chapter fifty-two
fake
[anya rose steinburg]
-
stretching out my sore back and neck, i yawn, looking at my phone, seeing it's 6am on the wedding day. i smile softly, getting up from my makeshift bed, taking the duvet and pillows upstairs with me, dumping them in my room, checking on shawn.

still sleeping peacefully, hickeys still laying on his neck.

scoffing, i wander to kelsey's room, knocking on the door lightly. "kels? are you awake?" i ask quietly, not trying to wake up anyone else.

"yeah, come in." she calls softly. i open the door, shutting it behind me, seeing her scrolling on her phone.

"it's the big day." i smile, rushing forward to hug her. "i'm so happy for you."

"i'm so nervous." she admits, biting her lip. "like what if he says no."

"if he does, i'll kill him." we both laugh softly, yawning.

"you look a state, anya, what happened?" my eyes tear up, and i look down, sighing. "anya?"

"no, this is your day, it's not about me." i force out a smile, squinting to stop me from crying. "anyway, come on, lets go for breakfast."

"we're not leaving this room till you tell me what happened." kelsey warns me, sternly.

"shawn has hickeys." i whisper, shaking my head. "he said drunk stuff last night, and this entire thing about how drunk words speak sober thoughts (i was looking for this saying and someone commented it, so thanks for commenting lmao) and he was saying things and i can't help but think it to be true." i sigh. "maybe i came on too strong to him, since october."

"you two bought a house." she points out.

"technically shawn bought a house." i correct. "it's his money, his main starting offer, i only payed for half of the deposit."

"you're name is in the deeds." she tells me.

"whatever, lets just leave this and focus on you." i finally say, taking a breath and standing up from her bed.

then both of us rush out and into the kitchen, making anything that could consider as breakfast. we end up making pancakes and fruit salad, dining after twenty minutes of the cooking process.

"jesus christ i forgot how good you were at pancakes." kelsey moans in delight, eating her breakfast. i laugh softly, beginning to eat mine.

"well you know who's bad at them?" i chuckle, looking down. "shawn. when we were getting the house, that morning we saw it, he made breakfast for everyone, and everyone threw it away." i laugh. "aaliyah made cereal and i ate it, you know, not to offend him, but shawn can't cook."

"i can't do what?" shawn comes strolling into the kitchen, seeing kelsey and i. kelsey looks down at her food, as i stare at shawn, who hasn't even bothered to cover up his neck.

"cook." kelsey mumbles, trying to break the silence.

"oh, right." he chuckles, wincing. "where do you keep the painkillers here?" i open a draw on the island, taking out a box of them and sliding them towards him over the table. "thanks." he mumbles, getting one out, and pouring a glass of water.

"it's okay." i say back, looking back down at my plate.

"why didn't you come to sleep last night?" shawn asks me softly, his eyes showing pure sympathy.

"look at your neck." he takes out his phone, opening the front face camera, and gasping.

"oh shit, did we do this last night?" he curses, buttoning up his shirt to hide them. "do you have any?"

he forgot?

kelsey stands up, walking away quickly, back upstairs, i'm guessing, leaving shawn and i alone.

"y-you forgot?" i stutter out.

"i don't understand, i remember you waking me up and-" he cuts himself off, remembering something. "it wasn't you was it?" i shake my head, looking away.

"i came back up, and i was about to get in, but i saw them and put two pieces together." i mumble, as shawn walks towards me. "don't."

"anya i'm so sorry." he whispers. "i am so sorry."

"i've got to go and get ready." i stand up shakily, getting up and quickly heading upstairs, shawn yelling my name.
-
"oh wow, kelsey." i whisper, gobsmacked at her appearance in a wedding dress, and herself all ready.

"you don't think it's too much, right?" she twirls around, the elegant, white silk hanging over her body, her baby bump slightly showing.

"no, no, it's perfect." i smile. "peters gonna get a heart attack when he sees you."

"well lets hope he doesn't, we don't want anyone to be in the hospital today." she teases, laughing along, and picking up her bouquet of roses.

jasmine, poppy and sophie come out of the bathroom, dressed in their bridesmaids dresses, that end mid shin, and are baby pink, with a tutu skirt.

mine is a full length, baby pink dress, sleeveless and a fitted mock corset.

"girls! are you ready yet?" aunt josie calls through the door, as we all make final touches to our appearance, and kelsey steps into her heels.

"coming!" i yell back, as we all rush to the door, opening it and heading out.

a side of me wants to see shawn right at this instant, to see how cute he looks all dressed up, but then i realise he's at the hotel now, with the rest of the grooms crew. i hope he hasn't beaten up brooklyn or something like that.

"oh wow, you all look stunning." my mom says, as we join the rest of the family and guests downstairs, some already getting into the town cars we ordered for transportation, others mingling around.

"thanks mom." i smile softly, my carrier bangles glistening in the soft ambient lighting.

"oh my, where did you get those cartier bangles from?" sophie asks, picking up my hand and examining them.

"shawn." i mumble, looking down. "they really are heavy, like everyone is right."

she laughs softly, and we all make our way into one of the town cars, the driver immediately heading to the church, where most people are waiting, and heading inside to get seated.

"alright, well anya, could you go get the boys, they're in one of the waiting rooms, i think." kelsey says, as everyone in the immediate team begin to rush about, getting panicked.

"yeah, sure, i'll be a few seconds." i hug her quickly, taking my clutch and rushing about the church halls to find the grooms waiting room, where a light chatter is heard behind the doors. i open them, stepping in and seeing brooklyn, jason, shawn and one of peters friends, nate, hanging about. shawn looks at me immediately, his mouth slightly ajar, and eyes lustrous.

"hey, you're all needed, we're starting soon." i tell them all. "where's peter?"

"he's waiting in the chapel." jason says, fixing his tie. "is everyone waiting for us?"

"yes, now hurry." i hold he door open for them, as they all exit, shawn at the back.

"you go first." he whispers to me. i quietly thank him and as fast as i canin heels, i keep up with the boys and their fast strides.

"alright, get with your partners." kelsey's mom organises us, while kelsey begins a light chatter with her brother and dad. i sigh, joiningshawn behind kelsey, linking our arms together.

"anya, you look stunning." shawn says to me softly, smiling at me.

"thank you." i mumble, sending him a sad smile.

"anya i'm so sorry, i didn't realise she was her, she kept saying she was you, i think and-" i cut him off with my finger.

"shh, don't talk about it now." i shake him away, as the music starts up.

"i don't want you to hate me while we're here." he whispers to me, his voice slightly croaky.

"i don't hate you." i say, looking in front of us. "just put a smile on and get this over with."

he doesn't reply with anything, and we wait there for the doors to open. kelsey then realises she has to be at the back, and we are all in the completely wrong order, so we all reorganise quickly.

sophie and brooklyn walk first, followed by jasmine and nate, then poppy and jason, before shawn and i start to walk. the music quietly hums a classical version of a modern song, which i don't recognise at all, so i keep in rhythm of everyone else, clutching onto shawns arm.

i smile genuinely, happy for kelsey and peter, and i'm pretty sure shawn is too, as we unlink arms, walking to our places on either side.

kelsey enters the church, walking down the aisle, a smile painted on her lips, her dress swooped over her body perfectly. i look at peter, and he appears mesmerised, so filled with love and admiration.
-
the ceremony goes hassle free, and everyone makes their way back to the house, and into the reception marquee, where ed sheerans barcelona is blaring out loudly, people already dancing away the night.

"anya!" tommys little three year old voice screeches, running towards me. "dance with us!"

i look up, and see shawn, with a pout on his face too. "come on anya." he teases.

"i don't know, i'm bad at dancing." i tell tommy, with a laugh.

"she's lying." shawn chuckles, as i scoff at him, whilst both of them stare at me with puppy eyes.

"please?" tommy begs, his eyes all dough like "i want to dance with you and shawn."

"fine." i give in, standing up and the three of us heading to the dance floor. tommy cheers, standing in the middle of shawn and i, clutching onto our hands as we dance to the beat, swaying, laughing and having a good time.

"lets do this in barcelona this year." shawn shouts at me, over the loud music. i chuckle softly, looking at him, as tommy lets go of of our hands.

"thank you!" tommy cheers, as the song changes to gravity by john mayer.

"okay you have to dance with me now, this is our song." shawn looks at me softly, holding his hand out to me. "please, darling."

"i'm gonna go and get a drink." i mumble, as shawns face falls, looking at me sadly.

"anya please." he whispers. "baby, i'm sorry."

"i-i need some air." i push past all the couples, heading out of the marquee, sitting on my usual lazy chair, beside the pool.

"anya!" shawn shouts, running up to me.

"shawn please go away." i say softly, gravity still humming away from the loud speakers of inside the marquee.

"i'm not gonna go away." shawn sits next to me on the other side of the chair. "you told me, you made me promise to chase you."

"well maybe i've changed my mind." i mumble, looking away.

"i'm not gonna ever stop chasing you." he mumbles. "i love you, so much anya."

"you said that you wanted to break up with me yesterday." i say, sniffling. "do you know how much that hurts?"

"i didn't mean any of it, you know that." shawn bargains, moving closer to me. "i wouldn't even think about it."

"well last night shows different." i point out, folding my legs over each other.

"why aren't you letting me apologise to you? or make things right?" shawn asks me quietly, looking hurt.

"shawn i-" i sigh, looking at him. "you scare me when you get drunk."

"i'm sorry." he whispers, as i look up into his eyes, his eyes trailing to my lips. "forgive me." he whispers, moving his lips closer to mine. "forgive me."

"no shawn, stop." i push myself away from him quickly. "what you did was so childlike."

"well you're the one being childlike now, but that's beside the point, you obviously want to get me feeling bad and guilt trip your way out of things, like you do with everything." he says.

"just leave." i tell him. "go away, get out."

"is this seriously your way of winning a fight?" he scoffs, a sarcastic tone running through his voice.

"just go away shawn." i glare at him, as he scoffs again, standing up and walking off. i rest my head on the side of the swinging chair, looking at the night time reflections in the pool, before i decide it's time to go back in, and not to ruin kelsey and peters night.

sitting back down at my allocated seat for the night, i see shawn walk back into the marquee and comes to the table to his seat, sadly next to me.

"i booked a flight for tomorrow morning to toronto." he says to me, picking up a glass of water.

"what? why?" i ask him, confused at the situation.

"because i can't stay here with you." he snaps, looking down at his plate and clenching his fist.

"shawn, you yourself are being abbot harsh about things too." i remind him.

"so are you, when there is no need." i laugh, rolling my eyes.

"so there's no need to be worried when your boyfriend has hickeys from someone who's not you?" he shuts up. "or there's no need to be worried when your boyfriend says we should break up?"

"when did i say anything about breaking up?" he asks confused.

"last night!" i exclaim. "drunk words speak sober thoughts shawn."

"that doesn't mean i meant it!" he spits back at me. "i'm breaking a promise, i'm never chasing you again, it makes me more hurt."

he stands up from the table, rushing into the house. i sigh, following him, and seeing him storm up the stairs, a loud bang of a door echoing around the house. walking up the stairs, i hear frustrated sobs of anger from him, and my heart breaks.

"shawn, let me in." i ask softly, pushing at my locked bedroom door.

"i'm packing and going to the airport to get the next flight out." he snaps back angrily.

"shawn, please?" i hear him sigh and walk towards the door, opening it and letting me in. "don't leave."

"you wanted me to leave yourself." he shrugs, folding away a few of his shirts.

"shawn, stop." i warn him, reaching for his stuff to pull back. "you're not leaving."

"what's stopping me from going?" he questions.

"um andrew, were supposed to be in new york city next saturday." i answer.

"yeah, next saturday." he says. "today is monday, and i'm not staying here for any longer." i look at my watch, seeing it's already 1am.

"well it's tuesday now, but that's not the point." i quickly mumble. "please don't go."

"why shouldn't i?" he suddenly asks loudly. "i give you everything you need, i pay for stupid expensive crap for you, i love you until ends widths, i'm always there for you, i treat you with the upmost respect any guy could ever have, yet you still do this to me." i look down at my feet, as shawn packs up his things, zipping his suitcase up.

"i'm sorry." i say softly to him, sitting down on my bed.

"well, whatever, i'm still leaving." he grabs his backpack and puts it on his back, holding his suitcase in his hands, and taking his phone with him. "i'll see you on tour i guess."

"shawn don't leave." i beg, following him to my door.

"you wanted me to go yourself." he points out, as i sigh, looking down.

"i didn't mean it." i mumble.

"i'll see you soon." he leans forward, planting his lips on my forehead, before rushing past me and going downstairs. i follow him quickly, seeing him go outside and hail one of the town cars still outside.

"shawn, don't go." i whisper, the light breeze making my dress flow backwards. he gets into the car quickly, slamming the door shut, before the car drives off in the distance.
-
welp