~ ChimChim252436

this line got my heart soft. i love it when characters directly talk to things such as the moon, flower, and the likes because i believe there's some hidden meaning in it.

hi dearest vi, this is vminfairy , your head chef and i hope ü enjoy your order ♡

[ 2020 review credits to hoelysprite aka vminfairy ]

﹥ˏˋ♡̩͙♡̩̩̥͙♡̩̥̩ ⋆ ♡̩̥̩♡̩̩̥͙♡̩͙ˊˎ﹤

Course 4 : Cardamon Maple Salmon

"MY DEMON PRINCESS" by @ChimChim252436

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1. Hors d'oeuvres ( 5 / 5 )

to be honest, the cover has simple edits but it managed to show the relevancy of the photo used. in other words it's a great cover. it complements the entire story. i just wish that the font used for the title would be a lot more visible and emphasized.

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2. Soup ( 6 / 10 )

Title : My Demon Princess

Description :

so far, this is the first time that i've encountered this kind of title. it must be common for some, but for me it wasn't for some reason. what i usually see are titles with the word 'demon' connected to male nouns or pronouns. again, those are what i usually see and read.

as for the description, i find it too short as it only contains quotes. for me, descriptions should hint the whole story without fully telling it. and for this story's description, i barely see a probable hook that would gather readers.

how about something like :

Y/N was once a carefree and lovely demon princess before her real devil took control of her body. After two years of being locked up, she was greeted by seven gorgeous demons who were assigned to protect her. Only one got her full attention, and it's no other than Park Jimin. Will her demons forever take control or will Jimin make her realize that love can set herself free from her demon's influences?

you can always try something like that.

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3. Salad ( 2 / 5 )

the first chapter didn't really get me hooked. it was a birthday scene and i somehow thought of it as a filler chapter. always, remember that the first chapters either gives the story away or builds it up. make sure to add something that'll make the readers swipe for more and also check the relevancy of the events in the story. ♡

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4. Main Dish ( 11 / 15 )

i love the conflict of the story! usually, books here on wattpad often mention demons figuratively, but in your work you mentioned it as a denotation and that is unique for me. as y/n grows, her own demon self is trying to take over her as she has this sort of strong power that she inherited, and that cues our jamless boy to enter the scene to help our dear protagonist, which i find cute. however, there are just some scenes that i find a little unnecessary to the plot.

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5. Palate Cleanser ( 8 / 15 )

onto the writing style, i like that it''s written in first person's pov, i usually write that way too. but if characters' pov switches were often done in the story it'll be better to just use a narrator's voice instead. on the other hand, im also looking for more words that would express the scenes even better. i also notice the pace of the story going a little too fast, so we gotta work on that.

as for the grammar and the likes, i've seen many mistakes and errors, so here's a few that i would like to correct / suggest for a bit change :

instead of : "She haven't talk to others for two years. Aren't you pity about her?"

perhaps it should be : She hasn't talked to anybody for two years. Don't you pity her?"

when the pronoun used was singular, we have to use 'has' instead of 'have'. that's what i learned from our reading and writing professor, so props for his good teachings.

for me, acronyms are somewhat essential in books. but i think we must only use it in scenes like where two characters are texting each other and something similar to that. in this part, it's obviously a dialogue so maybe instead of writing the initials 'btw' try scribing the complete phrase.

for this part try using a comma : "Hey, can we join?" instead of "Hey can we join?"

in this part, i suggest that if it's written in the past tense, everything that comes next should be written in the same tense too. i also have a problem with this because english is not my first language so i find it hard maintaining the same verb tenses in clauses.

but here, it's pretty noticeable. instead of "We both sat there and enjoy the beautiful moonlight."

maybe consider : "We both sat there and enjoyed the beautiful moonlight."

since you started with a past tense, use the same on the next verb.

all of these are just my suggestions, feel free to disagree as we all have our own opinions = )

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6. 2nd Main Dish ( 5 / 10 )

the characterization is good. especially for y/n's part. she keeps on having new traits which were influenced by her own demon. so, when her choices and her demon's come to a collision they create a new behavior in y/n. there's a part where she's scared of going out again because she might hurt other people without controlling herself and there are times that she wants to go back to the way life was for her. i love how you somehow made y/n as the foil character of herself (if that's even possible). the only problem i see is that most of the characters have no complexity. maybe it's because the story hasn't unfolded yet, but i'll give you a fair score for this one.

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7. Dessert ( 3 / 5 )

i really don't have any idea on what might happen next in the following chapter. which is sorta fifty-fifty for me. in order to intrigue readers, write something that'll lead or mislead them with ideas of what will happen next. this way, they'll truly anticipate the next update. ♡

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+ Wine ( 4 / 5 )

the photos added to help readers visualize are really appreciated, as well as the photos of the characters in some chapters.

the author's notes at every end are cute but i suggest to move it on top of a chapter if you know that that part ends heavily, like the protagonist locked up, the chapter ended with the protagonist crying. why? because it may break the reader's current mood. this is just a suggestion ♡

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TOTAL = 44 / 70

it's a delightful meal! we hope you enjoyed your order here at fairesto
♡ if ever you have clarifications, questions, or objections about the review always remember that we could always talk about it over a scrumptious meal (aka through dm's)

thank you for ordering, dear vi ! stay safe and healthy ~

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"we both sat there and enjoyed the beautiful moonlight."

My Demon Princess by ChimChim252436