Chapter 20: plans, heist and fast heartbeat.

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Zaria knew that something bad will happen to her in the heist, trust your guts like she always did.

Just the word Jurda Parem stressed her out, something bad will happen to her because of this stupid drug or one of the crows and she was not ready for it.

Zaria once told Jesper back when they were 8 years old during summer, "you have a sharp eye and a sharp mind, Jesper. don't let anyone fool you, be the main character." she said, handing him the bag of gummies.

Those were the first sentences she said after a month of just staying silent and staring into complete emptiness with eyes dull and empty but when he kneeled in front of her, waving his hand in front of her face, he stared at her eyes in slight worry.

She wasn't flinching but her eyes, he had never seen them like that, a hint of red trying to mix and fade with the dark brown surrounding her pupil but he could see them clear as day-like lasers, her hands trembling as she rocked back and forth haunted by her thoughts.

Leaning in closer to hear what she was muttering and the entire world went quiet, "I will kill you, I will kill you, I will kill you." on repeat like a loop.

Her father's death really traumatized her to the point where she didn't talk for a month, only sat on the bed or corner of the room staring into complete emptiness trying to erase the sight of her father's head landing in front of her.

Everyone with that left her alone except Jesper and his family, also her stepmother and daughter, the rest stared at her with disgusted looks since every time someone would ask about her father, she snapped.

But once she grew up, around the age of 15, everyone started respecting her after they found out she had stabbed a man everywhere for trying to hurt her sister, literally stabbed him with a bottle of whiskey, and not even the police tried to stop her.

And what was weird was that when Zaria was angry she couldn't feel any hint of pain, even if someone stabbed her hand with a quill for example, she wouldn't feel a single thing, and here was the girl getting a septum piercing.

It didn't hurt at all and here she was listening to the girl tell her that she needs to clean it and that usually, the initial part of healing takes around 1-3 weeks.

Starting to make her way back home holding a bottle of wine she stole from one of Pekka's clubs, she tried to ignore the screaming voices echoing in her mind and the rattling of chains all around her.

Her eyes were murderous as she walked down the streets without flinching, she wanted to break something, and anyone who crossed her path could see the red surrounding her eyes twinkling wickedly.

And once someone bumped her shoulder, their blood froze once she shot them a pointed look, the red vivid and pointing at them, the rest of her eye was covered but they could still feel the icy stare bore into them, making it hard not to back away and searching for a hint of fear.

"I'm so sorry.." with that they ran in a hurry and could feel her eyes on their backs shooting daggers, she studied them with unforgiving judgment but soon turned away and continued her way.

Her surroundings were a striking red and each time she looked to the side, every person's face seemed to zoom as if indicating they are the perfect ones to kill, to take their lives, watch the flicker of light leave their eyes, take her rage out.

"Take their lives, it will be fun!" the voice in her head said with an evil laugh, "No, I can't, they are innocent!" she argued back in a harsh whisper blinking to get rid of the red surrounding but nothing worked.

Zaria is a tough and hot-headed woman with no respect for authority figures, and she was like that since the age of 8, overprotective towards her step-sister and Jesper, handling problems with her fists and not words.

Just like her father taught her, he was a caring person and would die to save his family, he cared for everyone and half the country knew him yet her stepmother also used to tell her that he can be brutal, is a highly intelligent yet dangerous man and would do anything to achieve his goals.

Clenching her fists she inhaled and exhaled, smoke leaving her nose from the cold, the voice telling her to kill was her mother's, and the other was her father's.

"don't let her take control, doll. You are grown up, remember." her father's reassuring voice boomed in her head making her relax and the rest disappeared from her vision.

"TAKE THEIR LIVES!" her mother's voice screeched in her mind, she flinched with a wince and red enveloped the world again, fire spreading in her veins and the red twinkle in her eyes came back.

Just as the yelling boomed a drunken man fell by her side, "hey sugar-'' and the girl lost it, slamming the bottle of alcohol on his head and throwing him against the wall, eyes about to pop in cold fury as she started stabbing his face with the broken bottle.

Hit after hit, nonstop.

shards of glass going deeper into his skin as she hit him endlessly, throwing the rest of the bottle she started hitting him with her fists, not caring about the glass bruising her knuckles as she watched the way the pieces of green glass stabbed deeper into his face, blood gushing out from everywhere especially his lips as he gasped for air, begging slightly for the saints.

just as she could feel the light leave his eyes she stopped letting him slide to the ground, gone. Her eyes flew to the man and then to the shattered bottle then lastly to her bruised knuckles, brown skin full of blood, and a tiny piece of glass digging into her skin, she winced.

the red fading and the pain kicked in like a wave, rasped breath left her lips as she took a step back staring at the man, legs trembling in fear as she covered her mouth in pure shock.

Tears blurred her vision as she started running down the streets feeling sick, so sick of herself.

"I'm sorry, father. I shouldn't have listened- i'm so sorry." She kept muttering to herself for the whole trip back home, showing her hands deeper inside her pocket she walked inside the Slat.

Jesper snapped his head towards the door as soon as he heard it open, standing on his feet in a hurry he almost fell and the world started spinning.

"Zaria?" He called and as soon as the girl appeared with exhaustion clear in her eyes, he made three grand steps before pulling her to his embrace.

Trying to hold her tears she cleared her throat trying not to wince, "are you alright, my love? I am so sorry-" grabbing his hand with a small smile to hide her pain she pulled away.

What if the voice comes back, what if she snaps and hurt Jesper, her family, her brother, her best friend?

If so, she will never forgive herself, even a scratch on him, she would hate herself and would never forgive herself even if the saints or he does.

Taking a step back hoping the voices don't come back she looked away from Jesper, "I am fine, sweetheart. And it's totally fine, I just need some rest..." she said nodding at him reassuringly.

Jesper sighed in relief, "alright, do you want me to bring you something to eat?" He asked watching the way she hid her hands deeper in her pockets, flash of pain in her eyes, "no, I'm okay thank you."

Her hand reached to give his cheek a small squeeze and her skin was freezing cold as if she was dead, her hands were never rough, with that she turned away and started walking up stairs.

Inej appeared and gave the girl the brightest smile, "Zaria! Where have you been?" Her expression immediately went to worried ones.

"Oh she's a gorgeous one!" her mother's voice said and Zaria's eyes widened at the thought of hurting Inej, the girl took a step back and gave Inej a fake scared smile.

"Out. See you later!" With that she went into rhe closest room, Kaz's room, sighing in relief she leaned her head against the door.
"Well, well. Look who's here."

Startled by the raspy voice behind her she turned around, her hands out in fists, Kaz eyes landed on her bloody right hand before back up to the girl who looked so exhausted.

"Great!" She exclaimed while rolling her eyes with a sigh, making her way towards the couch she once fell asleep on she threw herself with a groan.

"What happened to you?" She could feel his eyes on her bleeding knuckles, the glass glistening at the light coming from the candles, "nothing.." she snapped back.

Kaz rolled his eyes at how stubborn she can be before reaching over to grab tweezers, alcohol and aid kit.

"Give me your hand." She did as told not wanting to fight back, way too in pain and tired to say anything, he grabbed the tweezers looking up at her.

She was staring at the candle, Kaz fighting his demons reached over, grabbing her hand and pulling it closer to him, she froze at the feeling of leather against her skin.

Looking up at him with wide eyes she opened her mouth to say something, Zaria didn't know shit about Kaz but she could see the way his body reacted everytime someone touches him or he does.

"You don't have too..." she whispered, Kaz heart sunk and he immediately was teleported back to the water, he was gasping for air, and saints her freezing skin made him feel so sick.

Like Jordie's, cold and lifeless.

She hated looking so miserable, especially in front of Kaz Brekker, gulping she fought the urge to grab his other hand.

"Kaz..." her voice was low as she called out for him, he looked up, his eyes meeting hers who were sparkling due to the candle close by, her eyes close looked so mesmerizing.

And his heart hammered against his chest, he didn't know why nor wanted too?

But saints, the way the light kissed her brown flawless skin made him melt, kissable pink lips into a small smile.

The way she called his name made the water go away, the demons let go off his wrists and the whole world lit, as if she was the one pulling him out of the waters.

"You don't have too..." she spoke reassuringly and Kaz was now fighting the demons with his fists, he glanced down to her lips for a second before back up to her eyes.

"I want too."

With that he started doing his work, pulling the shards of glass out and taking care of her perfect hands, cleaning the blood and wrapping the bandage.

The only thing they could hear was their hearts hammering agaisnt their chests in rythm, Zaria with burning cheeks and as if the voices were never there.

And Kaz, fighting his own demons and feeling the room get 100 degrees hotter even if it was winter.

He was incredibly intelligent and easily discovered secrets and the only thing in his mind was heists and plans, but she was a wild enigma he desperately wanted to solve.

Yet here he was fixing her hand and trying to ignore the water risong and trying to fill his lungs.