We're outward bound on a long, long round,
And it's time to be up and away:
If worry and sorrow come back with the morrow,
At least we'll be happy to-day.
-

"Will you please tell me where we're going?"

"It's a surprise." Edmund answered, as they walked into the train station. "You like surprises."
She wouldn't like the surprise that he was- most likely, his parents had yet to bring it up again- going to Cambridge, but she would like this one, he was sure.

"Depends completely on the surprise." Sanya shot back. "Ed- tell me-"

"Will you stop nagging-"

She wanted Pax back.
"I'm being taken away to somewhere I don't know-"

"Yes, by me, your-" He stopped abruptly, looking around at the crowd, "by someone you trust."
Then he swallowed, looking at her.
"You do trust me?"

"Of course." She said quickly.
They kept walking- oh, she would see the train, wouldn't she? She would figure out where they were going- but then, she knew practically no towns or places, so that would be moot.
"Of course I do, darling- but I don't trust that your surprise is not you taking me to a chess convention or something."

He looked thoughtful, "Do chess conventions happen?"

"You should know." She rolled her eyes. "It's your world."

"I'll have to look that up." Edmund decided, before leading Sanya to an empty bench. "Sit here."

"Where are you going?" She asked, immediately feeling panicked.

It was New Year's, and the train station was packed- on account of everyone leaving home or coming home. There were so many people, and Sanya could already feel anxiety start covering her like a shell.

She had no idea what Edmund had planned- she could guess at the why,, though- but whatever it was, she wished he hadn't. She would've been completely happy just sleeping in till the late afternoon, cuddling with her puppy plushie.
Or with Edmund. But telling him this would probably irritate him, especially since he clearly had something up his sleeve.

"Just to get the tickets."

"I'll come with you."

"No." His voice came out too sharp, and her brows rose dangerously. "No, wait here."

Her temper flared up, "I do not obey you-"

"If you come with me, it'll spoil the surprise!" He explained, before he tightened his hold on her hand, not wanting to lose her in the crowd.

He had held her hand the entire way- as soon as she had come down, dressed and complaining that eleven was too early to do anything away from a bed, and then he had let it go only once, when Sanya had pranced off to pet a litter of puppies at the side of the street.
(He had petted them as well, obviously.)

He liked holding her hand. Surely, that counted for something? Perhaps they didn't really need this trip- something he had planned because things were going badly, because he and Sanya were becoming so distant it might as well have been the first year of their marriage, and he was desperate.

If he could delay- if he could stop what was starting to seem inevitable- he'd do it, no matter what.

He knew she noticed it, too- the aloofness, the restraint. She was desperate, too- she knew something was wrong- which was the true reason he had decided on this little day trip. He would do whatever it took to make sure that their relationship did not cause Sanya pain yet again.

"Sanya, please." His jaw kept clenching. "Sit here. I'll be back in half a mo', I promise."

"Fine." She said, though her tone indicated she felt the opposite. She let go of his hand, and sat down, staring up at him. "Go, then. Leave."

Edmund swallowed- why did that sound like- like- no, he would not even think it.
He nodded at her, before walking away.

Sanya leaned back- maybe she could close her eyes for a few seconds, and take a nap while Edmund did whatever. But she didn't, because she was carrying a satchel- and even though the satchel didn't have much, except for a water-bottle, an umbrella, an extra dress that Edmund told her to bring, the vitamin medicine Dr. Wright had prescribed, and some money, she didn't want it stolen.

She kept her eyes open, and stared ahead- she did not see the crowd, though, she was immersed in her thoughts.
She'd hardly slept for four hours- she had fallen asleep at half past six, after tossing and turning and reading since before midnight, and then she'd been out of the house by eleven.

So much for my hope to sleep in. She rolled her eyes at herself. I should stop hoping completely, it's stupid.

At least less sleep meant fewer nightmares. That counted for something.
Oh, she could sleep on the train! If it was somewhere far they were going- but trains were so weird, they could take you across the entire land in an hour.

Edmund would be next to her, though- so at least, she would not have bad dreams.
She hoped. If he couldn't soothe her in waking life, unknowingly or not, at least he could do it in her dreams.

"Hey." Edmund was there again, holding some parchment- paper in his hand. "Come on, the train leaves in ten, we best get on it."

"And you still won't tell me where we're going?" She asked, standing up and letting him take her hand. She liked the hand-holding- because it was Edmund, and because she didn't want to get lost. "Won't it be written on the train?"

"Not sure." He admitted, before turning around and asking, "Can I see your glasses for a moment?"

She nodded, and took them off- immediately, the world was blurry again, and the only clear thing she could see was Edmund, because he was standing so near.

"Thanks." He said politely, and then pocketed them. "There, now you won't see where we're going."

Sanya was so taken aback, that they had almost reached the train by the time she could formulate a response.
She was impressed at how easily he'd solved the predicament of keeping it a surprise- but honestly! His method was entirely underhanded.
"That was low, Edmund Pevensie."

So is lying about what happened to our children.
"All's fair in love and war." Edmund told her, turning his head to flash her a smile.
She couldn't help the little flutter that passed through her heart, and she smiled back.
"And this is a bit of both."
-

"You're lost." A spectacles-less Sanya said bluntly. "Admit it."

"I am not!" Edmund flushed hotly. "I know where I'm going- I just don't know which way-"

"So, you're lost." She summed up. "And I thought my sense of direction was bad."

"It is. It's thankful you always had carriages to take you to places." He rolled his eyes, before looking in front. "Maybe we should keep walking ahead."

"Keep walking? We're still at the station exit."

"Do you have anything helpful to add?" He asked, wheeling about to face her. "I'm actually trying to do something, not mouthing off."

"Sorry, but I'm just on edge." She said, before gesturing around. "If it wasn't you bringing me, I would've thought I'm being trafficked."
Besides, she was still sleepy. She had fallen asleep for eleven minutes on the train, her head on Edmund's shoulder, before she had been jerked very rudely awake by a wooden suitcase hitting her shin and her husband's knees.
She had spent the rest of the train ride alternating between looking out the window and gazing at Ed's freckles. His lovely, lovely constellations.

He stared at her, "How do you know what trafficking is?"

"I read, and then I get side-tracked, and so I read other things." She shrugged. "Also, the radio. I don't listen to just music. I keep track of the news- especially what's going on in India."

He looked puzzled, "What's going on in India?"

"Freedom struggle against the British." She looked very pointedly at him, and he pouted, after which her look turned much fonder. "There was a Quit India Movement last year. In short, it didn't work."

"In 1943?" He looked even more puzzled. "I thought I'd have heard about-"

"No, it was '42- oh, right." She made a face at herself. "It's 1944 now. I keep forgetting it's a new year."

"Well, you're not really one to believe in new beginnings."

"No, I don't." She agreed. "It's bullshit. Just because it's a beginning of a new set of months, things will change?"
She snorted. Nothing ever changed. Not in a way that improved lives.

"Like I said, more nihilistic day by day." He laughed, before looking sombre once more. He looked around at the few people that loitered around. "Perhaps I should ask for directions..."

"Yes, please." She said immediately. She had no idea what he had planned, but she just wanted to go away from the train station entrance. It smelled really bad. "You, though. I'll wait here."

"I'm not going anywhere, I'll just yell and ask-"

"Then I'll know where we're going." She pointed out. "Because you'll be saying the place's name."

"It's very disconcerting when you're smarter than I am." He told her- she stuck her tongue out at him- before leaning in to kiss her cheek. "Wait, I'll be right back."

Three minutes and two people's answers later, the two were walking down Queens Road to some unknown location that Sanya hoped she would soon find out about.

They were quiet once more, Edmund and Sanya. They had spoken more today than they had in weeks- but was bickering really a conversation?

The thirteen-minute-walk (which would have been eleven, if Sanya hadn't spotted a butterfly and tried to catch it, which obviously failed) ended with the couple with their shoes deep in sand and pebble, the sound of seagulls and waves crashing reaching their ears.

"Oh, Heavens." Sanya breathed, taking a step forward and inhaling the sea-smell. She could have wept- the wind, the smell, the waves. "It's a beach!"
And it was empty!
Mostly, at least, she could see some people a bit further away.

"Yes." Edmund nodded, moving ahead, too, closer to her. "It's Brighton Beach."

Her head whipped around so fast, both of them heard it crack.
Rubbing her neck, Sanya asked, "Brighton? Brighton? Like Pride and Prejudice Brighton? Lydia Bennet Brighton?"

"The very same." He confirmed, wishing he didn't sound so nervous. "I- I- this was the only place in the book I could afford taking you to. I know it's really cold- but you swim in winter, so I supposed you wouldn't mind it..."

"I love it." She said, smiling widely. "Especially the fact that it's a beach-" that had been overwhelming in itself, but now Brighton, "it's perfect."

"You really like it?"

"I love it." She wrapped her arms around his neck. "Just as I love you."

"I love you, too." He said softly, before nodding to the beach. "There's an amusement park on the pier a little away, too. I have money- we can play at some of the stalls, get something to eat."

"I love that idea." Sanya had never been to an amusement park, for obvious reasons- though she had read about it in Famous Five. Or- no, that had been a circus. "Is this a late Christmas present? Or early birthday gift? Or- do people have gifts for New Year's?"

"No, I don't think so, and none of them." He shook his head, and they began towards the beach, closer to the water. "I just wanted to take you somewhere- have a day, just the two of us. No siblings, no parents, no schools or friends- just us."

"Just us." Sanya repeated. And there was the anxiety again. "It's going to be a wonderful day."

"It will." Edmund hoped. God Almighty, he hoped so badly. "I mean, it's you. How can it be anything but?"

She was so horrible. Here he was being so- so sweet, and romantic, and she loved him so, so much- but she kept lying. She kept hiding herself from him, she kept concealing things.
But if she stopped hiding- if she told the truth- if she faced everything- he would hate her. He would despise her, loathe her, not want anything more to do with her. He'd leave. Of course he would.

Could she risk that? Even if she had the heart- the courage- to tell him, could she really take the risk? Could she even entertain the possibility of losing him?

"It'll be wonderful because you planned it." She said earnestly- that wasn't a lie. "Race you to the water? You don't have to get in, it'll be too cold for you."

Edmund goggled at her, "You're going to run?"

"It's the beach. Water everywhere." She laughed, slipping off her shoes and dropping her satchel. The sand was soft, comforting around her toes- her feet sunk into it, and she wanted to sink into it. Perhaps this would be a good day. "It's my element."
--

Edmund watched Sanya contentedly. He was sitting on the beach- he'd carried no beach necessities, which was silly of him, but he hadn't wanted his wife to guess, which meant no blanket to protect his clothes from the sand.

It was fine. He'd just wash them the next day- oh, it was a Sunday tomorrow, perhaps Mum could help...

"Looking good, Reza!" He shouted, as Sanya avoided falling over as a particularly large wave came rushing. He'd never been here, or been on many beaches, but he hadn't realised beaches in England had such enormous waves. He was pleased they did- Sanya'd have more fun that way.

Sounds of her laughter came floating to him, and he watched her wave her arms wildly, before attempting a cartwheel and falling into the water.

He couldn't remember ever seeing her so carefree in Narnia and Rihaaya. He could understand why- being married at sixteen, raising a child at seventeen, and having to rule a country from eighteen, did not leave you any time to be carefree.
He wished she could see herself like this- see that she could be truly happy even here. He knew it wasn't her world, and that he was the only reason that she was here- but he just wanted her to be happy.

But Edmund wasn't sure if she wanted to be happy. If she did- she would talk to him, wouldn't she? She would share what she had gone through, they would talk openly- and she wouldn't be so aggravating.

It wasn't even aggravating in a way that made him want to pin her against a wall and fuck her. It was just aggravating in a way that made him swallow barbs back and want to stomp away.

He was thinking that too often- wanting to walk away from her. She had always been so near, since they had come to England- always there, and too close, and forever wanting to see him as much as possible. It was suffocating, but he hadn't minded it, because he had wanted the same.

But now- now, as she drew further away, and he didn't want her nearness as much- he didn't know.
Perhaps the best way forward would be to- to take a- a- some time off from being together, from being Edmund-and-Sanya. It would be better for both of them, the breather.

He didn't know if they would be able to be friends. They had never been just friends.

But for now- the sea was so close, and it was making Sanya happy, and he was content with that.

"Alright." Sanya huffed, breathing hard, as she plopped down next to Edmund, soaked and covered in sand. Now that she was out of the water, she was starting to freeze. "I hate to say this, but if I don't walk away from the water now, I will stay here until I die."

"Had fun?" He asked, amused as she pushed her wet hair away from her face. And her face- it was luminescent, her brown cheeks flushed. Radiant. That was the best word for it. For her. "You look beautiful."

"I look like a monkey after a swim." She laughed, shaking her head. Droplets of water landed on the sand, and a sea-gull flew away. "And yes, I had fun, except for the realisation that I forgot to bring fresh underwear."

"You barely wear bras."

"Knickers, Ed."

He grinned at her, "I don't mind if you don't wear them."

"Ed!" She said, slapping his shoulder. She was blushing deeply. "I am not going to have sex with you in the Ocean again."

"You say that as though it was my idea the first time."
It had been hers, and she had been smiling so devilishly as she'd dropped her cloak- oh, he was always felt so giddy when he thought of the memory.
"And the English Channel isn't an ocean." He went on, still grinning. "It'll be an all new experience."

She looked at him, her head cocked, "Do you actually want to, or are you just having fun watching me blush?"

"No reason the answer can't be both." Edmund looked far too smug, and Sanya wanted to kiss him far too much. "But if we do that, we'll get written up for public indecency, and I don't want to miss going to Brighton Palace Pier."

"What's that?"

"The amusement park."

"Oh, fun." She hoped there was ice-cream. She really liked ice-cream. Vanilla ice-cream might have to compete with Ed and sleep for the position of the love of her life. "I'll just change, then."

"Yeah, alright-" Edmund started to survey around, "I'm sure there's a shed you can duck into and change- oh," his voice almost died, "you're topless."

"You were right about the bra thing." Sanya said, as she unbuttoned the rest of the dress. It was a thankful thing she had chosen a dress that had buttons from top to bottom- it was much easier to take off. "I was going to be wearing a thick coat, so I figured it's fine to go braless."

"N-n-" Why weren't words coming out? He could not take his eyes away from her chest, just as he'd been gazing at her frolics in the water. It was ridiculous, really, how much of a hold she had on him, even a dozen years later. "N- uh, er, not- not complaining."

"It took you thirty seconds to say two words." She laughed, as she pulled on the other dress- she hoped no one had seen her in the twenty seconds she had been mostly naked in public. Well, even if they had- it was fine, unless they reported it to the police or her 'grandmother'. "Are my tits truly that titillating?"

Edmund did not know whether to be embarrassed or impressed.
"How long have you been waiting to say that?"

It was her turn to look smug now, "Since I noticed you were looking at them while Peter was crowning me your consort."

As she felt even more smug at his disbelieving blinks, she decided to not put on her shoes and socks. She was wearing her coat, because she needed the warmth, but not those.
They were going to be on the beach, anyway- and what if she decided to jump in the water again?

"That was- that was-" Less than a month after the wedding- a week before her birthday? He couldn't be sure. It had been a thousand years ago, for her- that, he knew. He couldn't believe she remembered- or that- "Wait, you noticed?"

"I'm not that oblivious, and you weren't exactly being subtle!" She laughed, reaching for her coat now- it was always so cold here. She would definitely start coughing soon, especially since she'd swum in cold water. "You were gawking worse than I was gawking at you that day I accidentally spilled water on you at lunch and I could see through your white tunic."
It had annoyed her so much, then. She'd hated him, and she'd wanted to hate him- but he had been so handsome, and always so cordial to her! And those damned freckles.
And the accent.
And he would read books before bed-

Honestly, if Edmund hadn't asked her to make love, she would've died of repressed lust before the year was out.

"When was that?" He'd probably have been far too focused on keeping his own desire under control- he'd definitely not noticed.

"Um, I don't remember." She said, standing up and dusting off the leftover sand. "A few days after we reached Cair? After Christmas, I think."

"Ah, that Christmas-" Edmund reminisced, getting up as well, before they began to walk, "I believe that's when I realised how much I wanted you."

I've wanted you, I think, since I saw you for the first time. But I knew I wanted you when I embraced you for the first time.
Sanya wondered whether to say something or not, because the memory wasn't as clear as she wanted it to be. The night, she remembered very well- but some parts of it were murky, unclear. It made sense, because it was so long ago.
"I remember- you said something about that- when I asked why you wanted to make love to me."

"I did, yes." He remembered that night all too well- he couldn't believe he'd actually blurted that out.
Easily one of the impulsive and most ridiculous things he'd ever done- and he was so grateful. If he hadn't, would they ever have grown past frigidity and ignorance? He didn't know.
"I know it made both of us uncomfortable, when we embraced- but, in the long run, it was important to us falling in love."
Then he laughed.
"Who knew the Faerie Queen being a self-important arse would be something to be so grateful for?"

Heavens. She'd completely forgotten the reason why they had embraced.

It made her skin crawl, to think of her, but also laugh about the irony. The Faerie Queen being the one to, unknowingly, set the dominoes that led to them falling in love- and, a thousand years later, falling in love with Sanya herself and conspiring to keep Edmund and she apart.
"Can you not mention her, please?"

"What? Oh- yeah, of course." He nodded- Sanya had hated Rhiannon long before she had ever gone into the Faerie Realm to wait for him. "I'm curious, though- did you have to see her much, while in Neráida?"

Her tone was clipped, "I saw too much of her."
And touched- and held- and kissed- and more, all of which she had only ever longed to do with Edmund.
Then she noticed something ahead, and grabbed her husband's arm, pointing to it.
"Is that the amusement park?"

Indeed, it was. On a long, wooden embankment over the water- the pier- there were marvellous structures, and something which resembled a circus tent. The curved structures, thin and in some vine-like patterns, were on top of buildings, and spreading out from the railing- and they were shaped like domes.

For a moment, Sanya was reminded of the palace at Azraq. Of her home.

"It is." But Edmund sounded rather dismayed. "But it's closed."

"What?" She stared at him, and then at the park. "How do you-"

"Here." He said, handing her the glasses back. "See for yourself."

She put them on, and then had the unfortunate luck to see the hints to it being shut down- absolutely no people, huge metal locks on the few buildings she could see- and there was no music at all. Surely, amusement parks had music.
"No wonder the beach is so empty."
She took off her glasses then, and felt like never putting them back on again. She'd seen enough.

"They must've closed it because of the war- probably afraid of the enemy landing on it- gosh, yeah, they've even removed some of the decking."
It was a smart decision for the war, but not at all one for the fate of Edmund's relationship.
He turned towards Sanya, "I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault." She said automatically. It wasn't. "You couldn't have known they'd be closed."

"You're irritated, aren't you?"

"No." She lied. "I had a really good time on the beach, and playing in the water."
She had had a good time.
But the water was cold, much colder than the pool at school. As if that wasn't bad enough, the water had too many human objects floating around in it- why did people not toss wrappers and plastic covers and hairbrushes to a single shoe in the dustbin? The Ocean was not humanity's trash-can!
"It was a good idea, Ed." Would it be odd to pat him on the back? "It started off strong and enthusiastic, but now it's dying and ready for the funeral."

"Yeah." Just like them, after coming to this world. He wondered if she even realised just how apt her words were for their relationship. "I suppose we'll head back to Finchley- unless you want to go for another swim?"

"Or we could break in." Sanya suggested, looking over at the pier again, holding the glasses up to her eyes so she could see better.
The entrance building probably was chained and locked- but it seemed like it had been closed for a while, if it had been shut down because of the war. No one would be there to see them- they just had to find some crevice to crawl through.
"I don't think there's locks on all the buildings- and you're not bad at climbing, are you?"

"No, but you are." Had she gone mad? Or was he deaf, and hearing wrong things? "We can't break in, are you joking?"
She'd joked about something similar before- but- it sounded different this time.
"That's not right."

"The right thing to do would be to check whether the primary attraction of the place you're travelling to is closed before travelling." She retorted- she had missed sleep for this!
For a swim in the cold water and a closed carnival and another argument.

His temper started to rise, "The right thing to do would be to not be a twat to the love of your life, who's just trying to make you happy-"

"Being pulled out of bed and frozen water makes me happy, you think?" She asked angrily, hands on her hips. "And you're the twat, chodu!"

He stared at her, flabbergasted.
"What did you call me?"

"Fucker." She clenched her fists. "A Rihaayan expletive, for an English one."

"Really mature, Sanya. Breaking in, and now this." Edmund's voice practically overflew with sarcasm. "Truly High Queen behaviour."

"You called me a twat first," Sanya's tone turned mocking, "Your Majesty."

"Not that. But this eye for an eye thing?" He shook his head- he wasn't sure if he was mocking her back, or if he meant it. "It's not like you."

"I've murdered people, Edmund." She said quietly- dangerously. He was wonderful, but he did not know all of her, not anymore. "Don't say what's not like me, because it's possible I have already done it."

Strangely, he wasn't angry anymore. He just felt sorry for her- which was worse. Who pitied the person they loved?
"I will say what's like you, because I know you. Whatever you did in Neráida-" and whatever she had done to their children, if she had done anything at all, "it wasn't you. It was desperation."

"Maybe desperation just revealed who I truly am."

"I don't believe that." Did that mean it was revealing who he was, too? "I don't."

"The truth is the truth, no matter what you believe."

"My truth is that I will always love you." Edmund said flatly.
You will love True, Just,
"No matter the beast you might have been, or might become again. You fell in love with me, in spite of knowing what a beast I had been, too."

She looked at him- she wished she could say the look was steady, but it wasn't. She could hardly keep her gaze fixed, because she couldn't bear to look at him, not when her heart felt so strange.

Not when she felt so hollow.

He continued firmly, "I love you, I always will."
But-

"That sounds like only part of a speech." Sanya replied, her voice still quiet. "What's the rest?"
She had a terrible feeling that she knew what his answer would be. And she had an even worse feeling, that she agreed with the answer.

"I haven't figured it out yet." Hadn't he? "I'll let you know when I do."

"Alright."
May that day never come. She never prayed- but she would pray for this. She wouldn't live another day, if he left her. What else did she want to live for?
Oh, she could live, certainly- her existence was not dependent on Edmund's, it never had been- but she wouldn't want to. She wouldn't want to live anymore, and she would kill herself, and- if the afterlife existed- finally succumb to eternal rest or eternal torture.
"We can stay here for a little while. No breaking in-" She said quickly, "perhaps eat something in town, and then come back here to watch the sunset?"

"Alright." He repeated, nodding- her idea was so lovely, and she was so lovely, though she was also so very infuriating that he wanted to sometimes throw something at her.
But he couldn't even smile.
He understood, finally, what she had meant when she had said that marriage was what had caused her to stop laughing.

"Or- how far is Hart-Her-Hertfordshe-shire from here?"

"Far." He answered, though in truth he was not sure. "I can't afford it, anyway. I only have some money for food and rides, and then a ticket back home."

Home. Could he stop saying that!?
Finchley wasn't her home- and it wasn't Ed's, either, not really! Narnia was his home.

She was his home. Their children were his home. Not this place, with rectangular spectacles and world wars and chess clubs and final exams and shepherd's pie- this world was grey, not the beautiful grey of rain, but the grey that everyone hated.

The more at home he was here, the more sickened she was.
Perhaps she was getting used to this place- but that did not mean she loved it. She would never love it.
The only thing she loved was Edmund- everything she had done, everything she had said and thought, everything she still was- it was for him.
She just wished he made her less angry nowadays. It was probably her fault- her temper had become so quick, so volatile, so hurtful, even though her anchor was right there.

She remembered what Peter had said.
My brother is head over heels for you, Sanya,

He was head over heels for the person she had been- someone who perhaps actually had deserved love. But now? Now, she didn't think she deserved anything. Least of all, Edmund- one of the most beautiful, in every way, persons who had ever lived.

But how could she let him go? He was the only one, and he was everything. Loving him was part of her.

And he didn't want to let her go, either- he had said, just moments ago, that he would always love her. No matter what the rest of his speech may be- he loved her, and that was a truth that would ring true after even the earth was swallowed by the sun.

"That's okay." She decided to not mention the money she had in her satchel. Another thing to conceal from him, but she just didn't want an argument about it. "Do you want to walk on the beach, pick up some shells? You should take off your shoes, if you do."

"That sounds like a fine idea." He said, but was still unable to smile. "Lucy likes seashells."
Seashells were bittersweet, somehow, weren't they? Not quite of the sea, despite the name, and not quite of the land. Torn between two different spheres, never really belonging in either. Like bubbles. Born from water, to live and die in air.
Pausing his strange trains of thought, he bent to do as his wife said- he'd have to carry the shoes, he couldn't leave them someplace and risk them being stolen.

"So do I." She said, inhaling the sea-air once more. "My mother told me that my grandmother once had a collection of it, when she was younger, but she lost it when she moved chambers after Amma was crowned. Long before I was born."

He straightened up, "I never met your grandmother, did I?"

"No, she died when I was four."

"Right." Sanya's other grandparents had passed before she had been born- her paternal grandfather had died when her father had been young, her maternal grandfather had passed not long after her mother's coronation, and her paternal grandmother had died a few months before her birth. He knew that- he had known that, because she'd remembered everything about her family during their life in Narnia, unlike his siblings and he. "What was her name?"

"Lafiza." She answered- but she had always been Nani for her. "It was before the deluge of 'S' that began with my aunt and mother- and which continued after my parents married."
Shabana, Sadaf, Sanya, Sameer- her aunt's and her cousin's names also began with 'S'- and then Selene and Seraphina from her, and Soffya from Sameer- clearly, her love of alliteration was a family trait.

She wondered what her children would have named their children, if they'd lived long enough to want or have any. She hoped they would not have named them after her, or Edmund, or anyone lost or dead- it felt ghoulish, unfair to name a sweet new baby that, imposing upon their little shoulders the weight that came with a namesake name.

"At least you don't have anything similar to Peter Peyton Pevensie." Edmund said, before holding her hand. He wished he didn't see the slight flicker of surprise that flashed past her face at the gesture. "That one name alone makes up for the lack of alliteration in every other name in the Pevensie family."

"I still have no idea how and why your parents named him that." Sanya said, finding nothing else to say. If she was unable to talk to Edmund- Edmund- then what even had she become? "Were they drunk?"

"No, just young and tired." Well, his father might have been a bit drunk. His mother hadn't been- hopefully. "And they had a sense of humour back then."

"Didn't we all?" She said wryly.

Yet another silence, as they kept walking. They could have made fun of the seagulls, two of whom seemed to be wrestling- or they could have giggled about whatever tickled their fancy, most likely something about Peter- or they could've just sat down and snogged.

But they didn't, and Sanya felt panicked. She couldn't let the conversation die out- though, admittedly, she was very adept at lack of conversing.

She had to say something- something, anything- books! They could always talk about books.
"Is there a cinema in Finchley? There's this film releasing on the fourteenth- it's supposed to be about one of the stories from The Book of One Thousand and One Nights."

"Which one? Aladdin's Wonderful Lamp?" He asked, before flushing as she stared at him. "That's the only one I've read."

"I like that one, but I think my favourite one would be The Seven Voyages of Sinbad the Sailor." She sighed, looking at the water.
The waves had calmed, somewhat, but they were still booming and so very majestic. To think she had had control of them in her old life...
"It's so fascinating, you know? All the adventures- the travelling- the wanderlust satiated."
She then looked back to Edmund, smiling feebly. He wasn't smiling, and she soon felt her own smile disappear. Probably a good thing- she did not feel like smiling.
She took off her glasses, because they'd become all fogged up again, and went on, "Scheherazade, the woman who's telling all these stories- she reminds me of our daughters, a bit."

Our daughters. Even though he'd been in their lives only for a few years, or not at all.
He managed a weak chuckle, "I'll have to read more than just Aladdin, clearly."

"I have a copy here, of the tales." She read them far more often than she read that book of poems. "It's in English, so you'll be able to read them."

"I'll be sure to borrow them next time I go to yours."

"Alright."
How much longer could she keep beating a dead horse- figuratively speaking? If it was to be only silence between them from now on- so be it.

Silence was peaceful, though it felt nauseating at the moment.

And- and- silence or not, they were still together, still holding hands, still in love.

She turned her head towards the sea again, wriggling her toes in the sand as she did so. Despite all the other turmoil- the beach would always be so beautiful to her.

"Sa- Moonshine?" Edmund asked, after a moment. "Will you kiss me?"
He didn't know why he asked that. His heart had been beating, going steadily faster, since he had seen her smile disappear.

She was thinking along the same lines as him, perhaps- and he said perhaps only to satisfy his own delusional hope that this was just a momentary difficulty. That this- this feeling, of wanting to be apart, of wanting to be away- of not needing her- that it was a fleeting worry.

Because they were Edmund-and-Sanya. They had been together since they were sixteen and eighteen, in another world and in this, and Sanya had waited for Edmund for a thousand years.
How could they part, without their hearts breaking completely?

Thus, with a kiss, I die.

But maybe, just maybe- with this kiss, they would live again.

"Of course." Sanya whispered, her heart contorting in pain as she looked at him. His tone was not of love, or lust- it was desperation. She knew it well, too well, because that was what had driven her for so long. "Of course, darling."

His hands cupping her jaw and hers on his shoulders, their hearts thudding loud enough to rival the crash of the waves, they kissed- oh, they kissed, softly and passionately at once, all love and hope and anger and desperation, old and new, pouring into the kiss.

It felt final in a way even death didn't.

-
-✧･: °*✧*°:･✧-
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I think this is one of my favourite chapter titles. I love seashells, and the word 'bittersweet'.
(Something I think started when I read a Susan fic when I was like eleven- something about her being pregnant with Caspian's kid when she returned to England, I dunno. Bittersweet Secret, the name was. It's nothing great, but my preteen self was a big fan of the pregnancy trope.)
(No, I didn't ship Caspeter then because I didn't realise that ship was a possibility, and I thought my fixation on Susan was because I shipped Suspian, and not because I was very very very very gay for her, which was the actual truth)

And I think the word describes the chapter well. You have Edmanya finally acting like themselves when with each other- but you can just see that it's so obvious that they're splintering apart. Edmund and Sanya can go to Brighton Beach all they want and she can swim in the sea all she wants, but that won't wash their angst away.

They love each other so much- 'he loved her, and that was a truth that would ring true after even the earth was swallowed by the sun.'- but it's starting to not be enough. It's starting to hurt them more than it heals them. I mean, Sanya's actually TRYING to talk and make conversation, but it is not working out.

Their relationship is on borrowed time, and the clock is running out.

Still, it was so very adorable for Ed to take Sanya to a beach- best date-day ever, honestly.

I wanted to have him take her there for her sixteenth birthday (which would have also meant she'd turn sixteen in Chapter Sixteen, like Edmund turned nineteen in Chapter Nineteen of 'Alliance')- but I decided something else for her birthday chapter, which will be next chapter!!

Also, 'can you stop nagging-' is the most annoyed-husband-ish Edmund has ever acted. I'm pretty sure most spouses all over the world have said that or some variation of that.

Oh, plus- Edmund saying Sanya's acting like a twat, and Sanya calling Edmund a chodu is the most teenage-ish they have been tbh. We fear the angst, but the pettiness is funnn.

ALSO AND PLUS-
'Fairytale?' has hit a thousand reads, so thank you to everyone!!!! Y'all keep me going 💖

And, as always- I humbly and unashamedly ask you to vote on the chapters, and perhaps comment, too :)