chapter fifty-seven
fake
[anya rose steinburg]
-
the fairly sunny day complimented my mood. its warm, but not too warm, and slightly muggy, but not sticky. shawn currently is strumming away at his guitar, scribbling down lyrics into a notebook, and concentrated, while i sit on the bed, leaning against the wooden headboard and finishing up an essay on english politics.

shawn stops for a second, chewing his pen in concentration, before quickly writing, and then stopping again. "anya?" he calls.

"hmm?" i look up from the screen, seeing him turned to me.

"what would you describe our love to be?" he questions, putting his guitar down and gazing at me curiously.

"incredible, and raw." i answer simply, folding my arms. "why?"

"i'm stuck on a couple words." he scratches the back of his head nervously. "this song has to be perfect, it's about us."

"aw shawn." i smile softly, putting the laptop down and crawling up to him, leaning over his back, and linking my arms around his neck. "let me read it."

"no, it's a surprise." he chuckles, shutting the notebook and putting it down, holding my arms in his. "the cars picking us up at 12."

"that's fine." i yawn, seeing the time is only 11am. "hey shawn, don't stress yourself out about this, it doesn't matter if it isn't perfect, because we aren't." he rubs my arm softly, chuckling lightly.

"i know, it's just our relationship is really special to me, so i just want all of it to be perfect." he says softly. "anyway, i think that's enough today."

"i still have my work to do." i sigh, letting go of him and going back to where i was sitting, going back to my essay.

"i'm gonna go live on instagram, is that okay?" shawn asks, picking up my feet and putting them on his lap.

"yeah, i'm fine with that, just don't disturb me." i laugh, as shawn scoffs, taking out his phone and typing away at a few things.

"hey guys." shawn waves, going live on his phone. "how are you all?" i chuckle to myself, typing away at the computer. "where am i? i'm at anyas apartment, oh guys, we have great news."

"we do?" i ask, confused at what he's saying.

"the thing with the thing in toronto." shawn says, trying to make me realise.

"oh, we do." i nod, as shawn lifts the camera so both of us are in the frame.

"we're moving in together!" shawn cheers, as i chuckle, blushing softly at him. "yeah we bought a house in toronto, so that's exciting."

"i'm stuck with him for a while now i guess." i tease, laughing. "joking, shawns fun to stay with, i can tease him more."

"she teases me on a daily basis." shawn laughs. "how far away are you moving from your family?" he reads off of the live comments, as i shake my head, laughing.

"we are basically next door to them." i answer. "well a fifteen minute drive but we're still close."

"anya what's the most annoying thing about shawn?" he reads out, laughing at the end. "guys i'm not annoying."

"he isn't annoying in the slightest." i smile softly at shawn, as he smiles back, leaning over to peck my lips, before going back to the livestream.

"shawn when's new music coming out?" he reads out again. "soon, i promise."

"soon means three years." i chirp in, going back to typing my essay. "no offence baby, but it's true."

"no, it's gonna be sometime this year." shawn chuckles. "i'm actually writing right now."

"well, you're livestreaming right now." i point out, chuckling.

"shut up anya." he flips me off, as i gasp sarcastically.

"shawn mendes i will tell your mother." i warn him, as he chuckles, shaking his head, looking back at the screen.

"hi aaliyah." he says, noticing she's online.

"oh my god, aaliyah hey!" i shout, making shawn laugh again softly.

"get married." he reads off the screen, chucking to himself. "anya should we get married?"

"hmm no." i tease, smirking. "that's private talk." i pout, as he chuckles shaking his head.

"alright guys, we're gonna go, but we'll try and do this at sometime soon." he says. "i love you all, say bye anya."

"bye anya." i say, not looking up from my computer screen. shawn laughs quietly, ending the livestream and putting his phone back into his pocket.

"that was nice." he hums, rubbing my calves lightly. "hey anya?"

"hmm?" i look up from my screen again, seeing shawn with a cheeky smile tugging at his lips.

"i love you." he beams, making me blush lightly.

"i love you too." i reply, shutting my laptop, and putting it on the table next to my bed. "do you want some tea honey?"

"are you gonna go and make some?" shawn asks, as i sit up, nodding and removing my legs from his lap. "i'll have a green tea please."

"wait shit, it's already 11:53?" i say, looking at my phone screen. "shawn we need to like get ready."

"we are ready." he says, pointing at our clothes.

"yeah i know that, but like lock up and stuff." i say, like it's the most obvious thing in the world.

"right." shawn nods, picking up his trainers and putting them on. "i can't wait for this photoshoot." shawn sighs, as i open up my apartment door leading to the lifts. "i've seen some of what they're planning for it and wow, you're gonna love it."

"if i don't i'm blaming you." i tease, as he nudges me softly, chuckling.

"you're so weird." he says, rubbing my side.

"shut up, you're weird too." i say back to him, taking out my phone. "oh my god the amount of fans who recorded that livestream." i gape my mouth open, scrolling through my twitter feed.

"funny." shawn chuckles, looking at my phone screen. a text notification comes up on the screen, and my eyes go wide at it. "you're still talking to brooklyn?" shawns mood changes almost immediately.

"i can't just stop talking to a friend, shawn." i sigh, putting my phone back into my pocket.

"'that dinner was fun, do you wanna meet up tomorrow and do something?' that isn't nothing to me." shawn quotes, getting flustered.

"shawn it is nothing, it was literally two friends going out for dinner." i remind him, trying to calm him down.

"bullshit." he curses, looking away from me.

"shawn, come on seriously? after all we've been through you're still gonna pull that card on me? shawn we're moving in together, you can't just come up with these things on the spot and expect me to be okay about it!" i burst, as the elevator dings, signalling we've reached the lobby. shawn scoffs, getting out first and storming ahead. "shawn!" i call after him, rushing next to him.

"what, anya?" he groans, stopping in his pace and turning to me.

"never mind." i mumble, folding my arms and following shawn outside to the car.

two days after one fight and all of a sudden we're in another one. when will this end?
-
arriving at the offices, shawn and i get out of the car, racing up to the door of the offices, and opening it up, being greeted by andrew.

"hey you two." he says to us, coming forward and handing us a few things. "how are you guys?"

"we're good." shawn answers with a light chuckle. who would've thought we had just fought?

"okay, shawn, you know the drill, anya, this is basically prep for the shoot, so you know hair and makeup and styling and that sort of stuff." i nod at andrew. "then they'll get you changed into the first outfit and the shoot will begin."

"i thought it was seventeen, why are we in elle?" i ask, looking around.

"it was my mistake, i thought it was seventeen, but it's not." andrew shrugs. "marcia, show them to the studio?" andrew calls over a random person and shawn and i follow the woman up into an elevator and out into a studio setting.

shawn gets taken by marcia to a dressing room, and i an greeted by another, younger woman, but still older than me.

"hi, my names lucia and i will be doing your hair today, come with me and i'll show you my team." i get guided into another dressing room by the blonde, and i see a man and another woman standing in there, sorting out makeup and other things. "this is matthew, he'll be doing your makeup along with michelle, who is a trainee."

"hi, nice to meet you guys, i'm anya." i greet them all, as lucia guides me to the chair.

"so, anya, how are you feeling today?" michelle asks me, as she files down my nails into shapes, neatening them slightly.

"pretty nervous, it's my first photoshoot." i blush softly, smiling nervously.

"they aren't that bad, there's gonna be music on and it'll go by really quick." matthew explains. "you're skin in goddess like, by the way."

"thank you." i smile softly, looking at what they are doing to my appearance. "so how does this thing work? like are there outfit changes and stuff like that?"

"well, we're basically leaving it to what the styling team thing, but they're planning a very modern but classy shoot." lucia explains. "so i'm gonna leave your hair down in waves."

"it is a couple shoot, so it should be pretty comfortable." michelle reassures me.

after about an hour of filling me up, the team finally finish, and i'm let out of the dressing room, seeing shawn being dressed into his choice of attire for the first lot of photos. i see he's in a maroon blazer, shirtless, with dress pants on.

i get guided to the clothes rack, and i see them pulling out a silk black slip dress for me to wear, along with a pair of black heels, and a maroon fur jacket.

"oh wow, can i keep these clothes?" i admire, as the new team laugh softly.

"sadly, no." a blonde tells me, dressing me in the slip and putting the jacket over my arms. i slide my feet into the heels, and look at myself in one of the many mirrors on set, smiling softly.

"isn't she stunning?" i hear faint murmurs beside me, as i blush lightly at the team.

"okay, right, come on." they push shawn and i onto the main set, which is a grey background with a tall armchair in the middle.

"shawn, lean on one of the arm rests." the director of the shoot, liam, tells him. "and anya, stand in front of him, holding each other's arms."

i follow his directions, standing in front of shawn and placing my hand gently onto his upper arm, as he grasps my other hand in his, putting them on my waist, gazing into my eyes.

"can we have some music please?" liam yells, as ed sheerans shape of you blasts on almost instantly.

"smile." shawn mumbles to me. "hey, calm down." he whispers softly. "it's fine, look it's all fine."

"are you sure?" i whisper back.

"i'm positive." he reassures me, rubbing my waist softly.

"great, anya now sit in the chair." liam tells me, as i sigh softly, sitting in the arm chair. "shawn, sit on the arm rest, and anya put your hand on his thigh."

several more pictures are taken, before they tell us to change into the next outfit, and there's another set change.

"are you okay?" shawn asks softly, coming next to me while we are changing.

"i'm fine." i mutter, while the stylists dress me in the next outfit, which consists of a fitted body and flared out pleated skirt ending mid thigh, whilst shawn changes into a black dress shirt, a white tie undone and around his neck, and keeps the black dress pants.

the scenery changes to a plain black background, as shawn and i get back into positions, me standing, shawn kneeling down and looking up at me, my hand running through his curls of brown hair.

"right, come on, some real emotions guys!" liam yells, as the photographer snaps pictures in different angles. "anya, look dominant, shawn look like you're begging for forgiveness!"

the third outfit change comes, and i'm put into a skin tight skirt and top, with a floral khaki print on it, which matches the print on shawns new blazer, pared with a plain white tee and ripped jeans now.

the background is now a grand piano, with a seat under it, and the room a more airy feel to it, yellow and clean undertones going through the mock room.

shawn sits on the piano stool, as i perch myself on his lap, placing my hands on the piano keys, and shawn placing his hands further away from mine, but still on the piano, burying his head into my neck, pressing a kiss on the side of my neck.

we change outfits another five times, and the background changes another five times along with it, before the last one comes, which is supposed to me shawn and i in full glam, like the one we did just before, but they change it last minute to a shirtless shawn, and me standing in a lace, wine coloured bralette, and soft black shorts on, while shawn has black tracksuits on.

"something just doesn't fit." liam moans, as shawn holds me to his chest, my body pressed to his.

"i see what you mean." the photographer says. "it's not intimate or romantic enough." shawn and i look at them in confusion, not letting go of each other.

"ditch the bralette i say." my stylist chirps in. "keep the backdrop." shawn and i are kneeling on a white sheeted, messy bed, a mock window put up, the sheer curtains blowing in the fake wind.

"anya, take the bralette off, don't worry, nothing will show." the photographer tells me. "shawn, hold onto her."

"here, i'll do it." shawn moves his hands up my back, not breaking eye contact with me, and undoing the tied up lace, removing the halter from my neck, and throwing the lacy material out. i push myself closer to his chest, as he puts his arms back around me. "hey, hey don't worry, you're safe, you look elegant." he whispers to me, as we both get back into our pose of me cupping his cheeks.

"i think we have a cover photo." liam beams, as he turns the studio lights off, getting off of his chair. "well done everyone! the shoots over." shawn picks up the comforter from the bed, wrapping it around me, and letting go of me.

"how did you find it?" shawn asks me softly, helping me off the bed.

"it was okay, better than i expected." i shrug, looking away.

"i'm sorry darling." he frowns. "i shouldn't have overreacted about anything in the first place."

"it's okay, but let me get changed first, and then we'll talk about a few things, okay?" i rub his arm softly.

"over late lunch?" he offers, as i nod, escaping to a dressing room to change back into my normal clothes.
-
[shawn peter raul mendes]
-
"i'll have the kale quinoa with butternut squash, please." anya orders, handing her menu to the server.

"an for you sir?" he asks me, scribbling down anyas order.

"i'll have the pumpkin fettuccini." i say. "and could we have a large fresh lemonade to share?"

"is that it?" he asks, taking my menu away from me.

"yeah, thank you." anya says, smiling softly. he walks away, leaving us at the table, with nothing to talk about. i thought we wanted to talk?

"so you wanted to talk?" i ask her, playing with the strap of my watch.

"yeah." she sighs. "shawn, something's up with you, i know it."

"nothing's wrong with me." i mumble, avoiding eye gaze with her.

"shawn something is, please tell me." she begs softly. "shawn even when we made up again you didn't seem the same."

"i'm just worried about us, okay?" i give in, sighing and running a hand through my hair. "come on anya, if our child survived we would be expecting in a few months, how would we cope?"

"i know, we fight a lot." she frowns. "shawn am i fake to you?"

"you were when i first met you." i mumble. "i didn't expect to fall in love with you so quickly, either." she looks down at her hands, sighing. "but that doesn't mean you are fake to me now. you are one of the most real parts of my life, and i bet we only fight as much as we do because-"

"we haven't learnt how to trust each other." she finishes off for me. "oh."

"yeah." i say, letting out a shaky breath. "you know i had this dream the other day, and it was if you were still pregnant, and how we would be now because of it."

"what happened?" she asks me, as i sigh, looking down.

"we weren't together, apparently i said things that chased you away from me, with our baby." i mumble. "i've seriously gotta learn how to not over react with stuff."

"shawn whys your phone going wild?" anya points at my screen which is rolling in loads of text messages. one stands out from geoff, which says 'check twitter'.

i shrug, taking out my phone and tapping away at it, going onto twitter. "oh shit." i mumble, looking around the cafe.

"what happened shawn?" she asks concerned, putting her hand on mine.

i click on one of the videos, bringing it up to my ear to listen. our conversation from a few moments ago, admitting we had a child. "oh my god." i mumble, turning around quickly to see if i could spot any fans who i recognise.

"shawn, what happened?" she repeats, as i sigh, putting my phone back into my pocket.

"someone was here, recording our conversation." i mumble. "anya everyone knows."

"about what? us fighting?" she asks, confused.

"no!" i burst, panicking. "about the baby."