*Rylyn*

"What is happening in this life?!" Kayla exclaims, watching Kelsey and John have another typical discussion. I wrap my arms around myself to warm my hands. Kelsey, John, Kayla, a few other adults, and I have been assigned the job to stand outside and direct traffic in the parking lot. But only the adults are allowed out of our circle of bright orange cones. Plus they know what they're doing. So we just stand here and greet people as they walk in.
"Just be glad that they're getting along," I say.
"They're practically flirting with each other! Do you know what she told me yesterday? She told me he has nice eyes. When did she start noticing that?"
"A lot of people have nice eyes," I reply, my mind in other places.
I've been pushed multiple times, tripped once by one of May's henchmen in science, and I actually got hit in the shoulder coming out of the girls' bathroom. Man, I'm telling you she can hit hard. All I wanted to do was pee, wash my hands, and GET OUT. Is that too much to ask? I guess so. It still aches and it's been three days. I haven't stood up for myself. I need to. I should, but it would get me hurt even more. A few others have noticed I'm not just a shadow and have introduced themselves. They were nice and polite. So I was to them.
Matthew continues to be my friend. He still hasn't been told the truth about my family life, he should, but Landon continues to keep my secret. Guilt eats me up every time I have to lie about it. I would've invited him to the Youth Rally, but David doesn't know what his title is to Matthew. I don't want that getting complicated. Keeping my failing test from David was hard enough, and he found out about it. I'm still struggling with my science grades as I speak. Eventually, I'll have to break the news to each of them, I hope it isn't any time soon. I could go tell David now and get this sorted out. I can't, he would do something about it and then life as I know it would be gone (would that be such a bad thing?). Plus I don't want lectured, I've been lectured all my life.
"What's wrong? You seem.... Different," Kayla says. Hope flutters inside me. I can tell her, she wouldn't tell anyone. I know she can keep a secret.
"Promise you won't tell anybody? Not a soul can know, it's really private... And complex," I say.
"Of course," she says.
"I've been lying about everything to David," I blurt. She looks surprised and her eyebrows shoot up. "School isn't good. I've made one good friend, Matthew. He lives across the street from me. Landon also goes to school there and he mentioned David and Mirissa in front of him so I lied and told Matthew their my aunt and uncle."
"What? That doesn't sound like you."
"Well, I didn't want my personal life around school. Plus there's this bully who doesn't like me for no reason. She calls us names and she even hits. My shoulder's all bruised up but I haven't told David that I lied about him or about getting bullied. I failed my first science grade and I'm making it up Tuesday. I've been studying like crazy. I wasn't going to tell him about that either but he found it in my backpack. Please help," I say in a rush.
"Oh. Well...," she says, thinking. "Rylyn, you should tell both of them the truth. I'm sure Matthew would understand. And David. How long has this been going on?"
"About a week," I answer.
"You've been getting bullied everyday for a week?"
I nod.
"I have to tell him," she realizes. Then she starts walking toward the door.
"No!" I exclaim, grabbing her arm. She spins around, opening her mouth to say something, but I cut her off. "You can't tell him, please," I plead, my voice shaking. "Please, you can't. If he finds out, he'll tell the school and the girl will find out. I'll get made fun of for being a wimp. Please, I'm begging you, don't tell."
"Rylyn, you'll just get hurt more," she protests.
"No, I can take it. I've been trying to ignore her. I'll be okay." She looks at me, doubtful. "Please, you promised you wouldn't tell anyone."
She eyes me, trying to decide what to do. Finally she says, "Fine, I won't tell. You have to tell me everything that goes on, alright? Call me when you come home everyday," she concludes. She hugs me. "And promise that you'll always pray."
"Okay," I whisper. Then she smiles at me.
"You're crazy, Rylyn Delson."
"So are you, Kayla Lins." For listening to me...
At least one person in my life knows the truth.

* * * * *

The first night at the Youth Rally was amazing. It was my first one, too, since I'm only a seventh grader. Of course, most of it will be tomorrow. Today was just an introduction. But still, it was life changing just being there and seeing everyone get all excited for God. Now it's eleven and I'm lying in bed, staring at the ceiling.
David deserves to know everything. He's done so much for me and now he's trying to help me but I'm not letting him. I'm just waiting... For what? I don't know. Life seems to complicated to deal with right now. What would Dad do? I need him right now, beside me, telling me what to do and comforting me from all of this wrong, defying world-
"Keep it together, you're fine. Just go to sleep and things will be better in the morning."
Yeah, right. Nothing's going to get solved by sleeping. But I sleep anyway. I wake up the next day feeling down. I try not to show it to anyone, to avoid questions, but it isn't easy. Does anyone know what it's like to be me? I sit in the dark Auditorium with the cool flashing lights up font and the projectors screen. People have already arrived and are laughing and talking. Some of my youth group has arrived, too.
"I heard about what's going on," Megan says quietly from my right side. "Kayla told me and we agreed to keep it between us. But it would be better if you told David and Matthew the truth."
"Things are just so hard. Going to school, being the new kid. Trying to work this out. You, and Kayla are the only ones who know the whole truth," I say with a sigh.
"Oh," is all she says.
Truth is, I'm actually a little disappointed right now. Kayla told me she wouldn't tell anyone. Actually she promised. Maybe I haven't been a good promise keeper either. I told Megan I would tell her if something's bothering me at Dad's funeral, and I haven't. So I guess I earned this. Anyway, I'm not mad at Kayla because it's Megan, and Megan is one of the best listeners I know. Plus she's good at advice and the not-telling-anybody policy (if that's a policy, that is). I know for a fact she gives good advice, it's helped me before. So maybe I should listen to her now.
I spot David entering the Auditorium. Hope rises in me. I could tell him everything. I can get this straightened out without anyone getting hurt. David would understand, he's probably dealt with things like this before.
"Megan? I think I'll tell him," I say to her, smiling.
"Smart girl," she says, returning my grin. "Good luck."
I rise and start making my way toward him. Landon, Michael, and Tyler are headed to me.
"Hey do you know where everyone's sitting?" Tyler asks. I point in the direction of our group. "Cool, thanks." He doesn't even make eye contact with me. They start to walk away, but Landon comes back.
"Are you coming?" he asks.
"Oh, I'm telling David about school and... Her."
"What? Why? Are you nuts? Do you want us all killed?!" he fires off questions.
"He can help us. What's your problem?" I ask, bewildered by his eagerness. How could he stand keeping this for as long as he's gone there?
"Don't tell him! He's your parent pretty much. He'll get involved and something will go wrong, I promise you. I've seen it happen before."
"Y-you have?" I stumble over my words, suddenly regretting even getting up. He nods.
"Hey guys! What's up?" David asks, enthusiastically, laying a hand on my shoulder. I jerk away. My bruise is still tender. He looks at me with concern.
"Oh, uh..." I look from Landon, to the spot where Megan is watching me, to David. "Nothing. We were just discussing how great it's gonna turn out today," I lie, cringing inwardly. Too many lies; I might drown in them.
"Isn't it going to be cool? I'm excited for you guys to see everything we've put together, we got a really good key-note speaker. Plus the song leaders are pretty nice," he says, satisfied.
"I can't wait!" I say, which is true. I have been excited for this, it being my first one and all. "We're gonna go sit with the group..."
"Okay, hope you like it," he says.
We start walking back to our seats in the back of one of the middle sections, dodging people along the way.
"Rylyn, don't tell him, I've already told you this," Landon stresses.
"Oh my goodness, can't you see how dangerous this is? We could get hurt! I think you're the one who's nuts. Why do you care so much about what I'm doing? Can't you respect my concerns?" I say, catching on to what Kayla and Megan are worried about. I stop walking right behind our pew.
"I care so much because what you do can affect me and multiple people! Plus I-Well, I might... Like you a little bit more than a friend, I guess," he says, glancing up at me from the ground.
"I..." I look back at him, realizing so many things wrong with this. "What-We-We aren't married or anything!" I say suddenly. Boy, that sounded stupid. "My business is my business, and I want to be safe when I go to school."
"That's being selfish of you. What if you end up getting left alone, but she moves on to someone smaller and more vulnerable than you? What then?"
"Landon, the guilt of lying about this to David is eating me alive! What do you expect me to do?! Just ignore it? Cause that sounds a little dumb to me," I snap.
"Release the guilt some other way and forget about it. Don't tell, okay?" he charges, frustrated. With that, he let's out a short, curt breath then brushes past me. I don't feel anything with the light touch of his arm against mine, and honestly I don't care. I walk back to my seat, slightly angry, frustrated, and confused.
"Did you do it?" Megan asks, hopeful.
"Ha, no. Landon showed up and pretty much told me not to in case of it coming around to him or anyone else. He apparently likes me more than a friend, thinks I'm selfish for trying to say something, and doesn't care about my feeling all at once. Why are boys so complicated?" I groan.
"Listen, boys are stupid, then they die. Just go with God and the instinct He gives you, not Landon's. Maybe he's used to it, but your not and you are probably the one who's gonna make a difference, knowing you. Just saying." She looks at my overwhelmed expression and smiling she says, "You're capable of so many things, Rylyn, you just have to find the courage to unlock them and set them into motion. Don't be afraid to do that."
"Okay," I say.
"Welcome, everyone to this year's Riverside Church of Christ Youth Rally," David says, presenting himself on stage. Everyone cheers. He's wearing the shirt that represents the event. The theme is that there's one God. One of the names we call God is King of Kings. So the shirt says "King" but in the place where the "i" would be there's a 1 instead. I think it's pretty cool. In the moment, I look down at my schedule on the little tag of my belt loop. First on the list is worship, then a the key-note speaker, Ronald Frande. Then class. Based on the color of the sticker on the back of our tags, we know which class we're going to. I have a red sticker, so I'm going to the class on hope.
"We are so excited that you're here, learning about our one and only all-powerful God. I hope that this experience is a great one for you and that you'll come back. There's some things we'd like to ask of you, if you could turn off your cell phones please, that'd be great. Also, please be respectful and don't talk while others are trying to listen to the lesson..." David goes on a few more things with rules and respectable terms. Like no PDA cause that's kinda gross. He didn't say that, but it is. Plus it makes it awkward for people around you, and yes, he did say that.
It all flies by, right in front of me. The worship group had four leaders, two guys and two girls. We sang some of the more modern worship songs. It was interesting, not singing songs that I have to use a songbook for. But these songs... Aw man they reached out to me, put me at ease with my life. It was a beautiful moment, when my soul felt like it was being directly connected with God. Even though music isn't always my thing. How come it can't always be this way?
But maybe it can. I don't know how to though. I've been so confused lately. What am I supposed to do about being... Being bullied? Who do I listen to? If Landon's right, and I'm left to myself but someone younger gets picked on... Am I the one who should stand up to them? Should I even be listening to Landon? Megan and Kayla sound like they know that I should tell him, but they haven't gone to my school, they don't know. So I need to decide for myself. Do I even trust my own judgement? I don't know. I don't know.
"If our magnificent and holy God-the one who makes all things, controls the oceans waves, gives everyone a choice but remains in control-can do anything possible, imagine what He can do with you, a servant under Him and a child for Him," Ronald Frande was saying at his closing of the message he was delivering. I scribble it down on a notepad I brought.
"To me, whenever I thought of hope, I always think of rain, which I know makes absolutely no sense, since rain represents the trials of life it seems. But without rain, we wouldn't look forward to the sun coming back, would we?" the teacher of my class states. He starts to pace. He seems very businesslike. Lakin sits next to me, watching him. He's a little intimidating but pulls you in to what he's saying at the same time. "You see, rain and or water helps flowers grow, correct? It can also help weeds. It all comes down to how you interpret the rain. Is it a bad thing that temptation comes or is it an opportunity to rejoice" -the teacher looks right at me- "for you."
"So young lady," he addresses Lakin, "what situations have you gone through recently?"
"Well, this didn't exactly happen to me but my friend's dad passed away a few weeks ago... There's been some complications but it's worked out," she says, glancing over at me. The two of us are the only ones from our youth group in the class of about twenty or so kids. There were a lot of classes to choose from.
"And do you," he says, his eyes flickering to me with curiosity and concern, "know who she's referring to?"
"Um... Yes...?" I say, embarrassed by the attention. "It was actually me."
"Oh," he says with surprise. "How are you doing with that then? And your friend said there were some complications?"
"A little better... And yes my mom passed away a few years ago and now my dad is gone too... So we had to work that out," I explain.
"Terribly sorry for your loss, I will be praying to our God for you," he says with sympathy. After a moment he turns away from me and starts speaking to the class as a whole again, a little more emotion in his voice than before. I let out a breath.
At lunch we have chicken and noodle soup, rolls, green beans, and cookies. I glance around for a seat and spot someone familiar. Sitting amongst our Youth Group, smiling at an older boy beside him- My eyes widen. It can't be. I see Michael waving my over to the table. I smile at him and wave, showing him I got the signal. I grab a water bottle before going to sit down across from none other than Matthew Calamine himself. I hurry over, glancing around for David.
"Hey," I say, smiling when I get over. I can't help but feel a little panicked.
"Rylyn, this is Matthew and his older brother Carson. They go to our school, I invited them here," Michael says. "Even though Carson's older but we're buds."
"Nice to meet you, I'm Carson," Carson says, shaking my hand. His sandy blonde hair, unlike his brother's, is cut short. He towers over his younger brother, with a tall, basketball player figure. Their eyes are nearly the same shade, though. "You must be Rylyn. Matthew may have mentioned you a few times." He winks at me before smiling teasingly down at Matthew, who's cheeks have turned red.
"I tried to find you all earlier, but there was so many people that I couldn't," Matthew says, directing the statement at me. "This is really great, isn't it? It's my first time at a youth rally."
"Yeah, mine too," I say, grinning at him. Kayla nudges me with raised eyebrows. "Oh this is Kayla and that's Lakin, Megan, Kelsey, John, and Colin."
"Kelsey and I are identical twins," Kayla explains. Matthew nods, his mouth full.
While he concentrates on his food, Kayla's eyes dart between him and I, possibly implying that she wants to know if it's the same Matthew I told her about yesterday. Or it could be something else, knowing her. I spot David across the room, sitting with some friends and eating. Is it good that the two people I've lied to big time are in the same room? Please don't meet. Please don't.
"So, where are you going to dinner tonight? I heard we're going out or something," Matthew says.
"I think we're taking the church van to the mall. We have more options and can walk around to stores," I answer before taking a big bit of noodles.
"Cool, I'll text my mom and ask if we can come with you guys."
"Great," I say, smiling. "Um, Kayla can you come with me? I think I left my phone in my bag where I was sitting in the Auditorium."
"Sure...," she says.
We weave through the tables crowded with teenagers and adults until we get to the nearly empty hallway, with the exception of a few late ones. It's dark with lights strung up on the floors and ceiling. We round the corner before we start talking.
"What's going on?"
"If Matthew goes with us, he'll meet David. I told him that David was-"
"Your uncle," she finishes, realizing my problem.
"What am I gonna do?" I ask.
"Tell the truth! Or just don't let them meet. Maybe his mom'll want to take them instead."
"Rylyn, I'm not feeling great...," Matthew whispers to me, holding his stomach. Lunch was an hour ago, I guess he ate to much. I try not to let the relief show on my face, because that would be really mean, but I can't help from feeling it.
"What's wrong?" I ask, truly concerned. My friend is sick, and even if I lied to him about David and didn't want them to meet, I still care about him.
"I threw up in the bathroom, can you call my mom for me? I just don't want to sound like I'm having a bad time or anything cause I'm not... Something like that."
"Oh, sure. Come on, we'll wait in the lobby," I help him to the back. The lobby is dark too, except for the sunlight coming from the glass doors, but I can still see his face is way too pale for it to pass as healthy.
"Is Carson staying? I ask, breaking the awkward silence.
"Yeah, probably. Here," he says, giving me his phone before leaning his head against his hands. He sits down in one of the chairs.
"Hi, um, this is Rylyn, I'm one of Matthew's friends," I say when his mom answers the phone.
"Oh, Rylyn? Yes, Matthew's told me all about you!" she says, happily. "He's always had trouble making friends, cause he's a little shy. But I'm glad you live so close." I feel my face creep into a smile. She sounds so friendly and outgoing.
"I'm happy we're friends too. But, um, there's a little going on right now..." I start explaining to her what's happening. She sounds concerned when I finish and relies that she'll be right over. I get off the phone and hand it back to him. He shoves it in his jacket's pocket carelessly, still holding his head.
"Are you sure it's just your stomach?" I ask, putting a hand on his arm. He's burning up with a fever. He stares at my hand for a moment before looking up at me.
"No," he says. "My head's pounding and I feel hot. And shaky." His voice is trembling as he talks to me.
"Do you need me to get anything or anyone?" I ask.
"My brother," he says.
I hurry in as everyone is standing to sing. I'm honestly worried about him. What if he's not okay? It just seems... Bad. He probably just has a fever or something simple like that. I try to find Carson quickly, but it takes longer than it should. One because I couldn't find him. Two because I didn't know what to say. He seems nice and all but he's a sophomore and I'm a seventh grader...
"Your brother needs you. He doesn't feel good," I say quietly when I poke him in the shoulder to get his attention. He nods and I lead him to where Matthew is. Matthew is defiantly sick. He's so pale and curled up in the chair, and with his knees pressed to his chest, it makes him seem more vulnerable. Carson goes right over to him and starts talking. This is my cue that I'm suppose to leave, but I stay rooted right where I shouldn't be.
"What hurts the most?" Carson asks.
"My stomach. And my arm," Matthew replies, trying to hold back tears.
"Your arm?"
"Yeah."
"It was May wasn't it? She's hurting you again isn't she?" Carson says, crouching in front of his brother, his tone a little more soft.
"It hasn't stopped," Matthew says, now crying. "She calls me all this stuff and makes me feel like the chances are slimmer of Dad coming home safely. I just don't wanna lose him." I turn away, and go out the door.
No, you certainly do not want to lose your dad. I wrap my arms around myself before going and sitting down beside Megan, even though everyone's still standing. I keep my eyes to the ground and try not to keep my shaky breathing too loud. I know what that's like, and I haven't even bothered to tell him to possibly put him at ease. How could I? It's not like my story has a happy ending... Yet.
Carson comes out and sits next to me. I scoot over to make room and look up at him with raw red eyes.
"I just wanted to say thanks, for being Matthew's friend," he starts. "He's just having a hard time with school and stuff. I know you probably think I'm a careless teenager, but if you need anything, especially a bodyguard, just tell me."
He smiles at me, before getting up and leaving. I can't be this good of a friend without telling the truth. I'm such a liar. Feeling more pressure than ever before, I get up and leave again. Matthew's gone. I safely get to the bathroom without being noticed.

*David*

Youth Rally: success. We had a good amount of people and we didn't have to borrow money from the bank to pay for it, so that was a score. Tearing down the whole thing took a while Sunday afternoon, but we had volunteers. Rylyn afterwards told me how Matthew got sick and had to go home. For a few days, she told us he wasn't in school. But he got better.
The month flew by, reaching a cold December with no snow. It makes no sense that we get like five inches the first week in November and then, BOOM, no snow for Christmas. But hey, at least I don't have to shovel the driveway.
Rylyn's situation has remained pretty much the way it has been. She's stayed quiet about it, but you'll know when something's bugging her. She gets herself busy and tends to want to be alone. Often I'll come home and find her in a private conversation with Kayla or Megan. But at least she's talking to someone. I'm afraid she could get too dependent on people instead of God. That bothers me. I've had some good conversations about her life and mostly getting over her dad's passing. It's not like she can move on overnight or anything like that, that's why there's been multiple discussions.
"How's your faith doing?" I'd ask casually as she's doing homework.
"I don't know, really. Right now it just seems to be grasping the concept that God isn't going to hold on and then drop me to the floor suddenly, I guess. I feel like I'm being persecuted in all different directions by myself. It's like I bully myself! Is that normal?"
"Yes," I told her.
Now it's seven AM on Christmas Day. The family is coming up to our house later, since they live a ways away and about half of us live around here. We volunteered to have Christmas at our house. They've heard we're fostering Rylyn and are more than eager to meet her and the people of our church. So the community needs to come prepared for them Sunday morning. We got the presents, the lights (which we did find, by the way), and our tree. Now, I'm laying in bed, somewhat thankful that I could sleep this long.
I have my concerns. Especially this time of year for our foster daughter. What if I don't do it "right"? Could she be tormented with memories of past Christmases with her family? I'm sure she'll accept the things we bought her. She made a list and everything, of course, and we got it. I just hope she'll like it and will be excited-
"Wake up, wake up, wake up!!!" Rylyn yells, pushing open our bedroom door. "It's Christmas! We have to get the day started!" I close my eyes, hoping I still have the skill of fake sleeping from junior high. Aw man, you should've seen the things I did to hear gossip. Of course I realize that was wrong and none of it was my business. I hear footsteps coming across the wooden floor. She has no problem with excitement.
"David, it's Christmas," she whispers, breathing warm breath into my ear. "Are you awake yet?"
"Not really," I whisper back, letting myself smile. Well, I tried...
"Are you sure?" I can hear the smile in her voice. "By the way, one of your relatives called and said they'd be here around noon."
"Okay."
"I just wanted to know, what's in that big box addressed to me?"
"It's a surprise. Don't you know anything about Christmas?" I tease.
"No," she says sarcastically. "Are you gonna get up?"
I roll over on my side to open my eyes and find her brown ones looking directly at me. I let myself laugh a little before throwing back the covers and getting up.
"Yes," she says. "Dad always gave in too, so don't feel bad." She smiles even bigger. "Is Mirissa getting up?"
"Let's let her sleep in a little more, she was up for a while last night," I suggest. We go into the sitting room where the tree is in the corner. We sit on the couch and watch the lights fade to different colors.
"Wait, I'm gonna go get your gifts," she says before running upstairs. A minute later she comes back down with her cell phone pressed between her shoulder and ear with arm full of presents. "I know!" she says in a low, excited voice. "It's exciting isn't it." A pause then her face breaks into a smile. "That's great! I'm so happy for you! Tell him I say hi and Merry Christmas. ... No, I don't think so. They live kinda far away..." She waits for a response. "Okay, see ya later." She sits back down next to me and puts a distance between her and her phone. Then sets up the presents under the tree.
"I was talking to Matthew, his dad's video chatting them tonight from his army base. Isn't that cool?" she says happily.
"Yeah! You should invite Matthew to church sometime, I'd like to meet him," I say.
"That would be cool," she says, inspecting a tear in one of the packages.
"Rylyn, I want to talk to you about something," I say. She looks up at me and comes to sit on the couch.
"What's wrong?" she asks.
"Nothing," I answer, softening my tone. "Rylyn, you understand that we care about you, right?"
"Yep," she says. Then her tone gets more serious. "David, I'm having trouble... With letting go of Dad. I know he's happy in Heaven and everything, and I'm learning to accept that but it's my first Christmas without him. It just makes it harder. I want to try to move on, but how can I do that when everything triggers something?"
"Hey, it's gonna be alright. We're in this as a family, remember?"
"Yeah I know but... I guess what it really comes down to is deep down knowing that you aren't my real dad." I feel like I've been hit hard. Of course I've known this. But we've gotten into such a routine that it's beginning to feel somewhat normal. "Sometimes it feels that way, but my mind keeps bringing it up every time we try to."
"Rylyn," I start, laying a hand on her shoulder. "I know I'm not your dad. I pray that someday maybe I will be, but as of right now I get it if you aren't okay with trying to be a family. Let us know if it's just not gonna work out for you." As much as I didn't want to give her permission to be allowed to turn away from us, I knew I had to let her know sometime. Her choice is her choice.
"Let's not get depressed on Christmas," she says, breaking into a smile again. "You guys have been fun living with."
"That's a relief," I say. "Let's get Mirissa up now."
"How?"
"When you're a teenager, you have to know the answer is always food."
"But you're an adult," she points out.
"I never grew up," I say. She laughs a little, I grin at her. "Let's get some chocolate. Nobody can resist chocolate."
"What are we gonna do?" she asks, following me into the kitchen.
"Tell her there's chocolate in one of the boxes."
"Is there?"
"Actually there is."
Ok, so maybe it wasn't much of a good plan, but no one can resist chocolate. It's the center of all candy, everything major in the candy business has chocolate. (Besides Jolly Ranchers and Starbursts and gum and mints, but everything else qualifies.) So, we got a string of jingle bells and danced into the room with them. Then we told her there is chocolate. And then she got up. AND THEN we open presents.
"Whoa!" Rylyn says, as Mirissa and I watch her open the big box. "It's oil paint. These are so cool! How did you get them? Aren't they super expensive or something?"
"Yeah but we'd thought you would like them," Mirissa says, satisfied with her reaction. "It's the thought that counts."
"There are so many different colors here. Look they've never been used or anything! And it's all in one piece. Look at this," she exclaims, drawing out a thick book. "I can learn to paint actually. It's not finger paint." She looks at us, smiling like a maniac. "I'm a professional now. Thanks so much!" She sits back and looks at the colorful floor covered in wrapping paper. "Isn't this great? We're actually having Christmas together."
"You aren't upset are you?" Mirissa asks cautiously. I knew we'd have the same concerns.
"Why would I be upset? Dad's okay and I'm okay and your okay... Everyone's okay!" she says, flipping through the book. Too elaborate, she's not okay. But I'll try to take her word for it...
"There's one more," I say, catching a glimpse of a package among the mess. "Who's it for?"
"Um...," she says reading the label. "Me, I guess." She tears into it and retrieves the notebook inside.
"It's a prayer journal," Mirissa explains.
"Oh, cool," she says, reading the inside cover. She smiles at one part. I've heard of people writing down their prayers and thought that maybe this would take some stress off her shoulders. "Aw, thanks."
"You're welcome," I say. She hugs both of us.
"Did you like your presents?" she asks, sitting next to us.
"Oh yeah! Your drawings are pretty good," I encourage her. "You have talent."
"Thanks," she says.
We get ready for our company to come over by, first and foremost, getting dressed out of our pajamas. Then cleaning up the tornado of wrapping paper and take our new belongings to our rooms. And finally, we start lunch. Just as we're pulling homemade rolls out of the oven, there's a knock on the door.
"I'll get it," I say. Rylyn follows behind me like a lost puppy. "Hey guys! Come on in." I open the door for my oldest brother and his family to enter. They have two little ones in each of their arms. One is about one and half and the other is eight months. While the thirteen year old hides behind me shyly.
"David! It's so good to see, ya'll! It's been a while," he says, his southern accent thick. We didn't come from there, but he went to college there and started a family. Now he's a preacher at a local church down there.
"It's good to see you too, brother," I say, happy to see him again, as I shut the door.
"Is this your child?" he asks, see Rylyn behind me.
"She isn't technically ours but yeah," I say. "This is Rylyn. Rylyn, this is my brother. One of them, anyway."
"Hi," she responds quietly.
"Hello! Is David treating you right? Cause if he isn't, just give me a call." He winks at her and she smiles, nodding. Mirissa calls her from the kitchen and she leaves my side.
"She's a shy one," he observes.
"Yeah..."
"Not that that's a bad thing!" he says quickly. "She's just a bit quiet."
"I know, I know. It's just... She isn't really our child. Her dad passed away last month right when we got here and we took her in. Her mom died a while ago. It's her first Christmas without him and she's still confused about this 'family' thing. If you could try not to mention it, that would be helpful," I explain. He waits, listening patiently until I'm done.
"That's quite a story. Is she gonna be alright?"
"Yeah, she's working through it. If you could pray for her, that would be helpful."
"Well, of course of course!"
That's the way it was nearly all day. The people who wanted to know we would tell her story for her. She did say it was fine, but didn't know how to say it herself. Mostly, she hangs out with me or Mirissa, sitting and politely listening.
"Rylyn's an artist, you know," I say, trying to get her involved with the conversation between my brother, again. I've made it around to all the family members, whether it be during lunch or presents or just sitting. And now it's back to the oldest. "She's pretty good at it."
"Oh really? I'd like to see," he says.
"Okay," she says, her face lighting up. "I'll be right back." She stands up and goes to her bedroom. She comes back with her sketch book in her hands. "I'm back." She presents herself with a proud smile. She opens to the first page, standing over us. He flips the pages carefully, pausing to take in each picture. "Oh.... Um, that's my dad. He passed away a few weeks ago." My brother raises his eyebrows at me, shooting me a look.
"But it's okay. He deserves to be in Heaven anyways. I've learned to accept that, mostly." She flashes me a smile before turning the page for him.
So, she's over it? It seems so. Did she really let him go, in that moment, right now? She gets on her knees, explaining each picture to him. In a pause she leans I over and whispers to me, "I'm going to try to move on."
"I'm proud of you," I say back.
"I might not be one-hundred percent successful at first, but I guess that's life."
"I guess so."

* * * * *

Last week of the year, and I'm at the hospital. Again. It's not just one of us this time, it's both Rylyn and Mirissa. I don't think they've felt much pain or anything, there's high chances that they'll live. But I can't help but worry. Of course, God's got this. His plan will go as it should. They're just doctor appointments after all. Rylyn's getting her brace off her arm and Mirissa is getting some more info on the twins. We told our families that we were expecting two new additions. And they went crazy. Just over the moon, ready for babies crazy. I'm talking wanting to see them NOW.
"Are you sure you don't want us to stay with you?" I asked Rylyn, seeing that the appointments were scheduled at the same time.
"Na, I'll be okay," she says. Then she turns on her heel and walks into the hospital room with the waiting nurse, brave as can be. She mentioned her dad was brave at the funeral. I personally think she was brave for doing what she did, when she did it.
"Hey kids, this is Dad talkin'," I say, bending over a little to talk to my babies. "You be good for this, and we'll give you candy in the future. Got it?" Mirissa laughs and puts a hand on her stomach.
"I'm sure they'll be fine," she says. "Along with that one who's already independent." She motions to the door we just departed from.
"Listen kiddos, Daddy loves you. You'll understand when you're older," I say to them, on a more serious note. "We're gonna do good today, okay?"
"David, it's gonna be alright, it's just an ultra sound," Mirissa says, wrapping her fingers around mine.
"I know," I say. "I just wanted them to know that."
We get to the doctors room a few floors later and she explains how the examination is going to work. I hold her hand as she lays down in the chair.
"You got this twins," I say, "and mom." She smiles at me, gripping my fingers tight with her ice cold ones. She's nervous. So that makes two of us.