Lilacs out of the dead land, mixing
Memory and desire, stirring
Dull roots with spring rain.
-
(warning: sexual content)
-

Sanya didn't think she'd ever been so unsure or nervous about a gift for Edmund before.

Well- perhaps once before. For Ed's nineteenth birthday- when her gift to him had been herself. And sex.
But that was more because she'd been afraid that he would reject it- reject her. Now, the fear was that he wouldn't like it.
That he'd think that the gift was a hint to that she did not enjoy their togetherness in the present, but that she missed the togetherness they'd had in Narnia.

The weird thing was that she knew her worrying was stupid. Edmund would love the gift, even though it wasn't the hat she'd told him she would get. He'd probably even be overjoyed at it.
But she couldn't help her anxiety. She never was able to. Not in her world, and not even in this one.

It increased so much that she felt nauseated as she walked from school to their spot in the forest, and halfway to there, she was sure she would end up throwing up. Not even staring at the pale-blue sky helped- and she started coughing violently after reaching the spot- a sure indicator that retching and vomiting would follow.

But, the moment Edmund arrived and took her hand- and he pushed her against a tree, his lips already on hers and his hand under her shirt- she began to fumble at his belt, sliding her tongue into his mouth; and she forgot her anxiety, caring about nothing except him, him, him.

"Happy Birthday." Sanya whispered in his ear, tangling her fingers in his hair, as he rocked against her, pushing himself deeper inside her. "Off to a-a-" she couldn't hold back a sudden moan, as he kissed her throat- she trembled in anticipation of their ecstasy that was soon to come, "a good start?"

"Very-" He kneaded her breast, fisting his other hand in her stockings, "very-" she tightened her legs around him, and Edmund bit back a groan, "sweet si-sixteen, so far."

"Gl-glad to hear." She gasped in answer, feeling him throb in her- despite the plastic wrapping- and she pulled him in for another kiss, their lips meeting as he came.

"You were very libidinous today." Sanya remarked soon after, still leaning against the tree and fixing her skirt. "You didn't even say hello before."

"Sorry. But I was missing you far too much." Edmund grinned, as he tied his belt. "Anyway- hi, honey. How was your day?"

"Better now that you're here, darling." She grinned back, walking to him. "I'm glad you missed me. This was a very satisfying surprise."

"Like it when I'm impulsive, do you?" He wrapped his arms around her, his tone teasing. "I'll be sure to surprise you more often, then."

"I'm taking that as a promise." She said, scrunching her nose- and, as always, he leaned in to kiss it. "Speaking of surprises-"

"Going to suck me off?"

Sanya laughed, mostly because of how eager he sounded.
"Down, boy. That's for later." She added with a wink, and he kissed her again, a quick peck on her lips. "Let go of me, will you-"

"Not again. Never again." Edmund answered firmly, holding her tighter. He meant it- by Aslan, he never wanted to let her go again. He didn't care what he kept thinking, whenever he couldn't sleep- that he should distance from her, that they should not be so wrapped together, that her life should not be all about him- he would not go away from her. "You do know this is my favourite position in the world."

"I thought it was when I'm sitting on your face." She retorted with a smirk- and he had a look of 'well, you're not wrong', before they laughed together. "Seriously, though, take your arms off me, I need to get your gift-"

Unwillingly, he did as she bade, and dropped onto the ground as she moved away from him, and towards her satchel that she'd kept next to a bush.
"Not another solid gold chess-set, is it?" He asked jokingly, resting his elbows on the grass. "I don't think I have enough space in my suitcase for one."

And there came back the sickening feeling of anxiety again.
Maybe he didn't remember that she'd told him about getting him a hat- but whatever he was expecting, whatever idea he had- because he did have ideas, he always did, no matter what, and no matter how irrational they might be- it was definitely not what she'd actually got for him.
She pulled the box out of her bag, letting the bag fall to the ground again, before turning.

As he spotted whatever she was carrying, he blinked in surprise and immediately pushed himself to a more upright position.
"Moonshine." He started, very seriously. "Are you proposing to me?"

"Well, you've proposed once. It's my turn now, wouldn't you say?" She asked, apparently quite earnest- before giggling. "No, I'm not proposing. I mean, it is a ring-"
Then she stopped short, slapping her forehead.

"Don't worry, I already figured it was a ring." Edmund said, as she sat down before him, an expression of great annoyance- at herself- on her pretty face. "I mean, I doubted you'd give me earrings."

Sanya looked intrigued- he would look good in them.
"Would you have liked earrings?"

"Yeah, sure, just as I'd like being beaten up by every other boy in the school, as well." He replied sarcastically. "Also, speaking of rings- where's yours?"

Her wedding ring had come along with her in this world, along with the star earrings. She hadn't known they had until she had bent down in the train- the very first train-ride, minutes after she had come to this world- to tie her shoelaces, and something silver and sparkling had fallen out of her skirt-pocket.
"I kept it at home this year." She answered with a shrug. The first and second year at school, she had brought the ring up with her, nestled in the very deepest corner of her suitcase, bundled inside a rolled-up scarf- but this year, she'd decided against it. She'd told herself it was because the ring would be safer at home- she wore the star-earrings here, though, almost all of the time. "It's in the drawer with my mehendi packets and bangles."
Her grandmother never went into that drawer. The henna packets, she had got on her own- but the bangles, the Indian bangles, had been there from before she had even stepped into the house for the first time. She assumed her 'parents' in this world had bought them during the journey to India in which they'd apparently adopted her.

Edmund shook his head in disbelief, laughing a little, "I still don't know how you found henna here."

Sanya smiled angelically, "I have my secrets."

"Yes." His tone changed in an instant, and a strange shadow of- of aloofness?- came over his face. "I know you do."

Oh, she was so stupid. Of course his mind had gone immediately to her stay in Neráida- and everything else that she was keeping from him.

Your children are dead.

"Here." She said quickly, before the shadow could grow bigger and take her under, too. She handed him the small box, "Happy Birthday, again. Darling."

A small smile flitted past his lips, "Thanks, Moonshine."

"Do you like it?" She asked anxiously, watching intently as he picked up the silver ring.

"It's-" Edmund was frowning at it, holding it close to his face, to inspect it, "is it- is-"

"I wanted it to be. But I couldn't remember exactly what your wedding ring looked like- just that it was silver, and had patterns of birch leaves engraved on it."

"That was more or less it." He mumbled, turning over the thin band- his wedding ring had been thicker, by perhaps half an inch. And the patterns had been in platinum- not rose-gold.
It had practically been his crown in ring form.
He'd lost the ring, as he had lost his crown, when he and his siblings had returned to England through the wardrobe in Lantern Waste.

He had thought he would never see it again.

But then, he'd thought the same about Sanya. He'd been wrong on that count.

He looked to his wife, into her face- her brows were creased, with clear worry.
He should thank her. It was one of the most thoughtful gifts he'd ever received- it was part of the Just King, something he desperately wished he was in this world.
But a wish fulfilled- even something desperate- might fail to make one happy.
"How'd you get it made?"

"Maude." She shrugged again. "A few calls to a jeweller- and one very nerve-wracking visit to his shop- and it was done."
He hadn't answered her question. When would he? Why wasn't he?
She was starting to feel sick again.
"If you don't like it," Sanya started, her voice going flat, "I can return it."

"I didn't say I don't like it." Edmund said quietly.
It reminded me of what he had been- what he wanted to be- but also that he could never be that again, especially not in this world.
He was not the King she had married.
Neither of them were the persons they had been when they'd married.
They weren't even married now, technically. Whatever vows they had spoken, whatever parchment they had signed- it was lost, to time and in a different world.

Her voice went even more monotone, and she looked down at the grass, "You didn't say that you do."

He was silent, for a moment.
Just because he could never be the Just King, didn't mean that all the memories he had had of being him, had to be tarnished and locked away. Just because he- because they'd both changed, it didn't mean that they had lost the love they had had. They would never lose their love.
"I love it." He said softly, slipping the band onto his left ring-finger. "Moonshine- look at me."

"No." She said stubbornly, keeping her head firmly lowered.
Heavens, what if she had tears in her eyes?
She did not cry easily- Queens don't cry- but what if she did start crying in this moment?

It was a miracle her voice hadn't yet cracked.

"Sanya." He was already feeling impatient. "I do love it, I promise-"

She clenched her fists, "Don't lie to me."
Heavens, what hypocrisy!

"I'm not lying to you-"

"Then why did it take you so long to-"

"Because I was surprised!" Edmund said hotly. "I thought I'd left this- well, the original version of this, in another world, a lifetime ago! You'd have been speechless, too."

"I asked you if you like it." She mumbled. Despite his surprise, he ought to have answered that. "You didn't say anything-"

"Gracious, Sanya, I just said why I didn't-"

"Do you really like it?" Sanya cut him off, lifting her head up to look at him. This was going to devolve into an argument, and she didn't want that- especially not on his birthday.

He took a deep breath, and then took hold of her hand.
"I do." He said honestly. "I do, and- and part of me was disappointed when you said you weren't proposing."

"Oh." Heat rushed to her cheeks, and she shifted closer to him. "We are married in what matters- but does that mean you want another wedding, then?"

Edmund leaned his head against hers, "They do say third time's the charm, wife."

"Maybe we can elope this time." She suggested. "No fuss, no mess, no insanity of wedding planning- just go to an imahm-"

"Court-house."

"Go to a court-house, sign a piece of parchment-"

"Paper." He corrected. "A document, I think."

She stuck her tongue out at him, before ending, "And get married."

"And risk my parents having heart attacks?"

"That'd be a plus." She muttered, and he lightly punched her shoulder. "Seriously, though, husband. Do you want to? Be legally married to me again?"

"Yes, of course." He didn't even have to think about that. "But perhaps after we're done with school? I don't fancy the undoubtable teasing I will face if I become a husband at sixteen."

"I became a wife at sixteen."

"Different world."

"Too true." She sighed, and ran her thumb over the coolness of the silver ring. "I'm glad you like the gift."
Though part of her was still sure he was lying.
At least all of her believed him when he said he wanted to be legally married to her again- there was no doubt in her on that front.

"I love it, Moonshine." He said, and then snorted. "Definitely a step-up from a pen-stand."

"Doesn't take much to be better than that." She retorted playfully, as he wrapped his arms around her. "The Trojan Horse or pen-stand- which gift is less desirable?"

"Rude." Edmund said, half-scowling, and Sanya kissed him.

Needless to say, the scowl didn't last long.
-

"Lu, I'm going to tell Dad to take away your camera now." Susan said crossly. "This is the third time since coming to school that you've lost its covering-"

"At least I haven't lost the actual camera!" Lucy said, not sure if she was trying to mollify her sister or make herself feel better. "I'm sure it's here- somewhere-"

"We can't very well search the whole school!" The elder sister said, giving up on her efforts to search under the teacher's chair in the lower fourth classroom. "Why do you carry the thing everywhere?"

The younger girl pouted, "You never know when inspiration might strike."

"I highly doubt you'll be inspired to take photographs while Ms. Hughes is teaching." Susan snorted, straightening up. "Well, where next?"

"Er-"
During each break, Lucy carried the camera and its bag all around the school- during lunch, at tea, after prep in the evening- so it was hard for her to say exactly where they ought to search in next.
But it was almost tea-time, and she was feeling very hungry.
"How about the Dining Hall?"

"Alright." She nodded, taking her sister's hand and pulling her out of the classroom. "You'll be searching there alone, Lu, because I refuse to crawl around the entire hall."

"I'll try my best-"

"You know the responsible thing to do would be to confiscate your camera?"

Lucy blanched, as they walked through the hallway, "No offence, Su, but you're very likely to lose the actual camera."

Susan made a face, but had to concede that she wasn't wrong.
"True. Perhaps I'll just hand it over to Matron for safekeeping." She mused, as they turned down to the staircase that led to the entrance hall, and then the Dining Hall. "I mean, I know she keeps jewels- er, jewellery secure in her little safe, so a camera would be-"

"I adore Matron, but no." Lucy said firmly. She wasn't a baby- she could take care of her things! The bag the camera was kept in was just very liable to flying off wherever she kept it- perhaps she ought to just stuff it in her pocket from now on. Or inside her hat, like a magician. "I'll- we'll- find it, and then I'll be careful-"

"Lu-" Susan stopped just before they reached the bottom of the stairs, "is that Ed?"

"What?" Lucy blinked, and turned to where Susan was staring.

In the centre of the entrance hall, looking very hapless and like a deer in headlights, their brother was standing- and a gaggle of girls surrounded him, giggling and twirling their hair.

"I'm flattered, truly," Edmund said, hoping very hard that the girls couldn't hear the nervousness in his voice, "but we're not allowed out to town unless it's the weekend-"

One of the girls giggled, "We can get special permission-"

"No, thank you-" Battles had been easier to get through! Yes, the girls were pretty- very much so, he wasn't blind- but he had Sanya! He had absolutely no wish to even look at anyone else. "I'm just looking for-"

Another girl shifted closer to him, "Someone to spend some quality time with, of course-"

"If Sanya sees this," Lucy said quietly, "she will massacre the lot."

"Without a moment's doubt." Susan agreed, because they all had seen how quick their sister-in-law's temper flared these days. "This is very entertaining, but I'm beginning to feel a lot of pity for our dear brother, and I think we should step in."

Lucy nodded, and called out very loudly, "Edmund!"

It was an angel.
Edmund thanked God, and then looked to where the voice was coming from-
Oh, it was Lucy.
Same difference.
"My sisters!" He said, pushing his way through the crowd. "There they are- thanks so much for keeping me company till I found them-"

"Susan," one of the elder Pevensie girl's classmates started, "you never told us your brother was so- charming."

"Or that he plays rugby." Another girl, this one from one of Lucy's clubs, said. "Why, I think even your other brother wasn't so fit, Lucy-"

"Actually, Peter's a lot more muscular than me. Taller, too." Edmund finally extricated himself from the gaggle, and found his way to where his sisters stood by the staircase.
Lucy took one arm, and Susan took his other, and they steered him away, as he called back, only for the sake of politeness, "Bye, girls!"

As soon as they were away from their earshot and eyeshot, Susan and Lucy burst into a fit of giggles.

"Yes, yes, laugh." Edmund grumbled. "It wasn't as though your brother was about to be eaten alive."

"What else did you expect, Ed?" Susan still laughed. "You're the only boy in the whole building- of course, every girl who experiences attraction to men jumped on you."

"Why do you think Sanya always meets you outside?" Lucy added. "She's possessive of you."

Edmund blinked, fighting a blush upon hearing that.
"She didn't see that, did she?"
Goodness, she'd commit murder.

"No, she's at tea already." His elder sister answered. "I saw her and Bonnie go in while Lu and I were wandering and looking for her camera-bag."

The former 'Just King' snorted, "You lost it again, Lu?"

"Hush, or I'll tell Sanya one of the girls got her hands in your hair."

Edmund looked fearful, "My lips are sealed about your camera, and yours best be, too. I don't want to piss Sanya off more than I already will-"

"What do you mean?" Lucy asked, and they stopped before the door to the Dining Hall. "You came here to tell Sanya something?"

He nodded, and then gestured to the hall, "Can you get her for me- please? I'm not risking being around so many girls again."

"Alright." Susan was intensely curious as to what news her brother had for his wife, but- well, she was hungry. She could find out the answer to her curiosity later. "See you later, Eddie."

Edmund glared, and his sisters went into the Dining Hall, still chuckling, to search for their sister-in-law.

Sanya had been having a very strange time at tea.

It had begun completely normal, except for the fact that her stomach kept turning over on itself and the smell of tea was making her nauseated.
That probably meant her moonblood was soon to come- the stomach issues were cramps, most likely.

She and Bonnie had sat at their usual, isolated table. They were talking about the new film they wanted to see, Son of Dracula, that released on the eighth of October- it was to be Sanya's treat to Bonnie, since she hadn't got her a gift for her birthday.

She'd been to see a film with Susan just a few days ago, but she didn't care- the more occasions she was away from school, the better.

Then a girl that Sanya had lent her pen to in the morning, came over to their table to return it- she seemed like she would have liked to stay and chat, but Ms. Terrapin's beady eyes forced her back to her own table.

Sanya was sort of glad about that. Talking with new people took preparation.

It was as the conversation changed to the severe flu that had been going around the schools in the area and had reached the younger forms, that an apparition reached their table.

"Girls." A smirking girl, with perfectly coiffed blond hair had been standing there, a tray in her hands. She wore the St. Finbar's uniform- but, somehow, on her, it looked far from dowdy and sensible, which it was. It looked- stylish. "Might I sit?"

Sanya and Bonnie did not realise it then, but the entire Hall was staring at her.

"Er." Bonnie found her voice first. "Sure- but-"

The girl did not wait to hear what came after the 'but', sitting down next to Sanya, who scooted away.

"I'm Mina Starling. I only just reached- problems with the car." She said breezily. "Perhaps you've heard of me."

They had not known her name, but judging by her demeanour- and the shoes- and earrings- Sanya and Bonnie were quite sure this was the new heiress.

"I'm Bonnie. Berkeley." Bonnie said timidly, holding out her hand to the blonde. "This is Sanya Rainsford."

"Enchanté." Mina's dark hazel eyes sparkled. "Rainsford- any relation to the Somerset Rainsfords?"

Oh, Somerset, right.
Eh, she'd forget it again by the next hour, anyway.
"Yes. Maude Rainsford's granddaughter. Adopted." She added, seeing her delicate eyebrows rise. She had very little appetite anyway, but now it was gone entirely. "She's situated in Finchley now, though."

"I see." Mina smirked again. "I'll be in upper fourth this year-"

"Yeah, you're in my dorm." Sanya said. "I'm upper fourth, too. Bonnie's upper sixth."

"Really?" The heiress tilted her head. "No friends your own age?"

And, thankfully, it was at that moment that Susan and Lucy had reached the table.

"San- oh, sorry." Susan noticed someone at the table that was decidedly not her sister-in-law or Bonnie. "Do we know you?"

"No, she's new." Bonnie answered, before Mina could. "Just arrived."

"Mina Starling." The blonde held out her hand, which Susan shook, and then Lucy. "And you are?"

"Lucy Pevensie." The youngest Pevensie said cheerfully, and then nodded to her sister. "And that's my sister, Susan."

"Charmed." Mina smirked again- perhaps her smiles just looked like that. No one at the table knew her well enough to tell. "How do you know these two?"

That was for Sanya to answer.
She didn't want to answer, but Bonnie kept giving her looks.
"Oh, I'm-" married to, "dating their brother."

"Yes. Absolute soulmates. God help those who tries to get in their way. Anyway, Sanya-" Susan spoke to her, "Ed's outside the Hall. He's waiting for you."

"What?"
Why did she feel trepidation? The first- the only- thing she ought to feel was absolute joy.
"Why?" Heavens, she felt sick again. "We don't have a date-"

"I think he's come over to tell you something." Lucy said, and then held her tongue. What if she accidentally spilled something that Edmund would not want? She was not going to hurt their relationship again.

"Oh- alright." She nodded, standing up. She dug her nails into her palm, hoping the sting from that would help distract her from how close to vomiting she felt. "You can finish my sandwich, Bon- and, um, nice to meet you, Mina."

Mina nodded at her, "Likewise, Sanya. The first meeting of many, I'm sure."

Sanya couldn't find anything to say to that, so she just smiled politely- far more of a grimace than a smile- and then departed.

Edmund was waiting where his sisters said he was, right outside the Hall- he was pacing and muttering to himself, apparently as anxious as Sanya herself was.

"Darling." She called, and he stopped his pacing, turning to her. "Hello."

"Hi, Moonshine." He attempted at a smile, leaning in to press a kiss to her cheek. "Not in trouble for slipping out of tea, I hope?"

"I don't know, I didn't stop to see how the teachers reacted." She shrugged. "Are you alright?"

"What- oh, yes, I'm alright." He assured her. "I'm fine, I promise. I just-"

"Yeah?" Sanya took his hand, and led him to the corner of the hallway. She did not want annoying teachers or other students to interrupt them- especially the former, for they'd scold her into going back into the Dining Room. "What happened?"

"You know how rugby season started early this year, right?"

She nodded.
It had begun from the middle of September, as opposed to the usual late November- because there was great uncertainty as to when schools would close again.
There had been two games, so far. Hendon House had won both, and Sanya had shouted herself hoarse at the first- she had been too tired to attend the second one.
It had been the first- and, hopefully, last- of his games that she had missed.

"Well, there's another game, in a couple of weeks." He rubbed the back of his neck, nervously. "Two games, actually."

"Okay." She didn't understand why he was acting so hesitant. "What about them?"

"They're away games. Just got told today."

"Oh." Sanya felt cold, suddenly. She should've worn her blazer- but she hadn't, because it had become so tight. "And you're going."
If he wasn't going, he wouldn't have come here. If he'd not been going, he would have casually mentioned it in a later conversation- not come running to her school to let her know.
More games she'd miss.

It wasn't a question, but Edmund still answered it, "Yes, I am."

Don't go. Please, please don't leave me. Stay with me.
"You couldn't get out of it?"

He shook his head.

"So you're leaving."

"I don't have a choice." He said quietly. "Unless there's a genuine reason- like I'm sick, or have a broken bone, or something, I can't bow out."
He couldn't very well tell them that his wife would miss him too much!

"Lie, then." She said flatly. She hadn't even given a reason to Ms. Earnshaw- she'd just said no. Because being with Edmund- staying close to him, it had been more important. "Lie about being sick, or something. I don't know."

"I can't, Moonshine-" He was surprised she had suggested it- she was the True! "I mean, I don't even look sickly, and I can't let them down-"

"But you're fine letting me down." She interrupted him.
Queens don't cry, Queens don't cry, Queens don't cry!
Blinking back tears, she went on, "You said you'd never leave me- ever again-"

Edmund swallowed- he didn't know how he'd expected her to react, but it wasn't like this. He'd thought- rather, he'd hoped that she would react well, and that she'd be glad he had told her as soon as he'd found out and that she would wish him the best.
But instead- instead, she looked like she was about to cry.
Sanya never looked like that.
"It's just for a day, Moonshine." His voice was soft, soothing. He didn't want to make her cry. "I'll leave Friday afternoon- I promise, I'll see you before we leave- and we'll be back Sunday around the same time, hopefully."

She knew she wasn't being a good wife, a supportive partner, as she ought to be. She knew she was being nonsensical- it was one day! One. It didn't mean that he would end up being gone for a thousand years.
But she had thought the same about the hunt for the White Stag- not even a day, just one afternoon. And that had ended with her losing him for a large part of forever.
Making a brave attempt to stop sounding pathetic, she asked, "Where is it?"

"Not far. Just two towns over."

She nodded in acceptance of his words. That wasn't far. And the school would let him call her here at St. Finbar's, at any time. And he would return soon- so soon, she would hardly even miss him.
"You'll call on the fellytone, right-"

"A telephone, Sanya-"

"Yes, yes, that-"

"Of course I will."

That was something.
But she had to make sure of something else.
"And you'll come back- right?"

"Of course." He replied firmly, taking hold of her hand. He wished he had put on his ring before coming here- it would have reassured her more than his words could. "Until death do us part, remember?"

Sanya finally managed a proper smile, clasping his hand back tight, "Just don't get yourself killed while shooting a goal, then."

"I'll try my best." Edmund nodded, returning her smile. Smiles concealed pain. "And I'll be there with you this Monday- the entire afternoon, and evening, until it's time for supper."

It was her brother's birthday on that date- and her parents' birthdays were at the end of the month. She hadn't mentioned them specifically, during the two years that she'd been here- but he'd known that she didn't want to be alone on those specific days.
He knew her so well.

"Thank you." She murmured, and remembered that saying.

Something was better than nothing.
--

Ed'll be settling down to sleep now, Sanya thought, as she tossed and turned in bed- she was struggling to find a position that stopped, or at least reduced the horrible cramps she was having.
The moonblood hadn't even started, and she was already in so much pain. Her whole body ached, and she felt like someone was hitting at the joints of her pelvis and back and knees with a hammer.
At least the physical pain took her mind off her emotional- what? Sorrow? Despair?
Her husband had just gone off for a day. He'd even telephoned after lunch- she hated talking on the telephone, but it was quicker than letters. And she would see him the very next day.
Whatever part of her brain or heart was in charge of emotions- clearly, it had no sense.
"That's if he hasn't already fallen asleep."

"Shut up." Jessie hissed, poking her head out of her blanket. "We're trying to sleep!"

"You're louder than her, Denham!" Mina sat up, immediately coming to Sanya's defence.

For some reason, since that first meeting, she had latched onto Sanya, somewhat acting like her guard. It annoyed Bonnie to no end, and made Sanya feel mildly uncomfortable- but she couldn't deny that she enjoyed having her own personal defender.

In that regard, Mina was like a human version of Tolland- except, somehow, the human was much more ferocious than the animal had been.

"You shut up."

Jessie had had great fascination with Mina the first day that she had shown up, but the first biting comment that the heiress had made had entirely decimated the fascination. After that, the two bickered more than they talked, both vying for the spot of most important member of the dorm.
"Why don't you go suffocate under the weight of your jewels-"

"Oh, shush, both of you!" May yelled, wishing she could throw something at them. "Matron will show up and give us so many demerits we won't see the town until we've finished school."

Mina snorted, "No, she will not. The ickle firsties are sick with that flu, aren't they? She's far too busy in the sanatorium."

"Not to mention, there's a specialist staying over tonight, in case the flu turns into something more severe." Priscilla had been nearly asleep- but May's yell had woken her up.

May nodded, before giggling, “He’s rather dashing.”

Jessie rolled her eyes at the canopy of her bed, “He’s our father’s age, if not older.”
She was exaggerating, she knew- the doctor seemed likely to be only thirty, give or take a year or two- but someone as fanciful as May needed exaggeration to bring down her dreams.

May giggled again, undeterred, “Doesn’t stop him from being dashing.”

"Ugh." Sanya muttered, turning over and burrowing her head under blanket. "Shu'p-up."
Perhaps she could ask Jessie to knock her out. She'd do it happily enough.
Her bones hurt so much. How could bones hurt this badly? At least her knee breaking had been fast- these fucking cramps were endless.
Why couldn't she just fall asleep!? Even if she woke up in a few hours with excruciating pain- at least it would be gone for those few hours that she slept. Why was sleeping always so difficult for her? Even before Neráida- before everything- it had been difficult.

"Is that Indian?" Priscilla wondered out loud.

"Indian isn't a language, you ignoramus." Mina said condescendingly. She'd gone there when she was younger- the beaches at Bombay were wonderful. "Have you no idea about the country apart from what prostitutes are called there?"

"I don't know what-"

"Oh, spare us. Sanya told me exactly why the whole class whispers 'chakla' whenever she comes into class."

Of course, there came the nausea again. It was anxiety and moonblood and missing Edmund all mixed into one heaving, retching urge.
Maybe she should throw up. What had Asherii said once- holding back vomit was worse than vomiting? Surely that principle of medicine held true in all worlds?
And wouldn't the girls' faces be something to see? She hated throwing up, it made her feel like she was dying and losing whatever breath she had, but it would be absolutely priceless.
She was so tired, though...she would have to sit up- throw off her blanket- stand up- and then-

The next thing Sanya remembered, was waking up to screaming.

"Huhmm." She mumbled, trying to block out whatever the noise was.
She felt so groggy, and she wanted to sleep again- she didn't care what time it was, or who or what was screaming. Whatever was going on- whoever was there, didn't they have the decency to keep quiet when people were trying to sleep?

"Sanya, get up!" A voice shrieked, and was shaking her suddenly. "Up, come on-"

"Jao." She mumbled, blindly reaching to find the blanket- she must've kicked it off- to pull it over herself again. She didn't care if- oh, she didn't even know, she just wanted to sleep-

Out of nowhere, a hand came flying to slap across her face.

"What the fuck!?" Sanya yelled, her eyes shooting open, as she felt the sharp, stinging pain flare across her cheek. "Who the-"

Crowded around her bedside, were the other four girls in the dorm. The light was on in the dorm, but it seemed to still be the middle of the night. They were all dressed in pyjamas- Mina had on a silk dressing gown over hers, and Priscilla was wearing a hairnet- and they were staring at her, their eyes wide and panicked.

"Who slapped me?" She demanded, struggling to sit up. Heavens, her back felt worse than ever- and her hip-bones shouldn't even be mentioned- and her shoulders, ouch. And she could feel wetness between her thighs- oh, she must have been dreaming about Edmund... "What-"

Was it those air-raids that the Pevensies had mentioned to her, very soon after she'd come here? There had been none through her time in England- they had ended just a few months before she had come. But if they did happen again- well, thank Heavens for bomb shelters.

"Sanya." Mina began tremulously. "You're bleeding."

"Eh?" She blinked, before looking down at herself. She had kicked the blanket off- and her star-and-moon pyjamas were wholly on display- and there was dark crimson staining most of the grey cloth. The sheets underneath her were soaked with red, too- it looked like a puddle of blood.
It was a puddle of blood. Was that why her whole body was paining? That was the slickness between her legs she'd felt?
"Oh, it's alright- probably a m- I mean, period-"

Jessie shook her head, looking the most frightened anyone had seen her.
"My mum would have the worst bleeds ever, after my sister was born- and even then, it wasn't this much blood."
She trembled.
"This is something else."

"Maybe it's the flu." May had been the one to see the blood first- she'd been stumbling to the bathroom, but had been unable to without the light- she had switched it on, and seen the blood. "You should go to the san-"

"Are you in pain?" Mina cut across her, as she looked to Sanya, deep concern in her eyes. "Does any part of you hurt?"

"Well, yeah." She shrugged. She started to climb out of bed- she better change- and there were extra sheets in the cupboard. "But it's alright-"
She stopped just as her feet found the ground, almost doubling over and letting out a hiss of pain.
The last time her stomach and vagina had hurt like this, she'd been giving birth to Seraphina.

"We definitely need to take her to the san." Priscilla said, putting her arms around Sanya and gesturing for Jessie to do the same. None of them liked Sanya, and it was the same the other way around- but they didn't want her to die!

Sanya was clutching her stomach and felt overwhelmed with pain, but she managed to shake her head, "No- no- it's-"

None of the girls paid her protestations the slightest attention, hoisting her out of the dorm, and to the sanatorium- that was, thankfully, right on the next floor.

"Matron!" May sprinted ahead, as she spotted the old, curly-haired woman just coming out of the room. "Matron, something's wrong-"

"Oh, May, pimples are not tumours- how many times- oh, goodness!" Matron Docherty almost dropped her clipboard, and ran to where Priscilla and Jessie carried a still-protesting and still-bleeding Sanya, Mina bringing up the rear. "What happened to her!?"

"She's bleeding!" Mina hastened to answer. "And it's not periods, Matron- we know it isn't- she's in so much pain-"

"Alright, alright-" She couldn't carry the girl, though she wished she could, "take her inside- one of the curtained rooms- I'll come with you- May, go run to my office and fetch the specialist-"
Golly, the common flu causing such bleeding- she had never heard of it before!

May forced herself to not giggle at the thought of the handsome specialist, and immediately ran off.

"I'm fine!" Sanya argued, as she was clumsily thrown into a bed.
She could feel the blood coat all over her skin, and she could feel the pain ebb in her stomach and between her thighs- but it was alright! It wasn't that bad.
And there were little children here- she had seen them as they'd dragged her through the sanatorium- they needed more attention than she did! Her pain tolerance was high, she would be perfectly fine.
"Matron, they're overreacting-"
She missed when she was properly fat and stout enough that no one could make her move an inch, if she didn't want to be moved.

"Hush, child." Matron slapped a hand on her forehead, as she chewed nervously at her lip. "No fever- not the flu, most likely-"

The black spots that heralded unconsciousness appeared in her vision, but she tried to blink them away, "It's just a period-"
Mina was holding her hand- she could get away, if she just left her hand-

"Rainsford, dear, please- where does it hurt?"

"It- it's fine-" Her voice was getting weaker, and her words were mumbled- the cramps hurt so, so much, the pain rolled through her hips, wracking her whole body, "Matron- it's- I-" Edmund, where are you, "I'm alright-"

"Who can we call to help- does she have a sibling or cousin in the school-"

"Edmund," Sanya breathed, though she didn't know if her words could be heard. "Can you call- can you call Edmund Pevensie-"

The last thing she heard before the black spots took over was a panicked, deep voice- her father, was it her father?- calling, "What's going on here?"

When Sanya came to, it was dawn.

At least, she assumed- the sunlight was peeking in through the window of the curtained room.

It was later than dawn, most likely. Seven or eight, perhaps?

For a moment, she was disoriented. Why was she even here? Wasn't this the part of the sanatorium kept for infectious diseases? She wasn't sick- she hadn't got sick even once since coming here- apart from a few colds, because of the weather-

"Oh, Ms. Rainsford!" Someone was saying, and Sanya blinked hard- she wasn't wearing her glasses, and everything was blurry.
Whoever had walked in, was tall and wearing a white coat- as they came closer to the bed, she saw it was a man with sandy-brown hair and a stetho-something around his neck.
"You're awake, I see."

"Yes." She said hostilely. She should focus on the mild pain that rolled through her body- but her whole attention was on what she was wearing. Someone had changed her clothes- she was in a white nightgown, loose and far too big for her. Who'd- who had- who had dared to take off her clothes- she hadn't even-
It wasn't even the fact that they had seen her naked. Well, it was, but that wasn't the worst of it. The worst was that they had touched her without her knowledge- and whoever it was, they must have seen her scars.
Fuck.
"Where are my pyjamas?"

"Matron sent them for a washing. Er- she and your friend- the haughty one, with blonde hair?- they changed you." He looked suddenly somber. "You were covered in blood, little miss."

"That's what happens with periods." She replied bluntly. "You're a doctor, you should know that."
She wasn't feeling quite awake yet- but she could tell this was the specialist, who'd come because of the flu.

"Yes, but I'm not a gynaecologist. Well, to be fair, my father was one, and I learnt much from him on the subject- I even studied gynaecology before-"

"What's- er- gyno- thing?"

The doctor flushed at her question, but managed to answer calmly, "It's the field of study related to the female reproductive system. And health, and everything else associated with it."

"Alright." It was related to medicine- Peter's interest. Not hers. She was far more interested in going back to sleep. "If I have to stay here, I'm sleeping again-"

"Ms. Rainsford." He sounded even graver, and Sanya decided to not close her eyes and turn over to her side. "Do you know what a pregnancy is?"

"What? Of course I do." She spoke- well, snapped. "Do you think I'm stupid?"
Could she be- no, not a chance.

"Of course not! No, no." He shook his head, before rubbing his nose. "I am aware of how bright and informed the girls at this institution are- I have a niece, I think I'll advise her parents to send her here-"

"I've read about pregnancy before- I read a lot, Doctor." If he wouldn't let her sleep, at least he didn't have to ramble. "You are a doctor, right?"

"Yes. Oh, silly me, I haven't introduced myself." He held out his hand. "Dr. Nicholas Wright- but you can call me Nick. My mum does."

"I don't care." Sanya did not take his hand. "Do I have the flu? Why are you- in fact, why am I here?"
And why was he asking her if she knew what a PREGNANCY was? She'd had her moonblood- obviously, she wasn't pregnant!

"Ms. Rainsford- Sanya, can I call you Sanya?"

"If you pronounce it right."

Dr. Wright looked perturbed at that, but decided to not focus on the teenage girl's anger. Such turmoil was part and parcel of being a teenager.
"Sanya- the reason you fainted, was because of lack of vitamins in your system."

"I hate vegetables."

He laughed, "Who doesn't? But the vitamin you don't have enough of is Vitamin B12- which primarily comes from meat. Do you have meat?"

"Almost exclusively."

He looked fairly worried, "Hm. That's odd- you should be healthy, then, on that front. I'll prescribe you some medicines- we'll see if we can't counteract the fainting spells."

"It happened only once." Sanya told him, resisting the urge to roll her eyes. "It's not a big deal."

"Lack of Vitamin B12 can cause anaemia, and I think it's better safe than sorry." He told her kindly. "It wasn't the only culprit, though. The lack of vitamin, coupled with pain from the- the-" he swallowed, and changed tact, "the other pain, it overwhelmed your body, causing you to lose consciousness."

That was stupid. She had had periods so many times since coming here, but somehow it had made her faint this time?

There was a moment of quiet, in which Dr. Wright clearly expected Sanya to say something.
When she didn't, he pressed on.
"I know the question will not make sense- and I am, of course, loathe to ask this of you- you are clearly such a fine, mannerly young girl," he didn't think he'd felt this awkward even while asking parents about their children's stool, "but are you aware of what intercourse is?"

"Ye- no." She was very good at acting innocent. "Is it like discourse? Debating, and all?"

The doctor looked like he'd expected that, and he spoke gently, "I'm afraid not. It's- well, it's something to do with bodies. It's how babies are made."

She widened her eyes- oh, she better not laugh!
"But doesn't the stork bring the baby, to put in the mother's tummy?"

"That's- one version of it." He was regretting coming to the school. "Sanya, I am sure you're unaware of this, but someone had intercourse with you. Perhaps while you were sleeping- or unconscious- somehow-"

"You mean someone raped me?"
It wasn't the place to laugh- ordinarily, she wouldn't have felt like laughing at all, because this was a topic that made her feel cold and clammy and like she never wanted to face anyone ever again- but Dr. Wright looked so affected! It was comical.
The only person who was having intercourse with her was someone she actively encouraged- and it was someone she thoroughly enjoyed having it with.

And it wasn't 'intercourse' with him. It was making love.

The doctor looked taken aback, "You know what rape is?"

"Yes." She said simply, and did not elaborate. "Unfortunately."

"You know what intercourse is, too, then." He couldn't tell if she was messing with him, or if her knowledge was just that strangely compartmentalised. "It's when the act is consensual."

"Oh." She had explained sex to her children so much better. "Alright. But what's it to me?"
Her moonbloods had come after two months. No- three. The last time had been in mid-July, and it was the middle of October now. She was often irregular, so she hadn't even noticed.
Was he going to say that having sex- losing her virginity- was the reason, plus the lack of vitamins?
But how could he even know that it had been so long? She hadn't told anyone- she hadn't even realised it until a couple of days ago.

"Whoever had-" He couldn't do this, he couldn't! There was a reason he'd become a paediatrician, and not followed in his father's footsteps. How could he tell a little girl something like this? It was so much better when he took their temperatures and prescribed them shots! "Would you mind if I'm blunt?"

"I like bluntness."

He nodded, and was quiet for a second. He appeared to be steeling himself, to make sound his fortitude, for whatever 'blunt' thing he was about to say.
"Sanya." Dr. Wright leaned ahead, in case she wanted to hold his hand.
What if she went into hysterics!?
"You were pregnant. As in, you were carrying a baby. Fetus, really, if I'm correct about how far along you were. But- I hate to say it, I truly do- it's gone."

"What?" She couldn't understand. The sunlight was brighter now, as it streamed in, and it was disorienting. "What?"

His voice was exceedingly gentle, "You had a miscarriage, Sanya."

-

-✧: °*✧*°:･✧-
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Nicholas Hoult as Dr. Nicholas Wright

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Joan Plowright as Matron Aisling Docherty

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(parallels between two of my absolute best OTPs 😭 Stalia deserved BETTER)
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(Poor girl.
No, I will not be giving her a break.)

-

Well- bad, right? 😬
You have a fight, you have Edmund leaving Sanya, and you have a miscarriage. It's like one after the other.

Really, the one good- and surprising- thing was how willing the girls were to help Sanya. They may hate her, but it's girls supporting and helping girls no matter what <3

And Edmund, Lucy, and Susan's little interaction- the fact that he called Lu an angel 🥺

Ed being swarmed by girls and trying to not panic- hilarious. The best swordsman of his age is nothing compared to a gaggle of horny straight girls who study in an all-girls' boarding school.

Edmund and Sanya tentatively planning their future ('you want to get married again?') was also sweet. THEY JUST WANT A LIFE TOGETHER.

Also IDC what anyone says, idc what Edmund himself thinks- Sanya gifting a replica of Edmund's wedding ring was a GOOD gift.

I guess there was more than just one good thing in the chapter, huh.

And Mina!!! She's finally here! What a polarising chapter to show up in, lmao- but it fits her. Mina and Sanya's friendship will basically be 'extrovert adopts introvert, and doesn't let go' and I love it.

By the way, for every single person who commented 'NO MISCARRIAGES' (or something to that effect) in the chapters of 'Alliance' where Sanya was pregnant- you doing okay?
Frankly, I did think of incorporating a miscarriage in 'Alliance'- it would have been a pregnancy after Selene and before Seraphina, sometime after Sanya was named the True.
I didn't have many solid plans for that scenario, but I did and do have one scene so clearly in my mind- Sanya would have buried the fetus/baby's corpse at the beach herself.
I also remember that the miscarriage was meant to be a cause of distance and animosity between Edmund and she.
I've mentioned this what-if before, in the fun facts during the author's notes at the end of 'The Heirs' chapters, I think.

But I decided to not do that. Partly because I would not have been able to do justice to that topic in just a couple chapters, and partly because Sanya going to war and Edmund to Calormen was a much better plot.
Mind you, obviously I did not know THEN that I would include a miscarriage in this book (after all, at that time, I didn't even know that there would be a 'The Heirs') but I'm glad I didn't include it then. I think it works better with the story and theme and Sanya's tragedies now.

I know miscarriages don't usually hurt- generally, they're almost indistinguishable from periods, and you'll think it IS a period, if you weren't aware you were pregnant. But considering Sanya's less-than-ideal pregnancies and difficult births (it took hours for Selene to come out, and Seraphina's birth almost killed both mother and child)- I thought it was likely that her miscarriage would be difficult and painful, too.
And I'm pretty sure that doctors have their own way of figuring out whether it was a miscarriage or a period.

Oh, and
The end of Chapter 10 of 'Alliance'- Sanya gets a child (the Faerie Queen asks her to raise Jem as her own)
The end of Chapter 10 of 'Fairytale?'- Sanya loses a child (she is informed that she had a miscarriage).
Not the happiest parallel, ig.

Bets on if Sanya will tell Edmund about this dead child (fetus)? Reminder: she hasn't told them about what happened to their other children.

Don't worry about Sanya going off the deep end, by the way. She has a permanent residence there, so I don't think the miscarriage will specifically make her go even crazier.
Probably.

And, as always- I humbly and unashamedly ask you to vote on the chapters, and perhaps comment, too :)