Elena was kept in the apartments on the top floor of the inn, watched over by a healer. At first, the thought was comforting, knowing that she was being cared for after she’d risked her life for me—again.  But in walking into her room, I felt like leveling the building in an instant. The healer was a younger girl, much younger than I. It was offensive and it irked me seeing her there. Surely they could have spared a more seasoned healer, yet they left her in the care of a child.

Kheelan moved past me to greet her, where she introduced herself as Karina. I moved past them both, pretending she wasn’t there—wishing she wasn’t there. I had enough emotions warring within to then willingly add another antagonist to it all. Instead, I busied myself at Elena’s bedside where various bowls cluttered the night table. I picked up each one, smelling the different herbs, trying to get some sense of what was being done to her.

Noting my futile attempts, Karina spoke to me from beside Kheelan, explaining to us both that, “I’ve been trying different potions. My healing abilities are not fully developed, but I’ve managed to keep some of her symptoms at bay with some concoctions I’ve read about. Her wounds were very serious.”

“They usually are when someone is trying to kill you,” I snipped and met her eyes with a pointed look. They were baby blue—as baby as her face.  “And I doubt some child playing kitchen is enough to heal them.” The words were wrong. I knew that. I couldn’t stop them from coming out.

Karina lowered her head instantly, taking a few steps back toward the wall. “Of course. I tried...“ she trailed off.

“You did the best you could do, and we appreciate the trouble you went through,” Kheelan spoke between us. He walked to her and placed an understanding hand on her shoulder. “I will take it from here. You should get some rest and replenish your powers. A lot was taken out of you these past few days.”

Karina lifted her lashes, offering him a small smile. Suddenly, I felt like crap. I could see my words creating doubt in her eyes. She had tried her best. It wasn’t her fault she’d been sent to care for someone much more than she was able to. I’d take that up with the Great Mother. Blowing out a breath, I turned back to Elena. I should have apologized to Karina, but I couldn't tear my eyes away from my friend—the only one who could slap me back to sanity. The only one I felt I could truly trust. I needed her.

Kheelan spoke to Karina quietly where she revealed that while she’d tried her best to heal Elena, a lot of Elena’s internal wounds were still serious. Loch’s men had beat her to the brink of death and left her there. I shivered, but held fast to the memory of killing each and every one of them.

After thanking Karina for her services, Kheelan offered to escort her to the front door. Hearing the door to the room close behind him, my knees weakened with suppressed emotion. I knelt beside Elena’s bed and closed my eyes against the quilt. All the tears I kept in while with the Great Mother, I shed there in secret.

A sudden, something plucked at my hair. I jerked back only to find glossy black eyes staring down at me. 

“Would you stop crying? Clearly, I'm not dead," Elena murmured, then squeezing her eyes against the light.

I opened my mouth, and at first no words came. And in finally seeing her trademark cold smile, no words came still. So I hugged her. Forgetting all about her wounds, I wrapped my arms around her and hugged her. Elena bristled beneath me, but after a moment, eased and returned the embrace with a weak attempt. It was the most I’d get from her—ever—so I took it for all it was worth.

Feeling her break away, I sat back, still staring at her unbelieving. "But that healer girl just said your injuries were still serious. I thought—“

“Sorry, the longer I pretend to sleep, the less of this disgusting teas I'd have to drink," she said, settling back into the pillows. She was pale, and against her midnight locks, she looked deathly. But she was alive, and that was what mattered.

She said, "It was a little trickier using small spurts of glamour to fool her into believing I was still injured. My ribs are still a little sore, but I’m getting used to being beaten within an inch of my life with you around.”

I managed a little laugh. “Yeah, Loch just about did that to me as well. I was nearly branded too.”

She stared at me for a log moment. “Nothing like comparing battle scars, huh?” she said, though I could tell it was all an attempt at lightening the mood. The hesitant look in her eyes gave her away. Her smile bowed to a frown. “I’m sorry, it’s just I’m starting to forget what you used to look like, and it’s frightening,” she revealed lowly. All air left her at once and she sat up quickly. “We’re running out of time. I shouldn’t be lying here letting Maris suffocate you from the inside.“ Elena shot to her feet, but with a moan sat back just as quickly.  After a few expletives, I helped her gather her feet back under the blanket.

Thinking to reassure her and keep her off her feet, I launched into as quick a recap of the past few days, with abbreviated versions of what happened with Vlane, and the Great Mother. She seemed less impressed with the revelation about the Great Mother. Elena never seemed like the maternal type anyway.

In her trademark fashion, she dove into the heart of the matter. “And you don’t believe it, right? About Gwin and Ivan?” Elena looked at me squarely. I was almost ashamed to look back at her.

I walked around the bed and busied my eyes with the bowls, debating if I drank one would it delay me having to answer. I shrugged. “I know Ivan branded her. I could still smell him on her, but I don’t think Ivan would ever do it willingly, regardless of whether he was to become Grace and leave me behind.”

Elena scowled. “That bastard,” she hissed.

“I’m not mad at him. Disappointed, yes. But it’s always been like Ivan to choose duty—”

“I’m not talking about Ivan!” Elena shook her head, extending a blink for an added minute. “Kheelan and I agreed not to tell you about Ivan because you’d be foolish enough to believe it.“

 “I wanted to know. I deserve to know.”

“No, you don’t,” she snapped and tossed aside the bed coverings again. “What you’re saying is crap. And Kheelan? Well he’s just full of sh—“

“Elena, please!”

“No,“ Elena attempted to stand again, but groaned and sat back down. I tried helping her settle back in bed, but she slapped my hands away. “He had no right to tell you,” she said, adjusting her own pillows with less than delicate punches. She winced with each one. “Ivan is never going to agree to become Grace, and until Kheelan was sure of otherwise—which he never would have been, because Ivan would never choose to become Grace—he should have kept his mouth shut.” She scoffed and gave the pillows a reprieve. “If he wanted to be so honest and not keep anymore secrets, then why didn't he divulge everything else? Why didn't he explain why Maris keeps vomiting her memories whenever he’s around? You’re lucky I’m too sore to stand or I swear I’d slap you.”

The floorboards outside groaned, and within moments, the door followed suit. Kheelan appeared at the threshold. I stared at him for a minute, as did Elena, trying to ascertain whether he’d heard anything or not.

After an eternal moment, Kheelan cocked a brow at Elena. “Glamour?”

 “You better believe it,” Elena replied. Her pale cheeks flushed, she stared at him in perfect gravity. “Should I say the same for you?”

Kheelan’s eyes narrowed, his blond brows furrowing together. “I might be able to answer you if I knew what you were talking about?”

“Elena,” I muttered warningly. "It's not the time, please."

She stared at me, scrutinizing my face.  “You know what? Why am I trying for you, anyway? Ivan deserves better than you, and when you screw this up beyond repair, don’t come to me crying.” Elena closed her eyes, while Kheelan toured his eyes between her and I.

I turned away first, hating that she was right. I cleared my throat. “I need air,” I said walking to the door.

 “Yeah, why don’t you go?” Elena said never once looking at me.  She rolled away. “What does it matter anymore?” I don’t even know who it is I’m talking to anyway,” she added as a bitter afterthought.

I walked out and closed the door on her bitter words. Finding solace in the small living room area, I heard the door to Elena’s room close, and my ease withered. The mixture of confusion, dread and uncertainty pooled in my stomach, and all I wanted to do was run away from it all. I could stand dealing with my mother, with the Elders, but with the heartbreak I knew was coming… I just couldn’t.

I’d always said Kheelan could hurt me worse than Ivan ever could, and fear of that made me tremble. Feeling my knees weaken beneath me, I sat down slowly at a chair by the fireplace and bit the inside of my lip to keep it from quavering.

I felt him behind me before he said a word. And then came the touch I both longed for and detested. My instincts were jammed, and I wasn’t sure whether to move away or stay, talk first or let him start, laugh bitterly or cry miserably.

I didn’t look to him when he sat at the small table before me. I didn’t squeeze back when he took my hands into his and pressed them reassuringly.

“She’s mad at me too—thinks I never should have told you about Ivan,” he revealed quietly.

I looked to him, but no longer knew what to say. Thoughts took up every inch of my mind, and I needed space to think, space to breathe…space from him. I instantly severed our connection.

His brows knit together and he sat up a little. “You’ve never hidden your thoughts from me…” 

“I’m not—well, yes, yes I am,” I said, forcing decisiveness to my voice. “But not for what you think, or maybe it is—“I raked a hand through my hair, only to get it tangled in an endless stream of knots. “I was just thinking that you have full access to my thoughts, but you never let me past the surface of yours. You’ve run the course of my body like blood, and I’ve done nothing but skim the surface of yours. “

“We are on the brink of war, and this is what Elena talks to you about?” He chuckled derisively.

“Does it matter who brought it up, or what made me think of it. The problem is that it’s true.”

Kheelan clasped his hands between his knees loosely. “We've spoken about this. The things I’m keeping from you are—“

“Don’t say it,,” I said attempting to get up. Kheelan caught hold of my legs, leading me back down to sitting. Having his hands smooth up my hips and past my ribs as I sat down made strange business of my heart beats, and I was glad I was sitting. His voice came low and soft. “I promised you that once we go to the Tree, I will tell you everything.”

I shook my head. “I knew you would say that…” I did, which was why I didn't want to even try with him. But I knew who I would try with. "I'm going to take a bath," I said, ending our discussion.

 “Right. Why don’t you get some rest? Take a bath and relax. There is another room in the back. The Great Mother’s ordered two guards stationed outside of our door, and two more by the staircase,” he clarified.

“Like the guards in Gri’ah?” I asked tonelessly, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear. My skin was cold. I was beginning to feel like I looked—ghostly. “I don’t trust them. I’m pretty sure tying me to a post to be stoned feels similar."

Kheelan laughed, but I couldn’t share in his mirth. Peeling from the chair, I stood. Before Kheelan could pull me into an embrace, I shifted aside and walked away. He stepped back. I could see the disappointment in his stare, but I forced myself to the hallway.

I took another step and it reverberated in my chest.

“Charlotte,” he called behind me. “Remember, it's almost over."

Turning back, I watched him standing there for a moment longer, his blond strands tied back, accentuating his features. My heart strummed and my insides knotted every which way. I forced a small smile and walked from the room, sadly realizing it already was.

 *

The bath was nothing like the display at Gri’ah. But as long as there was running water, I didn’t care about anything else. I didn’t need any flowers or waterfalls to bring about foreign memories. My mind haunted me with enough recollections to last me a lifetime. Submerged in the water and in my thoughts, I closed my eyes and meditated over all that had happened. More, over everything that was said. Over everything Kheelan had told me, or better yet, hadn’t told me. Over what Elena had said. But above all, one phrase destroyed all other thoughts.

Not everyone who claims to care has the best intentions.

I replayed The Great Mother’s words over and over. I broke them apart, pieced them back together, yet still came up empty handed. The Great Mother must have known that she was doing by saying those precise words. She’d said she couldn’t speak openly. Instead, she planted a seed, and it was poisoning my subconscious to the point I couldn’t breathe.

Problem was I had no argument with which to pluck it from my mind. The only people who claimed to care for me, who were closest to me in body and heart, were Kheelan and Elena. Sadly, I know the Great Mother spoke of Kheelan. Sadder was that what I didn’t know about Kheelan outweighed what I did, and I didn’t know what to do with it all.

Everything the Great Mother told me bled into my own doubts, and I couldn’t help but wonder whether I was a fool for listening to her, or for letting Kheelan string me along. Gathering what broken pieces of trust I had left, as well as my poisoned thoughts, I got out of the bath. All else played out in automatic.

Wrapping a towel around my gaunt frame, I approached the mirror. It felt as if walking toward a ghost. I was—the ghostly image of the woman inside me. And it was that ghost who could help me sort everything out. It was that ghost Ivan told me I should never trust. That ghost was all I had left.

I took a breath, met my foreign green stare, and spoke the beginning words of the end.

“Maris, we need to talk.”

For a long while I sat there looking like a crazed woman talking to a mirror. When she didn’t reply, I closed my eyes and fell into the darkness of them, searching for her within. I sought where I ended and she began. Though she’d slowly bled into me, there had to be somewhere we hadn’t integrated yet.

And I found it in Ivan. That was where our similarities came to a dead end, and that’s where I drew our line in the sand.

“We need to talk, Maris,” I told her through my reflection, reinforced behind my line of memories of Ivan. “Your memories have been bleeding into me and I need to know what they mean."

Silence.

I clutched the towel tightly, frustrations rising. “Back home, you manifested when we smelled Ivan. We nearly killed Jaime, because you wanted Ivan, but it was all so that he could lead you back to Kheelan, wasn’t it?”

Silence.

Anger welled in my blood, but I knew Maris as well as I knew myself. I knew her weakness. I took a step back and let out a resigned sigh. “Why am I even trying? You’ve always been a coward. You’ve always run away when things have gotten hard. You love Kheelan, I know that. But you’re too much of a coward to fight for him. Well, you better speak now, because I’m in love with him, and I swear to you I will fight you to the death for him. When all of this is said and done, he will be mine.”

I took two steps away, when a wave of fire shot through my veins. I bit my lips to keep from screaming at feeling myself split in two. And then, finally—

You won’t ever win…

Her voice came in soft, yet tore through me like a storm.It was as if she’d poured her hatred through my veins in liquid form, burning them from within. Cradling my head, my knees buckled from the pain. It was as if I were being skinned alive. Mastering the ache, I peeled back onto my knees and crawled back to the mirror.

Though my thoughts were my own, the woman looking back at me was not me. Her green eyes were blazing with challenge and ire.

“He’s mine,” she seethed.

“So, this is about him,” I groaned, straining through my words, through the heartbeat lodged in my ears. I was trembling as I felt her detach from every fiber within me as if pulling nails from my skin. I swallowed back the bile rushing into my throat and forced my heart to steady. It sounded as if lodged in my ears.

I’m surprised it took you this long to realize it, but then, you’ve always been so blinded by your emotions so it wasn’t surprising. She laughed. “Your poor thing. All this time you really thought it was you he spoke to when he said he wouldn’t lose you again. You thought it was you he saw when he caressed you? You thought it was you he called princess…”

My face grew cold, and I clutched the towel feeling exposed, foolish…heartbroken. But I swallowed back my pain. I couldn’t lose focus. “Then why were you going to marry Ivan?”

“Ivan was a casualty in something bigger than him. He was a victim, as was I, as was Kheelan, as are you. You want to blame someone for this mess we’re in? Blame my mother. That was the third person in my memory. Regardless of how she wanted me to marry Ivan, I’d always love Kheelan, and having her see me there with him was to show her that I would never let him go. She did this. And though I am the ghost, she haunts me every day. But even still, I won’t let him go.”

“So it was her that saw you at the waterfall with Kheelan,” I managed, though my voice faltered to the chasms splitting open within my heart, within my world. “What of the other one, with the flower?” It was inconsequential. I got my answer, but masochistically, I wanted to know. I wanted it to hurt so bad I would never forget.

“It was my first visit to Gri’ah, the first time I saw him.” A wistful smile spread on my reflection’s lips, and pain glinted behind a veil of green. She said, “I was sitting in the gardens alone. My mother had once again taken liberties with my life, and I couldn’t take it anymore. I managed to slip away into a dense brush where no one could find me. I thought I cried alone, but Kheelan found me. Anyone else would have let me cry, frightened to approach the Seelie princess. But not Kheelan.” She shook her head as the first tear fell. “He reached above my head and plucked a single, red flower. He placed it within my palms and further risked his life by touching me—by tipping up my chin and telling me that someone so beautiful should never be made to cry.”

Maris smiled through the tears we shared from my eyes. “I know, he’d probably uttered it to so many women before me, but I was lost to him.  I’d never seen him before, but that instant I’d never wanted anything as much. Sadly, Aeval appeared and he went to her. She giggled and reveled in his attention, and for the first time ever I felt pain, I felt my heart break. I let the flower fall and fled the gardens, feeling like an utter fool. Why would he want me? I was nothing compared to Aeval. She was already a Queen, meanwhile I was still being told what to do by my mother—as I always would be.

“But that night, on my pillow I found a flower—the same one I’d dropped. Only one person would be brave enough to shadow into my room. The same person brave enough to touch me. And so the next day, I snuck off to the same place he’d found me. He was there, waiting for me.” Maris lowered her head and cried into our hands. “He was waiting for me, and asked to see me again, and after that…” Maris smiled. She didn’t need to say.

My lips trembled, and I gathered my hands together at my mouth trying to make sense of it all. I had been the fool. “So he’s used me, to get to you?”

“I told you we were all victims. But it was my mother who tore us apart. It was her who set off this chain of events. Had she not threatened to take Kheelan away from me, had she not forced me to marry Ivan…I never would have died and been bound to you."

I nodded, but speechless, couldn't frame a sentence.

"He does care for you, Charlotte. In his own way, he does. But he will never love you like he does me. I’m sorry.”

My world spun to a slow and painful stop. That was the truth of it all. Kheelan didn’t love me, but my emotions warred with logic. “Ivan told me never to trust you.“

At once a vision seized me and refused to let me go.

We were in a room. White curtains draped from the ceiling, waving in a cool breeze. In the distance, I heard the melancholy song of seagulls and the furious call of the ocean.

“I’m not marrying him tomorrow,” Maris spoke softly, and turning her eyes from the curtains, looked beside her…to Kheelan. She outlined his delicate features with her finger. Against the white sheets, he looked like an angel. Reaching his lips, she traced them slowly before planting a single kiss upon them. “I’m not marrying Ivan. No one can make me.”

Kheelan kissed her fingertips and seized her hand. Before their eyes, he intertwined their fingers. “Alistrina will kill you—she’ll kill me before she lets you cancel the ceremony. We need to accept it. She won’t let you walk away from this. You can’t escape this.”

Maris was quiet for a moment. She let go of his hand and streamed it through his hair, letting the golden strands fall through her fingers like silk threads. “I could, if she was dead...”

A sudden Kheelan clutched her hand, his blue eyes waving over with the blackness of duty. “Don’t ever say that again.”

Maris snatched from his hold with a feral growl, tearing from the bed. She gathered her robe from the foot of the bed and spun to him. She shed a tear, and outside rain began to grate against the marble balcony. “You defend her still? She wants to take you from me! How can you not see that? But I won’t let her. I’ll do anything to keep you, Kheelan—lie, cheat, steal, kill for you if need be! Will you not kill for me if it comes down to it?”

Kheelan extended a blink and blew out a cool breeze that swept around the room. He eased to the edge of the bed and reached a hand out to her.  “I’d kill anyone for you, Maris. You know this. But murdering your mother will do nothing but split this kingdom in two, allowing for Xanthus to rule us all. We need to think about this.”

“I’m tired of thinking. When I close my eyes and think, all I see is me without you, and I can’t—I won’t Kheelan. I swear to you it will kill me. I don’t want Ivan touching me.” Maris crumbled and rushed to him, taking his hand into hers and pressing it over her heart. “Feel me. I belong to no other man. I am yours Kheelan, I will always be yours.”

“And I will follow you,” he said and pressed a kiss to the palm of her hand. Kheelan reached up and took the robe from her fingers. “Anywhere.”

And coming together, they sealed their promise with love.

A door opened behind me, and I surfaced from the vision with a sharp gasp.

You don't have to believe me. He’ll deny it now, but when the time comes, we are going to fight for his body. I love him, Charlotte, and you will see that you haven’t lost him because you never had him…

And just like that, Maris was gone.

And Kheelan was there.

He abandoned the door and took two steps toward me. “You were in here for a long time. I knocked, but you didn’t answer… are you okay?” he asked, concern brewing over his brow.  I tightened the towel around my body and shifted away from the mirror as if scared he might see some proof of my discoveries fogging the glass. Walking around him and into the bedroom, I noticed a putrid brown dress draped on the back of the chair. I couldn’t bring myself to walk that far.

I collapsed on the edge of the bed and stared down at his shadow cast across the floor suddenly feeling caged, abandoned…

“Charlotte?”

I nodded, my eyes never meeting his. “I’m fine… just tired.” It wasn’t what I wanted to say. It was what had to be said. It was a hard thing—biting back my pride, but as much as it burned me inside, I had to. He held so much away from me, I could keep this from him.  Maris was right. He would just deny it all; say I shouldn’t listen to her. But I wanted to expose him, bring him to the edge of believing Maris was taking over. I wanted him to feel foolish...the same way I felt.

And then there was the veil still left to uncover. My allies were running thin, and I couldn’t risk losing anymore. Despite it all, Kheelan was one of the few people I could trust because he would never let anything happen to Maris—ever. He’d follow her anywhere… He already had.

I had to play the part, just as he was. And so when he sat beside me, I let him draw me in and lay us down. Unable to look at him, I closed my eyes and curled away.  He draped an arm over me and secured me there, in the comfort of his warmth and his safety, of his love and his lies. I bit my lip until I tasted blood. And when I did, I bit it a little harder.

I wish I didn’t shiver with longing when he touched me, but I did.

And when he lifted up my hair and kissed the nape of my neck, I wish I didn’t shed a tear. But I did.

“I love you, Princess. You know this,” he whispered, his warmth fogging my skin.

I shut my eyes, letting the pain push the words from my mouth.

“I love you too,” I said.

I wish I didn’t.

Night had fallen, and Coleck slept. Ivan misted through the belonging shadows, seeing only one light in all the darkness. Bound or unbound, he felt her in every fiber of his being, and though her trace was weak, she was close. Sweeping in on the breeze, weary and spent, all Ivan wanted was to fall into the arms of his love. The world could shatter, but he’d hold her and together they’d stand fast. It was the only thought that had carried him through leagues of land, through stretches of oceans.

Ivan followed her scent in the wind, until reaching an inn. A small smile crept onto his face. The Resistance had done a good job at concealing it, but he could find her anywhere. Curling up the dark shadows on the side of the building, he stayed just outside of the light pouring out from the windows. From what he could see, two guards were stationed outside of one door. Anticipation swelled within him. He followed the line of windows to this apartment. The shades were drawn and windows closed, but nothing would stop him. Dissolving through every crevice in the frame, Ivan materialized slowly on the other side.

Instantly, he picked up on one scent, confirming he was in the right place. He padded slowly and looked down at Elena. He was happy to see her, but continued his search until finding the room with a single lit candle.

Ivan’s body hummed with the need for her, to reestablish their bond as soon as possible. He’d brand her if she wished, only if she promised it in return. He’d be a willing slave to her love. He already was.  

Nearing her, Ivan wondered how she would react. She’d be angry with him, he mused, struggling against a chuckle. Oh, but he’d beg for her forgiveness and then prove it against her skin. Ivan shivered.

They'd finally be together.

Nothing would tear them apart now.

Drawing to the foot of the bed, Ivan could have fallen to his knees. Bereft, his ribs seemed to collapse, crushing his heart.

Charlotte did not sleep alone.