Jungkook found himself seated on the terrace, seated on a bean bag, staring up at the evening sky. Anxiety lurked around the corner and Jungkook could feel it creeping, awaiting a vulnerable second to make its attack.

His week had been...something.

Jungkook certainly wouldn't define it as good, neither would he define it as okay. The terrace was silent, save for the sounds of traffic on the road below and the breeze that whipped across his face.  It was the kind of solidarity that Jungkook was seeking at the moment, not wanting to have an ugly breakdown in a room full of people.

So he chose a corner of the terrace where he was currently parked as he thought of the weeks he had and the uncertainty that lurked ahead. He was away from home. Missing home, however, was only a miniscule reason behind his week being not-at-all-good.

He felt like he was at war with himself. His sleep schedules were messed up and his nights were terrorised by demons of sleep paralysis. His evenings were painted by the fear of the night and fear of sleep. His head was a mess of thoughts and his college . . . His university hadn't declared the dates of his exam yet after having them postponed twice with no clear indication of when exactly they would happen.

And at this point, Jungkook was just fed up, seeking to return home rather than stay where he was. He missed the air of his hometown and the streets filled with the cry of the village folk. The city life was too fast for him and he didn't feel like he belonged among the many he resided with at the hostel.

On his mind, muddled by thoughts of fear of sleep and fear of the night, fear of being terrorized by the demons of sleep paralysis, homesickness and the need to be home surrounded by family and his people, fear of exams and uncertainty...the list just went on and on for him.

He found his eyes tearing up and a lump formed in his throat. He felt so exhausted, so tired, so done. It didn't help that he was struggling with his faith either. He wasn't sure when but he began living in doubt, began to question the existence of the Almighty and began to see more evil than good, began to see more pain and suffering in his life than blessings.

Jungkook lost sight of his purpose and lost sight of hope along the way and found himself having inner battles with himself over the existence of God and over the miracles of God.

Church...

When was the last time he went to church?

He scoffed.

He wasn't sure. It had been a while. He had just stopped, felt detached. And everything felt so wrong. The world felt so wrong.

Jungkook felt the first tear fall as waves of anxiety rolled over him. He sniffled and wiped his eyes.

"God, I'm tired. I don't know where you are but I am so tired," he unconsciously mumbled as he sunk further into the bean bag.

He almost jumped right out of his skin when his phone rang aloud, cutting through the silence of the night. He scanned the caller Id and was surprised at the name that flashed across the screen.

Jimin.

He sat up straighter on the bean bag. If there was anything, Jimin was the one person that seemed to add some colour to his dull days, the one person he looked forward to speaking to at the end of his day. The one part of the day he looked forward to and didn't feel like some kind of lifeless, hopeless soul.

He felt some life, some energy in him as he connected the call and spoke into the phone in a cheerful voice.

"Jimin-ah! Hello."

"That's hyung to you, brat!" Came the response and Jungkook only gave a mischievous giggle.

"You're too short to be my hyung."

"Yah, you brat! One day I'mma turn your ass black and blue with my slippers!"

Jungkook laughed.

"Where are you? Why is there so much disturbance?" Jimin questioned, pretending to be annoyed.

"Ah, I'm on the terrace," Jungkook answered before he could stop himself. He bit his tongue the minute the words slipped out.

There was silence.

"Are you okay?"

"Yes. Yes. I'm fine," Jungkook lied.

"Why are you on the terrace?"

"Just...needed a breather."

"You said you were okay."

"So... maybe not entirely okay—"

"What happened?"

"Nothing much. Just. Worried about exams and stuff," Jungkook answered, which was partly true.

"Don't worry, bud. You'll soon receive the dates for your exam and you'll get done with it."

Jungkook hummed, feeling tears well up in his eyes.

"Anyways, I— um actually. Uh—" Jimin started but trailed off as if unsure how or where to begin.

Jungkook's brows furrowed.

"What's wrong? Are you okay?"

Silence.

"Do you remember the eye thing I told you?"

"Uh huh. The redness? That it happens every month? That, right?"

"Yeah. That. So about that, I uh went to the doctor. I've taken medication and nothing...nothing seems to work on it. So I went back and got some tests done. There's...um. It's...the symptoms are all pointing towards lupus."

Jungkook felt fear grip his heart.

"Lupus? What's... what's that?"

Silence.

Jungkook felt his heart thumping with fear and quickly googled lupus, unsure what exactly it was and needing to know immediately what exactly it was.

Jimin began to speak but Jungkook tuned out his voice. He felt sick as he scrolled through the page and read up about it.

"...90% chance that it is positive for lupus."

Jungkook tuned back in and tried to breathe to get his heartbeat to quit racing.

"What happens if you have it?" He asked the dreaded question.

"I'll be put on steroids for the rest of my life," Jimin's voice cracked, "I...I don't want that."

Jungkook felt his heart crack. He tried to speak but his tongue was too heavy to move and the lump in his throat seemed bigger than before. He couldn't find the words to comfort the other.

"I'll pray for you," was the immediate reply that slid off his tongue but Jimin ignored it and Jungkook wasn't surprised that he did. Jimin was an atheist after all. He didn't believe in God.

"I— I'll get the reports day after maybe. Let's see. I, anyways, I'll go have dinner. I'll text you later."

"Jimin— wait, I..."

A beep signals that the line had been disconnected and the uneasiness churned in the pit of Jungkook's stomach. He blinks back tears, unsure which way to turn or whom to speak to, his heart hurting. Because what could he possibly do?

He finds himself exiting the terrace and walking down the stairs. The in-built chapel in the building seems to call out to him and he immediately seeks shelter there. He steps inside the dimly lit chapel and falls to his knees at the back, his body trembling as tears of utter helplessness fall down his cheeks.

"God, why are you doing this? Why?" He cried as he glared at the cross, "Why him? Why Jimin? Was this not enough? Was everything else not enough? Why Jimin? I can't see him hurting. Why him?"

Jungkook clasped his hands tight in front of him.

"Please. Please let those reports come negative. He doesn't believe in you but I do. He may not know how to pray but Lord, hear his cry. He is your child too and he is hurting and where he fails to pray, let me pray for him."

The cross became a blur to him.

The words became harder to speak and so he gave up on speaking, trusting the Lord to hear the words he couldn't speak, to hear the raw cry and the desperation.

'I myself am struggling with my faith and have started questioning your existence. Please...give me a sign that you're still here, that you're still working. What is impossible with man is possible with God. This I believe. Work a miracle in Jimin's life and let those test reports stand as evidence of your power. Even if the chances are so low, with you God, everything is possible. Show him your power, Lord. Show me you're still working, that you're listening,' Jungkook prayed silently, eyes screwed shut as sobs escaped him.

He wasn't sure how long he stayed there that night but by the time he had returned back to his room, he felt entirely drained and his eyes were too swollen to stay awake any longer. He avoided eye contact with his roommate, shoved the bedsheet over himself and drifted off into restless sleep.

——

"—I don't know how to help you. What can I do? I'm basically useless. There's nothing I can do. The only weapon I have is prayer and that's all I could do. Pray for you."

Jungkook closed his eyes as the recording played. He wasn't sure what exactly happened but Jimin had gone offline after a short conversation with him over text and Jungkook had left him a voice note on the verge of a breakdown.

As he overheard the voice note, he couldn't help the fear that he felt for Jimin. Those test reports — till they came, Jungkook wasn't sure if he would get any peace of mind.

——

Ping.

A notification.

1 unread text from Jimin.

Jungkook placed his book aside and tapped the text box open.

His hands began to tremble and soon he was reduced to a sobbing mess as he read the paragraph that Jimin had sent him.

The end of the paragraph read.

"I got them (the reports) today. They came out negative."

The end!

God works in the 1-10% and if you seek, you shall receive whatever you ask for in prayer.