chapter fifty
fake
[anya rose steinburg]
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a knock is heard on my bedroom door, and i sigh, taking my laptop off my lap and getting up to answer it.

"oh hey kels." i smile, opening the door wider so she can come in.

"what was all the shouting about?" she asks me, sitting on my bed.

"shawn and brooklyn got into a fight." i sigh, flipping my head upside down to tie up my hair. "like i never thought brooklyn would be the one to fight shawn."

"what did shawn do?" kelsey asks me.

"nothing." i shrug. "i feel like he's mad at himself though, he's not talking to me at all, and he's somewhere downstairs, not letting me talk to him."

"let me guess he told you to leave him alone?" kelsey sighs at me, as i nod my head yes, looking down.

"i just want to talk to him." i sigh, sitting next to her on the bed. "is it that hard to talk to my own boyfriend?"

"don't think of it like that anya." kelsey sighs. "he's stressed, you've said so yourself, and considering your history, he's probably thinking that he ruined everything by being jealous."

"i highly doubt it but okay." i shrug, grabbing my laptop again. "so the big days coming soon."

"ugh don't even." she groans. "i can't wait till this is over, like no offence i love your family but there's too many of them." i laugh, shaking my head.

"that's very true, it gets to shawn too." i smile sadly. "i'm gonna go look for him, i'll see you in a bit." i pull over one of shawns navy jumpers over my silk slip, sliding on my superstars. "adios."

i rush out of my room, skipping down the stairs and wandering about downstairs, looking for the brown haired giant i call my boyfriend. "hey dad, have you seen shawn?" i ask my dad, walking into the living room.

"he said he was going for a walk a couple minutes ago sweetie." my mom says, butting into the conversation. "i think he went to the beach."

"ugh, okay thank you, i'll be back in a sec." i rush out of the living room, to the front door, opening it and leaving the chattering family, starting the short walk to the beach, the april late afternoon sun blazing down onto the pavements, coming to the open beach, where people are dining or frolicking about. considering the weather, it's pretty empty.

i spot him wandering about aimlessly, not really caring about where he's walking along the shoreline.

"shawn." i say softly, as he turns around, his face looking all beaten up and bruised.

"anya what are you doing here?" he drops his shoulders, flinching at the pain.

"shawn i'm worried for you." i fold my arms. "please honey-"

"no." he says bitterly. "no, don't honey me."

"what happened?" i ask him, taking a step towards him. "shawn?"

"don't even bother with me anymore." he mumbles, wiping his tears away. "i'm so fake."

"no you're not." i fight back.

"if i never got jealous when you first met brooklyn, maybe we would still be engaged, and my entire relationship with you wouldn't be fucked up." he cries, walking along the shoreline.

"shawn mendes don't you ever say that again!" i shout, catching up with his wide strides. "our relationship is not fucked up! and i couldn't care less about how many fights we have, or if you get jealous!"

"maybe i do!" he yells. "maybe i care if i lost you as my fiancée because of how jealous i am!" he runs a hand through his hair, frustratedly. "anya i messed up your name when you fell in london."

"you want to be engaged again?" i ask him more softly. he shrugs, sighing.

"i'm so stupid." he looks down, whilst i step closer, cupping his cheeks. "i was so close to freaking beating brooklyn up because all you were doing was making plans with a friend."

"shawn look at me." i whisper. "i don't care if you get jealous, heck i get jealous too." i remind him. "all of your fans are so beautiful, and interesting, and you care about them so much, i can't help but sometimes feel jealous." he looks at me in confusion. "and in la- when i caught you and amber making out, i was still jealous because it wasn't me who you were kissing." shawn sighs at me, linking his hands around my waist. "i love you shawn, and that's not gonna change ever." he blushes softly, and i chuckle. "plus, we are moving in together."

"i'm sorry." he whispers. "i'm so sorry."

"don't, shawn." i tell him. "you had every right to feel how you felt."

"you're amazing anya, you- oh my god." shawn pulls away from our embrace, a scared look on his face. i look at him confused, turning around, to see a platinum blonde greeting peter, and my uncle with teary hugs.

"what the fuck is she doing here?" i snap, starting to walk up the beach.

"anya, anya, anya." shawn grabs onto my hand, pulling me back. "don't make a scene baby."

"why the hell is amber here, hugging my cousin and my uncle with tears?" i shout, turning back round to them, rushing up to the top of the beach, shawn cursing and following me close behind.

"amber? what the hell are you doing here?" i shout at her, folding my arms. "you better not be taking peter off of kelsey like you did to shawn because i swear-"

"anya, it's not that." peter sighs to me. "shawn do you want to tell her instead? she won't slap your head off."

"can someone tell me what she's doing here?" i groan, as amazed sends a flirty wave at shawn. "amber, stop!" i shout at her.

"anya, come here." shawn pulls me aside, as the three walk back up to the house. "don't freak out."

"freak out with what?" i complain.

"amber is your uh, your cousin." he scratches the back of his head. "she's peters younger sister."

"what?" i scream, feeling my blood fume. "you mean, i'm related to her?"

"yeah." shawn sighs. "i'm sorry."

"how comes you found out before me?" i shout back, walking around in a circle. shawn doesn't reply and i look at him confused. "shawn?"

"when andrew hired her." he says quickly. "but that doesn't matter-"

"what?" i shout again. "how comes you never told me?"

"i didn't know your family until february- and it never came up." he says to me softly.

"you literally kissed my cousin!" i shout, groaning.

"i'm so sorry." he mumbles to me, looking down.

"whatever, just don't." i roll my eyes, walking back off to the house, shawn trailing behind me.

"baby, come on." shawn grabs onto my arm again, and i shove him away, coming to the door steps. "anya i don't understand, what did i do?"

"you didn't tell me! that's what!" i shout, bringing my fingers to my temples, and sighing. "look just go up to my room, i'll meet you there." i mumble, shoving him inside the house. he shrugs, wandering up the marble staircase and i, heading into the lounge, where amber is 'reuniting' with everyone.

"hey wait isn't that the bitch you bitch about on a daily?" jasmine and jason come towards me, kelsey, shaking her head, a sarcastic smile on her face.

"how did you know?" i roll my eyes. "kelsey you didn't invite her, did you?"

"of course not, i wouldn't do that to you, it's just she found out about peter and everything, and who could say no to his face." she explains, sitting in the chair next to us. "where's mendes?"

"in my room." i scoff. "i am so incredibly pissed off at him, he knew about her when andrew hired her in the first place, and didn't decide to tell me."

"oh jesus." jason says, as i sigh. "wait, why is she going up the stairs to the half my rooms in?" i gaze to the staircase she's walking up with peter, seeing that it's the half where all the cousins rooms are.

"no offence, but shawns fans and i, hate amber." sophie says, coming up next to us. i chuckle softly, side hugging her.

"well i'm glad, but i'm gonna go and argue with shawn now, bye guys." i sigh, standing up and heading up the stairs.

"shawn listen- what the hell are you doing in my room?" i snap, slamming my door shut and seeing amber unloading her stuff onto my sofa bed, peter by her side, and shawn with a pissed off look on his face.

"your room is the only room with a spare bed, and since shawn isn't using it, amber is." peter explains. "don't worry, she'll use my bathroom."

"that still doesn't mean- do you know what? i'll leave it." i sigh. "shawn lets go to bed, and put a curtain up around a certain area of the room."

"happily." shawn mumbles, going into my closet and taking a blanket, hooking it by the tag on a picture hook, and the other tag onto a clothes hook, blocking out a majority of the room, including our bed. "bye peter!" shawn shouts, picking up his sweatpants and t-shirts.

"bye lovebirds!" he yells back, shutting my door.

"why?" i mumble, flopping my back onto my bed. "and poppy has a spare bed too."

"there's spare bedrooms in the other half, and a couch downstairs." shawn says quietly back. "whatever, lets just ignore it." he lies down next to me, wrapping his arm around my body. "i'm sorry about not telling you, honestly i really am."

"it's okay." i shrug. "i'm mad, but it's okay."

"we need to start getting furniture in." shawn sighs, running his spare hand through his hair. "are we keeping any of yours?"

"hmm, my coffee machine, definitely. the tv and stand, we can get a new bed and couches, the kitchens already equipped so we won't need that." i say, sighing. "we'll see when we're back in toronto. also, when we get to the city after the hamptons, i'm packing."

"alright, that's fine." shawn burrows his head into my neck, sighing softly. "i love you."

"i love you too." i mumble back, shutting my eyes. "wait shawn we need to brush our teeth."

"oh right, hey i'm gonna shower too." he says.

"okay, you go first." he pecks my cheek, standing up and reaching for his towel, going into my bathroom.

sighing, i pick up my laptop to reply to a few emails and check my online college updates, and browsing online shops for clothes. "anya, come here for a sec!" shawn yells from the bathroom. i put my laptop down, standing up and rushing over to him.

"what's wrong?" i ask him, entering the bathroom and seeing him dressed in sweats, and shirtless.

"could you get me a painkiller or something?" he winces, touching his nose.

"of course honey, i think i have some in my room." i wander back into my room, going to my desk where a packet of paracetamols lay, and i take one out, grabbing a bottle of water and walking back to shawn in the bathroom.

he downs the pill and takes a few more gulps of water, sighing and leaning against the sink. "thanks." he mumbles softly.

"no problem." i whisper back, rubbing his arm, in a way of comfort. "you need to sleep, come on honey." we brush our teeth and he walks to my bed, getting under the covers and cozying up to them.

"goodnight anya." shawn mumbles, pulling me to his chest.

"night baby."

i don't fall asleep all night. instead, i rise from the comfort abode of a bed and shawns arms, and open up my balcony doors, going outside and sitting in the peaceful night.

from my window i can see the beach waves gently lapping up to the sandy shore, creating small ripples in the moonlit scenery.

the balcony door opens and shut, and shawn comes to sit next to me. "i thought you fell asleep." he mumbles, wrapping his arm around me and pulling me to his side.

"i couldn't sleep." i whisper back, holding his hand that's over my shoulder in one of mine. "why aren't you sleeping?"

"same reason you aren't." i chuckle softly, looking up at him.

"even scarred and bruised, you're still the most handsome man out there." i mumble, leaning up and pressing my lips to his cheek.

"man, now?" he smirks. "what happened to you calling me a boy?"

"you're gonna be 19, you're a man." i laugh, smiling at him. "ew you're getting old."

"you're gonna be 19 literally two weeks after me so i don't know what you're talking about." shawn says smugly, shrugging at me. i shove him lightly, and he laughs softly, looking down. "i can't wait till we move in and have nights like this."

"what's stopping us from having nights like this now?" i ask him, sighing. "i love sitting with you, it's my favourite way to pass time."

"god anya, i wish we would never fight." he mumbles to me. "we ruin each other by fighting."

"every great relationship has its ups and downs." i remind him. "i wish it too, but it's just who we are, and our personalities that cause us to fight." his eyes tear up and he takes a shaky breath.

"are you sure we're making the right decision of moving in together?" he asks me slowly, a tear escaping his eye. "anya what if one day we fight, and that's it?"

"hey, listen to me." i mumble, turning around and sitting on his lap, straddling him. "we get through everything. you and i both know that."

"but i can't help think these things." he whispers. "i don't want you to hurt if it happens." he sighs, holding me in his arms. "maybe we are moving too fast."

"shawn mendes don't you ever say that again." i warn him, cupping his cheeks. "i love you, so much, and we're doing this because we are ready, okay?"

"but we aren't anya, you know that, you just won't admit it." i chew on my lower lip, looking down. "see?"

"if things go wrong, they will. we can't stop that from happening." i whisper, linking eyes with him. "promise me one thing shawn."

"anything." he mumbles, bringing his lips to my neck.

"promise me you'll chase me if either one of us gives up." i whisper, as he tilts his head up from my neck, nodding.

"i promise, darling." he murmurs.

"even if you hate me so much, chase me." i tell him firmly.

"i will never hate you." he brings his lips to mine. "never in a million years."

"good." i say softly, kissing him back, wrapping his arms around his neck.
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idk what to do with this book i don't wanna end it