Me: oiii minna!
Laxus: *grunts*
Mira: Laxus....-_-* *waves sweetly* hi.
Me: :3 let's get started?
Laxus:...
Mira: What's the fanfic?
Me: Miraxus. >;)
Miraxus: Nani?!

"And that's the last of it; all done!" Mira squealed in delight as she looked at her most prized possession, the Fairy Tail shipping wall. It had taken her many years and a lot of meddling to complete, but with Elfman and Evergreen officially dating she could sit back and relax.

Me: *claps*
Mira: *cheers*

"Well, not completely done..." Came the voice of Fairy Tail's other relationship guru as she entered the room with more paint.

"Nope; no more ships to sail. Everyone has left the port and is sailing happily out to sea."

Laxus:.........

"What about that little ship in the corner? That one that waited for all the other ships to leave?"

"Maybe, Cana, that ship wants to wait a bit longer until the sea calms down a bit. Maybe that ship is quite happy the way it is."

Me: I agree with Cana >:3

Cana sighed. "Mira c'mon; it's almost tragic that the main shipper in the guild doesn't have a boat of her own to sail on." She went over and put her arm around her friend. "You've got everyone else together; maybe its time for you to get yourself with someone?"

"As if he would..." Mira looked at the image of herself in the corner of the wall. Being the sort of person she was, it was Cana who had to draw her friend in. And the man's face next to her of course. "You know what he's like."

Me:...tingly feelings...my senses are telling me he is laxus...
Laxus:...............

"Damn right I do..." Cana thought as she too looked at the pairing. "Still; you've a pretty good..."

Mira laughed. "Please Cana! As if he'd actually settle down with anyone, least of all little old me!" She put a hand on the picture and smiled. "Still, it's fun to imagine right?"

Me: WHAHXJCJKWJVKSJFJF i had to let that out.
Mira:...

Cana glanced at her friend. "That's kinda sad Mira..."

The demon simply laughed again before turning round to get more green paint for Evergreen's dress, but not before letting her hand linger just a little too long.

"Oh Mira..." Cana thought, eyeing the pairing, "What are we going to do with you...?"

-Meanwhile, in a local bar-

"Down it! Down it! Down it!" The Thunder Legion cheered and their new drinking partner complied by finishing his pint. "Good job Elfman!"

"I can't feel my everything..." He announced before falling off his barstool into a coma.

Me: PUAHAHAHAH

Evergreen laughed. "Well Laxus I think we've done it again!"

"Yep; another victory for us over the World!" Bickslow agreed.

"At least this one had the insight not to fall on Master Laxus." Freed smiled before returning to admire his 'glorious leader'.

Said 'glorious leader' was wearing his trademark grin. "Please; did you expect anything else from me?! The only two people I know who can out drink me are Cana and Bacchus, and even then I'd give them a pretty good run for their money. Compared to them, this idiot is nothing." He stood up and raised his glass. "Hey, everyone! This guy says the drinks are on him!" The pub cheered and rushed to the bar as Laxus bent down and scooped out all of the money in Elfman's pockets.

Me: Laxus you didn't Choose the Thug Life, The thug life chose you. xDDDD
Laxus: damn right. *throws a pair of shades on*
Mira:.....
Me: 😂😂

"Sure that's enough boss?" Bickslow asked, dubiously eyeing the small amount of cash that Laxus produced from the unconscious man's pockets.

The blonde's grin widened. "Oh of course not, but that's half the fun!" Quickly picking up his coat, he motioned for his mean to make for the door before the crowd lynched them. Not that they couldn't handle it, just they preferred not to bust up their favourite drinking holes.

"Wait wait wait!" Evergreen panted after sprinting two blocks with her team mates. "I need to go back and help him."

"The hell do you wanna do that for?" Laxus asked in disbelief. "This shit's hilarious!"

"Are you questioning Master Laxus?!" Freed yelled, his eyes pretty much shooting lasers at the girl now. "Insubordination like this is UNACCEPTABLE!"

Evergreen stopped running and the others turned and looked at her. "If it was anyone else I'd happily leave them, but he's my boyfriend now and I kinda have to look after his sorry ass."

"Lame..." Bickslow muttered and he and his dolls rolled their eyes. Well, heads in the case of his dolls. That's what you get for buying cheap shit I guess.

"Oh? And what if it was Lisanna in there? Would you just leave her too?"

The doll mage paused for a minute before sighing and shaking his head. "And Freed; if Master Laxus was somehow in that situation, would you leave him?"

"How dare you question my loyalty to him!" He screamed before turning away in a huff.

The fairy lady laughed. "See! So I guess I'm not such a sop after all!"

"Nah you're still a pussy." Laxus rumbled before folding his arms. "In fact, all you've proven is that everyone else here bar me is too. God guys; why can't you all be cool like me?!"

The rest of the group looked at the man. "So wait...there's nobody out there you'd go back for?"

"For a little thing like that, Christ no!" He laughed at the thought of it, but to the others it seemed almost hollow.

"What about Wendy my Master?" Freed offered.

Laxus shot him a disgusted look. "Oh because I'm clearly going to take an under age girl drinking and then leave her in a bar! Do I look like Macao?!"

AllThree:😂😂😂 Hahaha

Bickslow had to laugh a little at that one. "Ok man but seriously, is there literally nobody you'd care enough for that you-..."

"Cut the crap doll face; you're asking me if there's anyone out there for me. Short answer; nobody available for hire. Now if you'll excuse me I'm going to go find and piss off Jellal. I haven't done that in a couple of weeks and I'm starting to have withdrawal symptoms." And with those words and a casual flipping off, the Thunder God left to go and bully his blue haired friend.

Jellal:....
Me: @-@ when chu get here....?
Jellal: i was always here..
Miraxus: @-@

Bickslow and Freed just shrugged. "Guess that's a no then." the muttered before heading to the next pub to find another poor sucker.

Evergreen on the other hand began walking back to fetch what was left of her boyfriend with a ghost of a smile on her face. "Nobody available huh? I guess that means there is someone..."

-After several pranks and millions of jewels worth of damage-

"...AND YOU CAN SHOVE YOUR MAGIC EARPHONES RIGHT UP YOUR DICK!" Jellal yelled before slamming the door of the guild's locker room. "Christ I swear to god he needs to get laid more!"

"What did he do this time?" Erza asked, continuing to stack the shelves in the back of the room. Usually this was Mira's job, but she had been mysteriously called to the hospital to check that her brother was ok. Something about him having every bone in his body broken at a bar...

"Well this time he took it upon himself to build a Tower of Heaven in the middle of the town out of Lego, complete with a Lego me standing at the top with a speech bubble saying 'I'm a whiney bitch! Whine! Whine! Whine!' The hell does he even get this stuff from?!" Her boyfriend sighed exasperated and banged his head against the wall.

Me: omg..that's hilariously cruel...😂😂😂
Jellal:...T^T..bully..*glares at laxus*
Laxus: *laughing his ass out*
Mira:...

Erza finished stacking that particular box before putting an arm around Jellal. "Just don't let him get to you. We all know that he's a massive jerk and the more you react the more he'll do it."

The celestial mage looked at his partner. "Still though, is it just me or is he getting worse?"

"A little bit I guess..." There wasn't a time when Laxus hadn't been somewhat of a cunt, but she had to agree that recently he had seriously upped his game. "But why?"

Jellal shrugged. "Beats me. Maybe he has too much time on his hands?"

"Actually I think you may have been right the first time; he needs to get laid."

Me; *laughing* HAHAHAHA
Mira: *snickers*
Jellal: hahaha
Laxus:....

"This is Laxus we're talking about right? The one who has literally taken my coat before and fucked a girl on it. WHILE I WAS STILL WEARING IT!"

"No no, I mean like a permanent partner! Not one of those bimbos he usually sleeps around with." She thought for a moment. "Oh I know! We could ask Mira to set him up with someone!"

Me: ask mira to help...or mira is his help ;)

Her boyfriend eyed her sceptically. "So you're setting him up with someone because he's being a douche? Have you never heard of Karma?!"

Just then Cana poked her head through the door. "Did you call-...ohhh, ok then. Sorry to barge in on this little meeti-..."

"No no no its not what you think!" Erza managed out, a slight blush creeping on her face. "It was...actually no this is great! You're like the second shipper right?" Cana gave a confused nod. "Great! Well I have a ship I'd like you to sail for me!"

The card magician's ears pricked up. "...go on..."

"She wants to set Laxus up with someone." Jellal explained and Cana nearly jumped out of her skin in shock. "Yeah yeah, stupid idea I know but still, worth a shot right?"

"We'd do all of the foot work too..." Erza chipped in, "We'd be unstoppable!"

Cana thought about it for a moment before an evil grin appeared on her face. "I'll see what I can do. In fact; gather everyone that matters at the bar in ten minutes time. I have a proposal that they may wish to consider..."

-At the bar ten minutes later-

As ordered Erza had gathered everyone important at the bar. The people there besides were Natsu, Lucy, Happy, Juvia, Gray, Wendy, Gajeel, Levi and Jellal. Whatever they were expecting, it was not what they got.

"Cana...is that...?"

"Yes it is Lucy!" She proudly announced before setting down the huge A2 sheet of paper on the table. "This is the ship that we shall be sailing ladies and gentlemen."

The group gawked at the image before them. "Erm Cana..." Gray began. "You do realise that you've paired Mira with Laxus right?"

Me: HAHAHAHA CANA YOU REBEL...
Miraxus:...............
Jellal: XD

"Yeah you must be crazy!" Gajeel snorted. "The guy knows nothing about women apart from how to piss them off gee hee!"

"Plus Mira's so cute and gentle!" Levi cried. "I mean sure he's hot but I dunno if he could..." She blushed as she felt everyone's gaze on her, especially Gajeel's. "What?! Oh come on Lucy, like you haven't had a few dirty thoughts about that body of his!"

Me: OMFG..😂😂😂😂

Natsu looked puzzled. "Lucy did Laxus drag his muddy boots on your head or something?"

"Something like that..." Erza said slyly before banging her fist on the bar. "Now be quiet! This is the guild's resident backup shipper before us; show her some respect!"

Cana straightened up and cleared her throat. "Ok guys, now I know that this is a long shot but honestly I think its the best pairing of the lot of us."

"And how can we be sure that this even has a possibility of working?" Jellal asked sceptically. "I mean is there any evidence that either one of them likes the other?"

Cana began grinning. "Since you're the fastest, why don't you go check the right hand corner of the shipping wall. It'll be covered by a bit of cloth or something so just lift that up."

Jellal was there and back in a flash. "Well...fuck..."

"How do we know you didn't just put that there before?" Gray asked, just as sceptically as Jellal.

Cana laughed. "Please Gray; as if I could sneak in a ship on there that Mira wouldn't approve of. Besides, it looks old enough to have been there for a while, right Jellal?"

He nodded. "She has a point there. We all know Mira; she'd have killed Cana by now if she didn't agree with it at least a little." They all shuddered at the thought of the demon lady's wrath, knowing it far too well. "Still, how do we know she has a shot with Mr Cunty Fuckpants?"

Me: BUAHAHAHAHA 😂😂

"I...erm..." Wendy began before clamping her hands around her mouth.

Everyone else there looked at her. "What is it Wendy?" Juvia asked, her and Levi moving either side of the small girl. "You can tell Juvia."

The wind dragon slayer shook her head. "I promised him I wouldn't say..."

"Wendy..." Cana was very interested in what she had to say now. "What if I were to, shall we say, make a deal with you?" The girl looked uncomfortable still, but her eyes brightened at the sound. "How about we do all your chores and pay all your bills for a whole month?"

"And we'll take you to see the fireworks the next time they're on!" Levi added.

Wendy thought about it for a moment. "Well I can do the first one I guess, but Mr Laxus is taking me to see the fireworks himself."

"WHAAA?!" Gajeel roared in disbelief. "You mean that jerk is doing something nice for you?!"

The small girl nodded. "Yeah, he does it all the time! Like take me shopping, buy me sweets, lets me ride on his back while he flies in the clouds..."

"Yes yes, he's a stand up guy..." Cana waved away the comments, having heard them all before whenever she out drank Laxus, which was pretty much a weekly thing, "Now do we have a deal?"

Wendy nodded. "Ok...well every time we go out to somewhere he keeps bringing up Miss Mira. Like last time we went out to get ice cream we got talking about families and he was like 'Well if I'm the dad, then who's the mam?', and I was like 'Miss Mira would make a good mam I think.' and he nodded and agreed with me. Then we went and got some more and he said 'I think we'd make a fun family' and then we ran away without paying like normal."

Me: Awwwwwwwwww....

There was a brief moment of stunned silence in the group that was soon interrupted by Natsu. "But he never takes me for ice cream!"

Me: 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂i'm done.

"Well...I guess that counts as evidence..." Jellal managed out. "I mean can you imagine him saying anything like that about anyone else?!"

Gajeel laughed at that. "Yeah..hee hee...him complimenting someone...gee hee hee!"

As usual, Erza regained her composure first. "I think we have sufficient evidence to conclude that this is indeed a viable ship. Now; how shall we get it to sail?"

"Wait; can't Mira do this herself?" Lucy asked. "I mean this is her ship after all so why hasn't she sailed it herself?"

Cana shrugged. "She always was good at giving advice, but never taking it. Besides, we all had it easy with our partners. Hell even Gajeel is like a kitten in comparison to that douche!"

Me: XD
Mira: ..haha

The iron eater raised a hand to object, but lowered it when he realised she had a point. "I guess even demons feel fear..."

"And Juvia is scared of demons..." The water woman quivered a little bit. "If Juvia were caught telling Laxus about her feelings, she would kill Juvia for sure!"

She did have a valid point. The last time Cana event hinted at anything between her and Laxus the poor girl had been hospitalised before she could say "What the hell?!"

Surprisingly it was Natsu who came up with the idea. "Why don't we just show him?"

The all turned round to look at their usually moronic friend. "That's...not a bad idea Natsu."

"Well it worked for Lucy so I figured it would work for Mr Grumpy." He said smiling. "We could just leave him hints everywhere until he figures it out. Oh oh oh and we could trick Mira into saying something too! I bet if she didn't think he was there, she'd say something for sure!"

Me: did natsu actually say something smart?...@0@
Laxus: *claps*
Mira: XD

A loud clicking sound came from the corner and made everyone turn to Gajeel, who had just pulled out a gun and began loading it. "Well if this is the world where Natsu has a brain, I'm leaving it."

Me: omfg..😂😂😂😂😂

"Wait wait wait!" Gray yelled before he turned off the safety. "...save at least one bullet for me too."

Me: 😂😂😂😂😂😂 i can't
Laxus: 😂
Mira: HAHAHA
Jellal: omg..😂

Erza stood up and hit both of them on the back of their heads. "You two stop messing around! We have a legitimate plan to fix this now and although it came from an unlikely source..." Natsu gave a thumbs up, "...we can't just let it pass us by. Now people; let's get to work!"

Me: *dies of laughter*

-Two hours later in a nearby park-

It was getting late in the afternoon and so Magnolia Park was almost empty. In fact, the only people there to accompany the ducks and trees were the two male S-Class wizards from Fairy Tail.

"It's like nobody is on my level anymore!" Laxus yelled at the ducks, causing them to flap away from the park bench the two were currently sitting on. "They're all hanging out with their stupid ass women being all 'ohhh I care for them' and crap. The hell happened to people?!"

Gildarts patted the younger man on the back. Anyone else would have probably been sent flying into the pavement, but Laxus wasn't anyone else. "Well kid; I guess it's time to have a little talk with you about women. Or men if that's your..."

Me; *snickers*

"Christ Old Man I'm not five!" The lightening mage jumped up and glared at his companion. "I'm pretty sure we're on equal terms in the whole bedroom department anyways. In fact, I'm probably further these days! And why the hell would you think I like guys?! If Freed has said anything else I swear to god..."

"No Laxus, I meant about relationships." He stood up and put his hand on Laxus' shoulder. "I know you've been with god knows how many women, but how many have you been with?"

"The hell's that supposed to-..."

"How many women have you actually dated?"

There was a silence for a moment before Gildarts received his answer. "The same amount as the number I've wanted to date; none."

"Not even once?"

"...Gildarts, the fuck did I just say?"

The red head sighed. "You always were a bad liar."

Laxus swatted the hand aside. "Christ man I came here to vent on you and instead you lecture me about the same shit as everyone else! The hell man; you're supposed to the be cool one!"

"Well that's not hard compared to the rest of those idiots." He snorted. "Still, just think about it man. If everyone else is no longer with you, then maybe you're the problem, right? And what about the old saying 'If you can't beat them, join them'? Even if you won't admit it I'm sure there's someone out there who you could at least tolerate for a bit." He put his good hand in his pocket and laughed. "Anyways this crap is waaaaay too deep for today. Wanna go and get hammered again?"

Laxus laughed. "Finally a good suggestion!" However, as he turned to head to the nearest watering hole, he found his path blocked by Cana, Erza and Jellal. "The fuck are you fail whales doing here"?

Me: >.> jackass.
Laxus: *electricutes*
Mira: *slaps laxus* Laxus!

Cana smiled sweetly. "Well I came here to have a talk with my dad about kids and how pregnancy at my age isn't such a bad thing..." Within seconds the other three people there were gone, making her laugh. "Just kidding! Sorry dad but I'm borrowing Laxus for a bit."

Gildarts was still in shock. "...S-So you're not pregnant right?"

"Nope."

"Thank Christ!" He collapsed back on the seat panting. "Almost...gave me a heart attack there..."

"So...you're ok with me taking L-..."

"Yeah god fine do whatever nobody cares. Well, don't get pregnant. Well I mean you can get pregnant, just not now..." And so Cana sacrificed the rest of her evening listening to her father ramble about pregnancy while the rest of the gang carried out her plan.

-Back at the Guild Hall-

"Well since things haven't started exploding yet, its safe to say that Gildarts passed out..." Laxus said before looking around the guild hall. "So what have you idiots been up...oh Jellal! How are you doing there buddy?"

Jellal wanted to punch the grin right off his face. "How do you thi-..." He was stopped when Laxus walked over and gave him a bro hug. "Erm...what?"

Jellal: -_-*
Laxus: *grins evilly*
Mira&I: *sweatdrops*

"I think it was a bit harsh on you before man but you took it pretty well. Its been a long day for me so how about we go get a drink and make up?"

"Yeah that sounds go-..." The celestial wizard almost accepted the unusually kind offer but luckily he remembered why he was there. "Actually Laxus I think Levi wants a word with you."

The blonde man snorted. "So what; I'm sure it can wait until tomorrow. Now lets go..."

"Its pretty urgent I think." Erza chipped in.

"Great; that means that by blowing it off she'll be even more pissed off..."

"LAXUS FOR GODS SAKES JUST GO TALK TO HER!"

"Jeez fine!" He moaned, rubbing his ear. "You people are way too demanding." Walking over to Levi, he looked down and glared at her. "You've got ten seconds to say-..."

"Actually it'd be easier to just..."

"LET ME FUCKING FINISH JUST ONE OF MY SENTENCES YOU IDIOTS!" He roared and the small woman cowered in fear. "That's better. Now...erm...you have like fifteen...no, it was five...ten? Ten seconds to say what you have to say before I rip off your head and shit down your neck? Yeah lets go with that."

The bluenette simply pointed a shakey finger into the back room and stuttered "U-u-under t-the c-c-c-c-cloth..."

Laxus gave the door a puzzled look. "Huh...never actually been back here. May as well humour you I guess." Walking through the door, the Thunder God was blinded by what was to him the most ridiculous sight in the entire world. "Is this...oh, oh god! She actually made one?! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Lucy gave him about five minutes until he had stopped laughing until she entered the room. "Well...I wasn't expecting that response..."

Wiping away the tears from his eyes, Laxus straightened up. "Man I haven't laughed like that in years. Ha ha hey! Oh Christ man what was I supposed to be looking for again?"

"Um...underneath the cloth on the right. You may see something dist-..."

"OH MY FUCKING GOD WHAT AM I DOING ON THIS THING?!" He roared. "I SWEAR TO GOD YOU'RE ALL GOING TO...wait. No. No no no! No no NO!" Stomping out of the room via the wall, he gave a death glare to everyone in the room. "OK FUCKERS, WHICH ONE OF YOU SLUNTY DOUCHE CUNTS HAS THE BALLS TO PAIR ME WITH MIRA?!"

There was silence for about a minute before Gajeel spoke up. "Nobody's touched that bar Mira and Cana."

"OH REALLY, THEN WHY AM I PAIRED WITH FUCKING DEMON GIRL?! OH THAT'S RIGHT, BECAUSE ONE OF YOU IDIOTS IS TRYING TO SCREW ME OVER!"

"Jesus Laxus shut up and think for a minute!" Gray yelled back. "Is there anyone here that would have the suicidal tendency to mess with both you and Mira?!"

And think he did. "...C-Cana. It has to be Cana! I mean her dad is Gildarts for Christ sakes!"

Lucy shook her head. "Still Mira she'd be messing with. Do you honestly think Gildarts could stop her if she went full psycho?"

"...so that means that..." Laxus was interrupted by four people walking into the guild, one of which he wasn't exactly ready to see, "M-Mira?!"

Me: OOOHHHH SHIEZ CLIFFHANGER...(did that on purpose) >:3
Mira: T^T
Jellal: *already gone*
Laxus: well fuck...