chapter fifty-three
fake
[anya rose steinburg]
-
at around 3pm, my phone buzzes with a notification, making me jump from my slumber. reaching for my phone, i see a text from kelsey.

from kelsey: 3:04pm
thank you so much for making yesterday amazing! i didn't want to wake you but peter and i are about to take off to bora bora, i'll see you when i get back! tell mendes i say hi xx

to kelsey: 3:05pm
have fun babes xx and mendes is in toronto but don't worry about that, tell peter to not get scared on the flight, have a safe trip!!

from kelsey: 3:05pm
will do, and thank you!!

sighing, i turn my phone off and i stand up from my bed, going straight to my bathroom to shower.

i stand in the warm, steamy waters, rinsing off all the sweat and tiredness from my sleep, not wanting to get out anytime soon. shawns gone, and i don't know if he'll even talk to me until i see him on tour, if i'm still invited that is.

i guess i was being stupid over the past two days, i know that shawn wouldn't ever say or do anything like what i suspected. shawns always right, and i'm always overreacting, or being childish about the entire situation.

i can't deny that i'm regretting ever wanting to move in with him, i know it's going to somehow tear us apart, and today might be that.

i don't want us to be over, that's the thing. i'm pretty sure shawn feels differently to it, but i'm not ready to end it, that's it.

i turn off the water, getting out and wrapping a towel around me, walking back into my room and detangling my hair with my fingers, kelsey's rose bouquet lying on my dresser.

oh yeah, funny story, i caught that. shawn never smiled more widely before that moment.

standing in my room, i look at my ring tray, seeing a different ring on it. gasping, i pick it up and realise it's my first engagement ring. he still has it?

"oh hi honey." my mom says, coming into my room after i had changed.

"hey mom, how did you sleep?" i ask, unplugging my hairdryer.

"great, you got up late." i laugh nervously, looking down.

"yeah i didn't sleep till about 6am." i yawn, turning to face her.

"where's shawn, sweet pea?" she asks me, looking around. my eyes fill with tears, and she notices, coming straight to hug me. i cry into her shoulder, as she comforts me, rubbing my back softly and cooing into my ear like a mother to a newborn.

"talk to me anya, what happened?" she whispers, rocking me slowly.

"he left." i whisper back, sniffling. "he's probably in toronto by now, i don't even know, he hasn't even bothered to contact me."

"oh honey, don't cry." she says to me, rubbing my back.

"i'm sorry, i'm sorry, i just," i sigh. "i'm just really stressed and pissed off, and i still need to finish that essay."

"stay in the hamptons until you're needed." my mom offers. "everyone would love it if you stay."

"jasmines staying for a few weeks so i guess i could." i shrug. "but poppy's going to la, i might catch a flight with her, or go to toronto in a bit to hopefully sort things out with shawn before tour starts." i sigh. "wait, i'll just stay here."

"take a break for a bit." my mom says to me, letting go of our embrace. "don't forget that shawn loves you though."

are you sure? i wish to ask her, but she stands up, walking out of my room, telling me dinner will be ready at 6.

shawn mendes. i swear to god.
-
i take my headphones off, seeing poppy at my door, holding two mugs of hot cocoa.

"pops, hey." i smile, putting my laptop down.

"you looked like you needed this at dinner, instead of dinner." she hands me a mug, sitting on the other side of my bed, cross legged. "jasmine and sophie are coming up in a minute."

"thank you." i mumble, taking a sip of the comforting drink. "so i guess you've heard shawn left?"

"i saw you two fighting yesterday, i think you forgot there are windows in the marquee." i laugh softly at her, looking down. "i saw him when he was getting wasted, it was like he was doing it for a reason."

"yeah because i stress him out." i mumble, taking another sip. "can we just binge watch gossip girl or something tonight? i really don't want to talk about my shitty love life."

"of course." she smiles softly at me, as i sigh, shifting over on the bed, jasmine and poppy entering and coming to sit on the bed with us.

"gossip girl okay with all of you?" i ask, turning on netflix on my tv, and putting on a random episode.

"that's great with me." sophie sighs, leaning her head on my shoulder.

"i say we go out tomorrow, buy an outfit and go clubbing, and post a picture so shawn regrets everything he said to you." jasmine smirks, pulling out a bottle of vodka.

"jasmine, we have hot cocoa, why vodka?" i laugh, shaking my head. "and i'm not going clubbing, especially here."

"come on, we had to get a party started somehow, plus jason can't make hot cocoa to save his life." we all giggle, nodding our heads in agreement.

"alright, pass the vodka." i nod, holding my hand out for the bottle, putting the cocoa on the table next to me.

"that's more like it!" jasmine cheers, as i open the bottle, taking a long swig of the liquid. "okay now pass it over, i have my own problems."

"ooh with what?" sophie asks, taking a sip of the vodka after jasmine does.

"i hooked up with adam." she shrugs, handing me back the bottle.

"adam as in kelsey's brother?" poppy asks, as jasmine nods. "i don't blame you, he is a fucking spice."

"he reminds me of a young frank sinatra." sophie says, making us all chuckle. "in the way he speaks, it's so jazzy."

"jazzy?" i ask, laughing.

"it's a word isn't it?" sophie shrugs. "your man made a pass on me last night too."

"shawn made a pass on you?" i spit out my vodka immediately, wiping my mouth. "excuse me?"

"no, god no, brooklyn." i roll my eyes at her, taking another sip of the vodka.

"he isn't my man." i point out. "but go ahead, he needs to move on from me." they laugh at me, whilst i roll my eyes again.

my door suddenly opens and closes, and then i realise amber came in. "get out." i yell, sipping on the vodka again.

"um my beds here." she points at my sofa bed.

"well i don't want you here, so get your plastic ass to one of the spare rooms, thanks." i say, while jasmine snorts a laugh.

"i don't know what you have against me." amber acts innocently.

"bullshit, what about those hickeys on shawns neck?" she looks down embarrassed. "exactly, fuck off, you don't even fit in this family."

"shawn was right, you are a bitch." amber spits, taking her things and leaving my room.

"shawn bitches about me to her?" i ask, confused. "why would he waste his breath over great bitches like me talking to shitty bitches like her?"

"shawns an idiot, we've all found that out." poppy says to me, throwing her head back and finishing the bottle.

"jeez the bottles already gone?" sophie asks confused, taking the bottle from poppy.

"i guess we have stupid problems." i chuckle, lying back and watching the episode. "god i wish i had a chuck bass in my life." sighing, i look at my phone, waiting for any sign from him.

"don't take it personally, he'll come through soon." jasmine rubs my shoulder, sighing.

"can we go out tomorrow, shopping or something?" i ask, turning down the tv quickly. "oh and you guys, please stay here tonight."

"of course we can, macy's have new collections in." poppy says excitedly, as we all roll our eyes simultaneously. "so it's a plan."
-
i run my hands over the dresses from sherri hills section in macys. one dress wouldn't hurt, right? a blue and white crochet two piece dress catches my eye, and my expression on my face changes immediately.

"so i was looking on that dress place you're obsessed with, there's one that would look gorgeous on you." shawn tells me, typing a few things on his laptop.

"oh really?" i smirk. "what was it?"

"a blue and white crochet one." he smiles softly, moving over on his bed so i can get in. "you should get it."

"maybe, i have too many dresses, you haven't seen my closet in the hamptons, well the one in my moms room." i smile, looking down.

"i've seen your new york one, i think i've seen enough." he laughs. "but you should still get this one, it might come in useful for awards, plus it would make you the most gorgeous one there."

"really?" i ask. "is it that pretty?"

oh it really is. shawn was right, the dress is breathtakingly beautiful.

"get it." sophie says to me, holding a black tutu dress. "it's perfect for you."

"i suppose i could, i'm supposed to be attending a press event in the city when i'm there, well shawn and i." i shrug, rubbing the skirt material in between my fingers. "it is beautiful."

"try it on you dipshit." jasmine butts in, holding about sever dresses herself. sighing, i pick it up and rush to the changing rooms, getting settled and changing into the dress.

wow.

smiling, and turning around in the small changing room, i cast my gaze over how the dress is lying. shawn would probably freak out if i came in wearing this.

i make my mind up in a few seconds, taking off the dress and changing back into my normal clothes, and picking up the dress to pay for.

"you're getting it then?" poppy smirks, eyeing up the dress herself.

"yeah, i have a press event coming up." i shrug, getting out my wallet and going to the cash desks.

i hope shawn likes it.
-
favourite song(s) from divide?

mine are perfect, happier, barcelona and dive (: