chapter fifty-five
fake
[anya rose steinburg]
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i sip on my wine, crossing my legs and listening to whatever they are talking about at the table. i couldn't care less about what they were going on about, i don't want to be here.

"anya?" mike asks me.

"hmm?" i snap back into reality.

"the waiter wants your order." he says, as if to urge me on.

"right, sorry." i look at the menu quickly. "i'll have the yaki soba." i say, handing the waiter my menu after.

shawn looks at me curiously, and i shrug, looking down at my hands. "excuse us." shawn says, standing up and guiding me out of the restaurant into the main lobby of the venue.

"what's up?" i ask shawn, folding my arms to my chest.

"you haven't said a word since we got here, what's the matter with you?" he asks me softly, concern over his face.

"nothing, i'm just tired, i didn't sleep last night." i quickly lie. "come on, lets go back in."

"we're not going in until you tell me what's really wrong." shawn says sternly. "i know you're lying."

"i'm not lying." i say.

"yes you are, i know you." he waves my excuses off. "honey, tell me please."

"i just want to go home." i sigh. " i don't feel too good, and i have a really bad headache and i just don't want to be here right now."

"we'll go then, that's fine." shawn whispers. "i'll tell them-"

"this dinner is for you shawn, you can't leave." i tell him. "just stay here."

"you don't feel ill, you just don't want to be with me." his mood suddenly changes, and he glares at me.

"why would you think that?" i ask him, confused. "i'm not wanting to go because of you."

"are you sure about that? you haven't even talked to me since we left that freaking hotel room." he says. "anya, tell me what's fucking wrong."

"nothing is wrong with me, for god sake!" i burst. "just please go back in."

"give me one reason why i should go back in." he snaps, getting annoyed.

"please shawn, just go." i beg, croaking. "please." he sighs, dropping his shoulders, and walks away, back into the restaurant. i speed into the bathrooms, locking myself into a stall.

what's wrong with me?

there's nothing wrong with how i feel, but how did i change my mood completely? i couldn't even care if i felt uncomfortable at the dinner, it's shawns dinner from some company, but it's shawns dinner, something for him, i shouldn't be overreacting like this.

i steady my breath, before wandering out of the stall, rinsing my face with some cold water, and leaving the bathroom, going back into the restaurant.

walking back in, i see everyone getting up and ready to leave. it's been that long?

"you guys have already finished?" i ask geoff, confused.

"shawn said you went back home, so we quickly finished up, you've been out for a while, an hour to be exact." i gape my mouth wide, and i steady myself quickly.

"an hour? i've been out for an hour?" i ask.

"well yeah, we did think you went home." he says like it's obvious. "do you want any food?"

"i'm not too hungry, hey are taxis coming to pick us up?" he nods at me, as i sigh.

"do you want to go to your flat? because you can get one on your own, and some of us can join in one." he suggests.

"thank you." i smile sadly, looking down.

"alright, lets go guys." andrew says, as everyone piles out of the restaurant, waiting outside the venue, in the slightly chilly evening for the taxis to arrive.

"anya can take this one." geoff says, holding a door open. "we'll drop your stuff off, yeah?"

"thanks geoff." i smile. "i'll see you all tomorrow." i nod my goodbyes, getting into the car and giving the driver my address to drop me home.

i arrive into my apartment around an hour later because of late night traffic, and also the fact the venue was in queens, instead of manhattan.

i get situated quickly, changing out of my dress into sweatpants and a grey crop top, brushing my teeth and getting into bed, picking up a random book on my shelf to take me into sleep.

just as i put my book down, an urgent knock is heard on my door, and i sigh, getting up to go answer the front door. opening it up, i am immediately surrounded by strong arms, and pulled to shawns chest.

"i'm sorry, i'm sorry." he repeats, holding me close to him, burying his face in my hair. "i'm sorry."

"hey, i'm fine." i whisper, rocking him softly, pulling away to face him.

"no, there was no need for me to over emphasise what happened, i really am sorry." i shrug, bringing my hand to the back of his neck.

"what are you doing at my place at 2am?" i laugh lightly, as he chuckles, his lips turning upward.

"well i knew you wouldn't be asleep, and i had to apologise." he whispers. "i'm gonna go back to my hotel."

"no, stay." i complain, frowning. "i haven't seen you for over a week, and i've missed you."

"okay, i'll stay." he rubs my arms in a comforting way, and looking at me. "i'm sorry."

"stop apologising shawn, it wasn't right for me to act how i did, i'm sorry." i say, reminding him he's not the one in the wrong, i am. "do you have anything to change into?"

"i'm wearing track suits, i'll just sleep shirtless, it's fine." he says, looking behind him. "i brought your other stuff by the way."

"i'll sort that out in the morning, come on, lets go to sleep." i pull away from the hug, walking to my room, shawn following me closely. we get under my silk sheets, and shawn wraps one of his arms around me, as i snuggle up to his chest.

"we're gonna work out what's wrong, i promise, okay?" shawn whispers, tracing patterns on my arm. "i don't want us falling apart again."

"what if we can't?" i whisper back, as shawn sighs, pressing a kiss to my forehead.

"we will." he says. "and if we don't, well that will be decided if we can't."

"i hate this." i mumble. "i hate feeling like i'm hurting you."

"hey, it's okay." he whispers back. "i'm fine, and i mean it, i'm not just saying it."

"i keep hurting you shawn, why do you keep running back to me?" i sit up on my elbows, facing him.

"because i love you." he says, looking at me. "and i don't just love you for the sake of it, i love you because i really do." he takes a shaky breath. "this is why i keep messing up, i don't want to lose you."

"i love you too." i croak, as shawn smiles sadly, leaning up and pressing his lips to mine briefly. "goodnight."

"goodnight darling." he pulls me to his chest, and i smile to myself, snuggling against him.

shawn mendes, truly is a romantic.
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sorry for the really short update, i'm really hung up over someone at the moment and idk it's making me feel too shitty to update but i promise you guys i will post a really long update for the next chapter

most of you are great at advice, and i could really use some right now :( how do you get over someone who stopped talking to you for no reason months ago who you truly felt something with?