chapter fifty-four
fake
[anya rose steinburg]
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back in nyc
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"anya, my favourite person ever!" chris squeals, hugging me at her apartment door.

"chris, oh my god it's been so long." i chuckle, hugging her back. "how are you?" she invites me in and shuts her front door behind me.

"great, great, have you been to the house yet?" i shake my head no, frowning slightly.

"shawn was in toronto over the last week or so, but i stayed in the hamptons." i explain, as she nods her head. "i don't think he went to see it, i don't know, we aren't really talking at the moment."

"what? why?" she asks confused, going to turn her kettle on. "you guys are moving in together you can't just not talk." she says, as i sigh, rolling my eyes.

"i know, stuff happened in the hamptons and i got annoyed, he got annoyed and we fought and he left." i sigh. "he hasn't even bothered to contact me since he left, i've been worried sick."

"have you tried?" i nod my head at her.

"yeah, i've called him at least once everyday, and he's declined all those times." i shrug, as she pours two mugs of tea out. "are you coming to the press thing tonight?"

"yeah, i think all of us are." she says, handing me my green tea. "i mean andrew said most of us were going. anyway, how was the wedding?"

"oh my god, it was great, it was so princess like." i laugh, casting my mind back. "and i found out something else too."

"what?" she asks, taking a sip of the hot tea.

"ambers apparently my long lost cousin." i sigh. "she's also another reason why shawn and i aren't talking."

"she's your cousin?" chris spits out her tea, shock coating her face.

"she's peters sister." i explain. "i feel sorry for kelsey, she has the worst sister in law ever." we both share a laugh, going back to catching up. "so what's been going on in your life?"

"i've been around." she smiles. "pretty boring, but i've been getting some work done, staying in the city and stuff."

"oh cool." i smile at her. "do you know what time we have to be there tonight?"

"at 6, but red carpet at 5, well for you and shawn mainly, but we'll be trailing behind." she says. "that means you and shawn will need to talk soon."

"great." i cheer sarcastically, rolling my eyes. "anyway, thanks for the tea, but i'm gonna go, i need to change and stuff."

"andrew said chanel want to partner with you, you know being shawn mendes' girlfriend and all, you have a few responsibilities coming your way, and he also wants to organise a photoshoot for you and shawn, you know, because you're moving in together and stuff, he's gonna mention it in the meeting tomorrow."

"okay, great, and chanel, wow." i laugh, picking my bag up. "i'll see you tonight chris."

"oh shawn also wanted me to ask what colour are you wearing?" i frown, looking at the floor.

"why can't he ask me himself?" i mumble. "and blue and white."

"okay i'll tell him no tie then, well him to tell his stylist." we share a chuckle. "see you tonight."

"see you tonight." i repeat, leaving her apartment and walking back onto the fairly quiet brooklyn streets. i hail a taxi, giving details to my apartment, and the driver taking me there, arriving in about half an hour.

my phone starts ringing obnoxiously as i get into the lobby of the apartment building, and i sigh, answering the phone.

"hey anya." andrews voice says through the other side of the phone. "could we get you at the hotel too? we have a styling and makeup team here, and it would be easier to all leave from one place, i'll get a taxi to pick you up in about an hour."

"sure, let me just get my dress and a few things together first, i'll see you there." i say, getting in the lift heading up to my apartment.

"okay great, the taxi will be at your place in an hour, see you then." i hang up the phone, putting it back into my jeans pocket, and opening the front door to my flat, entering it again.

quickly wanting to warm the place up a little, i race for the thermostat, turning up the heating and walking into my room, where my dress lies, perfect and pristine.

what shoes do i wear with such a perfect dress?

i wander into my closet, getting out a pair of white heels, and taking out a few jewellery pieces, along with a white clutch i had too.

gazing at the clock lying on my table, i see it's already been 20 minutes, so i quickly wander to my vanity, taking off my current makeup with a wipe, and sitting there on my phone for a while.

i notice my engagement ring lying on the table, the diamond shining in the light. smiling softly, i pick it up, admiring the jewel. then, i decide to slip the ring into my pocket, to ask shawn about it later.

at some stage.
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"thank you so much." i tell the taxi driver, as he opens my door, holding my dress and suitcase, containing my shoes and other essentials.

"no problem miss, i'll get room service to send these up." he says.

"oh no, there's no problem, i'll take it up myself," i smile, taking the items away from him, and walking into the hotel.

"ah, miss steinburg!" andrew over emphasises, as i laugh, greeting him with a hug.

"mr gertler, how are you?" i tease back, holding my things in my hands.

"i'm great, and you?"

"very good actually." i smile. "chris told me about a few things i've been offered?"

"well, as your boss, i have to take these things for you until you get your own manager." he says. "now i know shawn and you aren't on the best terms right now, but you'll be in his room changing, is that okay? if not we can get another one and-"

"no, it's fine." i say softly.

"okay, this way, here let me get these things for you." andrew takes my dress and suitcase out of my hands, and i follow him up the elevators to a floor, and eventually to the front of the door to shawns room.

"you ready?" andrew says, as i sigh, nodding. andrew knocks on the door softly, and i hear shawns voice mumbling something, making my heart immediately race.

"oh hey, come in." shawn opens the door for andrew and i, and andrew quickly rushes in, putting my things down. "hey." shawn whispers to me, leaning down for a hug.

"hi." i mumble back, holding him close to me, as he rubs my back softly.

"how are you? how was the rest of your time there?" shawn whispers in my ear, not letting go of me.

"i'm okay, and it was great, a really good break." i say back, letting go of him. "how are your parents and aaliyah?"

"they're great, i'm glad i managed to squeeze toronto in for a little." he rubs the back of his head nervously. "come in."

"thanks." i whisper, walking past him and into his hotel suite. "geoff, hey!" i say, noticing him and greeting him with a hug.

"anya, it's been a while." he hugs me back, letting go shortly after. "okay well andrew and i need to leave, the styling team will be here shortly, see you tonight?"

"you guys are already leaving?" shawn asks, coming to the scene, holding a bottle of wine. "i was about to open this."

"well anya's here." andrew says. "okay we're off, bye guys."

"bye." shawn and i mumble, as the other two leave the room, shutting the door. shawn sighs, unscrewing the wine bottle, and taking two glasses out of the cabinet.

"do you want one?" he asks me softly.

"a quarter glass, please." i reply, watching him pour two wines out. he hands one of the glasses to me with a sad smile. "thanks."

"i'm sorry about how i left." shawn comes out with. "it was out of order, and i know i must've left you in a confused state."

"you did, actually." i sigh, reaching into my pocket, taking out the engagement ring. "shawn, i don't wanna fight with you, but i need to know why."

"i can't keep going on with this." shawn sighs, rubbing his temples. "i can't keep going on, knowing my relationship is failing."

"shawn, tell me what i can do." i whisper, walking up to him. "please, honey."

"we can't fix this and you know it." shawn croaks out. "i love you, anya, but we've got to a point where we can't move. for gods sake, we have a house together."

"i know, i know." i say softly to him,
folding my arms and looking down.

"it's all my fault." he whispers.

"no shawn, it isn't, don't say that." i say quickly. "do you want to see my dress?" he nods softly, as i put my wine down, reaching for the dress bag, and unzipping it, revealing what he thought would be best.

"you bought it?" he smiles sadly, taking it from my hands, and holding it in his. "i picked one out for you tonight, but this one would be so much more beautiful."

"i saw it in macy's, and i had to." i bite my bottom lip, taking it back from him and putting it back into the dress bag.

i look at shawn, as he sits down, taking a long sip of the wine, putting the glass down next to him. "i uh, i got this guitar pick set, and there was this marble one, and i thought of you immediately." shawn says to me, with a chuckle. "i also got someone to go into the house to make the studio."

"oh wow, is it done?" shawn smiles at me, nodding his head happily.

"it's not like a professional studio, but it's still somewhere where i can sing and put out samples and things, and somewhere for all my guitars." he explains, as a knock at the door is heard. shawn gets up, greeting his style team, as two of them come over to me, holding a suitcase of makeup in their hands.

"hey guys, i don't think you've met anya, but this is anya, my girlfriend, anya this is my styling team." he introduces us, as i smile at all of them.

"lets get started."
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i slide the top part of my dress over my head, zipping it up at the back and straightening it out. glancing in the mirror, i see that the skirt reaches a perfect height when i'm wearing my heels, and it just grazes my ankles, swooping down softly. the crochet detailing of the top stands out, making the entire dress look less extravagant and more casual.

"alright guys, thank you, see you soon." shawn waves his team out of the hotel room, shutting the door, as i sigh, picking up my clutch, and looking at my appearance once more.

shawn walks in and does a double take, making me blush slightly.

"darling, you look gorgeous." he coos, his eyes trailing over my dress, and looking straight at me again. "i knew it would look amazing on you."

"thank you." i mumble, tucking a piece of my hair behind my ear. shawns dressed in a plain black tux, with a white shirt and a black tie. "what time are we leaving?" he looks down at his watch, shrugging.

"i guess the town cars will be here in a bit." he says. "are you coming to the meeting tomorrow?"

"yeah, i am." i nod.

"we have a photoshoot on tuesday, and then i have interviews wednesday, thursday and friday, maybe on saturday we could do something?" shawn offers.

"you can come over to mine, it's a little empty and lonely." i chuckle, looking down. "when are we going to scotland?"

"the monday straight after next weekend." he answers. "so saturday then?"

"yeah, of course." i answer softly, looking away.

"hey, anya look at me." shawn walks towards me, holding my hand in his. "we'll be okay, i promise."

"really shawn?" i whisper. "we didn't even talk after you left, not even one text." he frowns at me, his eyes filling with tears. "maybe i shouldn't move in with you."

"what? no, don't say that." shawn says quickly, concern running over his face. "i've packed up my stuff already, and i'm ready to move in."

"maybe i'm not." i say, raising my voice slightly. "i don't want to fight with you, especially like this, we are civil but both hurting." shawn doesn't say anything to me, but instead wraps his arms around my body, pulling me close to him, making me feel safe immediately.

"if you're not, then i'll wait." shawn whispers. "i'm not gonna rush you into anything that you don't want to do." he presses a kiss on my shoulder, burying his face in my neck. "i'm sorry."

"i'm sorry too." i mumble back, rubbing his lower back in my hands. "and you still haven't said anything about that ring to me."

he lets go of me, sighing and running a hand through his hair, picking the ring up from the coffee table. "i was planning on proposing again."

"y-you were?" i stutter out, in shock.

"yeah i was." he sighs. "i guess there's no point now."

"wait shawn. wait." i remind him. "one day, it could be tomorrow or in a few years, but wait, and i'll say yes." he nods, going into his backpack and putting the ring into the velvet box it came in, placing it back into his backpack.

"i'm sorry i ignored you for ages." he says, coming forward, snaking his arms around my waist.

"it's okay, i guess we needed a little peace." i shrug, examining his face. "kiss me."

"you want me to kiss you?" he asks softly. "are you sure?" i nod, leaning up and closing my eyes, as i feel shawn cup one of my cheeks, pressing his lips to mine. pure relief. i pull away, breathless, trailing my eyes over his face. "darling, we're gonna be just fine." he reminds me, like i need reassuring, which i do. "we're gonna be perfect."

i link my arms around shawns neck, and he places his on my hips. "i think i owe you a dance." shawn smiles softly, going onto his phone, and putting on a random song, which i recognise as perfect, by ed sheeran. he throws his phone on the bed, linking his arms over my waist.

"darling you look perfect tonight." shawn sings quietly, as i smile, swaying to the beat with him.

these are the moments i savour, these are the moments i cherish and realise i'm lucky to have shawn, and have the memories we have made in a mere seven months, and the fact we have such a mesmerising connection shocks me, but makes me fall in love with him all over again.

"dancing in the dark, with you between my arms." he hums, bringing his hand to tuck away a piece of my hair. "i don't deserve this, you look perfect tonight."

the song ends, and shawn doesn't waste time to press a kiss lightly to my lips again.

"i love you." he whispers. "and i promise you, i will fix these things between us, even if it's the last thing i will ever do."

"i love you." i repeat, brushing some of his stray hairs away from his forehead. "lets not fuck up soon." he sits down on the bed, bringing me to his lap, as i perch on his knee.

"what did i say?" he whispers, rubbing my arm gently. "we will be just fine, say that baby."

"we will be just fine." i copy, looking down.

"good." he says. "babygirl, i promise." he holds onto my waist, his thumb lightly rubbing against the bare skin between the skirt and top i'm wearing. "stay here tonight."

"mhm." i hum.

"i missed you." he mumbles. "i spent every night crying without you." he croaks.

"why were you crying over me?" i ask, cupping his cheek, rubbing my thumb lightly over it.

"because you're you, and you have my heart, but i know i broke yours, and i'm sorry." i look at him, and it looks like he's going to cry all over again. "it hurts, because i know it was me who did wrong."

"messing up my name isn't bad, don't blame yourself, you were so ready for all of it, but it all ended so badly, and it because of timing. we weren't ready then, but the next time you do, we will be ready." i whisper. "now come on, lets go."

"lets go."
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cute cute