'Twas thus, as ancient fables tell,
Love visited a Grecian maid,
Till she disturbed the sacred spell,
And woke to find her hopes betrayed.
But gentle sleep shall veil my sight,
And Psyche's lamp shall darkling be,
When, in the visions of the night,
Thou dost renew thy vows to me.
-

"Of course you can come over, Meggie." Sanya spoke into the telephone, curled up on the sofa.

They had moved the telephone after her birthday, because she was the one who used it most- ironic, considering she hated it, but people kept calling to ask how she was- and it was easier for her to sit on the sofa and talk, instead of standing by the entryway table in the foyer.

"We don't have any plans for Easter, but if you come, I'll hide eggs around our garden."

"You mean you'll ask Edmund to do it." Meghan said on the other end, sounding exasperated. "Please don't be running around when there's two babies in your stomach."

"Who says I'll run? I'll just sit on the chair in the garden and toss the eggs in different directions."

The girl laughed, "As expected. Sloths would want to learn from your laziness, Sanya."

"Aw, I love sloths. There was a baby one at the London Zoo when I was working there, and it was just so cute."
Seriously, it had taken all her willpower to not steal away the baby sloth, as well as every other baby animal in the zoological park.
Honestly, it wasn't just the baby animals- she'd wanted to bring all the animals back with her. The other part of the plan had been to get Frappy, Tommy, Snow, Shada, Kalo, Fluffy and Brownie from Boston to Cambridge- somehow!
Unfortunately, that had never come to fruition, and the cute little furry and scaly animals all still lived at the zoo or in Boston. She hoped Lenny still fed them- or someone kindly did.

Sanya yawned- maybe Edmund was right, and she did need sleep- before asking, "I'm going to have to find sloth p-plushies for my babies."

"You know you can have them custom-made. My sister loves unicorns after she saw them in some picture-book, and she would not stop wailing until Dad had one made for her."

"Really? Custom-made?" She'd had plushies made for her children, according to her wishes and theirs, all the time in her world- but she had been Queen there. That wasn't the case here. "Can you ask your father which shop?"

"Yes, of course, I'll ask him when everyone gets home." Her parents had taken her sister to the doctor's for her injection, and they weren't back yet, even though it was nine at night. "I'm surprised you don't have a hundred things to do, Sanya. Mother always says how busy a life a housewife has."

"I have a thousand things to do, don't remind me." Sanya half-groaned and half-laughed.
She had to clean the oven, and change the curtains in the nursery- the windows were lower down than in the other rooms, so it was safe- and wipe down the countertops and kitchen island, and dust the bookcase in the library room, and wash underwear- she didn't wash the other clothes nowadays, since she was immensely pregnant- and make the grocery list for Sarah to shop for during the weekend, and ascertain that Edmund's heavy law books hadn't broken his desk.
"You know, I was supposed to head in to work."
She hadn't actually had to, because Alexander had telephoned just before Meghan had, to say that the delivery wasn't coming- and he'd added that he and Naomi would be taking a long lunch the next day.
Of course, he had called her after she had already gotten dressed to go out, being the annoying- but very diligent- employee he was.
In fact, she was still wearing the outside clothes, she was too tired to go up and change.
"And I was complaining about it a lot, but I would really prefer to sit behind the counter at the shop waiting for delivery instead of breaking my back cleaning and dusting stuff I don't even care about."

"You sound awfully disillusioned with married life."

"It's not married life, it's just chores. I'm- I'm a-" Queen, "I'm really not used to working."

"I feel bad for you." Meghan sounded very sorry- and glum. "I don't ever want to get married."

"You're sixteen next month, right?"

The younger girl hmm'ed in response.

"I didn't want to get married at sixteen, either."
She'd hated the mere thought.
She had always resigned herself to the fact that she would have to marry someday, and that it wouldn't be for love- but she had thought it would be in the very far future and she would have a choice on which country's royal or noble she would have to make a match with.
Then Edmund happened.
"Honestly, I don't want to be married now, even. I don't think marriage will ever be attractive to me."

"But then why-"

"Because I love Edmund."
That was why she had done everything for the last thousand years.
"I love him with my whole heart and soul, and I want to be with him forever. Forever and ever after, honestly. That's all."
She wasn't embellishing, and nor was she being sappy. It was just the truth.

Meghan smiled, her cheeks reddening at how tenderly her friend-and-somewhat-pseudo-big-sister spoke of her husband.
"I thought love like yours was only in fairytales and books."

We are a fairytale.
"Me too." Her lips turned up, as she thought of the memory. "That's what I used to think- until I met Edmund. I mean, my parents were deeply in love, but I thought that was an anomaly."
The smile faded, as she remembered their death. They had died together- a comfort to both, she was sure, since neither would have wanted to live without the other- but it was the fact that they had died that affected her most.
"I believed that they were the only ones who were genuinely in love. As far as I was concerned, true love existed in just books."

As the clock chimed to signal that it was now nine-thirty, Sanya heard Meghan laugh on the other end, "Then you met Edmund."

"Yeah." She giggled a little, the sound breaking off into another yawn. "Then I met Edmund."
And they had fallen in love. It had taken time- and so much stubborn stupidity- but they really had. She had found true love in him, and he in her.
"I think we're an anomaly, too- but the loveliest sort."
She shifted slightly, raising her legs up on the sofa- and she almost moaned at how good her horizontal position felt. Oh, why had she not lain down from the beginning of the telephone call?
"Is there anyone in your life yet, Meggie? Have you a crush?"

"No, not at all." She said, shrugging on her side of the call as she toyed with the curled wire of the telephone.
Surely, getting red-faced at the very thought of a certain prideful and fair-haired compatriot of Sanya's and getting flustered when she was called names by the aforementioned pretty person didn't count.
"No one's caught my eye yet. I'm focused on being a good big sister and not failing exams, anyway, boys can sod off."

Sanya murmured something, and was lost in thought for a few moments. Meghan reminded her of Selene sometimes, and this was one of those times. Sometimes she reminded her of Seraphina- and of Jem, too. She missed them so much.
They would have been the most wonderful big siblings to the twin babies that would soon be born, she just knew it.
Blinking back tears, she spoke again, "Speaking of, bring Rosemary with you when you visit, alright? I know she's not a baby now, but Ed and I haven't been around little ones for- for a while, so we should get in some practice."

"Yes, of course, I'll bring her." Meghan nodded- but then she stopped nodding, realising that the older girl would not be able to see her. Oh, she could be such an airhead sometimes! "Ro-Ro loves you, she would crawl there on her own even if I wasn't taking her."

She closed her eyes- she felt so sleepy. The consequences of having her nap broken.
"The feeling is mutual, I love babies."

"Probably a good thing you're having two of them, then."

She chuckled, "Yes- and even better that I'm having them with Edmund, because if he wasn't here," she unwillingly remembered how she had been when Edmund hadn't been with her, "I would've just lost my- my-"
She yawned again, a much greater yawn, and then she heard Meghan chuckle.

"Sleep, Sanya. I'll telephone you tomorrow, and we can-"

But before Meghan could finish her plans, Sanya was already asleep, the telephone receiver falling away from her ear and to the floor.

What felt like seconds later, however, there was the sound of the front door being slammed, and Sanya's eyes shot open as her alarm pushed away her sleep.

Had she fallen asleep on the sofa!?

She sat up, too, instantly on edge at the noise of the intrusion- in spite of her drowsiness, she tried to lift herself to her feet.
And she scanned the surroundings for a weapon, something- anything- to help her protect her unborn children.
But she found no weapon- unless the television remote and the newspaper counted- so it was a good thing that it was not a burglar that came into the living room, but Edmund.

"Ed!" She exclaimed, taken aback- in a good way. She let herself relax into the sofa- she had definitely slept here, her back hurt- her head was turned around towards where he was, just walking inside the room.
As she fixed her ponytail that had been messed up by her impromptu sleep, she smiled, "You're home!"

"Yes, yes-" Edmund tried to smile, but he couldn't- he was breathing hard, running a nervous hand through his hair, and his eyes darted around the drawing room like a cornered animal. "I- Moonshine, I'm- I-"

She didn't know what had happened- or why he was behaving so frazzled- but she didn't care, she was instantly worried and she had to help.
It was- he was- wait- why was the clock showing that it was six in the morning?

Had she fallen asleep for that long? Nine hours!? She didn't think she had slept that long or so deeply since she was five!

Unless her slumber in Neráida counted.

And if it was six o' clock- why was he coming home so late!?

First things first.

Finally managing to stand up, she waddled to where her husband was pacing, near the doorway.

He kept swallowing, his lips pursed, and there was something frantic in his eyes.

"Husband." She whispered, cupping his face and pulling his head down so that she could look into his dark eyes. "What happened?"

He was quiet for a few seconds, taking deep breaths to calm himself instead.
How was he to say this? He had come here to say it- but his mind had been so overwhelmed and thinking a thousand things together, he had not planned out how to say it.
"Darling." He said, feeling feverish. Oh, he should not have run all the way home, especially with a bad knee. "I've to go."

"What?" For the second time, Sanya was shocked- and this time, it was not pleasantly. "What are you- what are you talking about, where?"

"To London."

"London!? Now? Why- w-what's happened- is it your parents, husband?"

"What?" Edmund shook his head, thrown off by the question. "No, they're not even home, they went on some trip yesterday- they won't be back till later today-"

"EDMUND!" Sanya shouted- he wasn't rambling, but she was getting frustrated.
It was six in the morning, she had now lost her sleep twice, and he was acting like this!?
"What the fuck is happening!?"

"Alright, alright." He inhaled again, his hands on his wife's hips- he needed to be steadied.
He needed something- someone- to hold onto. And who better than Sanya?
"We were all at Aunt Polly's last night, sitting around the supper table- and then suddenly there was a vision of someone-"

"Who?"

"I don't know, he wasn't able to speak." If only he could have. They would have known exactly what was happening in their home. "But we- Pete, Lu, and I, at least- just knew he was Narnian. He had such a Narnian look about him, and Peter told him we're the seven friends of Narnia-"

Had the seven shared some group hallucinations? There was no magic in this world- how could they have seen someone in a vision like that?
But she didn't care about the vision. She cared about Edmund leaving.
"What's that to do with you going to London?"

Edmund struggled with himself for a moment, again not knowing how to say it. It was only Sanya who could catch his tongue like this.
"Narnia needs help." He said finally, and he felt her hands clasp his face tighter. He was glad. He needed her to hold him tight. "We just know it. The Professor, Aunt Polly, Lucy, Peter, and I- we can't go back, because we've been explicitly told by Aslan that we can never return-"

Sanya's heart calmed for just one fleeting moment.

The moment her husband had said that Narnia needed help- she had instantly been so sure that he was leaving her and returning there somehow. She had been about to lose what was left of her mind then and there.

But he wasn't leaving her for another world. He was, just like she was, forever doomed to never return to his true home. That was a terrible thing- but at least they were together.

Narnia needed help, and she hoped that it got it, for it was truly the most breathtaking land of all- but she wouldn't let Edmund be stolen away for that cause.

He kept talking, too wound up to see the change in Sanya's face.
"But Aslan never told Eustace and Jill that- so technically-" this was where studying law came in handy, "technically, they can return. Which prompted us all to spend the past few hours planning-"

And that explained why he was walking into their cottage at six in the morning.

"I'm sorry I didn't telephone and let you know I'd be so late, Moonshine. It's just- it's-" Edmund shook his head wildly- he hated not knowing what to say! "It's Narnia. I got caught up, wife."

She didn't say it was alright. She understood his reason- and she would not have been awake to receive the telephone call, anyway- but something held her back from telling him that it was alright.
"Now what, then? You'll send Eustace and Jill to N-Narnia?" It wasn't a bad plan- not at all. It was genius, almost, to have found that loophole- but the idea had flaws. "How? Throw them at different paintings that look Narnian, until one finally sucks them inside?"

"No, silly girl, of course not." The once-Just said, even though that was very similar to Peter's and Jill's first suggestion. "There are magical rings buried in the garden of a house in London- the Professor used to live there- and Eustace and Jill will use them to get to Narnia."

Oh, brilliant! No need to be tossed at paintings or into a wardrobe this time.
Now feeling much calmer, she gently pushed some of her husband's hair away from his face and asked, "Who's going to go get them?"

"Peter and I."

The curtains were closed in the drawing room, but Sanya felt like she was blinded by the sunrise that was probably happening outside at that very moment.
She said something stupid, something that would certainly not convince him, but it was all she could think of, "You have a sore knee, my love."

"Oh, that." He glanced down at his leg, almost instinctively flexing it slightly. "It doesn't hurt."
Well- it did hurt a bit, particularly now that he'd run to their cottage. But it wasn't painful enough for him to wince.
"It's fine, I can manage, and Peter will be there."

"Why you?"
Why was it always him? Why always the Pevensies? Why couldn't someone else go on dangerous quests!?
And yes, this was dangerous, if in a much different way than past endeavours. If it was the Professor's old house, then that meant that the brothers would have to break in and enter- and they could be arrested!

She may have been all for breaking and entering into a bakery and an amusement park once- but not this.
What if the police treated them harshly- and, worse, if they brutalised them? She was not High Queen here, and she did not trust the law enforcement in this world.

And even worse than that- what if they were wrong? What if Edmund and the Pevensies could go to Narnia again- and the magic rings were their only means of transport? She would once again be in a world without her beloved.

She could not take the risk.

He blinked, "It has to be us, who else can do it?"
Professor Kirke and Aunt Polly were old- it would not be easy for Lucy to be part of the cover they had decided- and Eustace and Jill had to prepare to go into Narnia.
And Susan- Susan wasn't there. She wasn't a friend of Narnia anymore.

Her reply was immediate, instinctive, determined, "I'll come with you."

"As much as I would love that," Edmund really would love her support and presence by his side, "you know you can't stomach travelling on trains right now, and finding a car would take too long."
Though the drive from Cambridgeshire to London was shorter than the train journey, he had heard. Most odd.

"I can call Cl-Clarke's uncle's taxi company-"

"Taxis don't travel intercity." He said, shaking his head. "It's alright, I won't be alone, I told you. Pete's waiting outside for me right now."

"What's the plan?"
She had to know. She had to know! If only to try to dissuade him.

"We'll pose as construction workers- hopefully get there before the actual construction workers show up. Another reason you can't go- the baby bump is a bit of a giveaway." He said- he was smiling, but it was small and nervous.
She did not reciprocate at all, and he went on hurriedly, "After we'll find the rings, we'll go to the train station, and we hand them to Jill and Eustace."

It wouldn't be very easy- but when was protecting Narnia ever easy?
And he didn't want it to be easy. He had practically given his life for Narnia once- he would be glad to do that again, as would the other friends of Narnia, however many times as was needed.

They would do anything for Narnia.

He would do anything for Sanya, too.

"And then I come home." He said softly, sliding his hand over from her waist and to her baby bump. "To you all."

She would have been swayed by that. She would have given him her blessing to go, and all her best wishes.
But she had done that once. She had done that, giving him her well wishes and her love to carry, and she had placidly seen him off, and then she had lost him for a thousand years. She would not let him go again.
"You're not coming back home, because you're not leaving home, Ed. I- I'm sorry- but- but you can't go. Please."

"I'm not asking for your permission, my love." He said flatly.
He had not expected her to react well, but this was Narnia. She had almost always understood him- she should understand him in this, too!
"I just came home to tell you what was happening, because I thought you needed to know."

"No, you didn't! You came home to tell me that you're leaving me again."

"It's just London! It's an hour and a half by train, we'll reach there and get the rings- rings that will help Narnia- and then I head home right after handing them to Eustace and Jill! I'm not leaving you-"

"You know what that sounds like?" Sanya cut him off, sounding close to both tears and rage. Then she went on, adjusting her voice in a poor imitation of her husband's, "It's just a simple hunt! It'll take half a day- we'll catch the White Stag, no problem- probably I will, won't lie- and then we'll get a favour that will benefit Narnia someday. We won't hurt the Stag at all, we'll let the noble creature go! Then we four will come back to Cair, hopefully in time for supper!"
He had told her this the night of the day that the four Pevensies had decided on the hunt. She had said that she would be very worried- both for him, her in-laws, and the poor animal- and he had said this in assurance that nothing bad would happen.

How very wrong he had been.

"I don't sound like that." He snapped- though her English accent was quite accurate. "And I don't think I said that exactly-"

"It was a thousand years ago!" She smacked his shoulder. "Obviously, I'm paraphrasing! And stop changing the topic-"

"Sorry," Edmund did not sound sorry- he sounded sarcastic, "I was just talking a leaf out of your book-"

"Oh, honestly? You're seriously bringing that up-"

"Yes, but I'm throwing it back down now, because it doesn't matter! Nothing else matters-"

"Exactly! Nothing else matters." Sanya cried, taking his face in her hands again, pulling him closer. "Nothing but us, my darlingest love."

His breath hitched, "Moonshine-"

“Husband, p-please.”

“I have a duty towards Narnia-”

“What, and you do not towards me?” Sanya asked angrily, itching for a blade- Pax- in her hands. She would point another blade at his throat, and keep him here, if it came to it. “I am your wife.”
His Queen. And she was supposed to be more important than anything, like he was to her.

“I know- I know, Moonshine, and being your husband means more than almost anything in any of the worlds.” Edmund’s voice was soft, pained, and it led to the harshness in Sanya’s expression to fade.

“We are the only thing that matters.” A tear slipped from her eyes. Forget the blade- she would beg- she would somehow find a way to kneel down, and she would beg. She couldn't let him go. "Do you not agree?"

He did- almost. Narnia mattered, too.
"Narnia's my home."

So was this. So was she.
"I love you." Would that even do anything? "Don't go."
She could not make it plainer. She could not give reasons or comparisons anymore. All she could do was ask the love of her life to stay with her.
"Please-" more hot tears stumbled out of her eyes, falling down her warm cheeks, "please don't leave me."

Was being together forever just never in the cards for them? Couldn't they simply be happy, without creating evermore scars for each other?

They both already had so many scars.

Edmund's heart broke- he was seeing her cry for the second time in all their years together, and he was the cause.
And all he could do was wrap his arms around her and murmur, "Sanya, I'm sorry. I love you- I love you all- so, so much."

"Stay with me." She whispered hoarsely, raising herself on her tip-toes so she could touch her forehead against his. Both their eyes were closed as they held each other. "We'll help Narnia- shotti, I promise, we will. We'll figure it out together. Just- just stay with me, husband- please, I love you, please."

She was Psyche, she thought suddenly. Remembered. She was Psyche! She was Psyche, and Edmund was Eros, and she was begging him to not leave for Narnia- just as the Psyche of myth had begged her God to not leave her to return to the abode of the Gods, when she had spilled hot wax on Eros's shoulder and discovered his divine identity.

Psyche had just been curious, and she had been punished so terribly. Her true love had abandoned her, to begin with, alone and with child and unprotected.

And then it all became worse from then on.

Was she to suffer something similar- again?

Was he going to abandon her once more?

"Stay. Be with me." She cried softly, finding nothing else to do.
"Please don't leave me. I need you."
They were soulmates. Shouldn't her pleading even once be enough to convince him to stay?

Edmund held her tighter, her rounded stomach pressing into his flat torso- and for a few moments, he said nothing.
He knew he would help Narnia, no matter what- but Sanya was begging. She was begging and pleading for him to stay- and that was what he wanted, too. He wanted it so badly. He didn't ever want to let her go. He wanted to stay with her, forever.

But he couldn't. He had to leave- only for a few hours.

And he would come back.

Even if the magic rings did end up opening a portal for him to go to Narnia- he would not go. He wanted to be back in Narnia more than almost anything- but he would not abandon his wife and children again.

"You promised." Sanya said brokenly.
Not again, never again.
Jhooth, jhooth, and more jhooth! Would promises always end up being lies?
"You promised me- please-"

"I know." His heart, already broken, felt like it was shattering.
When he came back, he would apologise again and again and again, he would get on his knees and beg for his Queen’s mercy and her pardon- but for now- he had to go. He had to help the land he loved.
"I'll be back by lunch-time, Moonshine." He said softly, opening his eyes and kissing Sanya swiftly on her forehead. She did not open her eyes- but he saw her shoulders sag as she sunk back to her usual height. "Nothing will happen- I'll be back soon-"

"I feel- I feel it in my bones-" in her aching, brittle, weary bones, too tired for someone so young, "like I felt that you would return one day, but after too long- I feel- th-that something could go wrong-"
She knew it was probably anxiety seeping into her very body. But anxiety could be justified- it was entirely possible that this feeling could turn to fact.
"Please, Edmund." Sanya said again, knowing she was begging and not caring. She would do anything. "I love you so much, husband."

Her hand was clasped in his, and he lifted it up to press his lips to the back of it, tender as could be. He wanted to keep kissing her, pressing his lips all over her skin- to her shoulder, to her nose, to her thighs, to her mouth, to her stomach, to her cheek, to her breasts, to her palm- to show how much he adored her. How much he worshipped her.
But he would be content with just this, for a few hours.
He whispered, "I love you, too, my dearest darling-"

Was she though? The dearest? Despite his kiss on her hand, which had made her heart flutter like all his kisses and all his touches did- it didn't seem so in the moment.
"Choose me. Choose staying with me over leaving me- just once, just this once, please, darling, please-"

"I won't leave you, my Moonshine." Though his words were still hushed and tender, though his heart was breaking and tearing- there was steel in his voice. "Even if Aslan Himself appears and asks me to return- I'll say I won't, not without you."
He never wanted to leave her. He didn't. And he did choose her. He wanted to be with her, stay with her, live their lives together. And he would! That would just have to be on hold for a little bit of time. She was endlessly important to him- but he had to protect Narnia, too.
"And Peter and I'll be together, we'll be alright. I'll come home to you as soon as I can."

That wasn't the comfort it should have been.
"Edmund-"
Love me more, she wanted to shout. Scream. Love me more. Love me more than Narnia, more than anything- like I love you.

He forced himself to not dwell on how broken she sounded.

He shifted away from her, extricating his hands from her body gently, and then he turned to walk towards the front door without looking at her. If he looked at her, he would crumple.
And it was not wise to crumple whilst on an important mission.

He made it out of the door and on the pathway that lead to the front gate of their home- Peter was loitering outside it, very impatient indeed- when he heard Sanya call out from behind him.

"If not for me-"
Sanya knew this was a desperate thing to say- but she was desperate. He was leaving. He was leaving again. He was leaving to do something for Narnia again. He was leaving while she was pregnant- again. He was abandoning her again!
She knew how it had ended last time. She would not survive it if history repeated itself.
If he disappeared again.
"Then for the babies." She watched him shift uneasily, the dawn's sunlight falling over his grey-brown coat. "You won't choose me- but choose them. Choose them- choose our children over finding the rings."

Edmund turned and looked at his wife.

She was standing in front of their front door, next to the pillar that had vines of jasmine flowers growing around it. She was wearing a purple cardigan, a blue blouse that fit snugly over her baby bump, and some of the hair had fallen out of her ponytail, framing her golden-brown face perfectly.

She was lovely. He was so privileged to love her- to be in love with her, and to have it be reciprocated so fully. She was the loveliest- in every way.

And she had tears in her bright brown eyes, her face contorted and her lips parted, showing every ounce of the sorrow and worry he knew she must be feeling- and he was making her feel that.

He felt it, too, the sorrow- he hurt, his scabbed heart hurt, and it became worse as he kept gazing at the love of his life, whom he was causing so much pain to. The sorrow kept growing- it was because he was leaving her again, even if it was just a couple of hours.

Goodness gracious, he did not want to leave her. He wanted to run back and hold her again and vow that he wasn't ever going away from her again.

He was crumpling.

But he forced his voice to remain steady, "I'll call you from the station. As soon as we hand over the rings-"

"What is happening!?" Peter came jogging up, his expression very irritated. "You said five minutes, Ed- it's been at least fifteen-"
Then he stopped, abruptly, seeing his sister-in-law standing feet away, very pregnant and very obviously crying.
"San, are you alright?"

"I'm alright." She said, surprising herself at how curt she sounded. She had thought her voice would still be feeble... "All the best for- for the quest."
Maybe she was wrong. Maybe nothing bad would happen, and her husband really would be back by lunch. Just because it had happened once, did not mean it would happen again.
And Ed had said it- he would refuse to go into Narnia without her. She believed him and she trusted him- more than anyone living.
"Bye, Peter. Bye, h-husband."

Edmund nodded in response, his lips pursed. He didn't know it for sure, but he thought that he would start crying if he parted his lips.
He turned away from his beloved wife and started to walk out.

Sanya said nothing as she saw Edmund turn and leave, but when Peter moved to do the same, she suddenly asked, "Peter?"

He looked back at her again, his golden hair shining in the sunlight.
He would have said something teasing in reply, or something about the tulip bulbs and why she was taking so long with them- but this was not the moment.
She was hurt. Someone he considered family- his sister- was hurt.
"Yes?"

"Protect him." She said, and then shut her eyes for a moment- she had to squeeze the tears away, because she was already so tired of crying. She didn't want to cry. She hated crying! "And yourself. Be safe."

"Of course I will." He nodded immediately. "N-no matter how far away I am, I've always got your back."

At that, she couldn't help a smile- it was weak, and feeble, and small, but it was there. That was exactly what she had told him right before the beginning of the Giant Battle.

He raised a hand in farewell- and he, too, left.

Sanya stood there on the porch for a good few moments. She was surrounded by greenery and sweet-smelling flowers in front of the only place in this world that she considered a home, and the sun shone- but she felt on the brink of utter breakdown.

She was going to collapse. In every way possible- she was going to shut down. She would fall down on the floor of the porch, lie there lifeless, and not shift until Edmund came back.

But before she could do that- or go inside, as was the healthier and more sane choice- Edmund was running through the gate, and coming up to her again.

Her heart soared for a second- he had come back! He had listened to her, he had decided that it really was only them that mattered. They would be together forever.

But- what if it was he had come for something else? To grab a hat- he had been wearing one last night, but perhaps he had left that at Ms. Plummer's house? To tell her something else that would break her heart- like he had started dating Oscar again? Or- or-

Or you could just ask, the very exasperated rational part of her brain said.

The voice was right.

"What?" She asked, as he stopped right in front of her. His eyes looked slightly red, too- oh, she didn't want him to cry!- but he was still beautiful. "Husband, what happened- are you alright, Edmund-"

"I forgot something." He said solemnly, and he crashed his lips onto hers in a passionate union.

Edmund and Sanya were in their own bubble again, caring for naught but each other and how wonderful kissing each other felt, and how much they yearned to always be like this.

Their arms went around each other, Edmund's hands in her hair as Sanya gripped the lapels of his coat. They kissed hungrily yet tenderly, like a pair of lions on a starry night- like the wolf and the Moon just before dawn was to come- and their mouths worked fervently, drawing as close to the other as possible.

For a few moments, they could breathe.

Though lost in the kiss and likely not to realise it until later, there were tears streaming down their faces as they kissed harder.

It was a kiss of love, yes- but also of apology and desperation and longing.

"I love you." Edmund whispered into the kiss, and their embrace transformed into a hug, their arms tight around each other. They breathed each other in, and held on as ardently as they could. "My Moonshine."

And then he was gone- he had broken the embrace, as unwillingly as could be, and then run out the same way he'd come in.

"I love you, too, husband." Sanya spoke to the air, the tears like waterfalls on her face. Her flayed heart felt deadened. "See you at lunch."
--

Peter possessed restraint- somewhat- and it lasted all the way until he and Edmund were walking down busy London streets that would soon lead them to the old house that they were to carry out their mission in.

He was the Magnificent, even if he wasn't so in this world, and Edmund was his brother and he loved him so much- he would give him the space needed.

But he was still a man, and so, soon enough, he could not help asking, "Well, what happened?"

They had spoken before, of course. They had chatted the entire time on the train- well, perhaps 'chatting' was not the best plan for discussing plans of breaking in and posing as workmen, especially when one member of the discussion was clearly troubled and in pain.

But Edmund had soldiered on. Personal matters, no matter how deeply important, would not hinder him from helping Narnia- and he had spoken of the plans gravely and astutely, as though he was the Just King once more.

He had to embody the person he had been as much as possible- both he and Peter did.

When Narnia was in danger, they would help to the best of their abilities.

Edmund looked at his brother in surprise, "What? To make the street crowded? It's eight a.m. on a Friday, so people must be getting to work-"
He did not know it- but he was rather sure that his brother had meant something else.

Peter gave a laugh that was not very humoured, "Being thick does not suit you, Ed."

"Pete, stop it." He would rather go over the plan again. And why was he walking so slow? He was the one with the knee injury! "Do you remember what time the train comes at King's Cross?"

"Yes, one-fifteen- obviously, I remember numbers!" He scowled at his little brother- who huffed a small, weak laugh. "I'm going to be a doctor, remember."

"Get back to me when you get your doctorate, or actually do something that is out the biology lab."
That was a touch too rude, but Peter could take it. He teased him about studying law often, too- Edmund could swear he had a book of lawyer jokes hidden somewhere.

"I'm going to start my internship next month, and don't you try to change the subject."

"I'm not changing the subject, I'm genuinely interested in making fun of your career choices."

Peter stuck his tongue out at his brother, and Edmund did the same. Two girls buying pads at the corner-shop of the street giggled as they caught sight of their faces- and then they waved at them.
The dark-haired brother pretended to not see them, but the fair-haired brother waved back enthusiastically, and the girls giggled even more.
"You may as well talk to me, Ed." The elder boy shrugged, after the girls had turned to leave. "If only to take both our minds off our nerves."
It was not that they were nervous about what they were about to do. They were nervous for whatever was happening in Narnia- something that was so terrible that Aslan Himself must have sanctioned the Narnian man to appear to the seven friends as a vision.
A man Peter could swear had hints of Caspian in him- but perhaps that was only him. Probably because he missed his beloved so much. He missed him very much.
Missed both of them, in fact.
Caspian and Aura. The loves of his life.

"That was a terrible way to convince me." He rolled his eyes- with some effort.

Frankly, with how he was feeling, the only thing his eyes wanted to do was cry.

Sanya called him her Eros, but he was behaving like Odysseus. He wasn't, though! He wasn't Odysseus! He wasn't doing this for the quest, for the thrill, or because he had a thirst for knowledge, or because he wanted a heroic adventure. What he wanted was to be with Sanya- his Penelope, he supposed, in this scenario, and that fit her very well, though she was his Psyche in all others. She was the love of his life!
But Narnia was his home. He had a duty to it.

He had to carry that out.

"What happened- don't concern yourself with it, Pete. It's- it's- nothing serious."

"Sanya was sobbing, Ed. Do you know how many times I've seen her like that?" He asked, quite incredulous at his brother's words. "Not once. I don't think anyone has."

Edmund did not want to admit that he had never really seen Sanya cry before this, either- so he kept quiet, looking ahead at a man and his green-hatted toddler, holding hands as they crossed the street.
He thought of Jem almost immediately, and he couldn't help but wish that he was in that man's place. He wanted to see his children- so badly. He wanted to be with them and Sanya and his siblings in Narnia again- as it was supposed to be.
But he couldn't think of that right now. He couldn't be distracted.
Instead of that, he thought that the man must have taking his son to nursery school.
Hm, some of the day schools must still be on, then. It made sense- today was the twenty-first of March, and Easter was on the sixth of April. Little kids ought to have got a break just as older kids did, though- it was only fair.

"Edmund." Peter said, trying to instil some of his kingliness in his voice- he wished to sound the way he had when he had commanded everyone's attention and respect in meetings, even of his dark-haired siblings. "Did you two have a fight?"

"No." He wasn't lying. That had not been a fight- it had just been painful. And something he already regretted.
Not coming here to help Narnia, no- he did not regret that- but having to leave his wife to do it.
His unselfish, bold, funny, darling wife.
"Here-" He said, glancing at the map the Professor had given them, before looking up to see a crossroads, "it's that way."

The blonde walked towards the direction his brother pointed at, before asking, "Did you have to wear the hat?"

"Yes, I did."
Despite the prompt reply, he tugged on the hat self-consciously. It was a flat-cap, like he usually wore- but this particular one was a birthday gift from Mrs. Rainsford (he had been very shocked when the parcel had arrived, with one hat and one scarf), and thus much fancier than anything he had ever worn.
To be fair, he had worn this for the supper party last night, not for this mission. He had even asked Peter to stuff it in his satchel when they'd reached in Cambridge- but his brother had handed it back to him during the train ride to London.
"Workmen wear hats."

"Yes, they do." He agreed, because his brother was, as usual, right. "But not hats that cost the same as a year's salary."

"It's absolutely not that expensive."
He'd broken Maude's granddaughter's heart, and then he'd married her at eighteen, impregnating her soon after. Honestly, it was a miracle she hadn't dumped hair-and-flesh-eating maggots in his bed.
"And I'm sorry, but there's no visible difference between their hats and this." He loved them- but they were just hats. No one would care. "Anyway, the workers aren't due to be in till nine-thirty. We'll be out before then, as long as we find the exact spot."

At least his brother hadn't lost his skill for debate and argument, in midst of all his Sanya-related angst.
Speaking of Sanya-related angst, Edmund hadn't answered him about it, had he?
"You didn't tell Sanya you were leaving her, did you?"

"Absolutely not." Edmund snapped. He'd really hoped that his brother had been done with the topic. They were going to break into someone's house and dig up their garden- they both should be thinking of that! "I would never-"

"You didn't let me finish." Peter said, poking his brother's arm. Only Sanya could make him lose his usual cool composure. "I meant you didn't say that you were leaving her for Narnia business, did you?"

He shrugged, "What if I did? It's the truth, and it's not like Narnia is a secret."

"You shouldn't have told her, you idiot!"
He rather felt like slapping him upside the head. Was this how Edmund- and Susan- felt with him all the time?
"Of course she had a breakdown- last time you disappeared, it was on Narnia business, too!"

"Yes, I know, but that was entirely different- I can't even return to Narnia anymore, Aslan said it. It makes no sense to- to panic."
But before Peter could continue being uncharacteristically sensible and say another thing that opposed what he was saying, Edmund himself smacked his palm against his face.
Oh, but love didn't make sense- not at all. And Sanya loved him so much. Not to mention, minds were often wildly weird in reacting to certain things.
Of course her reaction was not rational.
"I should have just said that Mum was ill or something, shouldn't I have? And tell the truth when I returned home."

His brother patted his shoulder, "I know honesty is the best policy and all, but sometimes withholding the truth for a time works better. If I hadn't done that in Narnia- well, our beloved land would have seen a lot more war and bloodshed."

Obviously he knew that. He had been with his brother during almost every treaty or deal or compromise Narnia had agreed to.
"This isn't a political treaty, though, this is my marriage." Then, quite spontaneously, he snorted as a thought reminded him of something. "Which- began as a political treaty. I suppose that point is moot, then."

Peter nodded, and then he said nothing for a few seconds. He couldn't really think of anything to say anymore. He wanted to comfort his brother- but he didn't know whether any comfort short of Edmund being able to hold Sanya in his arms again would help.
"Sanya'll be alright. She's freakishly strong in more ways than one."

"I know that."
Did not stop him from feeling guilty, though. He had made her cry.
He had to think of Narnia, though, now. Only Narnia.
But that really wasn't possible. He was always thinking of Sanya. No matter the moment, no matter the situation- it was forever Sanya on his mind.

"And- it's for Narnia, you know." Peter said- just as they stopped at the back entrance of the house they were to dig up the rings in.

The house was being renovated, with entire sections of it being demolished- but neither brother looked at the actual house. They only looked to see if any workers were inside- and whether the back gate was open, as Professor Kirke had said it would be.
They saw a padlock on the gate, and their anxiety increased thousandfold- but then Edmund stopped closer to it, and quickly pried the padlock off the gate.
It had not been locked, simply left on the metal gate like an accessory- and, possibly, a means to intimidate the burglars who were too skittish to actually go near the gate and check.

"Yes, exactly. For Narnia." Edmund gave a thin smile, as he dropped the padlock into his pocket and watched Peter push the gate open. "Sanya'll understand. She always understands me."

He was speaking more to himself in than to his brother, but Peter nodded regardless, a solemn nod of agreement.

Edmund nodded back, the smile giving way to a determined frown- and the two brothers, once Kings, made their way inside the grounds of the house, to retrieve the rings that would hopefully save their home.
--

The sun had just set, and Sanya felt her eyes drooping already.

But she wouldn't sleep. She couldn't, really.

Not without Edmund by her side.

She glanced to the armchair on the right of the table- it was Edmund's preferred seat, when they weren't cuddling together on the big sofa. He had played many a solitary chess game while sitting on that, and won them all.
Yes, because he'd been playing against himself- but she knew he would have won even if he'd had an actual opponent.

But the armchair was empty now.
The whole house was.

Edmund hadn't telephoned.

He had told her that he would from the station- but he hadn't yet. He was probably in jail for trespassing, or breaking and entering- what other reason could he have for not calling her?

Was she wrong? Had she been mistaken when she called Edmund Eros and herself Psyche? Were they Odysseus and Penelope instead? The King who always left, and the Queen who remained loyal to him, despite it all?

Oh, she didn't want to think about it.

Usually, she would keep on thinking about it, because her mind and brain absolutely hated her- but, for better or for worse, she currently had plenty of other worries to focus on.

She had had no word from any of the other friends of Narnia, either- and she couldn't even call the Pevensie house in Finchley, because Susan was always out at this time of day and she didn't know whether her parents-in-law had reached home from their trip.

Sarah had come in the afternoon, but had left immediately after making lunch and packing up supper- she had been unnerved by the dark look on the young woman's face. To her credit, though, she had asked if Sanya wanted her to stay- but she had shaken her head immediately.

She was regretting that now.

Hence, she was alone.
She had been sitting restlessly on the sofa, or waddling around the house in anxiety, or playing with her wedding ring as she fidgeted, or rocking nervously in the rocking chair, or reading without absorbing a single word- and, all the while, her head buzzed with panic and she was filled with nothing but nauseating anticipation about what had happened.

Or what was happening.

She didn't know. She had no idea.

She wasn't even sure which station Edmund and Peter were supposed to drop off the rings at.

The entire day had been unpleasant and disappointing and torturous- and with each passing moment, she could feel herself sink into the depths of despair that she had practically called home.

Margaret Whiting's voice transformed from calm to emotional, as it rang out from the radio that she had brought down after she had had a shower in the morning. She had had enough of the record-player- it was a little exhausting to keep changing records, and their collection of records was rather pathetic, anyway.

She knew the song- it was 'Time After Time' and was rarely played on Friday evenings, as it was usually reserved for the lonelier weekday nights.

'Time after time,
I tell myself that I'm so lucky to be loving you-
So lucky to be the one you run to see;
In the evening, when the day is through-
I only know what I know;
The passing years will show,
You've kept my love so young, so new-'

Sanya patted her stomach, and sighed. Even the music wasn't taking her mind off things.
"Do you two have any idea where your daddy is?" She asked, pulling up her nightie to expose her protruding bump, bordered with stretch-marks. The dark, thin line from her belly button that disappeared into her knickers was itching, and she ran her nails along it. "I don't know if you can hear the radio- but you can hear me, I know that. I'm sorry, I'm not the parent with the pretty voice- that's your father."

The babies did not respond- not even squirm. They were probably snug from all the rocking around, and were deep in sleep, content in the warmth of their mother's womb.

Heavens, Sanya envied them.

The moment she had left her own mother's womb, everything had started to go wrong.

"But you have to leave someday." She spoke aloud in alarm, in case by some unfunny twist of fate, the twins decided to make permanent camp there. "I will cut you out of me if you don't, being pregnant is not a joyride."

Still, some parts of it she liked.
Knowing that she was providing a comfortable home for the babies, without even doing anything.
The excuses being pregnant gave her- though, she did not like how everyone felt like touching her stomach was their legal right.
Her breasts growing even larger, she was still on the fence about- on one hand, Edmund liked them, and on the other, it made her back hurt.
The urge to protect and to care- and the fact that she felt more while being pregnant more than she ever did at other times.

She did not like feelings- but sometimes it was just nice to be human.

Oh, and her hair was falling less this time- definitely an advantage.

"And, of course, you coming out at the end of it all." She sighed again, a less dejected sound than the last. "Please let your Mumma and Dada sleep? Just a little? Especially Dada- he works so hard, and he studies so much- he deserves rest."

He deserved everything good. Only good.

But that would not stop her from throwing the remote at him when he came home. Why wasn't he calling!?

Alright, deep breaths. Being agitated would harm the babies- she would not have another birth like Seraphina's, and nor was she going to accidentally induce a miscarriage. She had had too much of pain.

"I think you'll be two girls." She spoke softly to her stomach. After she'd adjusted the straps of her nightie and the robe she wore over it, she'd begun rubbing her baby bump. She was still rubbing it- maybe it made the babies feel as warm as her. "Ed and I were talking about it- makes sense. Both our natural children were girls- perhaps something in your Abba's genes just makes him have girls."
Edmund would dote on them, like he had doted on Selene- and how he would have doted on Seraphina.
"But we just want you to be healthy. Safe."
Like she had asked Peter to keep Edmund.
"You'll be fine. We'll all be alright."
She wasn't even able to convince herself.

"Let's see if there's anything greasy in the refriga-thing." She said dully, getting to her feet.
It was another perk of pregnancy- she could stuff her face with absolutely anything, and people would not judge, because she would simply claim that it was cravings.
"Should have asked Sarah to make bhaja-aloo..."

The moment she had managed to make it to the kitchen and curl her fingers around the handle of the cold-container-box, the sharp sound of the doorbell ringing trilled through the house.

"You have to be kidding me." Sanya grumbled, letting go of the handle and turning around to walk back into the drawing room. Waddling fast was not easy- but it was Edmund ringing the bell, for sure, so she would open the door as soon as possible. She had to.

He had a key, some part of her brain reminded her.

He must have lost it, Sanya thought.
Or he was too tired to take the key out of his pocket, stick it in the lock, and then unlock it- so much effort.

The bell rang again, and she shouted, "I'm coming, baapre- hold your horses, dar-"
But she stopped abruptly as she opened the door, seeing two policemen instead of the love of her life.

Oh, shit. Had the McRawdons snitched about her flower-picking? Or had all the having sex in public finally caught up to her?

"Yes?" She asked unsurely- she was nervous, too, obviously, both at the sight of police and at the prospect of conversation. She gripped the door tight. "C-can I help you?"

The policemen, for some reason, looked as surprised as she felt.

"Is this- are-" The taller one stumbled over his words, but finally managed, "er, is this the house of an Edmund Pevensie?"

"Yes." Sanya said- and then, with a hint of pride, added, "I'm his wife."

"Mrs. Edmund Pevensie, yes?"

"Um- yes?" She did not understand or like the this-world custom of people calling a wife by her husband's whole name, with the prefix of Mrs instead of a Mr. They all had her own names! "I'm- I'm Sanya- Sanya Reza-Pevensie."

"Nice to meet you, ma'am." The shorter- much shorter- member of the pair said, smiling politely. "I'm Inspector Caulins, and this is Officer Field. And we're quite sorry to intrude-"

"It's alright." Ugh, it was a compulsion, saying those words, and she hated it. "Um- can I see some identification?"
They could always be impersonators. She was not risking it.

The taller one- Field- nodded immediately, and reached into his pocket to find his warrant card.

Caulins did the same- and as he pulled out the card, he groaned, "Oh, bloody- we grabbed the other one's again- have you still not found it, Seb?"

"You know the housekeeper keeps- aha!" He said, finding it in his trouser pocket. "Better late than-" then he rolled his eyes, "it's your card, Jack."

"That's what I just said."

"Well, you're usually wrong, you know."

"Excuse me." Sanya said, clearing her throat. She did not want to interrupt the pair- couple?- but she could not stand for too long. "Can I see the cards?"

They both nodded, and held out the cards- the tall one held that of the short one's, which said 'Jack Caulins, Police Inspector' with a picture, and the short one held the card of the tall one's, which said 'Sebastian Field, Police Constable', with a picture, too.

"Alright." She said, and they put their cards away- again, in the wrong person's pockets. "Do you want to come in?"
She still did not trust them, and she didn't entirely believe that the warrant cards were real- but she definitely had to sit down. And the two appeared far too bumbling to be violent criminals- hopefully.

She would never hear the end of it from Edmund if she let herself get attacked while pregnant again. He'd be absolutely insufferable with his overprotectiveness, and she was too tired to seduce him out of it.

Inspector Caulins looked immediately distressed, "Er- well- that is a kind offer-"

"One we will accept." Constable Field said, nudging his partner's shoulder. "A girl in a delicate condition ought not to be on her feet long."

The two looked at each other, and seemed to have a silent debate.

Sanya did not care, and after giving them both a look of being weirded and irked, she led them inside to the drawing room.
"Make your own tea." She said, sitting down on the sofa, not even bothering to ask the two to sit. If they wanted to, they would, and if they didn't, they could stand. She didn't care. "If you want."

"No, Miss- Mrs. Pevensie, we mustn't." Inspector Caulins said, shaking his head as he and his partner came to stand in front of the television, right in Sanya's eyeline. "We just came here to- to- deliver some news."

"You can't arrest a pregnant woman." She blurted out. She would be fine in prison, but her babies would not. "And those flowers weren't exactly-"

"We're not here about flowers, ma'am." Constable Field said solemnly. Enough pussyfooting around. "We're here about something that happened in London's King's Cross Station earlier today."

"Seb." The other inspector said warningly. "Perhaps I should-"

"Someone just say it!" Sanya said impatiently.
She could- part of her could tell what was about to happen. What had happened.
But that part kept the knowledge shrouded from the rest of her- and so she was curious, and impatient, and a little nauseated, to find out.
"Please. I swear I'll go into fucking labour before you do your jobs."

The two inspectors shared another look.

"At a quarter past one today, there was a railway accident at King's Cross Station." Inspector Caulins said- he was looking at the floor, as was the other officer, because neither could face the bright eyes of the pregnant young wife before them. "A train crash. Several were killed- both those on the train, and on the platform waiting for it."

Sanya grew still, and she curled her fingers into fists.
No. Her anxiety, her panic, her overthinking thoughts- they were wrong. They were wrong.
"Why are you telling me this?"

The other officer swallowed, and brought out a paper from within his jacket.
"Among the deceased." He said quietly, and Sanya dug her nails deep into her palm. She drew blood almost immediately. "A Mr. George Pevensie, 46; a Mrs. Helen Pevensie, 44; a Mr. Peter Pevensie; 22; a Miss Lucy Pevensie, 17; and a-"

"Don't." Sanya whispered.
As if the names she had already heard were not bad enough- sickening enough, grief-inducing enough- there was another name left.
She knew what name would come next, but she could not hear it. She wouldn't be able to bear it. No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
"Please don't."

But it was their job, to notify the closest of kin about death.
For a married person, the nearest kin was the spouse. For the rest of the family, it would be someone else.
There was another relative, a daughter in Finchley- but no one had managed to track her down yet.
Another boy had died in the accident, Eustace Scrubb, a relative of this Pevensie family- but his nearest kin were his parents, who lived in another part of Cambridge, and two other constables had gone there to inform them of the news.
There were others dead from the group, too- Jill Pole, Polly Plummer, and Digory Kirke- but they had no legal or blood relations to the Pevensies.
"I'm very sorry, Mrs. Pevensie." Jack Caulins said, as Sebastian silently held the paper to him. "And a Mr. Edmund Pevensie, 19."

Sanya's heart faded to dust in less than a microsecond.

"They died immediately." The taller inspector said, watching the young woman hang her head low. "They felt no pain-"

No, they didn't.

But she did. She felt it.

She remembered how she had felt when informed of how her children had truly died.
She had felt dead then. She had felt nothing and everything. She had never died, but she thought that that was what being dead would be like.

Now, she didn't feel dead. She felt ice, stabbing her with sharp pinpricks over and over. She felt fire, scalding every inch of skin. And she felt water fill up in her lungs and all of her organs, drowning her from the inside.

Edmund was- Edmund was-

She covered her face with her hands, uncaring of the blood.

No. No. No. NO. NONONONONONONONONONO, THIS WASN'T HAPPENING, THIS COULDN'T- THIS WASN'T- THIS WAS IMPOSSIBLE, HE WOULD COME HOME SOON, HOME TO HER, HOME TO THEIR CHILDREN, HE WAS ALRIGHT- ALL HER FAMILY WAS ALRIGHT, LUCY AND PETER AND EVERYONE- SHE WOULD SEE THEM SOON-

NONONONONONONONONONONO.

Sanya's head was bowed and she began to rock herself, as she fisted her fingers in her hair, digging them into her scalp. Her stomach was cramping, and she was already in pain, but she dug her nails further in anyway.

She felt blank with shock- with a sense of how impossible what she had just heard was- but she knew they were telling the truth.

She could try to delude herself all the livelong day- but she just knew.

She had not known it before they had said it- no, there was no way she could have ever thought of that- but the moment they had taken his name, a coldness had settled into her bones, into the muscles of her heart.

Somehow, the officers had the presence of mind to keep carrying on.

The constable said, "Mrs. Pevensie, you'll have to go to London tomorrow, to St. Mary's Hospital. You'll be needed to identify your husband's body at the mortuary."

"We'll escort you." The inspector said, after sharing another uneasy look with his partner. The young woman still had not looked up- and he feared she was on the verge of tearing her hair out. "Just let us know the time, and we'll be along."

Through her curtains of hair, Sanya whispered, "Get out."

But they did not hear her.
Perhaps she really was drowning- it was not possible to speak underwater, after all. She had always wondered whether she could drown- and now, she knew that she could.

"I understand that it must be difficult to travel in your condition, and I'll have a word with my superiors to see if they can assign a car- you should not be on a train like this."

"Get out."

This was spoken louder, and the two policemen heard her this time.

"Get out." She said again, as her hands dropped from her hair to hang limply at her sides. But she did not look up- she could not look at anyone. She could not do anything. She still burned and drowned. She forever would. "Get out of our house! GET OUT!"

Constable Field was affronted, "Ma'am-"

Alright. No more shouting. She had to think about the babies.
"Please." She wanted to kill them, but her entire body was trembling and weak. She wanted to kill everyone. She wanted to kill herself. "Go away. Please."

"Yes. Yes, alright." Inspector Caulins said, nudging the other policeman. Yes, they were on official business- but they couldn't trample over the girl's grief. "Is- is there anyone nearby who can come stay with you?"

She shook her head quickly, even though she didn't want to respond in any way.
She just wanted to be left alone- so why did they not go!? Was it too much to ask for, some solitude!?

"Will you be alright on your own, Mrs. Pevensie?"

She gave a curt nod- and, thankfully, soon she heard their footsteps move away.

Her- no, she no longer had a heart, so the hole in her chest hurt, and she squeezed her eyes shut.

She was going to cry.

Her breath hitched, the lump in her throat too large- and when she heard the front door close, she vomited onto the carpet.

But there was little food in her system- and soon, instead of puke, great sobs erupted from her throat.

Her body was wracked by an onslaught of snot and tears and sobs, and she felt like she could not breathe- like there really was water in her lungs.

She didn't think she would ever be able to breathe again.

She needed Edmund for that. To breathe- to have a heart. She needed Edmund.

But Edmund- he was-

She couldn't even think it. She, who had gone through countless tragedies and horrors- she could not even form the thought in her mind. That Edmund- and Lucy- and Peter- that they were- that she would never see them alive again.

Sanya cried, and she felt like her chest had been torn open. Ripped open mercilessly, and she had been awake and aware as it had happened.

And it was still happening- some carrion bird was chewing at the remains of her heart, as though she was some reincarnation of Prometheus.
She would take that over what had actually happened.

Edmund was gone. Exactly what she had been afraid of.

But she had feared him disappearing.
Not dying.

Sanya finally lifted her head, tears streaming down her cheeks and her nose puffy- and she said clearly, "Edmund Pevensie is dead."

She was telling it to herself. She didn't want to know, but she had to. She already felt empty, and it hadn't even hit her properly yet.

The love of her life was dead. Edmund was dead. He was gone forever.

He was dead, he was dead, he was dead!

And with that crushing declaration, she closed her eyes again, hugging herself too tight because there was no one else to- her last comfort was dead- and began to weep once more.

-
-✧･: °*✧*°:･✧-
-
Benedict Cumberbatch as Police Constable Sebastian Field

-

Martin Freeman as Police Inspector Jack Caulins

-

(Heartbreaking, brilliant scene- but, probably the worst manips I have Ever made, EVER, from the very beginning of my manip-making. I don't even have anything to say about how terrible it.
Some things should just be left in one's imagination.)
-

(Last ever looks 💔)

-

(The denial stage-)
-

(Sanya is like six months pregnant in the top one, I think? That's why she's not showing as much as she is in the second one, where she's seven/eight months.
Also, she's much thinner now than she was then.
But I do accept that the baby bump in the first one should be bigger, my mistake.)
-

(How far they have come- yet they still arrive at a tragedy each time.)
-

(So much for your faith in your Papa not leaving your Mumma, kids.
But we excuse it, they never really got to know Edmund, after all.)
-

(if only this meme had reached him in the chapter ☹️)

-

I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY it was always going to happen like this I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY.

Edmund's story in this series began with he and Peter talking about Sanya. It ended with that, too.
His last words to her were 'My Moonshine.' 😭
I rewrote this chapter so many times. Ending was still the same- sorry, again- but I just reworked this so much, added new lines and removed others, wrote in more things to make everything more painful.

*clears throat* AGAIN, I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY no one is coming back to life I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY.

TRULY SORRY.

And, as always- I humbly and unashamedly ask you to vote on the chapters, and perhaps comment, too :)