It was hard for me to cry. Every tear shed was an effort as I tried so hard to hold them back. Yet, when something really rattled me, really stung me, they broke free as if a crack appeared in the dam and it all went to hell from there.

I sat on my bed, stunned, tears flowing down my face and I didn't even know why. I mean, Drew got what he deserved. Maybe it was because my brother was in the ER, or because people I cared about were hurt. Maybe it was all the blood and gore, or maybe it was because Dad and Mom filed for a divorce, and I had just seen Amelia's text and missed call as I arrived home.

Everything was spinning around me. After the fight, the boys dropped me off. They didn't plan to go to the ER, but Carson dropped unconscious so they had no choice. I didn't want to go. I just wanted to be reunited with my bed. But, well, then what?

A sigh escaped me and I swiped the back of my hand against my moist eyes. I was happy that Drew got what he deserved, but maybe what scared me the most was seeing what Richbrooke was really capable of, and seeing just what I had gotten myself into.

The teachers didn't care. Not even when, as someone later texted me, the police arrived and brought Drew and his friends to the hospital in an ambulance. I didn't expect everything to go so haywire, or for people to get seriously hurt. None of this was supposed to happen.

My parents also weren't supposed to get divorced. It was all my fault, and it wasn't fair. Nothing was fair, life wasn't fair. I flopped back onto my mattress and curled up on my soft pillow. The blankets were tugged up to my chin and I felt better, but only slightly.

I didn't even remember where I threw my phone after I received the news of my parent's pending divorce. I just flipped on the tv and stared at it, not paying much attention. My mind kept wandering, and I kept trying to fight it.

Finally, I climbed out of bed and exited my room. Where I was going, I had no idea, but I had to get out of the house, out of that stuffy air. I would have asked Vienna to walk with me, but I couldn't face her. She had no idea what was going on, and she'd be livid if she did.

Maybe I should have told her that her brother was in the hospital. However, as the humid air hit me like a ton of bricks, I no longer cared. I tried to leave my worries back in the house, and I wandered along the sidewalk, glancing up at the mostly clear sky.

The sun shone brightly, almost mocking me. I looked down at kicked at a crack in the sidewalk, grumbling under my breath as I did so. Everything seemed to fall apart so quickly in my life, and it wasn't funny. Nothing was funny anymore. Everything was just too serious.

I walked and walked until I felt better. A weight seemed to be lifted off my chest and I felt that I could breath better. Maybe I was scared because the fight and the divorce made everything seem so much more real. However, I couldn't let my emotions hold me back anymore. I had to be strong.

Glancing up, I realized I was in front of the high school. This shocked me, as my feet had carried me to the scene of where it all happened. Yet, I didn't feel as dismayed as I would have originally thought. Instead, I walked over and peered at the blood on the ground. No police tape, just blood. I had a feeling that not much would happen. The fight would just be, well, a fight. Everyone would be fine, though sore for a while.

As I got ready to walk on, someone called my name. I froze, slowly turning around to met the worried gaze of Chris.

"Hey, Ada, you alright? I heard you got caught up in that fight."

I nodded. It was nice to have a friend around, even if I didn't know him as well as the others. Still, Chris was extremely nice to me. "Yeah. Sadly. And, I'm not sure if I'm alright, but I think I'll manage, thanks. Maybe I'll be alright one day, at one point in my life."

He seemed stunned by my answer. He had been walking over to me, and was down situated in front of me with his hands in the pockets of his leather jacket despite the pounding heat. "You want to talk about it? I'm not all that good with feelings, but I can try my best."

I shrugged. I didn't feel like talking about it. Not yet. Not the divorce. To be honest, the fight wasn't what was bothering me the most. In fact, it didn't seem to bother me at all anymore. It was just the stuff surrounding it, and the feeling of everything still falling apart around me.

"Not really. But, thanks for the offer. That's really nice of you."

He smiled his usually cocky smile, and the Chris from Spanish class was back. "No problem. If you ever need anything, call me. Okay?"

I nodded. Then, a thought came into my head. "Do you, by any chance, have any alcohol on you?" I knew it was risky, I knew I shouldn't have done it. I knew I shouldn't have drunk at all, but I couldn't help it. I couldn't help drinking my feels away, as cowardish as it seemed.

Chris wordlessly led me to his expensive, amped-up truck. He yanked open the back door and pulled out a pack of beer. I cracked a grin, thanking him before chugging one down. He seemed surprised, but nonetheless joined me.

We laughed, leaning against the black vehicle as we both nursed our second drink. I felt a little light headed and smiled. This was the relief I needed, even if just for a little while.

We talked, and as we did so, things got a little more personal than I would have thought. I ranted about my family, about my parent's divorce, and my mother cheating and creating me, along with my poor sister Amelia. And, then, my siblings now.

Everything just poured out of me like I was a broken faucet. I couldn't stop it, couldn't stop the memory of the night this all began from ringing through my head. I shuttered, squeezing my eyes shut as I chugged down more of the liquor and let it burn my throat.

"Well, at least you have a mom."

I stopped short. "I'm so sorry, Chris." And I meant it.

He shrugged, harshly tossing his can onto the ground. "There was a car accident a few years back. Her and Tala were driving to the supermarket when it happened. I don't like her because she's always too happy, and it's all her fault."

I felt defensive of my friend. "How's it her fault? It was an accident!"

"My Mom wasn't feeling well and needed medicine. Tala was not old enough to, but she was driving."

I went silent, my mind slowly whirling as the alcohol kicked in even more. "Wow."

He chuckled humorlessly. "Yeah. She missed a red light."

I could see why he felt that way, but I also knew Tala didn't mean for what happened to happen. Plus, she was always so carefree, I never would have guessed she had experienced such a tragedy. Poor Tala. You never know about another person's life. Not by guessing, anyways.

"My grandma is Filipina, but she married some rich white guy, my grandpa. That's how she got to this town, because he lived here. They had my mom and she married another rich white man, my father. While I love both of them, I wish, maybe, the women of my family had chosen wiser. Maybe we wouldn't have wound up in this stupid town with all these stupid people. Not that you're stupid, but..."

"Yeah," I sighed. "I can see why you wouldn't want to be here. I'm not sure if I even want to be here."

After that, we stood in silence, leaning against the midnight-colored truck. The sun had dipped below the horizon without us noticing, and I slumped down onto the gravel.

Chris was a good friend, and it was nice to just sit and talk. Even if we were drunk, I didn't care. I just didn't care anymore because the pain in my heart was too much that if someone literally stabbed me, it probably wouldn't hurt as much as it did until I grabbed that can.

Most of the events after that were a blur. I'm pretty sure we kissed. Actually, that was the last thing I clearly recalled before I tried to walk home, but he wouldn't let me. Not in my state.

I know he called a cab, and I know I entered my house. It was almost like we flew there and I magically ended up in my bed, smelling like beer at whatever time it was. I think Vienna came in, but she didn't get more than a few muttered words and grunts from me.

And, after that, I fell into a sleep that involved some disturbing dreams. As disturbing as my reality? I don't think I could tell you that.

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-Sarah