Chapter 28: Demons.

A/N: get the tissues ready.

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It had taken Nina less than an hour to discover that most of the prison wagons passed by a roadhouse known as the Warden’s Waystation on the route to the Ice Court.

The thought of having any type of metal around her skin, especially shackles, terrified her.

she will kill Kaz for that.

It was too crowded with farmers and local laborers to be useful, so they headed further up the road, and by the time they found a spot with enough cover and a stand of trees large enough to suit their purpose, Inej felt close to collapse. She thanked her Saints for Jesper’s seemingly limitless energy.

When the prison cart rolled by, he’d signal the rest of the crew with a flare, then sprint back to join them.

"No mourners," Jesper called after kissing her cheek, loping off into the twilight, his long legs eating up the distance easily. 

"No funerals." they all replied except her, she knew Jesper was well-armed and could take care of himself, but between his lanky frame and zemeni's skin, he was just too noticeable for comfort, and so was she.

"Jes!" calling out for him she ran, the sharpshooter stopped and shot her one of his charming grins, "be safe." she said fixing his collar and patting his shoulder just like his mother used to do every time he left with his father.

Jesper smiled at her and wrapped his arm around her shoulder pulling her to his chest for a second, "I will." she smiled up at him and immediately went back to stand beside Inej.

the sun was high above them, a bright pocket of glare in an overcast sky, she, Inej, and Nina stood with a piece of one of the pepper wolf cookies she’d bought in Upper Djerholm.

"Where are the others?" asked Inej, looking around the empty gully, "In the road. Kaz said we should let you sleep." Zaria nodded at Nina's words.

"you can lay on my lap or shoulder, I think my lap is better since it is more comfortable if you'd like?" requested Zaria tilting her head at Inej who grinned and shook her head.

"I'm fine, but thank you, Z." said Inej shooting her a tired smile, Zaria frowned in worry but a sudden, crackling snap snap snap from the road had her on her feet with her knife drawn in seconds, Inej back pressed to hers.

"easy." said Nina staring at the girls, "it's just Wylan." Inej sighed in relief and Zaria shook her head.

to be fair, Zaria never felt so afraid, the shackles and thought of being in a wagon frightened her and for the whole 24 hours, her whole body was alarmed, just a single sound or even a leaf landing on the ground made her alert and snap her head.

It reminded her so much of that day, it was as if she went back in time and reexperience it, like a loop.

Taking a deep breath she fought her demons down, her whole body trembling with each step she took, hurrying up to where Kaz and Matthias were watching Wylan fuss with something at the base of a thick red fir.

"What was that?" asked Inej staring at the roots loosing themselves from the soil, curling and withering, "Salt concentrate," replied Nina.

Inej cocked her head to the side staring at the fjerdan weirdly, "Is Matthias … praying?" Nina nodded surprised to not hear a laugh leave Zaria's lips.

Nina knew everything about Fjerda and Zaria felt dumb, really, she felt very stupid.

Apparently, Fjerdans say their blessings whenever they cut down a tree, depending on how they intend to use the wood, One for houses, one for bridges, One for kindling, etc...

It took less than a minute for them to pull the tree down so that its trunk lay blocking the road. With the roots intact, it looked as if it had simply been felled by disease.

Actually, it felt like she was the dumbest in the entire world.

"yeah, I think it was a bad idea to add me in your heist, Dirtyhands, because hell no." she suddenly spoke clearly done with her life.

"well can't change that now, can we?" replied Kaz rolling his eyes, he noticed her situation, the dull eyes, bags under her eyes, the shoulders raising at each sound, reaching for her knife.

Zaria looked at him, ready to punch him but kept her anger down, she scoffed at his words.

"Once the wagon stops, the tree will buy us about fifteen minutes and not much more," said Kaz pulling his gaze away from her, "Move quickly. The prisoners should be hooded, but they’ll be able to hear, so not a word. We can’t afford to arouse suspicion. For all they know, this is a routine stop, and we want to keep it that way"

As Inej waited in the gully with the others, she considered all the things that might go wrong. The prisoners might not be wearing hoods. The guards might have one of their own in the back of the wagon. And if their crew succeeded? Well, then they’d be captives on their way into the Ice Court. 

A prison wagon rumbled into the view, rolling past them, then coming to a stop in front of the tree, she could hear the driver cursing to his companion (Zaria knew a lot of curse words in Fjerdan, okay.)

They both slid down from the box seat and made their way over to the tree. For a long minute, they stood there staring at it. The larger guard took off his hat and scratched his belly. 

Zaria scrunched her nose at them, "so useless as if he has never seen a tree before." she muttered under her breath, "How lazy can they be?" Kaz muttered on the other hand glancing at her and nodding.

"Be ready." Kaz said and she nodded ready to tell him to be careful but he already skittered over the top of the gully to the back end of the cart.

This bastard.

He slipped his lockpicks from the lining of his coat and cradled the padlock gently, almost lovingly. 

Her cheeks burned, and Zaria mentally slapped herself, 'did I just fucking blush over Kaz Brekker picking a lock?' she thought wanting to just drown.

She tilted admiring the way his hands moved skillfully, eyes narrowed, few strands of black hair falling in front of his forehead, he looked absolutely mesmerizing.

In seconds, it sprang open, and he shoved the bolt to the side. He glanced around to where the men were tying ropes around the tree and then opened the door. 

and then, he froze.

Inej and Zaria tensed looking at each other with concern, waiting for the signal that didn’t come. Kaz was just standing there, staring into the wagon.

"What’s happening?" whispered Wylan., "Maybe they aren’t hooded?" replied Inej, from the side, she couldn’t see anything. "Zaria, go" and that was all she needed before the black-haired girl slipped off her hiding spot.

climbing out of the gully Zaria came up behind Kaz. He was still standing there, perfectly still. 

Her hands trembled as she chewed her lip, hesitating to touch him, she took a sigh, hoping he will not cut her hand.

She touched his shoulder briefly, and he flinched. Kaz Brekker flinched. What the fuck was going on? She couldn’t ask him and risk giving anything away to the listening prisoners. She peered into the wagon.

Her breath hitched and she also froze for the third time today, eyes wide and her trembling hand reaching for her mouth.

The prisoners were all cuffed and had black sacks over their heads. But there were considerably more of them than in the wagon they’d seen at the checkpoint. Instead of being seated and chained to the benches at the sides, they were standing, pressed up against one another. Their feet and hands had been shackled, and they all wore iron collars that had been clipped to hooks in the wagon’s roof.

No, no, no, this can't be happening.

Tears covered her eyes as she shook her head, her lips pulled into a frown as they trembled, she wanted to collapse, she wanted to scream, shout and turn around, run, far away.

She took a step back almost falling if it wasn't for Inej to catch her, rapid breaths left her lips as her vision grew cloudy but she couldn't blink, she couldn't even breathe.

this can't be happening, she can't do this again, she really can't. 

Everything faded and she was back in that cursed forest, her father's dead eyes staring at hers as she cried and tried to get rid of the chains, her ears were ringing.

she bought her hand to her ears, covered them, and looked around, someone just stitched her mouth shut cause she couldn't utter a word.

each breath she took was painful, the veins of her heart ripping like wire, Inej gave Kaz another little nudge. His face was pale, almost waxen, but at least this time he didn’t just stand there. He pushed himself up into the wagon, his movements jerky and awkward, and began unlocking the prisoners’ collars. 

Inej signaled to Matthias, who leaped out of the gully to join them, standing by Zaria who stood there, dead.

"Hey, Zaria, are you okay?" he whispered in worry and the girl looked at him, absolutely terrified, she couldn't answer, she really was way too dead to feel anything.

She gulped but eventually moved, her surroundings spinning and filled with the image of that horrible day.

Inej cupped her hand to her mouth and gave a low, soft bird call. They had four, maybe five minutes left before the guards cleared the road. Thankfully, the guards were raising quite a noise shouting encouragement at the horse and yelling at one another. 

Matthias locked Wylan into place first, then Nina. Inej saw him stiffen as Nina lifted her hair to accept the collar, revealing the white curve of her neck. As he fastened it around her throat, Nina met his eyes over her shoulder, and the look they exchanged could have melted miles of northern ice. Matthias moved away hurriedly.

 Inej almost laughed. So that was all it took to send the drüskelle scurrying and bring the boy back.

Jesper was next, panting from his run back to the crossroads. he held a trembling Zaria in his arms as she stared at the ground, rage clear in his eyes.

She placed the sack over his head. They could hear the guards calling back and forth. 

Inej locked Matthias’ collar and stood on tiptoe to place the hood on his head. But when she moved to pull Nina’s hood down, the Grisha fluttered her eyes rapidly, bobbing her head towards the wagon door. She still wanted to know how Kaz was going to lock them in.

"watch." Inej mouthed. 

Kaz signaled to Inej, and she leaped down. She shut the wagon door, fastened the padlock, and slid the bolt home. A second later the opposite side of the door pushed open.

 Kaz had simply removed the hinges. It was a trick they’d used plenty of times when a lock was too complicated to pick quickly or they wanted to make a theft look like an inside job. Ideal for faking suicides, Kaz had once told her, and she’d never been sure if he was sincere. Inej took a last look at the road. The men had finished with the tree. The big one was dusting off his hands and slapping the horse’s back. The other was already approaching the front of the wagon.

Inej gripped the lip of the door and swung herself up, squeezing inside. Immediately, Kaz started replacing the hinges. Inej shoved a hood over Nina’s surprised face.

Lastly, Zaria, was fixed and Saint knows how she managed to go in, but the teenager was a mess, as soon as the metal made contact with her skin she almost screamed.

Heavy breaths leaving, chest going up and down rapidly, eyes wide in horror, her hand in fists, her demons gripping her and dragging her to hell.

She was dying.

"I don't wanna die. I don't wanna die. I don't wanna die. I don't wanna die." she whispered feeling trapped, so trapped, she really didn't want to die.

Inej kissed her forehead and took her place beside Jesper who had worry eating him alive and just wanted to reach for his best friend and hold her.

Kaz wasn't even beside her, she was terrified and she needed Kaz beside her or she will die, they will come for her, and her mother will come for her and punish her, she didn't want that, she needed Kaz to protect her.

she wanted him or else she will die, right here, right now.

her eyes searched for the boy, then she found him, still working. she almost sighed in relief if it wasn't for her lungs preventing her from even exhaling.

Inej heard another ping. Kaz cursed once under his breath. Suddenly, the door shook as the guard gave the chained padlock a rattle. Kaz braced his hand against the hinge. The crack of light beneath the door widened. Inej sucked in a breath.

 The hinges held. 

Kaz took his place beside Zaria. 

He met her eyes and he could see how relieved yet frightened she was, he shoved a hood over her head, and the musty smell filled her nostrils.

He would put his own hood on next, then lock himself in. Easy enough, a cheap magician’s trick and Kaz knew them all. His arm pressed along hers from shoulder to elbow as he locked the collar around his neck.

 Bodies shifted against Zaria's back and side, crowding up against her.

Kaz’s breathing had got worse – shallow, rapid pants like an animal caught in a trap. It was a sound she’d never thought to hear from him.

really, she never heard those sounds leave his lips ever, they were similar to hers and Zaria did everything she can to press herself by his side to let him know that she was with him even if it felt like she was dying herself.

Zaria never knew how the fuck she knew, that in that exact moment that Kaz Brekker, Dirtyhands, the bastard of the Barrel and the deadliest boy in Ketterdam, fainted.

Panic rushed through her veins as she tried to grab him, hold him in her arms, but she couldn't, the chains were bruising her wrists also and her own demons were punching her and torturing her.

but she could feel his warm body press against her side, warming her up, this was stupid, very stupid.

"Kaz?" she called for his name in a whisper, praying to the saints for even a him to leave his throat or even a small "yes." He can even yell at her or stab her even.

"Please... answer me."

She can't lose him, she refused to.