chapter fifteen
fake
[anya rose steinburg]
-
"hey." i say on the phone, answering kelsey.

"hey, what time do you need the taxi at the airport?" she asks me.

"oh um make it a slightly bigger taxi." i trail off. "shawns coming."

"what? why? i though we were doing turkey day with just us friends?" i can sense her sadness.

"i know, i know." i say quietly, shutting our hotel bathroom door. "no offence but i don't want him to come, i mean he's been travelling so much, and he needs to chill and go home, plus it's not even his thanksgiving." i sigh. "it's just he asked and i can't say no."

"daniels gonna be there." i sigh.

"i know." i reply, looking at my nails. "he can't make a pass on me, we broke up before i became shawns girlfriend."

"anya you two were in love." i roll my eyes.

"yeah but it doesn't mean that i still love him." i say quickly. "i gotta go but i'll talk to you today okay?"

"sure, and what time for the taxi?"

"6pm." i say. "see you soon kels." i hang up, putting my phone back in my pocket, opening up the bathroom door. shawn stands there, a frown on his face, and tears silently pooling in his eyes.

"if you don't want me there i can easily get the train to toronto." he mumbles, running a hand through his hair. "and if you don't love me anymore, we can break up."

"what made you think i don't love you?" i ask, putting a hand on my hip. "and why were you snooping on me?"

"i don't know, maybe because my girlfriend doesn't want me at her thanksgiving? and could be cheating on me?" i stay quiet. "so who is it? huh? brooklyn?"

"i'm not cheating on you!" i grumble. "how the fuck would you think that?"

"then who are you talking about?" i put my hand on my head, sighing.

"my ex." i mumble.

"i'm getting the train to toronto, i'll ask andrew to book my ticket now." he grumbles angrily, wiping his eyes, and turning around, walking to the hotel door.

"shawn." i state. "don't."

"you don't even want me there so what's the point huh?" he snaps, opening and closing the door sharply, leaving me shaken.

i don't go after him, i know i'm the one in the wrong. i shouldn't have said anything, or even called kelsey in the first place.

feeling a shot of sadness run through me, i stand up, taking a key with me and walking out of our hotel room, knocking on christina's door.

"c-chris it's anya." i stutter. "can i come in?"

"sure it's open!" i open up the door, walking in and seeing her sat at the desk in the room, twiddling her thumbs. "anya what's wrong?"

"i fucked up." i mumble, sitting on her bed. "god he's literally gonna break up with me."

"what happened?" she sits next to me, rubbing my back as i explain it, slowly getting hysterical.

"i-i mean i have to you know feel like that right?" i mumble, my voice getting higher. "like i-it's not my fault there are people who i want to catch up with, and my ex is there!"

"anya you couldn't help it from coming out, don't worry okay?" she reassures me. "shawn loves you, he won't break up with you, i'm positive." i shrug, my breaths shaky.

"what time are we leaving?" she looks at her watch.

"now, go and get your stuff okay?" i nod, slowly getting up and trying to steady my breaths.

"i'll see you in a few." i open her door, walking out and going back to mine,
seeing the door open, and shawn pacing around in our room.

"did you get the tickets then?" i ask, picking up my bag and suitcase.

"no, they had sold out." he mumbles, running a hand through hair, chucking about the room again.

"what's wrong?" i ask him, folding my arms.

"i can't find something." he says, crouching down, and looking under the bed. he reaches under, sighing in bliss when he touches it, bringing out his silver banded ring, the one that belonged to his grandfather. "oh thank god." he mumbles to himself.

"shawn i'm sorry." i quickly say.

"well sorry isn't going to cut it this time. i'm not staying at your place either, i'll find a hotel." he grabs his things and shoves past me, hitting my shoulder on his way out.

"ouch." i groan, rubbing my arm.

"good." i hear him say, as he walks down the corridor.

"dick." i mumble, picking up my bags and walking out of the room.

we check out of the hotel, handing back our keys and all piling into a taxi to take us to the airport. shawn listens to music the entire journey, and i look at my hands for most of it, talking when i'm spoken to.

"anya, here's your ticket." andrew hands me the card. "sorry about what happened." i shrug.

"it was my fault anyway." i smile sadly. "look andrew if me and shawn do break up, i'm so sorry that i would've caused you that immense doubt in the company."

"thank you anya, but you and shawn won't break up." i roll my eyes, going to the check in to get on the plane.

they check my passport and ticket before letting me on, so i can find my seat, coincidentally on the window, right next to shawn. how amazing for me.

"andrew i'm not sitting next to trash."
i hear him say. i look up, shrugging at andrew.

"shawn stop being a brat and sit down. it's only a few hours." andrew mouths a sorry to me afterwards, as shawn sighs, settling in his seat.

"stay at mine for a night, please?" i ask him, as he shrugs, looking at his lap.

"why? you don't want me there."

"for fucks sake shawn, i was pissed and it was a mistake! i want you there! i love you!" i snap at him. he looks at me, tears pooling in his eyes.

"i-i don't even know what to think anymore anya." he sniffs, turning away, and wiping his eyes, breathing shallowly. "you know i've been hurt by a girl before but it never hit me as hard as you did."

guilt fills my chest as i look at him, his leg shaking and his hand constantly wiping the tears from falling.

"and i'm so sorry that i hurt you physically but i can't even think." he croaks. "especially after the whole thing with camila, and then texting things, laur and now this? i mean you said you physically didn't want me there." he gets out, letting out a shaky breath and wiping his eyes again.

"s-shawn don't cry." i stutter, the guilt eating me alive. "i hate seeing you cry."

"well you made me." he cries weakly, sniffling and looking down, wiping his eyes again.

"hey, shawn, man are you okay?" geoff asks, stopping at our row.

"c-could we swap seats geoff?" i ask, standing up and gathering my things.

"um sure? i'm row 7 seat c." geoff nods, handing me his ticket, and i swap it with mine. shawn chokes out a sob, leaning over and looking straight at me.

"i'll see you around i guess." i shrug, walking to geoffs seat and sitting there.

i look back, seeing shawn sobbing into his hands, geoff trying to comfort him. is he really so in love with me that he has the capability to break down over a mistake i made?

i settle into geoffs seat, taking my phone and headphones out, blocking the world and shawns muted cries for a few hours.
-
"kelsey i'm home!" i shout, unlocking the apartment door and walking in. i hear running steps, and she comes bounding forward, hugging me.

"hey how was toronto and the amas?" she asks. "wait where's shawn?"

"at a hotel somewhere in the city." i croak out.

"oh my god he heard the phone call didn't he?" i nod, looking down and feeling tears blur my vision.

"he cried so much on the plane. i feel so guilty." i mumble. "he won't forgive me either, and that makes it so much more worse."

"he'll come around." kelsey reassures. "everyone cancelled by the way, it's just us."

"oh." i state, looking at our empty apartment. "i guess we could invite some professors?" kelsey laughs a little.

"go to sleep, you look exhausted." i nod, yawning and dragging my bags to my room.

"see you in the morning kels."
---
drama drama drama ooooo