at the door. "please don't."

"just watch when you go up to brooklyn and you forget all about me." he snaps back.

"why would i do that? shawn i love you!" i say loudly. "shawn, please!"

"you always do that! when we were in la and you saw him, you let him kiss your cheek, when i was there, you hooked up with him and then we broke up, who knows what you text him!" shawn yells back, as i gape my mouth open.

"shawn i thought we wouldn't bring any of this up again?" i sigh.

"well too late." he spits. "maybe i should've kept kissing laur last night, and went off with her instead." my eyes burn with tears, and i let out a shaky breath.

"is that what you would've wanted?" i ask him softly.

"maybe!" he finally yells.

"fine." i sigh, walking away from the door, taking my suitcase and dresses, lugging them down the stairs, running back up them and taking my handbag.

"are you leaving now? it's only 12." karen approaches me.

"oh no, i was just taking my bags and things down." i laugh softly. "that's it."

"what happened just now?" she sighs. "did you tell him?"

"i knew i shouldn't have." i sigh. "but it's fine, he's said what he has to, i'm fine." i shrug, wiping my eyes with the sleeve of my jacket.

"come on, help me with lunch." she rubs my arm softly, as i nod, following her into the kitchen. "i think pasta would be easy." she mumbles. "anya could you get the pasta out of the cupboard, i don't think we have enough."

"i can go out and get some." i suggest, shrugging.

"i'll make shawn go out after the sauce is done." karen says, taking a can of tomatoes from another cupboard. "meat sauce or normal sauce?"

"meat, since shawn won't have normal." i chuckle softly, as karen rolls her eyes, laughing.

"he will if he's hungry, but we have some mince in the fridge that needs to be used." she says to me. i go into the fridge, taking out the tupperware and putting it on the counter. i get out an onion too, with some basil leaves.

"should i start on the sauce?" i ask, after chopping up the onions.

"sauté those onions in some olive oil first." she guides, handing me the olive oil and a pan. i nod, heating up the oil, adding the onions and beginning to shallow fry them until they are sweated down and caramelised.

"shawn is that you?" karen shouts, as someone runs down the stairs.

"yeah, what is it mum?" he yells back, coming into the kitchen.

"could you go get a bag of pasta from the shops? there's money on the porch table." he nods, running a hand through his hair.

"i'll pay with my own, it's only a bag of pasta." shawn shrugs. "do you want anything else? anya?"

"tampons." i say, realising i haven't packed any.

"mum?" shawn asks, shrugging his jacket on.

"get some apples too, we've run out, and packet rice, you burnt the last bag of it we had." shawn rolls his eyes, nodding.

"i'll see you two in a bit."
-
"here, let me wash up, you guys go and relax." i say, taking the plates off of everyone, putting them next to the sink.

"anya, you don't have to-" karen begins.

"nonsense, i want to, go watch tv or something." i laugh.

"anya are you sure?" manny asks me, picking up a few things from the table.

"yes! now go do something productive." i say to them, chuckling. they shrug, walking out of the room, aaliyah escaping upstairs.

i notice shawn is cleaning the table of any spills, putting a few things away in cupboards and the fridge, and throwing away the napkins we had used.

"you know i can do this alone." i say softly, taking the glasses from his hands.

"i want to help." he shrugs, taking them back from me and starting to wash them. i sigh, taking a cloth and drying the plates, before putting them away in the cabinets. "we should leave in a bit." he adds, wiping his hands on the towel.

"yeah." i nod, putting away the glasses he just washed, cleaning up the sink.

he comes next to me, wrapping his arms around my waist, pressing a kiss to my cheek from behind me. "i'm sorry." he whispers, trailing kisses down my neck.

"shawn, stop." i whisper, pulling away from him. "let me go get the last few things together."

"i'll go tell my dad to drop us to the airport." shawn says softly, as i nod, walking upstairs, looking around to see if we had forgotten anything.

i notice the ring i gave shawn, and i sigh, picking it up and taking it along with shawns suitcase and guitar.

"here, let me take them." shawn comes into the room, taking the bags from my hands.

"shawn, your ring." i tell him, holding it out. he looks at it, dropping the bags and quickly taking the ring from my hands, sliding it on his finger. "come on, lets go now."

i follow shawn out, walking dow the stairs behind him, reaching my bags.

"we'll take my jeep, i'll ask my dad to drive." shawn decides. "let me put your stuff in it."

"i got it." he tries to take my bags away from me, but i stop him, walking past him and outside to his car. he unlocks it, as i open up the boot, putting in the bags, followed by the two dresses, and shawns stuff.

"anya!" i hear someone shout. i look in front of the car to see brian running up.

"oh hey brian, how are you?" i close the car boot, stepping to the side of the car.

"feeling like shit, anyway, where's shawn?" he chuckles.

"i'm here." shawn walks out, standing next to me. "what is it brian?"

"oh nothing, i just wanted to say chris told me that andrew told her that he said you have to be in new york after the hamptons for a meeting." he explains. "like a before tour starts meeting, and then you're going on tour straight, early."

"what?" shawn asks, confused. "i thought i had a week in toronto before we head to the uk for the first shows?" he asks confused.

"he would've told you yesterday but you were too busy either kissing laur or anya." brian shrugs. "why were you kissing laur anyway?"

"closure, but that's besides the point, why am i going on tour early? my instruments are here, i can't take them with me!" shawn starts arguing.

"andrews gonna pick them up. your dads coming with you shawn, don't worry." brian explains. "so am i, apparently."

"but aaliyah and my mum, i have to say goodbye to them." shawn rushes inside, not letting brian finish.

"that's why i came to tell you now." he finishes. "who's getting married again?"

"kelsey, my roommate." i say. "i don't think you know her?"

"i've met her, we didn't talk though." he says.

"i better go in and say goodbye too, i'll see you in two weeks brian." i hug him goodbye, rushing inside the house, seeing shawn hugging his mum, and then aaliyah.

i hug them goodbye, joining shawn at the door. "bye guys! i'll see you soon!" shawn waves, walking outside and into the cars passenger seat. i sit in the back, whilst manny gets into the drivers seat, immediately moving the seat back.

"you sit far to close to drive." he shakes his head, chuckling at shawn.

"anya says that whenever she drives this car too." shawn laughs, turning to face me. "honey do you have any water?"

"yeah, hold on." i go into my bag, taking out the bottle and handing it to shawn.

"i need to talk to you two." manny says sternly to us. "especially you, shawn."

"what is it, dad?" shawn asks, handing me back the bottle.

"look i'm not upset or mad at you two, but you're moving in together, and that's a big step okay? shawn, i know you've paid for most of it already, but moving in together, you can't break up and expect everything will be easy. the property is in both of your names now, and you two need to maintain that." he says to us. "i don't know what you fought about today, but please try not to, and shawn, don't blame anya on things. don't get into stupid fights over nothing." i look down at my lap, nodding.

"okay." shawn says softly, looking out of the window.

"i'm also really sorry for your loss you two." he says, driving along the highway. "when did you find out, anya?"

"last end of november, december time." i answer quietly. "i didn't even know myself."

"that must be horrible to not have told shawn, i'm sorry you two." he says to us.

"thanks dad."
-
"hey mom, dad!" i say happily, entering the house and greeting them with hugs.

"oh anya, darling, how are you?" my mom asks me, hugging me back. "how's college?"

"well the online classes are great, also thanks for dropping medicine for me." she smiles at me softly, shaking her head.

"i should really give up on the medicine bandwagon, i know it's not going to happen." she says. "i'm sorry dear."

"it's okay mom, how are you?" i ask, letting go of her.

"i'm great, this weddings keeping us all busy though, how was the journey?" i look at shawn who's already playing with the babies here, holding tommy too.

"it was okay, hey um shawn and i have to tell you something." i lean back, tapping on shawns arm, as he turns to me, standing next to us.

"mrs steinburg, mr steinburg, how are you?" he greets, going to hug my mom and shake my dads hand.

"we're great, how are you?" my mom replies, as shawn smiles, putting tommy down.

"amazing, thank you." he beams.

"anyway, what is this news?" my mom asks us, folding her arms.

"shawn and i bought a house, in toronto." i say, holding onto shawns hand.

"oh my god! congratulations!" my mom shouts, embracing us both again. "wait, toronto?"

"shawn wanted to live there, and so did i, the city is too busy for us." i shrug. "but thank you."

"okay, now go say hi to everyone, the extended family are here too."
-
the emas are gonna be in london i'm so happy lmao

fun fact it's almost been four months since shawn told me not to jump off a boat just to meet him god i miss him so much