~ NCTFanFiction94

i just love how u shortened jaehyun's name along with this line. i find it really cute.

hi dearest nat, this is vminfairy , your head chef and i hope ü enjoy your order ♡

[ 2020 review credits to hoelysprite aka vminfairy ]

﹥ˏˋ♡̩͙♡̩̩̥͙♡̩̥̩ ⋆ ♡̩̥̩♡̩̩̥͙♡̩͙ˊˎ﹤

Course 3 : Thai Chicken Salad

"DEMONICA" by NCTFanfiction94

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1. Hors d'oeuvres ( 2 / 5 )

the cover is simple which is not entirely bad. but it's just not those types of simple covers that would make me want to click the story and check out the details. remember that the cover of the story is like the reader's first impressions of our work. you can ask for help through graphic shops available here on wattpad! there are so many talented folks out there and im sure they're willing to help you. perhaps, if you'd like one, i can help too (im not an expert tho), just tell me.

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2. Soup ( 9 / 10 )

Title : Demonica

Description :

i love the title, it's very unique. apparently, as ive researched it's not an actual english word, instead, it's like an italian name that means, strong-willed, self-sufficient, and fiercely loyal. and actually, your main character, Daeyong, has it.

on the part of description, i'll say a big YES to a minimal and intriguing blurb. just a few grammar issues and we'll talk about that on the latter part of the review.

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3. Salad ( 5 / 5 )

you did an excellent job of leaving the first chapter with a cliffhanger! obviously, the reader would want to scroll for more after reading a chapter that ends like that.

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4. Main Dish ( 9 / 15 )

as for the plot, i can see a lot of potential in it. but it seems to focus on only one aspect and that's romance. another thing was, the plot itself was a bit rushed. also, there were not many time skips but the time itself changed drastically over the latter parts of the story.

as a fanfiction mixed with mystery (like who killed jaehyun's men), the story definitely needs more events. use your characters, a police and a mafia boss could do so many things in a story aside from romance. giving a few importance to some subplots is also a key to make the entire plot a good one.

in the photo above it says ; with my appa's funeral in a few days.

so im assuming that the funeral is just going to be held in a few days. but it felt like ive read that it already happened in the first part of the chapters and yes, it did say that the funeral was done. in chapter 12, daeyong's dad died and in chapter 13, there's a banner that says 6 months later, so, therefore, mr. wang must've been already buried at the time she said the piece in the photo above. ill think of this as a plot hole, but a few more detailed edits would do the job!

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5. Palate Cleanser ( 10 / 15 )

i love how you use flavorful words. you have the ability to not overuse terms in a paragraph when you write (which makes it hella more attractive to me). the sensory details in the story are good too. as for the grammar and punctuation, i'd like to point out some pieces in your book.

first photo, the infamous your vs you're. again, what is really the difference between these two? your is a determiner while you're is just a contraction of the words 'you are'.

and i think based on the structure of the sentence and with the use of the word 'ok' as an adjective. it should've been you're.

next one, "There fore putting my case to rest." there's a space between there and fore when it should just be just a single word. Making it, "Therefore putting my case to rest."

but nah, we're not done yet. Therefore is a conjunctive adverb and one of the rules of how to use a comma is that it sets off conjunctive adverbs. So it should be written like, "Therefore, putting my case to rest."

i was told that when we are writing numbers (any number with two or fewer words, eg. 1-100) in our works, we write them out. so for instance here, you used 6, and to make it look professional, we'll turn it to six. 

in the photo above, i think we had mistaken isle for aisle. since mr. wang is talking about the wedding the right word to use is aisle and not isle.

isle is an island.

while, aisle, according to google's dictionary, is a passage between rows of seats in a building such as a church, theater, and the likes.

o
lastly, in this part, we have to work with formality and consistency. She hates my guts and u don't even know why.

when it can be : She hates my guts and you don't even know why.

consistency with words can also bring out the formality of your work. ;)

so far, those were all my suggestions on this part of the review. if i missed anything that you'd want to ask for help, im very much willing to aid you!

please take note that all of these again are just my suggestions and what ive learned from school and some books! ♡

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6. 2nd Main Dish ( 4 / 10 )

it would be great if readers will see a lot more relatable traits from your characters. i mean they're already realistic and they all have a certain role that they stick to in a story. the characters' growth in the story is not that visible. id love to see daeyong internalizing her problems and worries then grow beautifully as a character. also, since jaehyun is a lead character, readers would like to know more about him. aside from just being a mafia who got his men mysteriously killed, adding his flaws, past, relations, and etc would make it easier for readers to visualize him as a character. maybe with a few new scenes, it can do the trick but this still depends on you.

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7. Dessert ( 3 / 5 )

since the plot itself was rushed, it made the ending look like that too. but don't fear! because the happy ending and cute kiddos of the two main characters warmed my fragile heart.

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+ Wine ( 5 / 5 )

giving you a perfect score here because why not? in every chapter you've added songs which is a good move, the videos you linked, characters' list, and the banner. i truly appreciate it as a reader!

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TOTAL = 47 / 70

a mouthful of fabulous meal! we hope you enjoyed your order here at fairesto ♡ if ever you have clarifications, questions, or objections about the review always remember that we could always talk about it over a scrumptious meal (aka through dm's).

thank you for ordering, dear nat ! be happy ~

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"i dont want you to grow old together and live in regret"

Demonica by NCTFanfiction94