Let them stand-
You shall meet with your curse in your pleasures
Set off for your course, I'll pursue with my rain.
-

"Checkers is stupid." Edmund said, staring at the instruction-book to checkers that Eustace had got him for his birthday. "Well, it's not stupid, but it's certainly not as erudite as chess."

"That's probably why most people like it." Eustace said, sitting on Edmund's cot and carefully labelling a sympetrum fonscolombii. "Most of them aren't as intelligent as us."

His cousin sighed, "Eustace, no."

The younger boy looked around, a look of bewilderment on his face.
"Was that rude? It can't have been- it's just the truth-"

Just the truth.
Edmund disliked his brain.
"It wasn't so much rude as it was pretentious." He told him. "It was rude, too, though, mind you."

"I see." Eustace said, frowning. He had been bettering by leaps and bounds, but by some counts, he was still a prat. "Tha-"

The word of gratitude was cut off by the door of Eustace's room being thrown open.
It was Oscar, his eyes wide and his hair stuck up as though he had just woken up, and there came shouting from downstairs.

"Who is that boy, Eusty!?" Aunt Alberta was shrieking. "I am not running a-"

"Os, what's up?" Edmund asked calmly, after he had closed the door and drowned out his aunt's voice. "You look like you've just escaped from Medusa."

His- boyfriend, he supposed, he didn't know, they hadn't talked about it, even though they had been together for over two months now- blinked at him.
"What's Medusa?"

"Er-" Edmund didn't really feel like explaining Greek mythology right then, "doesn't matter. Are you alright?"

Oscar nodded, looking slightly frazzled.
He sat down next to Eustace- who immediately sprang up, because the older boy had come from outside, all sweaty and running and he hadn't even washed his hands!- and then looked up at Ed, dazed.
"I got into uni."

"What?" Edmund blinked- and then he laughed. Not in mockery- as Eustace seemed to think, going by his expression- but in delight. "That's so great, Os, congratulations."

"I'll leave." Eustace said. He wasn't entirely sure about the nature of their relationship- but he cared nothing for any relationships, and he regularly tried to keep himself away from couples.
He walked to the door, mumbling, "I'll go see if Lucy and Peter need help with the peeling..."

Edmund and Oscar stared at his retreating figure.

"Huh, your cousin isn't an utter arsehole anymore."

The younger boy nodded, moving away from the door and sitting down next to him, "It shocks and rattles me to my very core. Now, what's this about uni?"

Oscar flushed, and brought out a crumpled letter from his pocket.
"It just got delivered- I slept late last night, and I woke up to yelling from my mum that I have mail. I somehow got over to the letters- and- and this was just waiting."
He'd applied to a fair few universities- he wasn't a bad student, but he was nothing brilliant, and he had wanted to keep his options open.
"It still doesn't feel real."

"Which university is it?"

He hesitated for a moment- but something about his boyfriend's dark eyes made him unable to hold back the answer for longer.
"University of South Wales."

He knew about that. He knew where that was. Peter had had a letter from there- he couldn't remember if it had been an acceptance or a rejection.
It was in Cardiff. Which was in Wales. Far away from both Cambridge and Finchley. In fact, Wales and England were two different legal jurisdictions!
"Oh." Edmund said, because he had to say something. He didn't know how he felt about that.

Someone one cared about leaving ought to make one feel hollow, wasn't it? It ought to make one's heart break.
That was how Sanya leaving for America had made him feel.

"I'm- that's supposed to be a great uni, I'm proud of you."

"Yeah. Yeah, I'm shocked." Oscar had been rejected by worse universities- and his acceptance made no sense, but he and his parents had unanimously agreed to not question a good thing. "But I'm glad, too. I really want to go to uni."

"When does it start?" He couldn't think of anything to say, but inane questions. At least they were pertinent to the topic of conversation. "University, I mean."

"From January- I'd be leaving around Christmas."

Edmund nodded, thinking.
He, Lucy and Peter were to leave the very next day- it was an evening train to Finchley.

He and Oscar had talked about it- and had decided that the distance wasn't much of a hurdle, and that they would visit each other on the weekends, either in each other's towns, or some place midway.

But if Oscar was going off all the way to Wales- long distance would be significantly harder.

"I hate to say this, but I think we should break up."

"It'll be quite difficult to see each other from then on."

Edmund and Oscar stared at each other.

"You want to break up?" The former rugby captain, and soon-to-be university student, asked in befuddlement.
He had expected a lengthy talk about how to tackle the problem- Edmund had a tendency to speak quite gravely, and for a long time- but definitely not a break-up!
"What happened to- to distance doesn't matter-"

"First, I never said that."
Not much of a hurdle was not the same as eliminating its existence as a hurdle entirely.
"Second, it takes a bit more than an hour to reach Cambridge from Finchley by train. I doubt it's the same for Finchley to bloody Cardiff."

"Yeah, but break up? Seriously?"

"I don't want to." Edmund said hurriedly. "I like- I like whatever we are. I really do."
His hand slipped into his.
"But breaking up is just the wise thing to do. I mean, it's hard enough when we're actually physically together- imagine so far apart. We won't even be able to send letters back and forth-" like he and Sanya had not done, though both had wanted to, "and if we do, they'll all be terribly sanitised, because we can't risk anyone finding out that we're not exactly platonic friends."

"No." Oscar said, laughing a little as he brushed the thumb of his other hand over a stray freckle on his boyfriend's cheekbone. "Friends don't kiss as much as we do."

"Quite sure friends don't kiss at all." Edmund answered wryly, his shoulders loosening as he felt his touch. It was nice. "But I've never had human friends, so what do I know?"

They kissed then, Oscar cupping Edmund's face and Edmund's hands around Oscar's neck- but they broke apart much sooner than they usually did.

"Are you sure you're not suggesting the breakup because of Sanya?" Oscar asked, his brows creased. His lips were tight, and Edmund wished he had volunteered to peel the vegetables, too. "Because she'll be coming back to England?"

"The only time I've spoken to Sanya since February is when we ended up in a fight that Milton would want to compose an epic on."
Hyperbole was fun, even while talking about something that made both his heart and head hurt.

"Oh, I know Milton." Oscar said, relieved that he had actually understood Edmund's reference for once. "He wrote that long poem about Paradise."

"Paradise Lost, yeah."
Sanya had asked him to read it to her, because she'd wanted to read it since 'it's supposed to be a classic' but she had been unable to focus on it on her own. Focus in general was difficult for her- and Paradise Lost was especially difficult for her attention span, because it was a terribly long poem and because poems were far from an area she was interested in.
They'd been in their clearing- he had been sitting against a tree, and she had had her head in his lap, and betwixt the reading, they'd kept shooting little smiles at each other.
He remembered that she had said sleepily that Satan and Beelzebub were definitely in love, and that she liked the comparison of Satan's shield to the Moon. She had ended her impromptu review by saying that it was very boring so far, and that she did not like Milton. He'd nodded, agreeing, and had gone on reading, though he knew she was no longer paying attention.
They'd both fallen asleep in their clearing, and had not made it back to school till supper. Search parties had almost been sent out.
"It's not because of Sanya." He went on. He really didn't think it was. "I just think a clean break would be easier, Os- for both of us."
He knew perfectly that love wasn't wise or easy- but, well, he wasn't in love with Oscar.

Oscar swallowed, "Perhaps you're right."

I usually am.
But Edmund wasn't in the mood for smugness.
"Look, I leave for Finchley tomorrow. If- if you want us to be together for as long as you're in England- come to the train station and tell me."

"The train station?" He disliked the train station. It was always so crowded. The only crowds he liked were around a stadium. "Can't I just come here before you leave-"

"No." He said immediately. "For one, my aunt will possibly murder you if she sees you around here again. Two, if you want to stay together, you're going to have to familiarise yourself with the train station, you know."

"I- that's a good point." Oscar said, before shaking his head. "You are quite literally a lawyer without being a lawyer, Ed."

Edmund blushed, "You flatter me."

"Not really." He shrugged- he was just telling the truth. "Oh, by the way- the pamphlet-"
He pointed to the paper that lay on Edmund's woefully small cot.
"Is that yours? I thought you play chess."

"Oh, I do. Just trying to- to broaden my horizons."
And perhaps see if he could resolve one of his and Sanya's arguments- just one. Even that would be something.
He decided to not say that, though.
"Do you play?"

"Only outdoor sports for me, I'm afraid. I'm not fond much of the indoor activities."

"Except kissing." Edmund pointed out, and Oscar went red. "You are very fond of that one, Waddingham."

"Perhaps you're just a good kisser." Oscar replied back- his cheeks were still red, but he was cocky nonetheless.

"Oh, I know I'm a good kisser." Edmund grinned- and then they were kissing again, Oscar pushing Edmund down on the bed, and their hands inside each other's shirts- and they could hear each other's pulsing heartbeats.

How was it possible to feel soft and hard at the same time?

A few moments, the older boy panted against Edmund's jaw, "I'll- I'll lock the door-"

"I-" He bit back a groan as Oscar's mouth moved down to his neck, "I al-already did, when Eusta-"

He was cut off by Oscar's moan- which, really, was his fault- Edmund had pushed his thigh between his legs, sending a jolt of pleasure through him.
"Fuck, Ed- fuck." He breathed- he was so good at everything about this- before asking rather nervously, "Would- would you mind if I take off my shirt?"

"Er." Edmund's heart was beating very fast, and the image of Oscar shirtless was so dizzying that he couldn't find a simile for his heartbeat.
He had seen him shirtless before, of course- but that was when the only person he had cared about being shirtless was Sanya. Now- now that he regularly snogged Oscar and he called him his boyfriend- it was different.
Everything was different.
Perhaps that may not be the worst thing. He did not like change- but he had been the one to bring this about. He'd set the dominos falling.
He could embrace it, for as long as it lasted.
Anyway, in the past couple of months, he had stripped him of his sweaters and overshirts, and had seen him in just his undershirt- so this wasn't that much of a leap.
"If- if you want, Os, yeah."

"But do you want?" He asked, raising a brow. It was a very odd position to have this conversation in, considering he was on top of him, and Edmund's knee kept pushing towards his cock. "I know you like kissing me, mate-"

"That, I absolutely do."

"But- you know, do you want to go for more?" Oscar asked his boyfriend sincerely. "I don't know what, whatever you like, but since this might be the last time-"

"Move." Edmund said, and he sat up, Oscar quickly sliding off him and to the other end of the bed.
And, in a few more seconds, his shirt was off him, leaving his torso bare, and he grinned at his boyfriend, who stared at him with his mouth open.
And that made him grin more. He hadn't done any of this with anyone but Sanya in decades- and, though he had been shirtless in front of others, it was never in a situation like this. It made his stomach churn a little, as he felt self-conscious and nervous- but he was still smiling.
But before he could tell Oscar to take his shirt off, too, and then climb on top of him, he asked sheepishly, "Can we get under a blanket? I get cold."

Wait- but what if he thought he meant- what if he thought he meant sex? Edmund certainly was not ready to do that with him!

"We'll snog under it." This was far more diplomatic than saying that he didn't want to have sex with him. "Just snog. Like how we usually do, only with fewer clothes."

"Oh, yeah, definitely." He said, his face breaking into a wide smile.
He couldn't believe he was actually with Edmund- or that he was in a relationship that made him genuinely happy, where he could be himself.
As he tugged his sweater off, he said casually, "You're bloody fit, Pevensie."

"You're one to talk." Edmund said, poking his flat stomach.
Why hadn't he asked him to take his shirt before?
He licked his lips as he trailed his eyes down his slim body, all toned and muscular from years of sports, and he stared for a long moment at the dash of moles at his side, disappearing over into his back.
"Good God, mate, how did seeing you shirtless not turn each and everyone on the team gay?"
He did not wait for his blushing boyfriend to reply and he moved towards him again, wrapping his arms around his neck- he wanted to kiss him too much, they could chat later.

Or- probably not. This could be the last time, like he had pointed out.
Might as well go out on a high- and shirtless- note.

Oscar grabbed the blanket at the foot of the cot, as Edmund's mouth crashed against his again, their bodies pressed together, and he quickly pulled it over them.
--

Lucy yawned, blinking her sleepy eyes.

The train's rocking-chair-like movements and muffled sounds were lulling her closer and closer to sleep, but she couldn't help smiling to herself.
"I can't believe he came." She spoke softly, staring at the two boys on the seat opposite hers. "It's so romantic."
And the fact that they were holding hands- aw!
Yes, yes, she still thought Edmund and Sanya were soulmates and that they ought to be together- but Oscar made her brother happy. He deserved that.

"I can't believe his parents let him spend his last few weeks in this country with some random boy." Peter, whose shoulder she had been resting her head on, snorted. "Do they not like him, or something?"

"He's only staying for three weeks- he'll be gone by second week of December!" Lucy reminded her eldest brother. "I'm sure they do like him, and just want him to spend time with a friend."

Peter snorted so loudly that Edmund and Oscar jumped.
"Sorry." He told the pair, before continuing his whisper to Lucy, "If his parents don't suspect at least a little that these two are more than friends, they're stupider than- than- hey, Ed, give an example of a stupid character."

He thought for a moment, before saying, "Don Quixote. But I suppose he's more insane than stupid."
Kronos, perhaps? He had eaten a rock thinking that was his son, after all. Or Lois Lane- Sanya had told him that the character was more oblivious than she was, since she couldn't tell that Clark Kent was Superman, even though the only disguise Clark wore were glasses. It drove his wife mad, and he'd seen her yell at the comic more than once.

"I can tell you the names of some quite dumb sportsmen, if you like." Oscar offered, hoping that earned him some merit.

Peter looked at him, "Are any of them cricket players?"

"Most, yeah-"

"Then never mind." He had nothing against the fellow- he was just protective of his little brother.
It was the same reason he had threatened Sanya with using Rhindon on her, a long time ago.
Speaking of Sanya- he wasn't sure whether he felt sorry for her or if he should be angry at her. He couldn't even imagine the turmoil his brother was in.
"Where exactly will you be staying in Finchley?"

"Oh, I have a cousin there. He and his wife just had a baby- they're quite glad about the extra help."

"What about the extra mouth to feed?"

His brother glared at him, "Pete."

"Sorry." Peter said again, though he didn't sound sorry at all. "It's just bizarre, you know. If I had asked my parents if I could run off to a different city with a strange boy-"

Edmund felt appalled. Peter making fun of him? No, no, no, no- had the sun risen from the west that day?
"Excuse me."

"What? You are strange, Ed-"

"Yes, I know that, but you don't have to say it out loud."
Edmund regretted Oscar coming with them. He didn't mean that he regretted that he had decided to spend the next two and a half weeks with him- but that he was travelling with his siblings.
Well, Lucy was an angel. Peter was the problem.

They'd even got a carriage of their own- without any strangers in it. Of all the times that that had to happen! Someone unknown being around would've made Peter hold his tongue.

Still, he wished the journey didn't end.

When it ended they would be in Finchley- and Edmund would be closer to seeing Sanya again, for the first time in ten months, and he had absolutely no idea how he was to react.

"Yeah, don't be a twat, Peter." Oscar said, giving his boyfriend's brother a look.

Peter stared at him.
He fought the urge to respond with his fists- and he ended up saying as calmly as was possible, "Don't use language like that around my baby sister."

Lucy quickly hid her face behind the newspaper Edmund had bought and then forgotten about when Oscar had shown up.

"Baby? I thought she was fifteen-"

Lucy poked her head out, "Yes, she is. And she feels the need to mention that her siblings were saying that and worse when they were even younger than her."
Not to mention, she had been saying that and worse back in Narnia.
Well, not saying that. She had never liked cursing. But she had thought it sometimes, and that certainly counted!

"Fifteen is quite mature." Oscar told her, grinning. "And definitely old enough to hear the word 'twat'."

Peter had rarely understood what Edmund saw in Sanya, and he understood even less what Edmund saw in Oscar.
Sure, he was very good-looking- but his brother wasn't superficial like that.
He was just grateful that Lucy had no interest in romance, and that Susan had no luck in it. He'd have had to get a sword in this world, if those two ended up having partners.
He should get a sword regardless, now that he thought about it. He missed swords.

"Yeah," Edmund nodded along to Oscar's point, "I mean, by fifteen, Sanya and I were-"

Peter's stare was nothing less than lethal.

"Er- holding hands." He ended up mumbling, catching the glint in Lucy's eye over the top of the newspaper.

Well, they had held hands, so that wasn't a lie.
They'd held hands while going down on each other, too.

Perhaps Peter's glare had been a good idea. He didn't think talking about his last relationship- a relationship he had thought and hoped would last forever- in front of Oscar would affect anyone positively. Maybe he had glared at him not just to stop him from talking about risqué matters- but to stop him from talking about Sanya.

He knew that even thinking about her hurt him.

He decided to change the subject from relationships, because he hated the subject.

"Do you have the keys to the house, Pete?"

His elder brother nodded, and patted his coat pocket.
"I have it all safe."

"Er- are you sure, Peter?" Lucy asked, looking concerned. She had lost enough trinkets to know how tricky pockets could be. "What if it falls out?"

"It won't."

"But what if-"

"Then I break down the door." Or break down himself, because that was the only key and he really truly missed his bed. "I can pay Mum and Dad back in about ten years."

Oscar blinked, "It takes ten years to be a doctor?"

Peter nodded, deciding to not answer verbally. He might end up sniping at him again.

"How in the world-"

"Don't!" Edmund said loudly, slapping his hand against Oscar's mouth. "You'll set him off."

He looked confused, "About what?"

"The struggles of medical school." Peter said, and then he cleared his throat. "See, university isn't enough. Doesn't matter if it's a two-year or three-year or four-year course, it's not enough. After university, I'll have to-"

Lucy and Edmund groaned.
--

Of course the day she returned to England, there was not a single cloud in the sky and it was cold- both weather phenomena that Sanya disliked!

"Just my luck." She grumbled, as she plodded towards the Pevensie house.

Oh, no, she wasn't going there to have sex with Susan. She wished she was going there to have sex with Susan- who was, in fact, at the Rainsford house, along with her parents.

The reason for her going to the Pevensie house was related to Susan, though.

She knew she was thinking- well, stressing about Susan too much.
But that was the only way that she didn't think about Edmund, and drive herself into a nervous breakdown because she was so anxious about meeting him again.

"Going to call Mina tonight and ask her to get drugs when she comes here." She muttered to herself, walking up the front door.

The front door, mere feet behind which Edmund was. Someone who probably hated her more than he had ever loved her.

As though the ten months of separation wasn't enough to worry her about the inevitable meeting- the letter.
She really should have drowned herself on the journey.

She knocked on the door of the house, and there was no response for thirty seconds.
At that point, she decided to leave. Yes, that seemed a far better idea than actually facing her ex-boyfriend- her former husband- she didn't even know what to call him anymore!
She had stayed away for so long, she had managed this distance with minimal breakdowns- comparatively minimum, at least- and so what was some more time?

She could handle it.

She could telephone Bonnie right now- she had made her promise to call her on the very day she returned- and spend the day chatting with her. A telephone call was far, far less daunting than what awaited her if that door opened.
It was just as she had turned to leave, deciding to keep this hellish anxiety for another day- that there was a creak and the door opened.

It was Edmund, and Sanya felt the all-too-familiar sensation of not being able to breathe. He was wearing a blue sweater, and his freckles were still constellation-like and his hair had grown- and his lips were pressed tightly together, and it would take a fool far more foolish than Sanya to not realise how displeased he was at the identity of who was at the door.
And that made her heart contract with pain- because, in her heart of hearts, she was beyond thrilled that it was the love of her life who had answered her knock.
Heavens. He was lovely.
Despite her lungs being out of air- oh, he was so beautiful, she almost couldn't take it- Sanya managed, "Hi."

"Hello." He replied stiffly, holding the door a little too tight. He was rather sure that, if the wood wasn't digging into his palms, he would leap ahead and pull Sanya into his arms and kiss her. She was- she was beautiful. Had she become even more beautiful? Was that even possible, for him to think of her as even more radiant than he already did? And her voice...
It hadn't even been thirty seconds, but his whole body ached to hold her. He had missed her so, so much.
"Just reached?"

The first time they had been apart for long- they had reunited with an embrace, and then he had broken her heart.

The second time, they had reunited after a war, with formality and awkwardness, unhappiness and anger underlying.

The third time, they had reunited with an embrace again, tearful and far too long in the making, and then she had fallen unconscious in his arms.

And the fourth- the fourth was this.

She nodded, feeling clammy all over.
"Your- your parents are at- they're with- with Maude- she wanted to talk to them-" Sanya then cracked a tiny, tiny grin, "I think she thinks that she needs to recompense them for any damages I may have caused."

Edmund had to force himself to not laugh.
"Did you cause any damages?"
In this world. He knew about the damage in Narnia.

Despite the lack of a laugh- as she had hoped for- her grin grew a little.
"Nothing that would have got me deported."

"Disappointing." He replied, unable to stop the corners of his mouth from turning up. "And here I'd hoped I'd hear some stories of arson."

"Do you- do you want to hear stories?" She felt pathetic again- but she had to ask. "From- from me?"
Do you want to talk to me? Be with me- in any way at all?

Yes. Yes, more than anything.
But Edmund didn't say that, instead saying coolly, "I have something to tell you first."
Things, really.
But one thing first.

"What is it?"
He did hate her, didn't he? He wanted nothing to do with her- he allotted the whole blame for their children's deaths to her, as it should be- he would interrogate her about the letter, he would scream at her-

"You remember Oscar Waddingham?"

That- was certainly not him denouncing her for her acts.
"Uh- yes." She nodded, though very confused. "Your rugby captain?"

"Yeah, him." He fixed his gaze just an inch above Sanya's cardigan-covered shoulder. "He lives in Cambridge, and we happened to run into each other."

"Alright." She still didn't understand. Had he died, or something? "And?"

"And we're dating." He said quietly. "Since my birthday, I'd say."

He couldn't read Sanya's expression.

It had gone from bewilderment to blankness in the blink of an eye, and he hated himself so much because he knew that the blank look did not conceal any of the nicer emotions.

"He- he's-" not you, Moonshine, "he's my boyfriend."

She didn't know who had spoken, but it sounded an awfully lot like her voice that said, "I see."
A medley of Rihaayan curses went off in her head, and Sanya bit down on her lip to keep from speaking any of those out. It was a good thing that it was only Edmund, because if there had been someone else around, she would have punched them.

Perhaps Edmund didn't hate her- but he didn't love her anymore. He had moved on.

He'd moved on, something she had never been able to do. She really had lost him.
For good this time.

She had lost him, even though he was standing right in front of her. Their time was over- it was an elapsed epoch now.

Her knee broke all over again, but this time, it was her heart.

At the same time, though, it felt like she felt nothing. It wasn't the same as how she had felt dead when Rhiannon had told her about the manner of her children's deaths- but it wasn't dissimilar, either.

Regardless of how she felt, she didn't know how to respond to Edmund's statement. Did anyone ever know how to respond to something like that?
The only thing she felt like doing was falling to the floor and wailing like a banshee. And scream at him. And punch something.

But those reactions were outrageously pathetic and stupidly exaggerated.

And Sanya could not allow herself to be that vulnerable in front of someone who no longer loved her.

"Are Lucy and Peter at home?"

"S-sorry?"

"Your brother a-and sister." She clarified, her voice almost breaking. She hadn't even worn her glasses- he would be able to see her tears! They all would. "Are they at home?"

Of all the times for her to be changing the subject! He wanted her to react- rage at him, scream at him, because he was hurting her! He knew he was hurting her, but she gave him no grief for it.
Very well. If she was the Queen of repression, he was the King.
"Yes, they're home- they're-"
He turned his head around, and called, "Pete! Lu! Come to the door for a moment!"

Lucy, who had been organising the mantel, came out first, and she immediately ran towards the door once she saw who was on the other side of it.
"Sanya!" She beamed, enveloping the taller girl into a hug. "Hi- oh, do come in, I missed you!"

"Hi, Lu." Sanya said, letting her hug her. She didn't even have the energy to feign enthusiasm- though she was very happy to be reunited with her friend- or even to hug her back. "How was Cambridge?"

"It was fine. I have so much to tell you- and we went to-" But she shut up abruptly, looking at Edmund, who was staring at the floor. "But Ed can tell you that. Did you travel separately? Are Su and Mum and Dad-"

"They're at my house. Maude wanted to interrogate them." She shrugged. "They should be here soon, but before that- I wanted to tell you- well, warn you about Susan-"

"What about Susan?" Peter asked from the staircase, reaching the trio soon. "Is she alright?"

That was odd. Not even a hello? Sanya knew for a fact that Peter tolerated her- why the sudden iciness?
But she shook her head, because there were more important things than her relationships with her husband's siblings- and more important even than her husband's new relationship!
"She's fine. I suppose. Or not. Probably- probably not."
This was so awkward. Even for her. And very difficult to say. Maybe she should have just said that Mina had had some surgery done and let that be the news of the day, instead of whatever this was.

"You're not making much sense." Edmund said bluntly.

"She rarely does." Peter added without missing a beat. "Is Susan healthy?"

She had no idea why the two were acting like twin jesters- but, again, more important matters.
"Well, see, I think it's a coping mechanism- it can't possibly be anything serious- or even long-term, because how-"

"Sanya." Lucy grabbed her hand, and squeezed it. "What is it?"

She took a deep breath, because her next words certainly warranted it, "Susan's forgotten about Narnia."

The words hung in the air heavily, knocking the three Pevensies over with confusion and the starts of pain.

"Wh-what?" Edmund recovered his speech first. "What do you mean?"

Sanya had been afraid that she would be asked to elaborate.
"She- she pretends it doesn't exist. Narnia- that world." She caught Edmund's eye- our world. "She keeps saying I'm from India, and when I say I'm not, she says my lack of sleep has addled my brain."

"That's possible- your sleep schedule is very erratic, from what I remember-"

"Shut up, Peter." Sanya could be rude, too- he should just be glad that she was too tired from the month of seasickness to attack him. "And then one day I was talking about Edmund and Narnia, and she said how sweet it was that- that Ed had shared his childhood games with me."
There had been suspicious slips for the entire time in America- even before, if she thought about it- but Sanya hadn't noticed it until recently. She didn't think anyone else had.

"She must be putting it on." Edmund said, trying to convince himself more than anyone else. "I- I mean, I'm no stranger to repression, and neither are you, Moonshine, but surely, it's impossible to forget such an experience? Not only was it fifteen years long- every single thing about it is unforgettable."

He'd called her Moonshine. He'd called- had she misheard-
But she knew she hadn't.
He had called her Moonshine- unthinkingly, instinctively, because he was preoccupied with someone else, even though he was dating someone else and even if he didn't love her anymore.
But he had called her it, and she wanted to kiss him.
He'd called her Moonshine, and she felt like she could breathe again.

"Why, your very existence here proves that Narnia is real!" Peter exclaimed to his absentminded sister-in-law. Children's game? Seriously? He had half a mind to shake the silliness out of his sister. "Does she think that you just floated into being out of thin air, or something?"

Sanya shrugged again, "Beats me. I think she believes- wants to believe the cover story for my presence in this world."

"She can't have forgotten Narnia." Lucy whispered, speaking for the first time since Sanya had let the news drop. Peter's arm went around her- he needed the comfort of an embrace as much as she did. "Narnia is our home- we're all meant to be friends of Narnia!"

"It's alright, Lu," Peter said, but his tone wasn't very convincing, "we'll- we'll talk to her- I'll scold her into dropping the act-"

"You can't. It's temporary, I'm sure- but you can't." Sanya said firmly, and Peter turned to stare at her. "Look- I know this is incredibly awful- but you have to put yourself in her place-"

"I was in her place." The eldest Pevensie said, the hand that wasn't around his sister in a fist. "I am. I've lost home, too- I've lost loves- I understand- we all do-"

"No, you don't. You- in this world, you have purpose."
He blinked, comprehension seeming to dawn on him, and she looked to Lucy.
"You have distractions- interests."
All of her clubs.
And finally, she looked at Edmund- he wasn't staring at the floor anymore, but at her- his gaze was resolute, but there was something nervous in his eyes.
"And you had me." Her voice was hoarse, and she had to take a moment to swallow that lump. "You had a reminder of home. Susan has none of that."

Edmund frowned at her, "Since when are you so observant of my sister?"
It was a strange question, perhaps- but he was taken off-guard by something else. She had said 'had'- that he'd had her, in the past sense. It meant he no longer had her.
Which- of course he didn't.
He'd broken up with her, after all. What had he expected? For her to wait for him for a thousand years again?

"I've always admired her- both when she was the Gentle Queen and now." She said, resisting the urge to say 'since I started fucking her'. "And it's- it's- and I understand her. I've lost everything, too."

Lucy sniffled, "But she hasn't lost everything."

"She feels like she has." Sanya's voice was hushed and soft. "And when you feel that way- there's no telling what you might do."

Edmund spoke just as softly, "That's not an excuse, though."

"I know." She looked at him, even though it was so hard to look at the person she had hurt so much, whom she had betrayed. "I'm not saying it is. But it is a reason."

Peter had an inkling that the two weren't talking about Susan anymore- and, as much as he wanted the couple to talk things out, despite everything- his focus was far more on his sister at that moment.
"I have to believe you're right, that it's just a temporary- what did you call it, a coping mechanism? It has to be that. She'll adjust soon- and she'll embrace the memories of Narnia again."
He had to hope that that was true. He wouldn't be able to bear his beloved sister turning away from Narnia- she had always been his partner, she'd been by his side, for and during everything. He couldn't have her step away from him- he just couldn't.
"I have hope."

"'Hope is the thing with feathers'." Sanya quoted, and the three siblings looked at her. "It's- it's a poem-"
It was by Emily Dickinson. She'd gone hunting for the source behind the quote that Susan had murmured to her that night- and she'd found her.
And she had also learnt the word 'sapphic' during that search- because, according to a book hidden very deep inside a bookshelf of the local library, that was apparently what Emily Dickinson had been, a lover of women, specifically a woman named Sue.
It wasn't a popular word, as far as she had read and assumed- but it was a really lovely word, and Sanya was honoured that she was sapphic, too.

Peter snorted, "No wonder it makes no sense."

"It makes sense to me." Lucy said quietly, and remembered the albatross that had flown to her on the Dawn Treader.
A bird, that had feathers, and had given her hope.
Courage, dear heart.
"I'm sure Su will come to." She had to. "Until then, we'll just- we'll talk about Narnia among the three of us. Unless- Sanya-"

"No, no." She shook her head quickly. Narnia had been home- but it wasn't the same as Rihaaya, and she couldn't talk about that with them, could she? "You three should- you should-" what was the word!?, "reminisce about that on your own."
They were the only three in this entire world she could talk with truly openly, the only ones she could mention her old life with. Edmund, most of all- she had kept secrets from him for so long, but he was still the one she was most herself with.
But right now, the three needed to be only with each other, as they spoke about the fourth.
She was backing away- unnecessary, she realised, since she hadn't actually entered the house.
"Also, you should know that Susan wears lipstick all the time now. I'm almost sure she wears it to bed sometimes, too." Perhaps that had only been for her benefit, though. "Don't tease her about that."

"Wouldn't dream of it." Peter said, though he knew full well that he would. If he couldn't confront her about Narnia- at the very least, he ought to be able to tease her about her makeup affinity! "Are you leaving?"

She nodded, "I told Maude I was going to my room to unpack. She'll get suspicious I'm taking so long- I don't own enough things to need so much time to unpack."

"Bye, Sanya." Lucy said, hugging her again. "I'll try to come over soon."

"Sure." Sanya said- she looked at Peter, who gave her a curt nod, before turning and heading back up the stairs.
But, as dismayed as she was by Peter's frigidity- she sought Edmund.
"Ed- Edmund?"

Lucy took that as her cue to leave, and she quickly walked away.

Warily, Edmund asked, "Yes?"

"Don't you think we need to talk?"
This was one of the very few times that she was the one to suggest talking. It was usually Edmund- thoughtful, wise, cool-headed Edmund- who suggested it.

"About Susan?"

"No." Well, yes- but not in the way he thought. "About the letter."
About us.

"We probably should." Would it be too bad if he took her hand? He wanted to touch her- any part of her. He hadn't seen her in months. But he shouldn't want to do that- he was with Oscar! "But I don't think I'm ready yet."

"That's alright." He could take time. They had time. It was alright. Even if they never got back together- at least they would clear the air, someday. Hopefully soon, but she knew all too well how futile hope- with feathers or not- was. "That's- that's completely alright. I'll- I'll leave now."

"Bye." Edmund said- and as she turned to leave, he shut the door quickly.
But he couldn't help but watch her go through the glass-pane in the door- and he certainly couldn't help the fact that his heart did some fancy acrobatics when he watched her stop by the mailbox, and turn to look back at the house.

Part of him wished it hadn't, because whatever his heart felt- it hurt.

But, as he had said years ago- Sanya owned his heart completely. He didn't truly have any control over what it did.

He didn't think he minded that, even now.

-
-✧･: °*✧*°:･✧-
-

(seriously, look at their faces. Edmund looks like another door-to-door salesman has shown up, and Sanya looks like her mother has just informed her that she needs to clean her room. You would never think that they're currently yearning and longing for each other, and being breathless at their very sight.
Truly the King and Queen of repression.
Susan might take the crown, though.)
-

(This should have been there in the telephone call chapter, but I had already added too many memes and edits to that, so 🥲)
-

Sanya cannot catch a break.
Unless you count her knee breaking, lolllll.
I've made that joke before, and I WILL make it again. 🤷‍♀️

No, because, seriously, while she's having panic attacks about being back in England, Edmund is having hot shirtless make-out sessions with his cool new boyfriend. Ngl, I think it's good that he's having happy moments and is embracing his queer/pan-ness and is having gay fun- not least because Sanya had tons of it back in Rihaaya- and Neráida- and most recently in Boston- but there's an edge of genuine emotion in that physical bond with Oscar, which I don't think Sanya has ever had for anyone except Edmund. I'm not saying the emotion is romantic- no, Ed is demiromantic, it is severely unlikely he will ever have feelings of deep romance for anyone else- but SOMETHING is there, and it's enough to make him want to be with Oscar.

I never understood the concept of 'who won the break-up', but if there has to be one here, it's clearly Edmund. Though he keeps saying that he can't stop thinking of Sanya, so he probably doesn't FEEL like he's won anything.

I want to get this topic done with, so I'm saying it now. Yes, Susan has now completely and utterly repressed Narnia. It's the right call for Sanya to have told her siblings- and I also think it's the right call that she told them to not shake Susan out of it. They say shock can drive you insane and even kill you- if memories as strong and as numerous and as deep as the ones of Narnia come back to her in a sudden moment because Peter is screaming at her, who knows what damage could happen to her mind? Better, Sanya thinks, she remembers on her own- because she has to. She doesn't really believe in things, but she is sure this is just a temporary approach to deal with pain. Six months, tops, the True thinks.
Oh, honey...
Warning: you may not like Susan's character in the subsequent chapters, but I tried to keep her as Susan-ish as was possible, so hopefully there's no raging hate for her.

Okay, that's it on thAt terrible topic, and I hope Lewis gets something thrown at his head in the afterlife for coming up with that.

Really sweet that Oscar went to Finchley for a couple of weeks to be with Edmund.
Before you say it's not realistic- he's nineteen, his future is mostly set, he really likes Edmund, and he has a place to stay in Finchley. His parents were probably glad that he's taking a short trip by himself, just to prepare himself for being away in Cardiff.

The faraway university might not be a great thing for the boys's relationship, though... 😬

Also, the kissing between Oscar and Edmund might be oddly written, but that's because I have never written about Edmund kissing someone else, so it's weird.
Well, not NEVER. Definitely not never. Obviously, I HAVE written him kissing and being with other people- but not in this series and the last time I wrote him making out with someone who was not Sanya was probably a good couple of years ago.
I tried my best, though, sorry 😭

I cannot believe that Sanya and Edmund are SUCH simps that not ten seconds after seeing each other after nine months, they were immediately going into raptures and poetic descriptions about how beautiful the other was.
Well, I CAN believe it, for sure, but seriously. He broke your heart, girl! She said you don't belong in Narnia, boy! You said you can be without him, girl! You have a boyfriend, boy!

Gah. Idiots.

But it's nice to know they're as hopelessly in love with each other as ever. I don't think that part is ever going to change, no matter what else happens.
So, yk. There is hope there.
But I'm not one for hope, so we'll see.

'Sanya owned his heart completely' is callback to Ch35 of 'Alliance' where he tells her 'I love you, you own my heart', and she replies with 'And you've won mine.' Sort of an homage to the song that inspired the series, 'I'd Let You Win', by PORTS.

I love Lucy. Seriously. She's wonderful. I always preferred Susan, but in this series, I adore Lu.
And she is such a mood when she's all 'it's sO ROMANTIC, STOP BEING A JERK, PETER, LOOK HOW CUTEEE' and being all fangirl-y about Oscar and Edmund. And the fact that Sanya is comfortable with hugging her 🥺🥺 they are very sweet.
Peter's reason for the sudden frigidity with Sanya shall be explained next chapter.

Buckle up for that. For the chapter, I mean. It is a bumpy and explosive and rather painful one- not just one scene, but two (maybe three?), and not for one person, not for two, but THREE.
Maybe four. Hm. Not sure. Will have to think.
Does Mina show up? I think. Not sure on that count, either.

Anyway, bring tissues.

I had Paradise Lost in my last semester, and it SUCKS. Only good thing was the b̶ romance between Satan and Beelzebub. Now, thAt is a romantic action movie I would watch.

Belated Merry Christmas, by the way. I don't think there's any point in wishing a 'happy new year' in advance- I'll just wish a belated HNY in next chapter's footnote.

And, as always- I humbly and unashamedly ask you to vote on the chapters, and perhaps comment, too :)