Hours later, as I lay on my bed, still dressed for the wedding, and with no memory of the drive home. My eyes burned.

Of course I'd heard of heartache, I just hadn't expected it to be so literal. Yet, there I was with my palm over my heart, covering the painful emptiness in my chest as though I could keep it from spreading, but it was too late. I felt it everywhere—my head and my stomach were awful. For Christ's sake, my throat hurt. Why?

Another shaky breath filled my lungs, and I realized the effort of holding back tears might cause some of those problems. My cell vibrated, and I lunged for where it'd landed on the floor the last time it rang displaying my sister's name and not the one I longed to see.

Hope filled my chest as I flipped the device in my hand, squeezed my eyes shut and whispered, "Please be Nate." Afraid to look, I peeked at the glowing screen. Liv, again.

A fresh wave of disappointment rushed through me. I collapsed on the mattress and let the tears fall. If he was going to call, he'd have done it by now. He'd clearly had time to fill my sister in, and I didn't have to waste any brain power wondering whose side she'd be on.

Liv had warned me for weeks. She knew Nate didn't want to keep our relationship hidden, but I was selfish. I wanted him and my life the way it had always been. I was too scared of the upheaval it would cause to change things.

And where had that gotten me? Alone, in the dark, with tears running back over my temples, wetting my hair. I didn't deserve him. I always knew it, and now so did he.

It was better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all—that used to make sense to me. Have fun while it lasts, and then move on.

What an absolute dumbass I'd been thinking real love was that easy to walk away from. How do you move on when the best part of your world is torn away?

Focusing on the black ceiling, I took stock of my life. I still had work, my home, the things I was so keen on protecting. So why was Nate all I could think of?

The way his laugh and the scent of his cologne warmed me from the inside.

The way he always focused on the bright side of things, and made me want to be a better person.

Nate made me happier and more myself than I'd ever been in my life, and now I couldn't even picture his smile. I could only see the hurt I'd caused. The way disappointment and pain coated his handsome face as he got in the car to leave me.

My phone trilled, causing me to jump, and I pressed the button on the side, stopping my alarm. Morning already.

Rubbing my hands over my face, I sat up. Time to shower and prepare for work. I had a long day of pretending ahead of me.

***

Finally, I was back in my room. I made it through forty-eight hours. Two whole days since I'd stood there silently, watching Nate drive away.

Two days of plastered on smiles and straining to hold my customer service voice in place as I kept Peachtree and Kings running smoothly. Lifting my glass, I sipped the whiskey.

No one seemed to notice that my insides had crumbled, and I was nothing but an empty shell. As long as I continued avoiding Liv's calls, things would stay that way. No one else cared enough to really see me.

Except Nate. He cared. He'd seen all of me, and still wanted me. Until I went out of my way to prove I wasn't good enough.

How had I stood there letting Stacy touch me right in front of him? Letting her flirt as though I could ever be interested in her? Nate never would've done that to me. Hell, he'd never lead a woman on that way, or more aptly, let her lead herself on.

I filled my cup for the third time, hoping it would be enough to dull the voice in my head, reminding me of all the ways I'd screwed up. If I didn't get some sleep, the circles under my eyes would be too dark to ignore. Even self-involved Mrs. Foster would have questions about my health, and I didn't have the patience for that. I wasn't sick. At least not in a way medicine would help.

This whiskey wasn't meant for gulping, but I'd drained another glass. I refilled it before opening my texts from Liv. She'd sent seven today and I couldn't ignore them any longer.

Liv: Good morning! Call me! Or text. Whatever.

Liv: Seriously? No time to send a text?

Liv: I know you're upset, but not talking won't make it better.

Liv: I'm trying not to be pissed at you, but you're making it really hard.

Liv: Damn it, Joby!! Answer me!

Liv: This is ridiculous. Are we just not speaking again? You fucked up with Nate and now you're done with all of us? That's fine.

Liv: I lied. It's not fine. I'm not losing my brother again because you're too stupid to let people care about you. If I don't hear from you tonight, I'll be there in the morning.

Guilt ate at me, but I couldn't make myself call her, and I knew she wouldn't come. A conversation wasn't worth her rising at the crack of dawn to get here before work.

She cared, I knew that, and I'd never be done with her. But if we spoke, she'd only say things I already knew.

Things I was on my fifth glass of whiskey to forget.

Thanks for reading! 💜