But hope! Ah, let us cherish
Some spark that may not perish,
Some tiny spark to cheer us,
As we wander through the waste!
A little lamp beside us,
A little lamp to guide us,
Where the path is rocky;
Where the road is steep;
-
(Warning: sexual content)
-

"Teacher?" Sanya asked, raising her head up so that her look of incredulity was visible. "Are you sure?"

Lucy shrugged, leaning against the apple tree.
"It makes sense, doesn't it?"

"I- guess." She said, twisting her mouth in thought. "You're es-extremely helpful, and kind, and you can lay down the law- but do you really want teaching as a career?"

She bit her lip, "I like children."

"So do I-"
Unconsciously, her hand drifted to her stomach, remembering how it had felt to be with child. But then she remembered the pain- and she remembered what it was like to lose one, to miscarry- and she dropped the hand back down.
"But you don't see me opening a babysitting agency."

Lucy squinted at her, "Yes, but you adopted a faerie child when you were barely seventeen, remember?"

"Jemmy was very cute, you can't fault me."

"That is true, True Queen." She had to admit. "Oh, by the way, I never heard- did the pictures come out alright?"

She looked confused, "What pictures?"

"The ones you and Ed took on your honeymoon, of course." Lucy laughed. "I told him I'd be happy to get the photographs developed myself, but he insisted he do it himself- said he didn't want to bother me. I like getting them developed, but that was quite thoughtful of him."

Honeymoon photographs. Right.
Also known as photographs in which she or Edmund- or both- were very, very, very naked, and in positions not for the public eye to see.
Well, a good many of them. Some had them clothed, and some were of the places they had explored- they weren't complete maniacs.
"They're great. I would love to show them to you, but I lost the album." Sanya knew she was blushing- and before her sister-in-law could realise how much her response had flustered her, and why she was flustered, she flapped her arm to smack her knee.
Heavens, what was wrong with her? Could moonbloods make her stupider and her tongue even looser?
"We were talking about you, Lu."

She wasn't very used to that.
"Being a teacher will be fi-"

"What about a nurse?" She suggested suddenly- very much an 'Eureka!' moment. Maybe she wasn't stupider? "You were a healer in Narnia- so why not here, too?"

Lucy was quiet for a moment.
She had thought about nursing before. Many times- she had told Peter about it, too, and he'd then confessed his own dreams of being a doctor to her. She was the first one he had told.

In fact, when the war had been going on, she had made up her mind to be a nurse on the battle side-lines. If she could not aid the soldiers by fighting by their side in battle, she would help them survive their wounds- both were equally important.

But the war was over now, and there were no soldiers in a battle to treat.

But any illness was a battle. Any sickness, any wound, and the fear of death- it was pain, and it was important to help them.

And she wanted to help. She always, always wanted to help. She wanted to make those in the depths of despair and disease smile.

"Do you think I'll be any good?" Battle wounds were one thing- she knew them, she had experienced them. But other, normal maladies?
She didn't have fireflower juice here.
"I don't even have my cordial here."

"Healing isn't just because of a magic cordial." Sanya said, clamping her hand over her mouth to stifle her yawn. "You'll be a great nurse, I think. Honestly, between you and Peter, I might actually stop hating going to the doctor's."

Lucy giggled.

"But you should do whatever you want. T-te-teacher or nurse, whatever. You'll be wonderful at both, or at neither, if you choose something else." She said plainly.
Lucy needed assurance- and what she spoke, was far from her lie. The once-Valiant was exceptionally capable of whatever she sent her mind and kind heart to.
"And, you know, you don't have to decide your life right now."
She smiled at her, shifting so that her hand could grasp hers. She wanted to comfort her, yes, but she really didn't want to move- she was lying down, and she felt very cosy. How often was it that one could find a comfortable position whilst in the midst of periods?
She yawned, and waved her other hand at the sky.
"It's such a nice day."

Lucy had come to spend the last week and a half before the school year started at Edmund and Sanya's. She had been slightly worried about the food situation, but Sarah's presence helped with that.

Today, however, it wasn't just Lucy with her.

Susan had come, too, because it was a Sunday and so she had the day off her course.
Bonnie had been looking for an excuse to come visit Sanya and her new home, too, and when her girlfriend had told her that she and her sister were coming to Great Shelford, she had jumped at the opportunity. Currently, the two were wandering around in the apple orchard, and most likely necking in some secluded spot by a tree.

Sanya had phoned Mina the previous afternoon, as the plan had hatched, and told her to come down, too. The heiress had been entertaining members of the nobility (she had refused to say who, only dropping vague hints that made everyone want to throttle her, until finally giving up and revealing that they were the Earl and Countess of Shrewsbury, whatever that was) at the Starling mansion in Cornwall, but she had walked out on the nobles and driven to Cambridgeshire, reaching just an hour ago.
At the moment, she was instructing her driver on exactly which brand of cigarettes she wanted him to go buy for her- heiresses did not shop for intoxicating substances on their own, it seemed.
She had started smoking again during the last year of school. It wasn't much, just some cigarettes a day- it was sorely needed.

The former Valiant Queen spoke again, "I go back to school in a week," it began on the ninth of September, for her very final year, "and most of my classmates already have everything planned about their life next year. I can't be the only hapless one."

"Nothing wrong with having an unplanned life." Sanya shrugged, because she was obviously the picture of an unplanned life. "It works out, somehow. Usually. In some ways. Sometimes."
Speaking of unplanned things- it was Edmund's birthday in four days, and she had yet to find a present for him. She wasn't going to ask anyone else for help, she never did- but she was starting to get desperate.
She had given him herself and sex on his first nineteenth birthday. Would that work for the second one?
Heavens, her brain got so sluggish when she felt sleepy...

"Not exactly the vote of confidence." Lucy laughed, before dropping her head in her hands.

"If you want confidence," Mina sauntered up to them, lifting her sunglasses up to rest on her head, "it's me you should come to."
In her other hand, she held a packet of cigarettes loosely, and as she sat down next to where Sanya was lying like a worm, she held it out to Lucy.
"Want one?"

The once-High Queen of Rihaaya groaned, "Stop trying to be a bad influence."
She was far too sleepy to reprimand Bonnie- no, Mina properly.

The tree they were under granted shade, but there were a few rays of sunlight that made their way through the branches- both played their part in making her drowsy.
And this picnic blanket that she was lying on- she had half a mind to use it as the bedsheet for their bed, it was extremely comfortable.

She grabbed the packet of smokes. She pulled one out, and handed it to Mina- whose scowl lessened slightly as she grabbed the cigarette- before stuffing the box underneath her.
"Ask me if you want more."

"And will you be giving me more if I ask?"

She winked at her, and now it was Mina who groaned.

But the blonde wasn't deterred for long, and when Bonnie and Susan sat down next to them, giggling and their cheeks pink, she found a new topic to snark on.

"Well, well, well." She said, her usual smirk appearing on her face. "I thought you two were lost."

Susan lied promptly, "We were just exploring to see how many of the trees still have apple blossoms in it."
Truthfully, the only thing she'd been exploring was Bonnie's mouth and the limits of how long a cotton dress would survive being grabbed at without ripping.
Also, to her credit, she had made certain that her bright red lipstick would not be smudged, no matter how hungrily her girlfriend kissed her. It was all about practice.
"A fair few do, you know, and the flowers are so pretty."

"As pretty as a girl?"

Sanya, now far closer to sleep than consciousness, mumbled, "Girls are prettiest."

Bonnie assumed that that wasn't enough for Mina- and she decided to answer this question, though she wasn't as good at deception as Susan.
"As an artist, I would prefer to compare it to a painting, not any human. "

Mina leaned ahead, closer to the older girl, "Right, you're an artist. Out of us here, who do you think would be the most beautiful subject of a portrait?"

Lucy started to speak, a thoughtful look in her eyes, "I'm not an artist, but as a photographer, I think that everyone has beauty in them, and the right-"
She knew what Mina was playing at, she wasn't stupid- and the reason she had spoken up was partly to protect her sister and her girlfriend.
But, also, it was a question that had made her think.

"Let's hear from the artist first, Lucy. Drawings before photographs, I think- going by order of origin."

Bonnie swallowed, and made a valiant effort to not share panicked looks with Susan. She also hoped she didn't accidentally blurt out the fact that she had drawn her girlfriend before, several times, and she was easily her favourite subject.
"I usually like to draw abstract things, actually-"
Oh, they should never have left that little group of trees in the corner of the orchard!
But it wasn't like they had known that that teasing them and trying to coax the truth of their relationship out of them would be Mina's new mission.

Mina was bored now. The least they could do was blush a little, maybe stammer- and if they shared a panicked glance, that would have been the cherry on top. Friendly teasing was so very satisfying.
But these two weren't fun to play with.
She spoke with an eye-roll, "What you usually like is to snog Susan."

The girls were too stunned to speak.

"Mina, stop it." Lucy said reproachfully, her lips turned down. "It's not nice to accuse people like that, please don't-"

"Not accusing, telling the truth."

"It's- it's not- it's-"
Susan was good at lying. Perhaps the best in her family, save for Sanya. But she had not expected to be confronted so bluntly, and so suddenly, about a subject like this- something that could get both of them killed.
"We don't do things like that." She said finally, and Bonnie gulped next to her. "It's wrong."

It wasn't wrong.

But people thought it was, which was why she couldn't yell from the rooftops that she was a lesbian. Forget rooftops- she couldn't even tell her parents.

"No, it's not." Mina laughed, astonishing them all- except Sanya, who had surprisingly fallen into a stupor. "Kissing girls is so bloody fun! And they taste a lot better than blokes- I swear, some fellows just do not brush their teeth at all."

Bonnie gaped at her, "You've kissed girls?"

"I spent four years in an all-girls' boarding academy full of rich bitches who only care about having fun." Yet again, she rolled her eyes. "The question should be how many girls have I kissed."

Curiously, Susan asked, "How many?"

Mina smiled angelically at her, "I don't kiss and tell, my sweet. But I might make an exception if it's you I'm kissing-"

Without thinking, because she simply wasn't going to think while the pretty blonde made eyes at Susan- Bonnie snapped, "Don't flirt with my girlfriend."

Susan sighed, understanding the battle was now lost, and Mina let out a loud cackle.

"I knew it!" She said triumphantly- and, in another moment, her smirk changed to a smile, soft and happy. "I've suspected it for months, and I even told Sanya about my suspicions-"

Sanya did not respond to this, because she was fast asleep. Considering how difficult sleep was for her, and how she usually couldn't sleep without a bed and a bolster, it was quite odd- but she felt tired.

Being a wife in 1940s England took a lot out of her.

Oh, who was she kidding? She was this tired because she had slept only three hours the previous night, having spent the rest of the time finishing up the inventory- was that the word?- for the bookshop. And she had been having her moonblood this week- it was to end by that day, but it drained and pained her so much.
She would have liked to sleep in- she'd finally slept at six in the morning- but she had had to get up and lock the door behind Edmund and Lucy, who had gone to the market.

The former had gone to buy his textbooks for the new term and the latter had accompanied him, because she wanted to develop some pictures she had taken in their garden.

After that, though she had tried, sleep just would not come to her.

"And she told me that she was a curious cat, too, but at least she wasn't curious about subjects that could get the participants stoned or jailed- whatever that meant." Mina snorted- she was still smiling. "You two are rather adorable."

Bonnie and Susan scooted slightly closer to each other, and Susan laid her head on Bonnie's shoulder.
She was smiling, "Yes, we think we are."

Mina's smile widened. She would also tell Bonnie, later, that she knew of her gender identity, too- because she knew someone who had been to Bonnie's old school, and she'd connected the two dots. She would also tell her of her visit to Denmark with her aunt, where they had met Gerda Wegener, Lili Elbe's former wife- and then she'd offered some rude comments on Gerda's paintings.

Bonnie was smiling at Susan, leaning in to kiss her cheek.

As she pulled away, a stray ray of sunlight dappled over her face- and the warmth made her eyes close, her eyelids fluttering at the sun and the foliage that concealed it.

She felt warmth in her heart, too.

Mina asked, suddenly and rapidly, "When are you two getting married? If you are, can I tell my parents that I introduced you two? They'll perhaps finally start thinking I can positively impact-"

"We aren't getting married." Susan said- she wanted to laugh, but she couldn't. It wasn't just 'aren't getting married'- it was 'we aren't allowed to be married'. They never would be, she was sure. "We haven't even been officially dating for two years yet."

"Don't tell your parents about us." Bonnie said, gripping her girlfriend's hand too tight. "Don't tell anyone, Mina. Promise that."

"Also, you didn't introduce them." Lucy pointed out to Mina.

She wished Sanya woke up- she wanted to finish the conversation about her career choice. Or they could've gone on their own orchard-exploring wander- like Bonnie and Susan had, except the kissing.

But her sister-in-law looked so peaceful in her sudden slumber- she couldn't rouse her out of it, it would be too mean.
Maybe she'd just talk to her parents about it, over the telephone or in a letter. She had told Peter, and had started to talk with Edmund about it at the market- but not their parents yet.
She would, soon. Parents knew best, after all- she hoped.

"Fine, I promise." Mina said, narrowly avoiding rolling her eyes. "Everyone you care about knows and accepts you, and I guess that's enough."

"My parents don't know." Susan said shortly, and then said nothing more.

"My parents are still wrapping their heads around us." Bonnie shrugged- she was surprised that Susan had not spoken of the illegal aspect of what Mina asked about. But if she hadn't, then neither would she.
Then she bent in closer to Susan and whispered, softly enough that only she would be able to hear, "Funnily enough, it was easier for them to understand I was changing my gender than me dating a girl."

She had told them at Sanya's wedding, and had introduced Susan almost immediately, so as to not give them anytime to possibly yell and make a scene.

They weren't the type to- but they had just found out that their daughter, who had once been a son, spent her free time kissing another girl, whom she lived in close proximity to. It could drive anyone off the edge.

Susan had charmed her parents almost instantly, thank the Lord- but they were still not quite as ease with it.
They would be soon, hopefully.

She turned towards her girlfriend's sister, remembering something suddenly.
"Also, Lucy- teacher?"

Lucy looked taken aback.
"How did-"

"Sorry." Susan looked slightly shameful- though she shouldn't be. It wasn't like it was a secret! Nothing so unimportant could be a secret. "I heard you talking about it with Peter a few days ago, and since Bonnie also plans to be a teacher-"

"You were eavesdropping on Pete and I?"

Bonnie started to poke at Sanya- because the sisters seemed well on their way to an argument. Her best friend was not the best mediator, but she knew the situation better than she or Mina did.

"It wasn't intentional, Lu."

"Su, when was this?"

Susan was out of the house almost all the time, when had she even heard them talking?

Sunday! It had been the Sunday before last- she had been asking Peter about university, right before they had left for church.

Lucy gasped, and Susan looked almost amused at the theatricality of it.
"You told Mum you were ill, and that's why you couldn't attend church!"

Susan gave a humourless chuckle, "Well, I was sick and tired of it, which counts as illness. I've been skipping church for ages, sister, why are you getting bothered now?"

"It's true, though." Peter said quietly, and the other three looked at him. He was staring at the ground, his jaw clenched. "Susan is a traitor."

If she looked at Susan for a second more, Lucy was going to start screaming.
"I'm going back to the cottage- oh, Sanya, you're up." She blinked in surprise, as she turned towards her sister-in-law.
She was sluggishly trying to sit up, blinking blearily, and her face grumpy and frowning like a newborn.
"Come on, we'll go back together."

"Wha'?" She yawned, stretching like a cat as she finally managed to achieve an upright position. "Where Ed?"

"We could be in a burning house, and Sanya would ask for Edmund." Bonnie rolled her eyes, and she stretched, too, before standing up. "I think I'll head in, too, Susan. There is a small fear in me that the owners of this orchard will come and chase us away with pitchforks."

"They w-wo-won't." Her best friend yawned once more, cracking her neck- once towards her left, and once towards her right. It made Mina look nauseated.
She held her hand out, grasping Bonnie's, and hoisted herself to her feet.
"We let them steal berries from our rowan tree," it was a tree her husband liked, because it supposedly gave protection against witches- it was right in their backyard, and they could see it if they hung out of the window in their bedroom, "and they let me come here and sit without having me arrested for trespassing."

Edmund had figured out this deal, after Sanya had obliviously walked into the orchard after spotting two frogs she could swear were in a race.
He called it some fancy phrase of the law that she couldn't remember. Something about a squid?

No- it was quid. Quid pro quo.

Maybe her present to him could be a dictionary of legal terms...

Oh, she needed sleep...
--

There were butterflies on her skin.

They hovered over different spots on her body, and if Sanya wasn't practically asleep, she might have smiled as the quick flutters shifted from her wing-bone to her shoulder to her nape to her cheek.

It was as one of the butterflies moved the hair at her neck, that she realised they weren't butterflies at all.

They were kisses.

"Ed." She mumbled drowsily, her body already starting to react to his touch, and his closeness. He had his arm around her waist- they had not been spooning as they'd fallen asleep, meaning he must have moved closer- she did not mind the proximity at all. And she must have kicked the blanket off, too, when she'd shifted- she was currently lying on her side. "Wha' you doing?"

"Waking you up." Edmund sounded much more awake than she did- which was odd, because they had both fallen asleep together, around ten-thirty. "There's a telephone call for you."

She arched her back, as her husband dipped his head over her and kissed her collarbone. She hadn't yet opened her eyes- she was scared if this was a dream.
"From who? What time-"

"Ella. It's almost three, darling." He spoke softly, moving her so that she lay on her back.

She had taken off her pyjama-top, as it was stuffy in the room with the windows closed- they had had to close the window, because it was too cold to have it open. It was either sweating or freezing, and Edmund had made the choice very easily.

He took a moment to gaze at her lovely toplessness, before saying, "She said it's urgent- she won't tell me why, though. I think she still dislikes me."

Her eyelids fluttered as his lips then touched her breasts, and his tongue darted over her nipple.
"I don't care." She said, gripping the bedsheet with one hand and sliding her other hand inside her pyjamas.
Edmund could kiss her tits all he liked, because she liked that, too, very much- she could take care of herself.
"K-keep doing that."
It was three in the morning, and she had Edmund doing this. What else could she possibly care about?

Edmund's cheeks flushed as the scent of her arousal reached him- and as he glanced downward, he could see her hand twitch rhythmically inside her pyjamas, as she rubbed herself closer to release.
God, he wanted to lick her...

He had woken up to the telephone ringing, and he had also woken up with the terribly annoying phenomenon called morning wood- even though it had not been morning when he'd woken.

He'd intended to answer the call, and finish himself off in the bathroom- but Ella had said that the matter was urgent.
In hindsight, he should have poked Sanya to wake her up, not kiss her all over.

He shifted his head away from her torso, now hovering over her own head- and he whispered, "Moonshine."

She swallowed, pressing herself closer to him. He wasn't sucking on her skin any more, but she could feel his hardness press into her thigh- and, almost involuntarily, her fingers worked faster and her breathing grew erratic.
"Edmund, please-"

"Moonshine." He said evenly- though his lust was going to blind him, soon, if he didn't find his own release. "I think you should call back."

Sanya finally opened her eyes, and as she gazed at Edmund, his freckles and his blush, his strong and lithe body wrapped around her- she felt dizzy with desire.
He could slide inside her after, feeling her warmth around him, and they would fall asleep like that, arms intertwined around each other and joined as one.

But before that...

She lifted her head to meet his lips in an open-mouthed kiss, and she rolled her hips against him.
He gasped into her mouth, and she murmured, "Finish yourself off, darling."

He groaned, "Moonshine-"

"Fuck yourself." She spoke breathlessly- her breasts heaved, and he was transfixed. "As I fuck myself."

And Edmund promptly forgot about telephones, because what did some call matter when he had Sanya kissing him, when he had her touching herself because of his kisses, and when he needed to get himself off while thinking only of and looking at her.

It was as his hand wrapped around himself, and his wife's body began to tremble due to the work of her fingers on her clit- Edmund pushed down his pyjamas with his other hand, as he rubbed himself harder, and Sanya's hips lifted higher with each violent flick of her fingers- that there was a loud knock on the door.

"Sanya! Edmund!" It was Lucy, and she sounded so panicked that her voice pierced through the erotic bubble the couple had willingly locked themselves in. "Open the door!"
She knocked again, even louder.
"It's your grandmother, Sanya!" She went on yelling. "The maid- so sorry, I don't remember her name, she called- she said she'd called before, too- and she said-"

Sanya flung the door open, and Lucy was startled to see her in pyjama bottoms and a pillowcase covering her chest. What an odd choice of outfit.
"What?" She asked hoarsely, gripping the door tight. Her legs were jelly, meaning that she would fall down immediately if she did not have something to hold. "What did Ella say?"

Right, Ella!
"Er." She looked behind Sanya- Edmund was lying on the bed, their bedsheet covering him from foot to his chin- and then back to her sister-in-law.
She decided there was no point in asking why they had taken so long to open the door.
"Your grandmother is in the hospital."

Sanya almost dropped the pillow.
"What? What's wrong?"

Lucy's lips wobbled, "Heart attack."

Nine minutes later, Sanya was buttoning her dress, preparing to head to Finchley.
And she was also apologising to Edmund.
Not for cutting short their session of mutual pleasure- that, she had already apologised for and she'd promised to make up for it soon, as long as she did not return with the knowledge that someone else she loved was dead.

Queens don't cry. Queens don't cry. Queens don't cry.

She was apologising, because she'd likely be away from him for a while.
For once, she would be the one to leave- just for a little while, though.

"I might have to stay there a few days." She said, finally pausing for a moment to look at her husband. He was sitting on the foot of the bed, wearing trousers and a dressing gown and a grim expression. There was still fluttering in her stomach, and- oh, fuck, she would miss him so badly. "I'm so sorry-"

"There's absolutely no need to apologise." Edmund said immediately. "It's your grandmother, stay as long as you need."
He wanted to go with her- but classes had just started today. He couldn't skip out on the very first week of classes, and Sanya would never let him.

"I might miss your birthday." She said, going by to sit next to him. Since Lucy had broken the news, she had not sat. She'd packed a bag- Edmund had found her the bag, and told her of what she needed to carry- and then she had gotten dressed, all the while her anxiety regarding her grandmother's health growing worse and worse, eclipsing all else. "I'll try to be back by then-"
It was in two days.

"My darling, it's alright. It's just a birthday, there's always one next year." He assured her, kissing her forehead. He saw her shoulders slump- and, before he knew it, his arms were around her. "It's not like nineteen is an important age, anyway, and we have already spent my first nineteenth together."

To be fair, though, he had spent most of that nineteenth with his siblings and with their son- he remembered that he hadn't seen Sanya the entire day. He'd found her at night, waiting for him in their chambers, a silver satin robe wrapped around her.
She hadn't been reading from a book or scroll that night, not as she usually was. He remembered being surprised by that.

And then she had called him by his name- for the very first time.

Her gift to him had been her, and his jaw had dropped so much that he'd thought it would never ascend back to his face again.

"Say it." He said, still not daring to believe his good fortune. This WAS a dream. "Please."

Her face turned towards him, just a little but her eyes were still downturned. "Fuck me, Edmund Pevensie?"

He liked her saying his name. He liked it a lot.
"Oh, I will."

They had then spent the entire night together, wrapped up in and caring only about each other.
And he had held her in his arms the morning after- that was when he had called her 'Moonshine' for the first time, because he had seen her asleep as the moonlight drifted in from the window, and it had bathed her in shining silver. She was always beautiful- and she had been ethereal as he'd gazed at her in her slumber. Her sleepy morning voice was still one of his favourite sounds.
They'd been together in the afternoon, too, just lolling around in bed, probably as one. And the evening. They had had dinner in their chambers, as well.
He couldn't even remember whether they'd left their bed that week...

But they must have had, because of Jemmy. They couldn't have stayed away from their baby boy for long.

"I haven't even got you a gift." She said softly, strongly fighting the urge to cry.
Her grandmother was dying, and she would be leaving her husband.
They had been so happy and so intimate on Ed's first nineteenth birthday. Sure, it had all gone to hell soon after, but- they had been so blissful that night.
And this time- they wouldn't even be together.
"I was going to get one tomorrow-"

"Sanya." He said, and his wife looked up- her eyes were full of unshed tears. He had almost never seen her like this, and it broke his heart. "Maude will be alright."

He didn't know that. He knew almost everything, but he didn't know that.
But she appreciated that he was trying to comfort her.
"I can't lose anyone else." She whispered, her nose burning. He held her tighter- but even his loving embrace didn't stop her heart from feeling like it was crumbling.
She went on, "I- I know it's selfish- that I should be thinking of what she's going through, and nothing else- but I just- I can't- I can't lose anyone else."
She wouldn't be able to take it. She couldn't handle more loss.
Her face crumpled, and she began to cry.

Edmund kissed the top of her head, and let her weep silently in his arms. He would say something, but he knew that letting her cry it out was the best thing.

He'd never really seen her cry. Not in almost fifteen years together. He had seen her tearful, he had seen her torn between tears and laughter- but he had never properly seen her cry.
He was technically not seeing her cry even now, since she had hidden her face- but it was still more than he had ever seen before.

He did, however, know Sanya well enough to know what she needed in a moment like this.

She hid her face in Edmund's chest, wetting the fabric of his dressing gown, and she sniffled.
"You'll be here, right?" She asked in a soft murmur. "You'll be here waiting?"

"I promise." He spoke solemnly, and she pulled away, getting to her feet. Her eyes were red and tear-tracks apparent- but she appeared to have composed herself remarkably quickly. "I'll walk you to the station."

"No, I told you, I can go by myself- you don't-"

"It's dangerous-"

"Ed-"

"And dark, it's twilight outside." The sun would not rise until it was well past five, and it wasn't even four yet. "And I have my cycle."
Eustace had brought it with him for the wedding- and that was his wedding gift to him. And then he had apologised for such a present, but he was too broke for anything else. Edmund had laughed, and then hugged him.

"I am not getting on that." She said immediately, crossing her arms. She watched Edmund walk to their wardrobe, and rifle for shirts inside it. "It's wobbly."

"You just don't like getting on cycles." He said, rolling his eyes as he pulled off his dressing gown. "You fell only thrice."

The first summer she had spent in Finchley, the Pevensie brothers had tried to teach her to cycle. She had done very well- but then the training wheels came off, and that had not gone well.
Sanya looked at Edmund's shirtless form a long, reverential, silent moment, before finally retorting, "And I would like to not add more times to that!"

"Oh, come on, I fell loads of times while learning cycling. That's just how it is." He buttoned his shirt quickly, and then walked back to his wife. "Shall we go?"

She pouted at him, "Not on cycle."

"Fine, fine, we'll walk, but I'll take my cycle along so that I'll cycle back home." Edmund said, and they held hands as they walked out of the bedroom together. "I'll need to remember to have a light fixed onto the cycle..."

And therein Sanya knew exactly what to get for his birthday present.

She could buy him a torch!

He had left his beloved torch back in Narnia- and she knew nothing could replace it, but something was better than nothing, wasn't it?
She wished she could get him- and herself- a sword, because sparring with sticks was not the same- but she couldn't find any.

Torch it was.

It wouldn't be as great as sex or a gold chessboard - but her options were limited in this world.

A strange time to get the idea, considering her grandmother was possibly dying or dead, and she was on her way to a hospital.
--

But as soon as she got into the car waiting for her outside the Finchley train station, just as dawn was breaking and the sun rose, she found out she was not to go to the hospital after all.
She was going back to the Rainsford house.

"Madam Rainsford was only in hospital for an hour." The driver, Bart Linnehan, said, looking at his mistress's granddaughter in the interior rear-view mirror. "We would've told you, but I fancy you were on the train already."

Madam Rainsford was only in hospital for an hour.

Was.

Sanya felt every emotion leave her, and she asked, her voice deadened, "Is she dead?"

"What? No, of course not." Mr. Linnehan looked horrified at the very thought. "She just found the hospital too- er- too common for her. She ordered the doctor to treat her at her own home."

"She's- alive?"

"Yes." He took a turn, and Sanya saw the all-too familiar houses of her old Finchley neighbourhood come into sight.
He must have driven very fast, just like she had asked him to. That was good- she wanted to be at the house as soon as was possible, because she had to be with her grandmother.
But she couldn't help wondering if they would pass the park- and if the swings were still there.

Mr. Linnehan went on, "She's just come home- she came back in an ambulance, so I could come pick you up."

What?
But- what? She was alive?
"She's alive?" She asked again, stupidly, and then she felt her cheek muscles move. She was smiling. "Gran's alright?"

The driver winced, "I wouldn't say alright- she's very weak, and I heard that she may be bedridden for months, Ms. Rain- pardon, Mrs. P-"

"Call me Sanya, please. You've known me for years." She said, and moved closer to the front seat, resting her chin on the headrest of the passenger seat.
The feeling of ease that had suddenly washed over her, had faded with his first seven words.
"Do you think Grandmother will be fine?"

He nodded immediately, not even hesitating.
"This isn't her first heart attack, M- Sanya. She survived the first, she will survive this, and likely outlive all of us." He snorted then, and his snow-white whiskers fluttered in the wind that came through the open window. "Ach, I'm a decade or two younger than her, but I know it as surely as I know my name that she'll outlive me."

It was absolutely the wrong thing to focus on- she should be focusing on the fact that her grandmother had had a heart attack before, and she hadn't known- but she had to ask, "How old are you, Mr. Linnehan?"

It was probably also a rude thing to ask- wasn't it?

Old people really should not mind being asked their age, though.

And Mr. Linnehan was old- he had white hair, and the wrinkles and spots that came with aging.
He was old enough to be her grandfather easily- and she had spent enough time with him, though most of it was in silence, to know that he was a jolly old man. She hoped he was jolly enough to not be offended.

"I turned fifty-six in March, ma'am." He spoke jovially, smiling. "Went home to Derry-" in Ireland, "to celebrate. It was right hard to get there, for all the unrest- border cities are difficult, y'know- but nothing's like home."

She smiled slightly, too, because there was nothing else she agreed with more.
"That's true."
Maude was between sixty-six and seventy-six, then.
"Thank you." She said, as the car came to a stop in front of the Rainsford house.

He nodded his head, smiling, "Of course, Sanya. I pray that Mrs. Rainsford recovers soon."

She sighed, "I hope so, too."
Her mouth was still open, and she wanted to say something else- but she found nothing, and so she scurried out of the car and inside the house- she'd thankfully remembered to carry her spare key to the house.

"Oh, Miss Sanya." Ella said, turning away from the staircase she had just been about to climb, and seeing the young woman walk in through the door. She looked pale and drawn, just as she knew she herself did, and she could not resist wrapping her arms around her in a hug as she reached her. "Are you fine? I was sorry to wake you and the others in your house-"

"Don't say sorry." She said immediately, shaking her head. "Is Bonnie here?"
She really hoped she was.

"No, she's still at hospital, finishing some paperwork. She knows her way around a hospital very well." Ella said, shrugging. "Mr. Linnehan's to go pick her up now- I'm sorry, I've to ask, does Sarah know?"

Sanya shook her head, hesitantly returning the hug.
She liked hugs with very, very few people- her parents and brother, Edmund, her babies, Bonnie, her siblings-in-law. Her brother and Edmund most. She didn't have them here, because they were all away or dead- so this comfort was welcome.
"No, but I think Edmund will tell her when she comes in the morning." She spoke with a shrug, before biting her lip.
That was the one problem that had been there about Sarah moving to Cambridgeshire and being their cook, something she felt truly terrible about- that she and Ella would have to part.
"You must miss her, right?"

Ella swallowed, and nodded.
"Yes, I-"

"Ms. Omari!" A voice shouted from above, and the two women looked up to see a man leaning over the railing. "A cold compress, if you please."

"Yes- yes, of course, Dr. Greene." She called back, nodding, before she looked at Sanya again. "Go on up, Miss Sanya, the doctor will tell you all you need to know."

Sanya nodded, and began up the stairs.

Her grandmother was lying down in her bed, the doctor next to her checking her heartbeat. She didn't seem asleep, but she wasn't awake- her breathing was shallow, and her eyes kept fluttering.
Maude was pale, and her cheeks were sunken in; and Sanya didn't think she had ever seen her look this frail.

The doctor- an ancient looking, thin man with greying hair and rectangular glasses- looked up as she walked in, and he asked, "Mrs. Rainsford's granddaughter, I presume. Hm, you should get more sleep."
He stood up and looking at her critically.
"And exercise more. Were you fat as a child?"

She stared at him, "Um- um- yes."

"It shows." He said, fixing his bow tie. "How old are you now?"

She had not come here for an impromptu medical check-up!
"Eighteen." She said flatly, and then pushed by him to sit down on the chair he had vacated moments ago.
She didn't know whether to hold her grandmother's hand, or not. Even when her parents had been on their deathbed, she had not known how to take care of them, how to show affection in ways that would warm them, even as they lay dying.
Sick people were as confusing as healthy people to interact with.
She looked at her grandmother- it was so odd to see her so still and silent- and then to the doctor, "What happened? What c-caused the attack?"

"Nothing, I believe." The doctor had been scowling as she had taken his seat, but now he looked serious, concern behind his thick glasses. "According to the maid, Mrs. Rainsford was getting ready for bed, and then she heard a thud from upstairs, and when she went up, she saw the lady on the floor, clutching her heart."

"Can that happen? I thought there was always something that- that triggered it."

"Not always- but yes, usually." Dr. Greene said, just as Ella walked inside, cold compress in hand. "Mrs. Rainsford's first heart attack was because she was reminded that she had to plan her daughter's funeral. Grief attacks you not just emotionally, but also physically."

She knew that. It was because of mostly grief that she had almost died in childbirth, after all.
Pregnancy had not been easy for her the first time around, either, though she had tried to convince herself otherwise- but the last few months of her second pregnancy had had her in so much pain.
She had tried to convince herself otherwise of that part, too.
"But she'll be fine, right?" Sanya asked, watching as the cold compress was gently applied to her grandmother's forehead. She twitched slightly, her eyes almost opening for a moment- but then she was asleep again. "She'll recover?"

The doctor nodded, looking up at the girl, "Certainly. But she'll need time to recover- months. And you must make sure she does not stir out of bed- and if she has to, you'll-"

"Ella will." She had to interject, because she didn't like that he was saying it all while looking at her very pointedly. "She'll look after Gran."

Ella coughed, and pretended there was something fascinating on a bare space of wall.

Dr. Greene peered at her, "What about you?"

"I'm only here for a few days." Hopefully two, so she spend at least part of her husband's birthday with him. She had already missed one when she'd been in America- and, fine, because they had been broken up- but not more! "I'll help as much as I can-" oh, she needed help on how to help, "but I can't stay to nurse her back to health. Also, I am in fact an awful caretaker."
Just as she had felt so deeply relieved that her grandmother was alright- now she was being told she had to look after her? Of course she wanted to help her and look after her and make sure she was well again- but she wasn't a nurse!
It would not turn out well for anyone.

"Miss Sanya just got married, Dr. Greene." Ella spoke up, hoping to alleviate the fearsome scowl that had popped up on the doctor's face. "She has her own house to run, and a shop, too, soon- it's not fair to ask her to disrupt her whole life, is it?"

Aw. Ella had always been so good to her. She had known that since she had asked her to buy her contraceptives, and she had actually bought her a diaphragm, instead of telling on her to her grandmother!
Sanya had not used the contraceptive, mostly because she didn't know how, but she'd been warmed by the fact that she'd helped her, with hardly any questions asked!

She and Sarah were both brilliant.
She hoped they got married someday.

"I- I suppose not." The doctor said slowly, pursing his lips. He looked at Sanya again. "I'll arrange for a nurse to come here, look after Mrs. Rainsford as well as help Ms. Omari. But it will take at least a week, so it would be best if you could stay that long."

That was not a problem.

A week was better than months- and she wanted to see Maude get better. She missed her bitchiness and her fussing, and even her ill-advised comments.
Heavens, was this how Peter felt while missing her? Was this how she had missed her brother-in-law?
"Yes, of course, I can stay that long."

He continued peering at her, "And you'll help?"

"Yes." She said again, and then stood up. "Excuse me."
Before waiting to be excused- oh, to hell with permission, she had been High Queen!- she practically ran out of her grandmother's room.

Minutes later, she was speaking into the telephone receiver, "Hello?"
She was so glad that she had the page with important telephone numbers written on it. She had carried her old school bag, which was where the torn-diary page had resided since her final year at St. Finbar's. She updated her personal telephone contacts list very regularly.

A groggy male voice answered, "Hello? Who?"

"It's Sanya, Dr. Wright." She was immediately apologetic, and she felt horrified she had completely forgotten that it was only six in the morning!
He had probably been enjoying sleep in his cosy apartment in Milton Keynes- a city she only remembered because she had thought for the longest time that it was a human's name.
Perhaps it was a human's name- were cities in England named after people?
"Ms. P-Potts gave me your ho-house number."

"Right- good morning, Sanya-"

"Congratulations on the engagement, by the way."

"Yes, well, the lights at your reception put me in such a romantic mood, I simply-" Dr. Wright stopped suddenly, and Sanya could hear him shaking his head. "Forget that. Are you well?"

"For the moment, yes." She said- no, that wasn't a lie. "But my grandmother just had a heart attack-"

He sounded a lot more awake now, "Goodness, what-"

"She's alive. She's fine." She didn't want Dr. Greene to come down and stare at her with his withering stare, silently judging her for making a telephone call at such a time. So, quickly, she asked, "How does someone- someone who is not a nurse and who is a terrible caretaker, help in this situation? I want to help her- she's my granny."

Dr. Wright went quiet for a moment.
"That is sweet, but this is an awful, awful, awful hour-"

"Finally we agree on something."

He ignored her, "And you call me to ask me- a children's doctor- how to nurse someone- an old lady- back to health?"

"Just the basics, Nick."

"For goodness's sake-" She could practically hear the young doctor roll his eyes. "Fine. Fine. At least it's not to tell me you had another miscarriage-"
He paused again, a terrible thought occurring to him.
He burst out in horror, "You haven't, had you?"

"No." She rolled her eyes as well- but her voice was quieter than it had been, as she remembered the ninth of October. "No pregnancies, no miscarriages."
Just a lot of sex.
"I promise."

"Good." He sighed.
Perhaps it was because of the relief he found from hearing that, that he spent the next half an hour detailing the ways the girl could help, and answering questions- as opposed to being rational, and going back to sleep.
--

"I'm telling you, Jonathan-" Edmund said, shaking his head, "there is a law in America against having a donkey in your tub after seven p.m.!"

"Impossible." Jonathan Scott shook his head resolutely, as the two boys strolled along Trinity Lane and towards Senate House Passage. "Even America isn't barmy enough for that!"

"Oh, but it is, my friend. America is exactly that barmy."

He still looked unconvinced, "Is the law all over America?"

Edmund sighed- well, there the fun was ended.
"No. Only in Arizona."

"Seriously?" Jonathan's eyes widened. "I thought it would be one kooky town, but an entire state-"

The other law student looked sceptical, "Are you just pretending to go berserk about this to validate me, because it's my birthday?

"Only partly, Ed." The other brunet boy assured him, shifting his satchel of books from one arm to another. "The rest of the reason for being berserk is very genuine, I assure you. These bizarre laws are absolutely hilarious."

"If you think this one was bizarre, wait till I tell you about the law in Scotland which forbids you from riding cows if you're drunk."

Once again, there was disbelief in his blue-green eyes, "Surely, no one can ever be drunk enough to ride a cow."

Edmund snorted, "Alcohol and idiocy is an explosive combination, Jon. Anything is possible."

"Spoken from experience?"

They were almost at the Squire Law Library- most of their classes took place there.

Since most classes were there, they usually did not leave the building- but they had had two hours free before their final class, and Jonathan had treated him to some fish sticks at a local haunt.

They still had half an hour before the next class- but some of the professors tended to come early, and it was best to be waiting.

"My brother's experience, yes. My elder sister likes her drink, too, but she can hold it much better than Peter can."

"One of my siblings-"

"Which one?"
Jonathan had five siblings, and he was the eldest. Edmund wondered which number had caused his parents to go around the bend.
There was no way they were still sane, with six children.

"Beth. Don't ask me which one she is- as if I remember the order." He rolled his eyes- maybe third?- and went on, "She was alone at home while we went out for a wedding- she had cramps, or something. We came back later that day, and she seemed fine, she was sitting in her room and reading."

"What happened then?"

"Oh, Mum went to get some wine for supper, and found every single bottle in the wine cupboard empty." He tried to sound disapproving, but he was starting to laugh. "The whisky, the beer, some dodgy scotch a drunk uncle had given Dad- all of it, gone. It was insanity. Beth should have keeled over from the amount she drank."

"Maybe she had friends over." Edmund suggested- that could not be medically possible. Also, surely no one named Beth could be that much of a troublemaker? "I don't think it's humanly possible to drink that much. Must have been others, there."

Jonathan opened his mouth- and then closed it again.
When he finally spoke, they were standing in front of the Library.
"Well." He spoke gruffly, his rather big ears very red. "I had not thought of that."

The former Just King patted his shoulder, "This is why I'm the wiser one between us."

"You're the wiser one between anyone!" Shouted a voice from a few feet ahead on the Passage- and Edmund turned in surprise.

Dressed in a white floral blouse and red trousers, her eyes sparkling and bright even from a distance- his wife was standing, the hand with her wedding ring raised in greeting.

"Sanya." He breathed, and she was rushing towards him- there were identical smiles on their faces.

She threw her arms around him as she reached him, and his arms went around her waist, lifting her up.

They spun around in almost a dance, Sanya wrapping her legs around Edmund's waist- they giggled as they twirled, gazing at each other, and she bent her head down to kiss him, still spinning.

It was only for a few seconds, of course- Edmund couldn't have held Sanya for any longer- but it felt like the eternity they deserved.

As the kiss broke, she wrapped her arms around him tighter, resting her head against his.

"Hi." Sanya whispered into his ear, as their spinning finally slowed. "Happy Birthday."

"So much happier now you're here." He whispered back, before setting her down. They had their arms around each other still. "How's Maude?"

"She's fine. Getting better day by day."

"Oh, I'm glad to hear that." He said, kissing her once more. He really was glad- he'd been very worried, and he telephoned every day to find out how things were. "But I- I thought you were still in Finchley for the next few days-"

"I was- I am." Sanya said quickly, not wanting him to get his hopes up. "I just came for some spare clothes, and other things- and I thought I'd surprise you."

"Best surprise ever." He said, leaning his forehead against hers. "You look beautiful, Moonshine-" it had only been two days, but he had felt purely parched without her, "wait, did you cut your hair?"

"Just a little off the bottom, Ella did it. The hairfall was getting frightening." She said, pretending to shudder. She glanced downwards, and tugged at the front of his jacket. "New coat?"

"Yes. Mum and Dad sent it." Edmund said, starting to lose focus as she gripped the lapels of the fawn-coloured jacket. "It's too bright for me, I'll probably give it to Pete."

"It's the colour sand is after it gets wet." She mused quietly- would anyone notice if she unbuttoned his shirt and slid her hands inside it? Or if she slipped her hand a little lower, and palmed the front of his trousers? The area wasn't that crowded- but she felt slightly ashamed about thinking such carnal thoughts in front of a library, and especially one that was situated in a campus full of the most beautiful certainly-castle-inspired buildings!
She had really missed him, though.
"But I have to agree. I like your older one, it suits you better."

He agreed, but asked teasingly, "Been able to figure out the colour yet?"

"No." It was spoken with a scowl- it would forever be a mystery! It was like someone had mixed in the most muted shades of purple, brown, and grey together. "Brown?"

"I don't know either, darling. I just know it's a tweed overcoat." And that his mum had done some stitching at the hem. "But brown seems the likelier option, right?"

Sanya loved Edmund very much, and though they had spent endless hours discussing subjects far more inane than the colour of his coat- she did not want to spend the few hours she had until she had to return to Finchley in doing that.
"Edmund." She said softly, brushing some of his hair away from his face. "I'm not wearing a bra under this."

He forgot what a coat was.
"Oh." Heat rushed to his cheeks, and his dark eyes darkened further, lust joining the love. "A birthday treat?"

She nodded with a slight smirk, "Any lonely hallways or staircases you can enjoy your treat in?"

"Well, I-" Edmund didn't think he thought this hard even in his classes, "I know one of the libraries is rather empty this time of day. The librarian there is practically deaf and she wears glasses that are even more fogged up than yours."

Sanya looked thoughtful, clear signs of a blossoming smile on her face, "Kissing against a bookshelf in the library does seem very us."
They'd never managed to during school, unfortunately, since they had been in two separate ones. The last time they had done anything in a Library had been in Cair Paravel.

"And if we get caught or the books get disturbed, we can always sit down and actually read."

"That's even more us- and I do like to sit down-"

"Here!" Came another voice, and Clarke rushed up to the couple, huffing and with a package in his hand.

"Wh-" Sanya blinked, because she had absolutely not beckoned him to come now- she had been arranging a braless library rendezvous, and rueing that she was wearing trousers instead of a skirt! "Clarke, I said 'sit', not 'gift.'"

"Ah, sorry." He did not look sorry- he was grinning widely. "Happy nineteenth, Edmund."

"Thanks, Jaffray." He spoke with a little smile. "What are you doing here? Did you transfer to Cambridge?"

"What? No." He laughed out loud. "No, my uncle runs a taxi service here, so I've been helping him out the last couple of weeks. I don't go back to uni-" Durham University, "till October."

"Yes, he picked me up from the station." Sanya said. He was actually a very good driver. "I would have left him outside, but he said that Archie should be with Veronica, and obviously I had to tell him how wrong he was-"

"I just meant he would have a more comfortable life than with Betty! It's always easier when you're rich." He said matter-of-factly- though he had never even been halfway close to rich, so he didn't exactly know. But he could assume! "By the way, you two, sorry to barge in on your moment-"
Again, he did not look sorry.
"But I just have to say, Edmund- your friend- you two look a little similar, by the way-"

Edmund looked behind him, where Jonathan stood awkwardly, his eyes flicking between them and the ground.
"Him? Jonathan?"
He didn't think they looked similar- they just both had dark hair and were pale.

The blond nodded, "His hair looks exactly like Clark Kent's."
He would honestly forever regret the fact that his first name had an 'e' at the end of it. He could have had the same name as Superman!

"Who's Clark Kent?" Jonathan had walked up, as well, upon hearing his name- if the blond bloke could intrude, he could, too! "Is he related to James Kent?"

Clarke and Sanya asked in unison, "Who?"

"American lawyer. Some place in New York is named after him." Edmund would have elaborated, talking about how his commentary on American laws had formed the country's law book in the antebellum era- but he didn't think they wanted to hear all that. "How did you even get in? You can't get through unless you have an I.D. card, or you're with someone who has one."

"I know." Sanya looked the teensiest bit sheepish, and she pressed herself closer to Edmund- just in case he got annoyed. "The guard said exactly that, and I- well, I- I said that the real reason he wasn't letting me in is because he thought no non-white person was good enough for C-Cambridge."
Sometimes her reckless plans worked out for the best.
Sometimes. Not, unfortunately, most times.

Edmund didn't even know what to say, and he simply stared down at her.

"He was absolutely appalled, and let me in immediately." The once-True Queen giggled nervously, biting her lip. "Some people are decent enough that they would rather break university laws than be called racist."

Jonathan glanced at Clarke, "How'd you get in, then, mate? You can't pull the-"

"Jewish."

"Right." Jonathan was embarrassed, and hence, he felt it was now the time to not say anything apart from goodbye. "I should head in for class. Sanya, nice to see you again."

"Same to you." She smiled politely. "All the best for class."

"Thank you. Ed, I'll see you inside." He clapped the back of his still-silent classmate, and then he looked at the new boy. "Bye- er-"

Clarke rolled his eyes- of course he was rolling his eyes. He didn't know who Clark Kent was!
Still, his lips turned up in a tiny smile, "Clarke Jaffray."

"Pleasure to meet you." Jonathan grinned at him, holding out his hand. "Jonathan Scott."

Clarke shook it- and then Jonathan was on his way inside the Squire Law Library, his satchel now slung across his body, because it kept falling off his arm.

Edmund was whispering to Sanya, "You absolutely never fail to surprise me, Moonshine."

"Forever the tone of surprise." She said, tilting her head up to bump her nose against his. "Do you have many classes left?"

"Just one." It was an important one, but he could skip it for Sanya- and it was his birthday, after all. If there was ever a day to miss class, it was on a birthday. "I can bunk it-"

"No, no, it's alright. I'll wait." She said, pulling away her arms- she feared she would not be able to let go soon enough. "I have that appointment at six-thirty, so we'll have almost three hours."

Which she couldn't blow off, as she had been the one to set it up with Dr. Wright's clinic.

She absolutely hated check-ups, and would never have had one in any other situation- but she just wanted to be sure she wasn't going to have heart attacks anytime soon.

Yes, she was only eighteen and it was very unlikely- but she had a very odd history behind her, and she couldn't be sure.
She had asked Edmund to get checked up, too, and he said he'd do it the next time he was in Finchley.

But that was later.

Sanya smiled up at Edmund, adoration in her bright eyes.
"Just the two of us."

Clarke got the hint, and he walked away to somewhere he wasn't a third-wheel- but where Sanya could still see him, since she would be waiting with him, and then he would have to take her to the doctor's and then to the station again.

All the while arguing about the love triangle in Archie Comics.

"Three hours of you. And that, too, you braless." Edmund said softly, snaking his arms around her waist, and tugging her closer to him. "Best birthday present ever."

She looked at him questioningly, "After the solid gold chess-set, you mean."

"Yes, of course after the solid gold chess-set."

-
-✧･: °*✧*°:･✧-
-
Ian McElhinney as Mr. Bart Linnehan

-

Bill Nighy as Dr. Robert Greene

-
Josh O'Connor as Jonathan Scott

-

(JUST LOOK AT THEM. THEY ARE IN SUCH UTTER BESOTTED EUPHORIA.)
-

(The definition of 'The One' for each other. There really can be no one else for them, now that they have loved each other.)
-

Poor Sanya. Just chilling and mutually masturbating with your husband while making out, and then you're informed that your grandmother is on her death-bed.

'Le petite mort' has been put into perspective for her now. 💀💀

GRANDMOTHER RAINSFORD WILL BE FINE. SHE WILL BE ALRIGHT.
It's MAUDE, she'll probably outlive even US. No deaths, no need to stress about it.

Back to regularly scheduled 10K word chapter after the interruption of last chapter! I think all the chapters from now on are 10K, give or take a few thousand words.
I can't believe there's only nine chapters left after this...
WE ARE SO CLOSE TO THE END. WHAT AM I GOING TO DO THEN. 😭

MORE GIRL GANG TIME. FEMALE BONDING MOMENTS. WE LOVE IT SM. THEY'RE ALL (complicated) BESTIES!!!

Mina's gaydar really went OFF seeing Bonnie and Susan, didn't it? Speaking of Berkensie (ugh, it sucks), they're just so lovely, I adore them. And frolicking in an apple orchard is just. Sapphic cottagecore aesthetic excellence.

Yes, of course Mina is bisexual. Who's surprised? She has such chaotic bi vibes. I did want her and Susan to kiss there for a second 🥲 I AM ALSO VERY BI, OKAY, AND THEY ARE BOTH EXTREMELY HOT.
Actually.
Now that I think about it, Mina could also be pansexual. I was thinking while brushing my teeth today, and pan also seems to work for her. I did write her as bi, but if it fits...

Teacher!Lucy is cute, but Lu as a nurse works better, I feel.
Only in the 1940s, though, when girls didn't really have any options beyond that. In modern day...idk.
I was thinking she might run a pet shop or be in the Navy? Really opposites, I know 😭 but I can't help it, idk. Peter and Edmund were easy to give professions to. Susan and Lucy? Not so much.

Lucy's 'Su, when was this?' is a reference to Euphoria's Maddy saying 'Rue, when was this?'
I just thought it would be HILARIOUS to include.

Okay, but why was Edmund even waking Sanya up like that.
If you wake her up by kissing her bare back, she's going to want to fuck you, not answer the telephone! She already wants to fuck you all the time, anyway!
Istg, the guy sees Sanya and all his braincells just stop working.

Edmund- and Sanya- reminiscing about his first nineteenth birthday 🥺🥺 what a MOMENT.
I still remember how hot and bothered everyone got when they read him saying 'Oh, I will.' lmfao 🌚
Plus, it did give birth to the Iconic nickname of 'Moonshine'!!!

I completely forgot that it's in this chapter that Edmund sees Sanya cry for the first time 🥺🥺
And he knows just how to handle it, because she is his wife, his darling, his soulmate, and he knows her better than he knows himself, and he understands what she needs.

Ngl, now that I think about it, if this book picked up immediately after Sanya comes to England, then I would have written a scene with Peter and Edmund teaching Sanya to cycle. Missed opportunity for a lot of comedy 💔

Yes, another Derry Girls actor!!! I adore that show, and Grandda is hilarious. Wish he picked on Pa Jerry a little less, though.

Bill Nighy was just 100% Dr. Greene. Can't imagine anyone else.

I DID have a hard time casting Jonathan though- couldn't think of anyone who worked. I think Thomas Brodie Sangster was in the running????
(I say in the running as though I'm casting an actual movie. Lmao.)
Then I thought of Josh O'Connor (I adore Josh O'Connor), and it just- YES. And his hair, particularly in that above gif, is very Clark-Kent-y.
(Clark Kent is Superman, fyi. If you didn't know that, shame. SHAME.)

Sanya really has lost so many people. Some by (manipulated) choice, but still. She can't lose anyone else. I really hope she won't. There's only so much even she can handle and survive. After a while, it just...swallows your heart and makes you a zombie.

Yeah, Ella and Sarah (the cook) are a couple, btw. It was pretty implicit, I think.

EDMANYA JUMP HUG!!! I love jump hugs. In spite of heart attacks and weird Arizona laws, they are just so happy.
They'll stay happy, too. I know, it shocks me still.

I love that whenever Sanya has no gift ideas for Edmund, her go-to is just 'okay I'll give him sex with me, he'll like it' and he loves it EVERY SINGLE TIME. As though they don't have sex on a regular basis, smh.

And, as always- I humbly and unashamedly ask you to vote on the chapters, and perhaps comment, too :)