To his foes I could wish a resemblance in fate:
That they, too, may suffer themselves, soon or late,
The injustice they warrant,
But vain is my spite-
-
(warning: sexual content)
(trigger warning: homophobia, use of f-slur, violence)
-

It was a cloudy day. Clouds gathered over the town of Finchley, darkening the day, occasionally lighting up with sparks of lightning every few minutes. The air was wet, and smelt of soil and something sharp- and Sanya was happy.

It happened more often nowadays- happy days. The entire day wasn't usually happy- she wouldn't be herself, if she didn't have moments throughout a day where her heart felt flayed again and her mind felt like it had the weight of Atlas on it- but, most of the day was happy. Whether that was because she would be out of school for another month, or because she and Edmund had reconnected physically, or because of Bonnie's constant letters, or because of the swings she frequented, she did not know. But it was real, the happiness. It was real.

"But it's about to rain." Susan said, her brows creased. She'd opened the door of the Pevensie home, after Sanya had knocked on it. "You can't possibly go out now."

"Susan, please stop talking." Sanya loved her, though, she did. "And get your brother down."

Her sister-in-law rolled her eyes, "Fine."
She yelled over her shoulder, "EDMUND! SANYA'S HERE!"

There came the sound of a crash from upstairs, which probably meant that Edmund had fallen off the bed in his haste to get down.

Susan turned back to Sanya, and then pursed her lips.
"This dress-" She reached her hand out and pinched the collar of Sanya's blue frock, "is very thin. If you get drenched, it'll become see-through, and all of Finchley will be able to see your-"

"Let them." It was as Sanya had said. She didn't care. "I don't mind."

The other girl tilted her head, "Like that sort of thing, do you?"

Sanya stared at her- that tone, Susan's head-tilt, the amusement in her shining silvery eyes-
"Su, I'm your sister-in-law." She laughed, her cheeks pink, pushing away her hand. "You can't flirt with me."

Susan laughed, too, "I know, but there's no one else to practice on. If I playfully ask some other girl if she's an exhibitionist, I'll be jailed."

"You'll find someone, Susan. You made men who like women go weak in the knees back in Narnia. It'll be the same with women who like women." She assured her, and was inwardly grateful that she had met the love of her life at sixteen.

She could not imagine wading through the cesspool of dating and break-ups and romances and relationships day-in and day-out. She'd had crushes, several, before marrying Edmund- though Ikhlas had been the most significant one- and she'd slept with many, after losing Edmund- but falling in love had been only once. For one, it was difficult and arduous to fall in love- but, more than that, she had never wanted to and still didn't want to fall in love with anyone else. It was always Edmund.

Susan looked unsure, despite the laughter, and Sanya went on, "Believe me, I speak as someone whose first thought when I first met you was 'why couldn't the Gentle Queen be the Just King's twin instead of his sister'?"

Her parents had said that the only reason she'd married Edmund was because he was nearest to her age.

And because he was male, she was sure, though they hadn't said that out loud.
She couldn't even ask them about it, because they were dead. Why hadn't she asked them before- when they were still there, back in her old life? She was a coward.

"You couldn't have married both of us, darling." Edmund called from behind his sister, as he walked up, pulling on his coat.

"Ah, but it'd have made the alliance stronger." Sanya replied teasingly, as he came to stand by her. She could think about her dead parents later. "I'm only joking, of course. After a thousand years, I can very confidently say that making me marry you was probably one of the best decisions my parents made for me."

"You say 'very confidently' and then you say 'probably'." Edmund raised a hand to his heart. "What am I to believe?"

"That's just because my memory is faulty."

"Are you alright?" He asked suddenly. She did look fine, but- something seemed a little off. "I mean, are you feeling-"

"Yeah, I just had a headache." Sanya assured him with a lie, before taking his hand, "Come, let's go-"

"Where are you two going?" Of course Susan had to ask that, she was the big sister! "If it's somewhere far, you'd best tell Mum-"

"No, just the library."
After they finished a wander around Cherry Tree Woods, also known as Cherry Park to the child-residents of Finchley.
"We'll be back before nightfall." Edmund promised his sister, who looked mollified at the vow. "Bye, Su!"

"Bye! Be good!"

Sanya liked walks. Yes, she was as lazy and lethargic and disliking of effort as was humanly possible- but she liked walks. She liked looking around this new world, at gazing at the flowers that grew on bushes and in gardens, she liked looking at the grey sky, she liked thinking of nature instead of her dead family, and she liked holding Edmund's hand.
But, after twenty minutes, the bliss faded and she asked impatiently, cutting off Edmund's recount of that day's breakfast, "How far is it?"

Edmund was quiet for a moment, "You know how far Azraq was from Cair Paravel?"

Sanya's eyes widened, "Ed-"

"It's much less than that." He laughed, twisting his hand and making her twirl around. "Just a few more turns, and we should be there."

His family used to go for picnics there, before the war had started. He'd liked them- sitting under trees as the autumn leaves fell, Lucy giggling as she picked up the leaves and Peter running around as Susan chased him for something- and their parents laughing and doling out food for their four children to eat.
Then the war had begun, and his father was drafted, and he'd gone rotten in his first year of boarding school, and they'd been sent into the country- and there were no more picnics.

"Not funny." She grumbled- her legs were already tiring, and she was sure her knee would start clicking again. It always did, if she'd walked too much. Stupid Apollo and his stupid healing skills. "If I end up passing out, can I count on you to carry me?"

"Er, my marriage vows say that I should. But I don't think I'll be able to carry you more than a few feet without falling over myself." He sighed, and he'd never regretted the lack of duelling lessons in this world more. They'd kept him fit, they'd kept him strong- he was still fit, somewhat, but his strength was too low. Rugby did the job as best as it could, but it wasn't the perfect replacement. "Maybe I should join fencing."

"What's fencing?" She doubted it was what its name suggested it was. "I haven't heard of it."

"It's sort of like sword-fighting? But-"

"It's a different version of sword-fighting because different world?" Sanya guessed, and he nodded. "Are there a lot of things like that? The same thing, but slightly different, attuned to whichever world it exists in?"

"I think so." He looked very thoughtful, as they moved down another street, and the Cherry Park came into view. "I mean- look at carriages back there- and cars here-"

She liked cars. She'd ridden in them a few times- Mrs. Rainsford disliked using the car they had, usually keeping it in a garage a few houses away, but sometimes the car was necessary. They were fascinating- the sleekness, the wheels, the gears and technology, and the curves of its boot and front. She wouldn't want to drive one, though- somehow, she got the feeling that cars were not at all like horses.
"True. And even clothes- and jewellery-"

Edmund nodded, "Exactly! It's like there's a faint imprint of both worlds on the other-"

"Well, well." A voice suddenly called loudly, and the couple turned to see two boys on their bicycles, around the turn of another street. "Do my eyes deceive me, Keithie?"

"I've told you to call me Keith." The other boy, who had oily red hair sticking to his forehead, replied promptly. "But no, they do not, Martin. It is indeed our dear old Scarecrow here."

Sanya squinted at them- she had thought perhaps it was because of her myopic eyesight that she was unable to recognise them, but no, these two boys were truly strangers.
To her.
But not, she realised as she glanced at her husband, to Edmund.
"Ed?" She asked softly, noticing that he'd gone ramrod straight. The two boys left their cycles, and began to walk towards them. "Do you know them?"

"Know us?" The other boy, Martin, snorted derisively. "Why, we moulded this little crow into whatever he is today."

Keith nodded with a smirk, "Go on, crow, introduce us to this- lovely lady."

"Sanya, this is Keith Galloway-" Edmund said tersely, and the ginger boy saluted, "and that's Martin Hill." The bigger boy raised a hand in acknowledgement. "We- knew each other, in my first year at Hendon. They were a few years above me."

"Hello." Sanya replied, her tone incredibly flat. She did not like them, and she was very sure that the two boys had been cruel to Edmund. "I'm Sanya."

"Foreign exchange student?" Keith asked, seeming curious. "I wasn't aware India had schools."

"India has schools, but I'm not a- a foreign exchange student." What even was that? "I'm Ed's-" wife "girlfriend."

Keith and Martin stared at her for a second, before bursting into laughter.

"Smashing reaction." Edmund said sarcastically, as the boys kept whooping. "Look, we've to go now-"

"So soon?" Keith managed to stop his laughter first. "But we've hardly caught up, crow. Are you still shoving kids into walls and tossing their stuff out the window to make them cry? And, why, you haven't even asked about John."

"John?" Sanya frowned. "Patterson?"
She did not ask about the question the redhead had asked, because she didn't need to. She knew full well about Ed's brief stint as a bully in school- a stint he'd had to partake in, to save his own self from being violently bullied.

Edmund shook his head jerkily, "Different John. John Moore."

"Yeah, good ol' Johnny. He always managed to hit the right part of your chest so that you couldn't breathe." Martin nodded, sighing contentedly. "His family moved off to America, remember?"

"Yeah, and yours moved to Leeds." Edmund remembered very well. He could not fathom why they were back, and here in Finchley. He could faintly remember some relative of Martin's living in North Finchley- was that it? "And Keith just couldn't handle the pressures of third form anymore, and you switched back to day school, didn't you?"

"Tone, Pevensie." Keith said sharply. "We're your elders."

"Elders who are riding on bicycles with-" Edmund lifted his head to see better, "plastic stickers on them, it seems."

"At least we aren't dallying about with false, slave girlfriends."

"Excuse me?" Sanya asked, her eyes flashing. "I am not a slave."

"Well, your country's colonised. Same difference, really." Keith said lazily, pushing hair away from his face. "But I am surprised, Pevensie. I always thought if you were to have some romance, you'd end up in jail on account of buggery."

Edmund's jaw clenched, and he did not answer.

What was buggery? Sanya felt more and more out of the loop, and she did not like it at all.
But, though there was too much she didn't know, she knew that this was not a situation comfortable or good for Edmund, and she had to take him away.
"Look, we have to go." She said, grasping Edmund's hand again. "Hope to see you never again-"

"Oh, come on!" Martin complained. "It's barely been five minutes, you uptight piece of skirt-"

"Shut up." Edmund said, speaking for the first time in minutes. His voice was tight and full of barely suppressed rage- yet, he seemed unable to sound as frightening as he could have. "Do not say a bad word about Sanya, or I will-"

"What? Cry for your daddy?" Keith mocked. "Or wait for your big brother to come and save you?"

"I'll-" There were so many things that Edmund could do to them, to hurt them, but he couldn't get a single word out. "I'll-"

"You were more talkative when you were younger, crow." And more amusing, too. Keith took a step closer to him. "What, did some bloke fuck the words out of your arse?"

Oh. Buggery was- oh.

"You were always so thin and weak. It was a miracle you managed to find smaller boys to terrorise." He continued. "You know what I was just telling Martin, on the train here?"

Martin grinned, his hands in fists already. "Yeah. I do. We never did test how easily a crow's bones break."

"Go away." Sanya spoke loudly. Should she and Edmund turn and run? They did not have swords- and these were not monsters. Or, were they? Humans were often more monstrous than actual monsters- she knew that too well. "Shove off, and leave us alone, or-"

"Shut up, cunt." Keith snapped. He would've said more, and worse, to Sanya, but she wasn't his primary target. Edmund was- he always had been. He remembered the fear in his eyes when they'd pulled a knife on him, years ago- it had been such a lark.
He advanced to Edmund, wondering if he would get a fight from him.
"Come on, you dirty faggot-"

Sanya punched him.

Keith stumbled back, away from Edmund, not sure if he was hurt more or shocked more.
"What the fuck-" He raised a hand to his cheek- it was already swelling- and he looked back to Martin, who looked bewildered, "she punched me-"

Sanya clenched her fists tighter, and stepped up to him.

"What?" He asked- despite his physical pain, he was laughing at her hard stare. "Think that weak punch hurt? It didn't, missy- come on, though, you can kiss it better- better than kissing that fag you're pretending is your boyfr-"

The girl gripped the lapels of his collar, and slammed her head against his.

It made her head quake with pain, but she was still clear-headed. So very clear-headed, despite the anger that engulfed her senses and her self. It made her heart thrum and whatever lay under her skin burn- fighting in this world made something come alive inside her- and purpose filled her completely.

She wanted to hit them. She wanted to hurt them. She wanted to make them feel pain.

"Wh-what the-" Keith was dazed, but he managed to throw a punch- it hit Sanya's mouth, busting her bottom lip open.

And he called her punches weak. Biting her lip hurt more than that.
Still holding his collar, Sanya punched him again- his nose this time- and she threw him down on the ground.

Martin, finally grasping the situation, rushed ahead- he did not hit girls, but the crow's girl had her foot on Keith's chest-

"No." Sanya growled, feeling a hand on her shoulder- and she grabbed the hand, and twisted it around hard, with all of her strength.

There was a sickening crack, and Martin howled.

She did not stop, not even when Martin fell to the ground, joining Keith.
She knelt, one of her hands gripping Keith's throat and her other hand holding Martin's broken hand.
"If you bother Edmund again-" no, that wasn't enough- like it had not been enough to just hit that faerie after he'd said good riddance about her baby boy, "actually, if you ever see Edmund again, accidentally or on purpose, I'll kill you."

She heard a sharp intake of breath behind her, but did not respond to it.

"Well?" She asked, squeezing Keith's throat harder. If he agreed, Martin would, too. She hoped they weren't too stubborn- her lip was starting to hurt. "Understand?"

Keith choked out, "Y-yes."

Martin nodded too, nervously and quickly.

"And if you call someone that word-"

"F-faggot?"

She slammed Keith's head onto the pavement again.
"Do not say it." She had not lived here long, but she knew that that was a bad word. "If you say that, or the word you used for me, or anything that is offensive or cruel, I will tear out your vocal chords with my teeth."
Laash would've enjoyed doing that, but- unfortunately- he wasn't here. She was more than happy to do it in his absence.

"But he is a-"

She let of his throat, and brought her fist down on Keith's face, breaking his nose with another crack. She'd been in many fights over the past two years, but she hadn't broken anyone's anything until this one.

Huh, she had truly shown restraint.

"It doesn't fucking matter what you think he is or does. And it is not a bad thing to be, either. What matters is that that is a horrible word, and I will drown you until you're more water than blood if you use it for anyone."
She loosened her hold on Martin's hand, and let it fall onto the ground. He let out a yelp of pain.
"You understand?"

Both of them nodded, pure fear in their eyes. Sanya became suddenly aware that there was a faint smell of pee- coming from one, or both of them.

"Good." She said, and stood up.
She walked to where her husband was standing, a few feet away, something blank yet dark in his expression. She knew she had to apologise to him for fighting, because she had promised him last year that she wouldn't fight again- but that could wait.
"And-" it wasn't to him she spoke, but to Keith and Martin, still on the ground, "if you need visual confirmation that he really is my boyfriend- not that you deserve it."

She wrapped her arms around her husband's neck.

"Kiss me?" Sanya asked Edmund, her chestnut eyes looking into his chocolate ones. "Like you mean it."

That had been disturbing. What she'd done to the boys who'd tormented and bullied him.

It had simultaneously been the Sanya he knew and loved- she'd done it to defend him, to do what was right, to stand up against evil- but, also, so far from his Sanya. Cruel and violent and unrelenting.

It horrified him.

But- but he still wanted her. By Aslan's Mane, he wanted her so much. He loved her.

"I always mean it." He murmured, pressing his lips to hers- and he tasted the blood on her mouth.
--

"Do we need to talk about that?" Edmund asked, as they finally reached a satisfactory tree in Cherry Tree Woods to sit under.

They'd been mostly quiet, ever since they'd left the two lying on the concrete ground. They'd held hands, still, but- they had not talked.

"About-" what you did to "Keith and Martin?"

And what he hadn't. He'd hardly even been able to argue back- he couldn't remember the last time he had been this tongue-tied. Why hadn't he said something- done something?

The Just King that he had been- he would have. He would have defended his wife, and he would have been alongside her. And he would- he would help and defend and protect whoever else needed it, too.

He would have fought.

He would have joined the war. He would have fought on behalf of his country, for the innocent lives and for the right cause. He'd have done something worthwhile.

He wouldn't have cowered in school, playing chess and necking with his girlfriend. He would have wanted to, perhaps- but he wouldn't, because his foremost duty was to the people. His people, whom he had sworn every day he would aid and protect.

"I'm sorry about fighting."

"That's not what I meant."

His wife took her time to sit down and rest against the trunk of the tree. She looked at the grey sky, and swallowed.
She didn't really want to talk. She didn't know what to say. She didn't know how to excuse what she'd done. She didn't feel that rage anymore, either- not as much as she had.
But her husband did not deserve silence.
"When I was in Neráida," Sanya began, as Edmund sat down, too, "I killed two people."

This was the fourth time, in almost two years, that she was telling him something about her stay in the Faerie Realm. The first time, she had told him that she had had to eat lizard- the second, she had spoken about the door-less tower she'd been trapped in- and, the third, she'd told him about the skies in the forest, the forest of the Gods.
"Go on."

"One was the faerie who did this." She slapped a hand against her collarbone, where that scar was. "I ran my sword through his chest and then I strangled him. And the other- the first, actually- was the Sphinx."

Edmund stared at her. Had he heard right? Or was he just ruminating about war too much? She'd killed-
"The- Sphinx?"

"Yes. She gave me a riddle. I couldn't answer. She was about to eat me." She'd been so hungry, as hungry as Sanya herself. "I stabbed her when she had her eyes closed, and I beheaded her."

"In self-defence." Both the kills had been to save her life. "It was self-defence."

But Sanya didn't answer.

"Sanya." Edmund said tightly. "You killed them to protect yourself. Right?"

"I don't know." She mumbled. The faerie had already been defeated and defenceless- he'd not been any more of a threat. And the Sphinx had had her eyes closed- she'd been lamenting about the monstrosities heroes committed. "I tell myself that's why."

"But is it?"

"I don't know."
How could she explain the blackness of her rage? How could she explain that the rage inside her was more dark than the darkness she'd been scared of since she was a baby?
Again, she murmured, "I don't know."

Edmund took a deep breath, and asked, "Have you hurt anyone else?"

Emotionally? Their children.
Mentally? Their children.
Physically? Their children.
"Not on purpose." She whispered. She couldn't look at Edmund- she was staring at the ground instead, her eyes coming in and out of focus. If she stared too hard, everything went blurry. "I stole food from the animals in the forest- and that wolf I told you about it- I tried to save it, but it was trying to claw my face off- that's why I threw him off me. I killed him."

"That was definitely self-defence. You would never harm animals." But he wasn't sure he could say the same about the human species. "Sanya, it's-"

"Laash- the wolf- he came back to life." It was still such a mystery to her- but it made sense, in some twisted way.
Dead Queen, dead wolf.
"I don't know how- maybe he'd never properly died? Probably, I think..."

"You named the feral wolf that tried to attack you?" Was he surprised, though? At everything else, yes- but not at this.

"I was more feral than he was." Sanya replied. "And you know I always wanted a dog."

"Yes, so did Jem."
Like mother, like son.
He chewed at his bottom lip for a moment, looking down at the grass, before looking at his wife again. "Sanya?"

She still refused to face him, "Yeah?"

"Do you want to hurt anyone else?"

Yes.
"Sometimes." She said. A half-truth was better than another lie. There was an ant climbing on one of the blades of grass. "Sometimes. I wanted to hurt Keith and Martin- I want to hurt my dorm-mates when they insult me-" and our love, "and the teachers, when they snap at me-" and belittle me, without even meaning to, "even Bonnie sometimes, even your siblings- when they say things- sometimes, only sometimes-"
And I want to hurt myself. I want to hurt myself all the time.

"And- me?" Edmund asked haltingly. "Do you ever want to hurt me?"

"No." She said immediately. Perhaps she'd said it too fast, but it was the truth.
She'd wanted to tear out eyes, she'd wanted to slam people into walls, she'd wanted to hold people's faces underwater until they no longer breathed- and that was evil and horrific, but those urges had never been aimed at Edmund. Never. They never would be.
"No, I don't. You- you're the one person in my life that I never want to hurt- only love." She swallowed again, pushing back the sob she knew was on its way. "I'm sorry- that I'm like this- that I'm so vile-"
How could he still love her?
But she didn't ask that. She didn't know if she'd like the answer he would give.

"Wanting doesn't make us evil." He said quietly. "And neither does having- ugly thoughts. It's our actions which define us."

She chuckled wetly, "What I did to those two was definitely actions."

Edmund had felt horror- panic- disgust and disappointment- as he'd seen the scene unfold. He couldn't deny that.
But there had been also been grim delight in him, watching his wife terrorise two of the boys who'd turned his life into a waking nightmare.
"Do you feel bad about it?"

Sanya had to think about that. Did she regret breaking the hand and the nose? Did she feel bad that she'd made them wet themselves? Did she feel remorseful about frightening them?
"No." She answered a minute later. "They hurt you. I hurt them."

An eye for an eye makes the whole world go blind.

But this wasn't the same as killing the Unicorn to bring back Jem. That was delusional- this was avenging.

She finally looked at him. He was looking at her, too, and she couldn't pin point his expression. Was he afraid? Was he pitying her? Was he contemplating walking away? Did he still love her?
"You're everything to me, Edmund."

Edmund's heart felt like someone was clenching it, and he shook his head, "I can't be your everything, Sanya. I love you so much- but that's just not right."

Sanya swallowed, and shifted closer to him, "You may not be my everything, but you are the only one I have left."
And that was the same for her. He was the only one, he was everything.
"Do you- hate me, for what I did?"

He shook his head, "I could never hate you. I was shocked, to say the least- but no. Part of me is glad that they got their comeuppance. Though-"

"Though?"

There was worry in her bright eyes, and Edmund dearly hoped that whatever he said did not increase that worry.
"I think you need to calm down. There'll be more situations like this- there will be more people who don't like me, or want to hurt me, or-"

"I won't let them!" Sanya said immediately, her hands balling into fists. "I'll-"

"I'm your husband, Sanya," Edmund cut her off, "not a charge for you to protect."

"You'd do the same for me. In fact- you did do the same for me." She retorted, feeling irritation trickle in. "You punched and fought with the man who tried to rape me. This is the same thing."

"School bullying is not the same as attempted rape!"

"I'm not saying it is!" Of course she wasn't saying that- how could he even think she was? "They hurt you, like Rabatrash hurt me. I defended you today, like you defended me all those years ago. I love you. That's the bottom line."

"Is it- healthy," was that the word?, "to commit violence for each other?"

Sanya rolled her eyes, "It's not like we're going around beating up everyone who makes a face at us."

"You beating up people is strangely attractive, though, I must say."

She blushed, and had to nod- she felt the exact same way for him. When he had punched Rabadash and slammed Rabadash against the wall- that had been a very pleasing moment.
"Do you remember the tourney?"

"Do I remember the tourney? Of course I do." He laughed out loud. "You got knocked on your arse, my love."

"In the second-last round." She scowled, but 'twas difficult to, since she was fighting a smile. "I lasted almost till the end-"

Edmund grinned cockily at her, "And we all know why, of course."

"Because I'm-" not anymore, "I was a brilliant swordswoman, and a just-as-great horse-rider?"
It felt so strange- foreign, really, to say good things about herself. When was the last time she had?

"Well, yes, that's there, of course."
He was absolutely not going to diminish his wife's qualities- he'd just tease her a bit. The only reason she hadn't won was because she had been fighting against seasoned warriors, soldiers who had been fighting since they had hardly entered puberty, while she herself had never been in a true battle.
"But apart from that-"

"Where's Sanya?" Lucy asked, as soon as her brother was seated in the gallery that had been constructed for the weekend's tourney. "Is she not coming?"

Edmund turned to give her an irked look, "'How are you, brother?' ''Nice to see you made it, Ed.' 'Have you gotten over your cold?'"

Susan glanced away from the lists that she had been reading, "Your cold was last winter, Ed."

He stuck his tongue out at her.

"Forgive me, Edmund." Lucy said, smiling, and scooted closer to her brother. "How are you, brother? Nice to see you made it, Ed. I'm glad to see you no longer suffer from a cold."

"I'm very well, thank you, dear sister." Edmund's eyes twinkled at her, and he leaned in to press a kiss to her cheek. "Sanya is with Jem, he's absolutely miserable that he's not allowed to watch the tourney."

"Unfortunate that Jemmy has to miss the excitement." Peter commented from his sole seat in the center of the gallery. He and his siblings were alone in sitting in this particular box- the other visiting royals sat in other, slightly lower boxes built all around the field the games were to be played in. "He isn't that young-"

"He's a toddler, Peter-"
He was their baby!

"He's the Crown Prince." The Magnificent shrugged. "Besides, being so young means that he won't remember it when he grows up. He should see the fun-"
He was the eldest brother. He knew very well a little child ought not to see a tourney. But riling Edmund up, especially when he was being all protective-fatherly was as much entertainment as a tourney.

"No child below ten should see a battle tournament." The Just King rolled his eyes, shaking his head. "The only excitement Jem ought to be seeing is the trees dancing in the meadow- that's where Sanya said she'll take him-"

"Oh, she is?" Lucy asked, clasping her hands together. "If I'd known, I would have joined-"

Edmund looked puzzled, "But I thought you were fighting today? After all, this tourney is partly for you." Since her birthday had passed merely two weeks ago. "Why aren't you wearing your armour-"

"No, we'll get to fight tomorrow." She said, sighing, and sharing a look of woe with her eldest brother, who had also been planning to join the games. "Only non-royals today."

"Why aren't you fighting, Ed?" Susan asked, setting aside the lists and leaning closer to her siblings. "I fancied you'd enjoy a tourney. You enjoyed the last one."

"Yes, I did." It had been the year before he had married. He had won, technically- but as part of the host, he did not consider it fair to be the champion, and he had yielded to his final opponent, a knight from Anvard. "I don't know, I still might throw my hat in the ring tomorrow, but I don't feel like it this time."
Then he grinned.
"It'll actually give people a fighting chance if I'm not in, you know."

Susan pursed her lips at him, but she was clearly trying to not laugh.
"I ought to have gone with Sanya and Jemmy." She sighed, looking over at the field, and all the horses and fighters. "I do not enjoy these spectacles of violence."

"Ah, it's good, clean fun, Su. Nothing worse than a few broken bones." Peter said, reaching out to pat her intricately braided hair- it was so long, it must have taken hours- but she slapped his hand away. "And it's satisfying to have someone ask for your favour."

"Speaking of, Pete, where's your favour?" Edmund asked- the favour was essentially a blessing from the noble or royal to the fighter, and usually was embodied as a circlet with flowers.
For Peter, it was a circlet with golden flowers- with Lucy, they were scarlet- Susan liked emerald-hued petals- while Edmund's flowers were blue.

He grinned, and nodded to the cluster of the participants.
"A knight from the Lone Islands came by and asked for it. I'm usually loathe to give it to the first one who asks for my favour, but he asked quite beautifully."

"And he was quite beautiful, no doubt."

"That, too." Peter laughed, and Susan had to roll her eyes at her brother's obviousness. "I must visit him later, to offer either my congratulations or my condolences."

Edmund retorted immediately, "Visit him somewhere soundproof."

Before Peter could squawk and blush, Lucy said, "You know, I heard Rihaaya doesn't host or attend tourneys. Strange, isn't it?"

"Not particularly." Edmund said- he had studied and researched about his wife's country as much as possible before they'd married. "They've never been a very competitive or combative nation. Their military is strong, but they prefer to not engage in violence."
Perhaps because it was more or less a matriarchal land...

"Perhaps I should move to Rihaaya." Susan muttered.

He went on, "That's a good thing, frankly, I can't imagine Sanya playing hostess to such an event. She's not fond of being the cynosure."

Peter blinked, "She's the High Queen."

"She likes ruling, but she doesn't like being part of spectacle."

"Your wife is very odd." His brother told him, not for the first time and definitely not for the last, before turning to the front again. "Why, I believe King Lune's shown up- is that not him, over there-"

Susan, who had the best eyesight of them all, looked at the box he was pointing at- and then shook her head.
"It isn't. I'd be very surprised if he was here- you know how reclusive he has been since Queen Helia's death."

Lucy's face fell as she remembered that, and Peter said immediately, "Let's not speak of sad matters today. It's supposed to be a fun day-"

"For you." The Gentle Queen spoke pointedly. "I'm only here as it is my duty."

Peter looked at her for a long moment, and then declared, "I can't listen to Susan moan and groan anymore."
He got to his feet, his crown glinting splendidly in the July sun, and a collective hush fell across the entire field.
"Welcome, all!"

The younger King tuned out of his opening speech, because he knew what he would say- he had written it for him. Peter usually preferred to speak from the heart, or he would prepare something on his own- only part of being King he didn't like to do on his own was paperwork- but he'd been preoccupied with very angry letters and threats from the nobles in Calormen who were quite indignant on Rabadash's behalf.
Edmund couldn't understand how anyone could be on his side, especially after finding out that he had tried to violate and rape a child.
But there were some, and they were bothering Peter for throwing the Calormen Prince out of Cair Paravel- and he figured writing his opening speech was the least he could do for his brother.

"And so I proclaim- ah, pardon." Peter stopped abruptly, as a horse and its rider cantered up to the box of the Narnian Monarchs. "I believe another brave combatant is here to ask one of my siblings' favours!"

The rider nodded- the helmet was slightly too big for them, but it impressively didn't fall off.

"Very well, then, who shall it be? I have given mine away-" The Magnificent said, smiling at the other participants, sure his favoured was among them, "but my Gentle sister, Just brother, and Valiant sister have their favours ready."

The rider was quiet for a moment, and then looked at Edmund, who blinked.
He hadn't expected that- Susan was the clear choice, wasn't she? She was usually the first to give away her favour, the first to be flattered. Even Lucy would be before him- because she was the warrior and the healer, the one whose blessing in such a tournament would mean the most.

Peter laughed, and beckoned Edmund to where he stood, before he turned to the rider once again, "Tread carefully, young knight- my King-brother is wedded."

"That's alright." The rider said- Susan's and Lucy's brows rose sharply, recognising the voice.
The oversized helmet came off, and Sanya was grinning up at the gallery-box, one hand holding her helmet and one hand gripping the amethyst-hilted sword.
"He's wedded to me."

A cheer went through the crowd, though that might have been because two of the knights had started snogging, while still on horseback.

Edmund half-laughed, torn between awe and shock, and he moved to the front of the box.
"Moonshine, what are you doing?"
Of course it was her- how had he not recognised the armour!? He must've not noticed it, because of the helmet- which definitely was not hers, and the horse, who was not her own horse, Moonlight.

"Jem fell asleep." She grinned wider. "And I couldn't sleep."

"What a rational reason." Peter commented idly, and then he looked horror-struck. "How did I just sound both like Ed and Su-"

Susan wondered if it would be improper to throw her favour circlet at his face.

"Sanya-" The Valiant joined both her brothers, "as amazing as this is, you can't fight today- the royals-"

"That's only for the hosting royals." Her sister-in-law told her, nodding to them. "One of the princes of Calormen is fighting, too," not Rabadash, one of his much younger brothers, "and I think one of Queen Helia's cousins."

"You're entering as High Queen of Rihaaya, then?" Peter asked, genuinely curious. "Not as Queen Consort of the Just King?"

"Exactly." Sanya nodded- what else had he expected- before looking to her husband. There was a shy smile on her face, and she moved the horse- not Moonlight, for she had read that tourneys could get violent- closer. "But I would love it if I had my King-husband's favour?"

"It's yours." Edmund said immediately, instinctively, because of course it was. But he hesitated before handing over the circlet to her. "But, Sanya- you know tourneys are dangerous-"

"It'll be alright." She shrugged- reckless, yes, she knew, she didn't have to hear her parents' voice in her head to know it. "If I can fight orknys and melt down ice-castles, I can unseat a few knights."

"Can't argue with that logic." Lucy quipped. "If Ed's too wary to give you his favour, you can have mine-"

Susan rose from her seat, holding out her circlet, "Mine, as well-"

"No, back off! She's my wife." Edmund turned to glare at his sisters- and then he reddened, seeing them laughing at him. "And fighters only get one favour."
He looked back to his wife, who was still staring expectantly at him, and he held out his favour.
"And the High Queen of Rihaaya shall have mine."

"Very honoured, Your Majesty." She smiled softly, letting go of her sword and taking the circlet with that hand.
"And a kiss, too, for better luck."
Sanya's eyes sparkled at him, and she tilted her head up.

He bent his head down to meet her lips in a kiss- it was done quickly, chastely, hardly noticed by the audience - but it still had him licking his lips as he pulled away.
"Win, my wife."

She slid the circlet on her arm, and then pulled on the helmet. She could do this. All she had to do was stay on her horse and not let go of her weapon.
And she had Edmund's blessing and his kiss. That helped.
"I shall do my best, husband."

"You had my favour."

"Oh, shut up." She said, half-heartedly swatting at him. "I didn't win, so you can't look so smug."
Even though he looked so, so handsome when he was smug...
She took a breath, and her tone softened almost to a whisper, "What I did- it won't be a regular occurrence. I can promise you that. I may always want to protect you, but I know you well enough to know how capable you are of protecting yourself."

"Thank you." He smiled a little, scooting closer to sling an arm around her shoulder. It did not entirely calm his worries about Sanya's- anger, or what her mental state was, but she wouldn't lie to him, and he knew she possessed restraint. "But it's reassuring to know that my big, bad, beautiful wife is always there to step in if there's a fight I can't partake in."

"Oh, for sure." She giggled, leaning into his embrace. It was jarring, how easily they could slip back to loving banter- but she supposed it just wasn't possible for them to stay angry with each other for long. "Speaking of, last time I went into Hendon, I may have gotten myself into an arm-wrestling competition with some of the upper-sixth boys."

He wasn't surprised at that, either. Like with comic books and songs on the radio, she had developed quite an affinity for arm-wrestling, since coming here. Peter still refused to speak of the Arm-Wrestling Activity of March '42.
"You won, right?"

"What do you think?" She laughed. "I'm not sure whether the boys were more intimidated or impressed by the end."

"Both, if they have any sense."

"I don't think many boys at Hendon or anywhere else, have sense." Sanya shrugged, turning her head towards Edmund. "Except for you, of course."
He was looking ahead, a grin on his face- and she could see a purplish mark peeking out from under his collar.
Her lips curved into a smile, and she pulled down the collar.

"Moonshine, what're-"
Edmund broke off, gasping, as Sanya's tongue swept along his hickey. The skin there was so sensitive, as the love-bite was fairly recent, and it made his whole body tremble.

"How did that feel?" She asked, pulling away. Her arm was still around his neck, and she pushed herself onto his lap. "I don't know why I did it- but I- I thought it might feel-"

"Brilliant." He breathed.
He knew his words would spur her on, and they would end up snogging and doing stuff while still in the park- and there were many people all around them.
But he did not care in the slightest.
"Darling, you're- Christ, you drive me crazy."

"Likewise." She grinned back, sliding her hand up his shirt, palming his flat, cold abs. It was mental that she wanted to kiss Edmund moments after arguing and being angry enough to be violent- and, that too, in a very public place, full of many people belonging to a very conservative society- but she did. She wanted him to hold her, gripping her tight- she wanted him touch her in places that made her gasp- and she wanted to have-
"Ed?"

He had his mouth on her throat, kissing up a trail to her jaw, "Hm?"

"I th-think I'm ready. For sex." His lips stilled, and her anxiety increased manifold. "Are- are you?"

Edmund's eyelids fluttered, and he stuttered, "I-"
Was he? Was he? Sex had always been so natural to them- so right, even when they'd been far from being in love. Even when she'd hated him.
But it had been so long. So much had happened. And so much was different now, from when they'd first had sex. They'd been seventeen and eighteen then- and they were both fifteen, now. And they were different- their very physicalities were.
Not to mention, she'd been a virgin their first time- and she was this time, too, physically- but he hadn't been the first time, and he was one now! What if he did something wrong- what if he hurt her? Or, on the exact opposite end of the scale- what if sex became- what if it consumed them?
But it had only ever been good for them, hadn't it? Sex had been the first way they'd connected with each other. It would simply bring them closer again.

"You don't have to be ready." Sanya said softly, cupping his face in her hands. In his eyes, she could practically see how much his thoughts were in turmoil, trying to puzzle out an answer. "I don't mind waiting, husband- I am more than content with just kisses."

He wrapped his arms around her, "I want to make love with you. I do, Moonshine- so much."

That thrilled her, and she could not help the smile that spread across her face.
But she had to ask, "Are you sure?"

"Yes, darling, I am." He said, knowing his heart was beating so fast, and that it mirrored his wife's own sped-up heartbeat. "Are you certain?"

She nodded resolutely, leaning in to kiss him.
"I'm so certain that I'm almost forgetting how indecisive I actually am."

Edmund snorted, pulling her closer, "That's a lot of certainty."
-

And so, on the last night of July, Edmund crept into Sanya's bedroom an hour before midnight.

"Thanks for keeping it unlocked." Edmund said, coming through the window and landing down on the window-seat.

"Of course." Sanya was sitting up in bed, holding a puppy plushie to her chest.
She'd have liked to say that she had been calm and collected the entire evening, and that she had been peacefully reading The Waves, her current read- but, no. She'd paced until the carpet of her room was almost worn out- she had scribbled some more onto the walls, including a very elaborate E+S- and she'd ended up rearranging the shelf on her bookcase that held comics, by colour instead of thickness.
She was nervous, if that wasn't already clear.

Edmund hovered uncertainly for a moment, not sure whether to get off the window seat and go to the bed, or to wait till his wife asked him to come to her.
"Er-" He nodded to the window, "should I close it, or-"
Why was he asking about the window? They were about to have sex.

"Don't close them- it gets- I feel- if it's too enclosed, I feel- sick." It reminded her of her imprisonment in that tower room in Neráida. Usually, she was fine- it wasn't like she was in many enclosed locations, anyway- but sometimes, it disturbed her. "Just draw the curtains."

He wished she hadn't asked him to draw the curtains, though- he wanted to see the moonlight stream in, illuminating patterns all over her golden-brown skin again, making her glow and look ethereal.
But he nodded, and did as he was told.
A few seconds later, he turned to Sanya again, and smiled nervously.
"Well."

"Well." She repeated, starting to blush. Had it been this awkward the first time? All she could think of was that she hadn't had a half-healed fat lip then. "I love you."

"I love you, too." He said immediately, sitting down on the edge of the bed. He began to feel calmer, suddenly. "And if you don't want to-"

"I want to." She promised, dropping the plushie and crawling over to where he sat. "I do. You have no idea how much I've missed this for the past thirteen hundred years."
How much I missed you.

"But you did- I mean, you were with others." He wasn't jealous- it wouldn't be fair for him to have expected her to remain celibate all her life.
And, when she was wearing a loose, thin, sleeveless nightgown- her hair open and falling down her shoulders like a mermaid's- and looking at him like that- how could he be anything but in love?

"But none of them were you." She whispered, staring at him. At his face- his eyes- and his freckles, the stars on his skin. "Not even close. I never fit with anyone, like I did-" and will, "with you."

"And I don't want to fit with anyone like I fit with you." He replied softly, lifting a hand up to brush a stray lock of hair away from her face. "You're the one, Moonshine. The only one."

Sanya nodded, her heart feeling like it was expanding, and then she finally smiled.
Absently reaching out to unbutton his shirt, she said, "We have to be quiet. Maude doesn't have the best sense of hearing- but just in case."

"You mean, you need to be quiet." Edmund retorted with a smirk. "You were always the loud one."

"When you did the things you did, t'was very difficult to be quiet." She blushed darker, before adding, "Oh, and I- I- asked the maid to go get some- contraceptives."
That had been a nerve wracking conversation.

"And I ransacked my parents' room for the same reason." He said, swallowing as her fingers kept shifting off the shirt-cloth and brushing along his skin. "But to no avail. They must keep it very hidden."
It made sense. Lucy, when she'd been small, always loved to wander around the house and get into cabinets and things to see what was inside. He could certainly see why his parents had not wanted their toddler to find a box of condoms.

"I did get something- but I've no idea how to use it." It was- a diaphragm, she thought it was called. "It's not for you to wear- but I think to put inside me- and I- am not sure how to do it."

Edmund shrugged his shirt off, letting it fall back on the bed, "So, we've both come up very short on the contraception front?"

She took a moment to rake her eyes all over his freckled, shirtless form- how beautiful- before answering with a nod, "Pretty much."

"I can just- pull out?" He suggested. "It'll- I mean, I suppose it'll get messy-"

Sanya looked away from him and to the daisy-fresh sheets of her bed.
She couldn't help a laugh, "And how am I supposed to explain the stains? At least if there's blood, I can lie about having my moonblood- but not for this."
She couldn't help but think- rather out of the blue, but when had her thoughts ever made sense- that it would be a very bizarre fairytale indeed, if there were talks like this included.

Edmund cracked a grin, too, "Say they're juice?"

"Because juice looks so similar?"

"Milk, then."

"I don't like milk- but yes, I think that will work." With any luck, anyway, it would not be getting anywhere on the bed, just on her stomach and thighs. "From next time, though, I think you need to beg, borrow or steal condoms from somewhere."

"Noted." He chuckled lightly, wrapping his arms around her. The socially awkward, bibliophilic goddess of his dreams. "Everything'll be okay."

She smiled again, but it was pinched this time, "Are you reassuring me or yourself?"

"Both." He admitted sheepishly. They probably ought to talk about it some more- that would be the wise, mature thing to do. But they were teenagers. Teenagers were rarely wise or mature. And he just wanted to snog her already. "Shall I kiss you, Moonshine?"

She let out an inadvertent giggle- Heavens, she loved him so much- and nodded.

The kiss began soft. It didn't feel, initially, like it was the gateway to something as passionate and frenetic as sex. It was soft, and it was tender, and it was what Edmund’s and Sanya's hearts felt for each other.
Then he tugged at the hem of her nightgown- and it was off her in another moment, their bare skin pressed together, Edmund taking the chance to lower his head to kiss her breasts- and Sanya moaned.
And whatever softness there had been, gave way to craving and want and the carnal facet of love.

Clasped in each other's arms, they moved away from the edge of the bed- and, as Sanya fiddled with getting her husband's trousers off and Edmund lay his wife down on the bed, they began to kiss once more.

For a few moments, all they did was kiss.
Sanya kissed Edmund's freckles- Edmund kissed Sanya's stretch-marks- they kissed each other's scars- she kissed his jaw, and he kissed her shoulders- and then their lips found their way to each other again. They could feel each other- all of each other, every curve, every bulge, every crevice- everything; and their hands were no longer around each other, but everywhere, roaming and dancing along pale skin and golden skin- Sanya's hips bucked, and Edmund groaned as he grew harder- and the kiss became hungrier, sloppier, so much more wanton.

The kiss broke soon, and the two stared at each other, pupils blown wide with desire and breathing heavily.

Sanya looked up at him, her eyelids fluttering as she wrapped her legs around his waist- and Edmund gazed down at her as he pressed his body into hers.
His eyes asked her, again.
Are you sure?

She knew it would hurt- but she also knew what would follow after the initial sting. Pure, dizzying pleasure, and they would come apart in each other.
Her lips were parted, her whole body taut with need, and she managed a nod.
More than anything.

And Edmund and Sanya fumbled to hold each other's hand, grasping it and each other tight, as he entered her- and they fit together and became one for the first time in a thousand years.

-
-✧･: °*✧*°:･✧-
-

Caleb Landry Jones as Keith Galloway

-
Jack O'Connell as Martin Hill

---

-

(I could not stop thinking about this meme after I had written this scene. And I finally made it!)
-

Don't worry, these dudes do NOT show up again.

This chapter is 9000 words long, imagine. It's so hard to scroll up and down to make edits 😭

Sanya beating up those two human bags of ugly dicks 🤌 frankly, if she had killed him, I don't think anyone would have faulted her for it. She should have done that. Ed would have clapped.

Also, Edmund this whole chapter was basically 'mark me down as scared AND horny'. I stan that.
And then they actually had sex. Mere hours after a big fight and an overemotional talk, and even though they clearly had not talked the matter through.
Fictional teenagers, I tell you. They run their lives using their- to use Meghan's mother's words- swimsuit area 💀💀

Not that I mind. Sanya's waited like a thousand years for this, and it's EDMUND, I'm surprised she hasn't jumped him in the middle of a school day already.

But the fucking amount of research I had to do on contraceptives in the 1940s- the only time I had even HEARD of a diaphragm before was on FRIENDS! And I was a kid then, I had no idea what that is, and why Monica was so ashamed about telling her mom that!
And I'm pretty sure that pulling out isn't the safest method of contraception- but, hey, Jonathan and Nancy used it on Stranger Things ('How was the pullout?') and there's no little Byers-Wheeler baby yet.

Okay, next chapter is- oh, no, next chapter is fine. Yeah, nothing to worry about in that. Promise, not lying.
Chapter 10, though- 😬

Also, the flashback??? 🥺🥺 My goodness, how I miss the 'Alliance' era. So much simpler. And I LOVED this flashback scene. The sibling bantering, the Edmanya flirting. Perfect.
'She's my wife'- oh, yes, she is!

Edmund saying 'you're the only one' to Sanya isn't simply to show how much he's in love with her. He's demiromantic, which means that you don't develop romantic feelings for someone until you've emotionally connected to them. He doesn't know he's demiromantic, ofc, because the concept wasn't there then, and is barely known NOW- but I wrote him saying that nevertheless, to show that, no matter what, he will never have a connection (emotional, physical, romantic) like he does with Sanya.
If she considers him her everything, he considers her the only one.

And, and-
Sanya carved E+S in her wall- just as Edmund doodled S+E in his notebook.
I had the chance for the parallel, and I TOOK it.
I adore parallels.

And, as always- I humbly and unashamedly ask you to vote on the chapters, and perhaps comment, too :)