Sienna POV

I told Harry that today I will be meeting some of his friends at one of their houses. Supposedly it is to be casual and one of the girls he is friends with is making food.

The lunch starts at one, and it is noon now. I said to him I will be outside at around twelve thirty so we can carpool, and I have to say, my anxiety is really high.

Logans friends were mostly my friends, so I never really had to worry about making first impressions like that. Even with my past ex's, I never really cared to meet their friends, or if I did, I wasn't nervous.

So, with that being said, I do not know why I am nervous.

I stand in front of my mirror, picking at the outfit I just put on. I have blue mom jeans with a short sleeve that is cropped at my waist. I have a black belt to match and gold jewelry paired on my body. I have my hair down too, with a hair tie on my wrist in case I get too hot. For shoes I have black high top converse.

I think my outfit is too basic, but I feel bloated so this might be my best option. My lady cycle is due any day now.

I hear my phone buzz beside me, causing my anxiety to raise.

Harry: u ready?

I sigh to myself and give myself one last look. I am usually never insecure in what I wear, nor care on what people think of my clothing choice. Suddenly, all my morals are out the window.

Me: yeah , be outside in 5

I slide my phone in my back pocket and grab my string purse that has my wallet, house keys, and some random other things I might need.

I exit my bedroom door and and hear loud screaming from downstairs. I find my brother sitting in the hallway playing with some of his action figures. My eyebrows furrow by our parents suddenly arguing. I have't heard them scream like his since before Ezra.

"What are you doing in the hallway?" I question my brother who looks gloomy.

"They told me to stop watching TV so they can argue," He says bluntly, causing my eyebrows to furrow. "You look pretty though," My brother compliments, making a smile rise on my lips.

"Thank you," I murmur. "I am gonna see what they are talking about."

I pinch his chubby cheek, causing a smile to escape his lips. A little giggle leaves his mouth too, which makes me smile.

I make my way to the kitchen, where I see my parents fuming. Their yelling gets paused when they see me enter. "What do you need Sienna?" My Dad asks angrily while tugging his hand thru his milk gray hair.

I haven't heard him say my real name in god knows how long.

"I am leaving to see friends, I just wanted to let you know." I say timidly. Their eyes are scowling on me like I am the issue. "Everything okay?" I question before walking away.

"Yeah, yeah," My Mom says, which is code word for you can leave.

I nod, not even wanting to play mediator which I usually do. I look back up the steps and see Ezra in his own world playing with his figures.

I close the front door behind my body, and I walk down the porch. My eyes look next door where I see Harry leaning against his car typing away on his cell phone.

I make my way towards his body and feel my heart begin to race even more. I still do not know why I am so nervous.

"Ready to go?" I question while standing a few feet away from Harry. His green eyes shift off of his phone, and then to me. A smile goes on his face, and his body stands up straighter.

"You look beautiful," He says while kissing my cheek.

"Thank you," I murmur.

Harry opens the passenger side door for me, making me smile. When the door is closed, I take my phone out of my back pocket.

Ian: how are u? haven't heard from u in a while.

My eyebrows knot together by the name on my screen. I haven't seen or heard from Ian since I turned him down at his pool party where he asked me to spend the night.

"You okay?" Harry asks while sitting beside me in his car.

"Yeah," I say, smiling. "Are you excited to see your friends?"

"I guess," He answers. "They're ball busters so don't mind them if they seem a bit harsh. They all have great hearts. I think you'll get along with Becca the most."

His hand falls to my thigh where he strokes his thumb back and forth. My heart warms by his gesture. "I usually get along with guys better," I admit. "Girls can be catty and bitchy."

"I don't think that would happen here," He assures me. "Not that I mind, but why did you take so long to come out of your house?"

"My parents were arguing," I admit. "So I wanted to make sure Ezra was okay before I left."

"Do you know what about?" Harry questions.

"Not sure," I say honestly. "They don't really argue. They get into disagreements, but this was a screaming match. I haven't heard them argue like that since before my brother was born."

Harry squeezes my thigh and kisses my cheek once we get to a red light. "Well, I hope everything is okay."

"How are your parents doing?" I question.

"I don't know," He murmurs. "Part of me is scared to ask. The other part doesn't want to know. It is selfish of me to not want divorced parents, only because this is all I know. But, if they're happy separated who am I to say to stay with each other."

"How does Gemma feel?"

"I'm not sure. We never really talked about it, because she is dealing with her own demons, you know? She still wants to tell our parents her sexuality. I know my parents would be accepting. I think Gemma just feels like they'll look at her different. Especially because she is the only girl, they put this pressure on her to me a Mom and wife. And she can still be one, just not to biological children, which, I mean, who cares. I don't know if I make sense." Harry rambles, making me chuckle.

"I understand where you are coming from," I answer.

"Anyways, onto a happier topic," Harry says while tugging his hand thru his hair. "Becca is cooking lunch. She goes to culinary school, so if you have any questions let her know." He nudges me, making me laugh.

"You really want to me to go culinary school, huh?" I question jokingly.

"I think that's what you're most passionate about. But being a nurse is cool too."

"We'll see," I murmur. "I never really looked into culinary schools in Oregon."

"Aren't there a shit ton in New York City?" Harry mentions. "Right near where you live? What is the deal with Oregon state anyways? Whose idea was that?"

"It is where my parents went to college, and met," I admit. "I am not going because I want to carry that tradition, but before we moved to New York, when I was six or seven, we lived in Oregon. I remember when my Mom would take me to the college classes she taught, and I would sit with all of the students and feel so important, and it felt like home. So when college applications rolled around, that was the first school that came to mind."

"Your parents are okay with it too? Like they've been supportive of it?"

"I guess," I murmur. "They don't want me to go that far on my own, but they said if it is what I want then they'll support me. I get doubts here and there that I am making a bad choice, and I just wanna go that far to start over." I admit.

"Start over for what?" Harry asks with a puzzling look.

"Meet new people, re-introduce myself, get a better reputation, that sort of thing," I list.

"You can do the same in a new state that is an hour or two away. Or even a new town. Plus, I doubt you know all the million's of people who live in the city anyways." Harry comments, making me laugh.

Part of me wants to ask what will happen when summer is over and college is our priority. Part of me also wants to clarify what exactly we are. We never put a label in us, just said we will see how it goes. I also don't want to be too pushy and make him feel like he has to be with me. College in general makes me nervous because I have been doubting everything I have told myself I am okay with, exibit A. pre med.

~

We arrive at his friends house thirty minutes later. He told me before they don't live right outside lake george like we do, so i think it's nice going to an area i've never explored.

The door soon opens to a guy behind the door. His eyes are an ocean blue and he has dirty blonde hair. He must be like six foot because he towers over me the way Harry does.

"What up man!" Harry's friend exchanges while giving him a side hug. A smile is present on Harry's lips, and my nerves sky rocket through the roof. "This must be Sienna. I am Dean," His friend offers while extending his hand.

I shake his hand and smile politely. "Hi," I say to the tall blonde.

Dean opens the door more to welcome us in, and I feel sick with how my nerves are acting. I am used to my group of people and what impressions I already made on them. These are new people who don't know me from the girl next door.

The house though, is quite beautiful. It feels cozy by the plug in scents scattered around the home, and the photos on the wall bring a sense of family into the home. Overall, it is a pretty quiet house, but as we make our way into the kitchen, you can hear chatter by the other guests .

Harry walks in front of me, which I nudged him to so I am not the first walking in. I grip the tray of cookies I made against my body, almost like a shield from what is in store for me.

The kitchen falls silent as soon as we walk in. The kitchen is massive, and so beautiful. Everyone is sitting at the island which extends to the fridge all the way down towards the end of the room which is where the pantry opens. 

Their faces are familiar from Harry's instagram, but I still am unaware of names--I have a brief idea of who is who. 

"Hey guys, this is Sienna," Harry introduces while putting his hand on my lower back. "Sienna, Becca is the one who is hosting," He points to the girl by the stove who waves. A smile is present on her lips which makes me feel less anxious. I know she dates Dean from what Harry has hold me about. "Zach and Aerial are the ones by the fridge," They also wave to me. "And Chance is drinking at noon," The room laughs.

Chance was mid swig when Harry introduces him. His response is giving Harry the middle finger, but he waves to me. I smile back as a response.

"Becca, Sienna is a fellow cook as well. She actually made cookies." Harry says, causing my cheeks to heat. My eyes peer over to the boy beside me who is smiling. Dimples are present along his rosy cheeks as well.

"About time someone here knows how to make anything besides microwavable junk," Becca remarks. "Would you like to help me?" Her eyes make eye contact with mine.

"Sure," I offer back. I place the tray on the counter and walk away from Harry's body. He sits down at the island with his friends, and a lump is now formed in my throat. What do people talk about? What should I talk about?

"What are you making?" I ask once I am done washing my hands.

"I made a roast chicken, it just went into the oven. I was going to start on sides -- mashed potatoes with gravy, side salad, and I am thinking sautéed asparagus." 

"Sounds wonderful; I can start peeling potatoes." I offer. 

"I hate peeling potatoes so go right ahead." Becca says while passing me a peeler and the bag of potatoes. 

Becca has light brown hair and dark brown eyes. Her features are soft, which makes her appearance seem welcoming and innocent. Her outfit contains of a baby blue body suit that is tucked into her black jeans. Her hair is in a simple bun, and simple jewelry compliments her body.

"How long have you been cooking?" I ask, attempting a conversation.

"Ever since I was little," She says while turning to look at me. She is working on making the salad currently. "It was something my Dad and I did for fun while my Mom was at work. What about you?"

"I have a six year old brother, so when he was born I was the default baby sitter so my parents could go to work or go out on dates. I kinda had to learn for myself, and then it just became I think I loved to do especially when I am stressed or need a distraction." 

"Are you going to school for it?" Becca asks.

"No," I say, sighing. "I think about it though. My parents on the other hand don't support it." 

Her head tilts by my answer, which is a usual response I am used to getting. 

I look up for a moment and see Harry laughing with his friends. His eyes are crinkled and his hand is on his stomach from laughing so hard.

"Well, if you ever change your mind, let me know. I go to a great school, and can give you advice on what programs to look for." She says, grinning.

"Thank you," I respond with. 

"How do you know Harry? He has mentioned that you've guys have been friends for a while." Her sentence makes my stomach drop and my mouth turn dry.

"Um,"I pause, not really knowing what to say. "Our Mom's are best friends--Have been since they were like twelve." I say.

"Shut the fuck up! That is so cool," Becca says, widening her eyes. "So basically your Mom's birthed natural up-coming best friends. Super dope," 

Best friends.

"Yeah, me and his sister have always been close. She is like the older sister I always wanted," I say, trying to hide my disappointment that I am introduced to them as his friend and that is all of what he has told them.

I look back up and see Harry is looking in our direction. His eyebrows furrow by the glare I am giving him currently.

"Well, that is super cool," Becca says, smiling widely.

"How did you meet Dean?" I ask.

"At a party a few months ago," She responds with. "We all go the same college and my friends knew his friends. That is about it, nothing super romantic."

Her and I continue making conversation while we cook. I do enjoy her company, and how down to earth she seems. I think overall his friends are welcoming so, with that being said, this lunch isn't too terrible. I just wish I knew they thought we friends before hand.

***

We leave Becca's house at around five, I have to get home to watch Ezra, and Harry has to help his mom with errands around town. It is a forty minute drive back home, so needless to say, I am not looking forward to sitting here with him.

"What did you think of everyone?" Harry asks as we pull out of the driveway.

"They're really nice," I say while fidgeting with my fingers. I have a huge pit in my stomach because I do not know whether or not I should bring up what Becca has told me. If anything this shows me what he thinks of us, and all of the things I have been questioning recently. 

"That's it?" He says, furrowing his eyebrows. I nod, and look out the window. "You're usually more chatty than this, what's up?"

"I don't know if I want to talk about it," I say honestly.

"Did I do something?" 

I nod.

"So, why can't we talk about it?" Harry asks, clearly sounding confused.

"Why didn't you tell me that you told them we are just friends?" I ask. I look over and confusion is still written on his face, so I sigh. "Becca said all she knew about me was that we have been friends for a while." I clarify. 

"I thought it was simpler then saying we are seeing how it goes," He says nonchalantly. I sigh and rest my head against the headrest. "What?"

"I feel stupid," I say honestly. "I feel like I missed the memo or something because they all thought we were just friends."

"Why does it matter what they think?" He asks while looking over to me at the red light. "We know what we are, isn't that all that matters?"

"I don't even know what we are," I mention. "We do what couples do, and we are beating around putting a title on us. So, I don't know what we are waiting for," I finally say. 

"I take us seriously, yes," Harry says while pausing. "I just feel like until you're in college we shouldn't put a label on us. What if you go away, and we break up a month or two later? We should wait for the long distance to kick in and then make it official." 

My eyebrows furrow at the logic. "It will still hurt the same, no?" I question. "A title doesn't make breaking up any different."

"I just think it is too soon," Harry says. "Summer is over in like a month. After August we will be doing our own thing, long distance. Why say we are boyfriend and girlfriend for a month to then see if we will last apart? If we say we are officially a couple we have to involve our parents, right? And if we don't last they'll feel uncomfortable for nothing."

"I don't know why you're so concerned with the breaking up aspect," I say while shaking my head. "It just sounds like you're trying to cover your ass when we break up so our parents don't treat us different."

"That is not what I am saying Anna," Harry sighs while tugging his hand thru his hair. "We said, we are seeing how it goes. Why can't we just keep it like that?"

"Maybe because I want something more," I say, making his body seem tense. "We have been avoiding talking about college and long distance since we started whatever this is. I just want to see if we are on the same page, which is seems like we are not." 

"I like you," Harry says while turning over at me. "I want to be with you. I just want to make sure we go through the hardest transition first, which is college, before we tell our families about us, that is all. I'll tell my friends we are dating, okay? No problem," 

His eyes shift back to the road and both hands are on the steering wheel. The car falls silent after he speaks, and my eyes just look outside. A pit remains in my stomach, like it has been all day.

My phone buzzes, causing me to sigh if it is my Mom wondering when I will be home.

I take my phone of my back pocket and read the message along my screen.

Ian: I hope I didn't do anything to make u not want to be friends

Me: I haven't been on my phone all day. what's up?

Ian: I am going to a party tonight . wanna join?

Me: can't watching my brother. next time 

I put my phone away and close my eyes. Maybe if I nap I can forget how sick I feel.

A://N

hello :)

thank you guys for reading !!

~Lauren