chapter eighteen
fake
[shawn peter raul mendes]
-
"shawn wake up its christmas!" aaliyah screams, running into my room and turning all my lights on.

"oh my god aaliyah go away." i groan, flipping myself over so i'm on my stomach.

"dude." aaliyah sighs, sitting next to me on the bed, as i turn around, squinting at the bright light. "have you bee crying?"

"no, it's too bright in here." i moan, shutting my eyes.

"shawn i know you're heartbroken, but it was you who said it in the first place." she trails off. "it's christmas, come on, mum made eggs and bacon for breakfast."

"fine, but we're going on a drive later." i say, standing up and putting a shirt on.

"why?" aaliyah asks, standing up herself.

"can't i not spend alone time with my sister who i love dearly on christmas day?" i smile at her. "merry christmas." i hug her as she hugs back, smiling into my chest.

"merry christmas."

both of us run down the stairs, seeing our parents, cousins, aunts, uncles and grandparents all there, helping out with lunch.

"and he's awake!" my mum cheers, laughing. "merry christmas sweetie." she hugs me, slipping something into my pocket.

"what was that mum?" i ask, putting my hand in my pocket, taking out a blue tiffany's box.

"i found this under the tree, i know you wanted to give it to anya, and i know you two are broken up but you should still keep it." i nod, hugging her again.

"thanks mum."

"i'm sorry shawn." she smiles apologetically at me, as i shrug, playing myself up breakfast.

"i'll go return it tomorrow, its fine." i play off, putting the box back in my pocket.

"what why?" she asks me, putting the pan on the stove.

"i was blinded by everything mum, it took me a while to realise everything and wrap my head around it." i explain.

"presents!" my dad calls, sitting at the tree.

we all gather around, and i sit on the arm of a sofa, next to timera and sitting by my feet, aaliyah. i end up getting some new cologne, a few guitar picks, a couple tops and jumpers and jeans, a new razor (from my dad as a joke), and a guitar.

"shawn there's one more for you." aaliyah hands me a perfectly wrapped, pretty big box. "it's from anya." she whispers.

i scrunch up my face in confusion, looking at the tag. "it's finally been three weeks and i'm back with you" it reads.

i tear open the paper, revealing a white box. i open it, seeing a book, leather bound and quite big, with a jumper stuffed in it. one of my jumpers too.

i take the note out, and read over it quickly.

because i stole your jumper, you can have it back and because you stole my heart, i put my heart in this book. i love you - anya.

slowly taking out the book, i put the box and jumper on the floor, opening the book to its first page.

she made me an album of my journey so far.

"um sorry guys, i'm gonna go upstairs for a bit." i get out, putting the book down and rushing up the stairs, entering my room and slamming the door shut.

i sit on my bed, frozen and not knowing what to think or what to do. the door opens and aaliyah rushes in, hugging me.

"aaliyah-"

"shh." she hugs me tight, as i hug her back, resting my chin on her head.

"i-i don't know how to feel." i stutter, letting go of her. "and she's quit now, so there's no chance of me ever seeing her again."

"do you love her?" she looks at me.

"of course i do, i don't even know what made me say those things in the first place." i say quickly. "i mean i was still annoyed at her, and it didn't help that she was photographed with brooklyn too."

"how do you feel now?"

"numb." i state sadly. "god i'm such an idiot, and she's alone on christmas day."

"well to be fair it's your fault she is but anyway." i shove aaliyah lightly. "i know you realised what you did yesterday, i saw your twitter."

"i ruined christmas for her." i say. "it's her favourite holiday too."

"go to the city." aaliyah suggests. "tell her you're sorry." i chuckle sadly.

"it's not that easy." i say quietly. "you don't know what i said to her."

"what did you say to her?" aaliyah asks me.

"i don't want you to be scared of me." i whisper.

"shawn i've known you all my life. i think if i was scared of you i'd already be running away from you." i laugh lightly. "come on bro, it's just me."

i then explain everything that happened that day, not missing out any specific parts. aaliyah listens contently, and doesn't judge me at all.

"oh shawn." she says quietly.

"yeah i know." i chuckle sarcastically. "how do i fix that?"

aaliyah shrugs, hugging me again.

"come on, lets go help downstairs." she says to me, standing up.
-
placing the nut roast on the dining table, the doorbell rings, making my mum look at me in confusion. i shrug, wiping my hands on my jeans before walking to answer it.

"kelsey?" i ask. "what are you doing here?"

"visiting family, i didn't realise ajax is next to pickering, anyway." she sighs. "you're such a dick."

"i know, i know." i say, closing the front door and standing outside with her. "how is she?"

"who?"

"anya, you idiot." i roll my eyes.

"heartbroken, living dead." kelsey says, pausing. "you know shawn- i don't get why. why did you say all those things?"

i run a hand through my hair. "i- honestly?" she nods. "i don't know."

"shawn you're a good person." she says. "i'm not saying for you to go to new york, but please contact her somehow."

"how am i supposed to? i physically can't after what i said to her." i say softly. "kelsey not to be rude, i have to go back in."

"yeah, yeah i get it." she waves off. "i'll see you around, shawn."

"bye." i open the door back up, walking inside and taking my seat at the table, joining my family.

"who was that?" my dad asks me.

"ian." i lie. "i gave him his christmas present."

"should've invited him in." my dad chuckles, serving himself.
-
[anya rose steinburg]
-
mercymendes
merry christmas anya! AnyaRose

i smile, liking it. it's the only merry christmas i've gotten today. not even my parents have bothered to call me or text me at all, and neither has kelsey.

i wouldn't expect shawn to at all, did he even get my gift?

i open up my fridge, taking out a juice box, and sticking a straw in it to drink it. i slurp on the juice, sitting on the couch sand going through my phone.

"-shawn mendes with treat you better." the radio says, before beginning to play his song. i groan, chucking a remote at the radio, hitting the off button perfectly.

my phone buzzes wit a notification.

ShawnMendes
hey guys i'm live on younow! merry christmas :)

i decide to watch it, i mean after all, he will have thousands watching it, so he won't see me at all. i click on it, seeing his face pop up on my phone screen.

he's sitting in his room, aaliyah by his side, and music on quite low.

aaliyah gasps and gets her phone out, that's when i feel my phone buzz again.

aaliyah
you're watching???

anya
yeah

aaliyah
omg

aaliyah
guest with us

anya
no shawns there

aaliyah
still

anya
still

anya
aaliyah he fucking broke me

anya
i'm never talking to him again

aaliyah
he wants to talk to you

anya
yeah to yell at me for doing nothing and to tell me he used me

aaliyah
:(

anya
i'm sorry

anya
i'll come and visit you though!

aaliyah
i'll come to the city and we can have a lit time

anya
lol

anya
yeah you should i mean kelsey is gonna be away for three weeks and i'm alone lol

aaliyah
on christmas?

anya
yep

aaliyah
aw anya

anya
nah dw it's fine

aaliyah
ok well if you can see shawns getting pissed at me so imma go

aaliyah
bye anya

anya
bye bby

"shawn what happened between you and anya?" he reads out, as my heart leaps. he chuckles sadly. "what didn't happen between us?"

"shawn don't." i mumble, thinking he would hear me.

"look guys i know you're all hating on anya about things but know it wasn't her to begin with." he takes a break to breathe. "well okay that's a lie she was doing stuff to get me angry, but that's besides the point." he shakily says. "it was me who basically degraded her and made her quit being my fake girlfriend. i want you to know that it wasn't a fake relationship at all, it was very much a real one." my heart skips a beat. "anya look if you're watching, please just know i'm so sorry, a-and i didn't mean anything."

he sighs. "i just want you back. and i know i look like a complete idiot right now but everything i said i didn't mean at all, and i messed up so badly."

i shake my head, tears sliding down my cheeks. "i know you're probably never going to take me back but i hope you do, because i need you and-" i disconnect from the livestream, chucking my phone onto the floor and breathing heavily.

he toys with me all the time. can i really be bothered to keep it going?