Flumadiddle

Nikhat being nervous was a rare sight. But today as her hands trembled and eyes started pooling with tears, the confident mask she usually wore, broke. She would have been sweating if she didn't wipe her forehead occasionally with that dainty piece of towel.

Nikhat was nervous than ever. Somehow she was more anxious than she was on the day Haitham came to see her. Nikhat was wrong when she thought she would be comfortable now from these frequent visits from her future in-laws.

Haitham's sister, Mahira was coming to meet his brother's future wife. This first meeting was very nerve-wrecking for Nikhat. Mahira was settled in the US and had returned just the other day for a short vacation. She wanted to see the future daughter-in-law of the family as soon as she could.

Upon hearing the news of her arrival, Nikhat became apprehensive. She wasn't sure what her next steps were intented to be. Even Naura wasn't available to calm her down. Shahida had to eventually scold her to get ready and compose herself. With lots of groaning and thinking of ways about how this meeting could go wrong, Nikhat finally got dressed in a simple maroon salwar.

She was furiously texting Naura while she sat in her room when the doorbell rang at last. Nikhat threw the phone on her bed and then repositioned herself in front of the mirror, making sure she looked perfect.

Taking in a deep, calming breath, she left her room. She wiped her sweaty palms at the ends of her well-adjusted dupatta while heading towards the living room. Fiddling with her fingers and smiling through her nervousness, Nikhat entered. She mumbled a salam, not forgetting to smile brightly at them eventhough her mind told her to go back to her room and curl up under her sheets.

The two ladies, Mahira and Haitham's mother, Kulsoom returned the greeting. As always, Kulsoon had that pleasant expression, the kind eyes that eased Nikhat's thumping heart. From the corner of her eye, she sensed Mahira eyeing her up and down with scrutiny.

"This is Nikhat?" Mahira as if it wasn't obvious already.

Was there a hint of disappointment in her voice or was it Nikhat just overthinking?

"Yeah," Nikhat's mother politely said.

"I pictured you to be completely different."

Nikhat laughed awkwardly at that, not sure how to react. Shahida being the protective mother, proded "How different?"

"It's just--" Mahira trailed off uneasily. "Nikhat is my mother's choice for Haitham. I had a different picture for his future wife."

"This is also Haitham's choice," Shahida corrected sweetly, not happy with Mahira's words.

"He is young to make decisions don't you think?"

He is old enough to marry someone, but not enough to choose his future wife? Nikhat thought but she didn't have the courage to voice it.

"Let me get you some snacks," Shahida said standing up from the couch.

Nikhat was internally screaming at her not to leave, but it went unnoticed.

Her eyes followed the retreating back of her mother. She turned her head towards the guests, her fingers still fiddling with each other.

"We are very lucky to find you beta," Kulsoom's motherly voice said. "You are a perfect choice for my son."

"Yeah but not to sound rude, but considering that we are about to become family, let me make give you a suggestion," Mahira smiled sickeningly, "There is this amazing fairness cream. You can buy it online. If you start using it now then maybe you will have match upto Haitham's complexion on the wedding day."

Nikhat didn't know what to do as the words hit right in the place that hurt the most. She was at loss for words. Her disappointment knew no bounds as a sudden insecurity filled her. She was infuriated as well at how insensitive Mahira turned out to be and how she was still among those people who were obsessed with skin tone. She was officially in one of her worst situations.

"I am not asking you to use it forever," Mahira said as if it was supposed to make Nikhat feel better. "Just till the wedding. After that no one is going to notice your dark complexion."

Nikhat covered herself with her hands, feeling so small. It took every ounce of energy in her, not to break down there. She raised her downcast eyes to look at their faces. Mahira was scanning the interiors of the house with hawk-like eyes while Kulsoom looked guilty.

Nikhat was about to excuse herself so that she can go to the kitchen and stay away from these people within the comfort of her mother when Shahida came in, with a tray of varieties of snacks.

She set the tray on the coffee table and politely urged Nikhat to serve the guests, oblivious to her daughter's defeated face.

The guests left after a few more minutes, thankfully without any further comments about things they can't change and should not be bothered about. Shahida closed the door front door after they left, only to turn around and rush towards Nikhat who broke down into distressful sobs.

Shocked, Shahida asked in angst, "Ya Allah, ise kya hua? Why are you crying all of a sudden?"

Nikhat could only manage to shake her head and walk towards the couch, placing her trembling self there.

"Nikhat, please tell me, what happened? Why are you crying? You are worrying me."

"They don't like me Mama," Nikhat sobbed.

"What? Who? Kulsoom was really praising you!"

"And Mahira?"

Shahida was caught off guard but nonetheless answered honestly, "She did seem a bit hard to please. But you will crack her and win her over, I am sure. Did she say something rude to you?"

Nikhat stood up, wiping her tears and concluded, "I don't want to talk about it." Before Shahida could question more, she walked off to her room.

The mother thought of giving her daughter some space and then talk calmly, eventhough she was upset not knowing what went down. The thought of someone disrespecting her young child made Shahida agitated. On the upper floor, Nikhat laid in her bed, heart roaring and mind on the verge of explosion.

If Mahira could speak those words to her face during the very first meeting, then what is going to stop her from doing more in the future?

Nikhat was never somene who let other's stupid words get to her. She had left her insecurities and self-doubts behind years ago. She was confident and did things on her own accord, not letting the mindless society bring her down.

But why did this really hurt her? Why did she feel like she wasn't good enough for him? Why did the perfect future had carefully laid out with pictures of them togther, suddenly seemed blurry?

That night, even her best friend seemed out of reach. Her stinging thoughts didn't let her get out of her bed that day and so she slept in, not showing her unique and well-collected self to the outside world that was clearly unworthy of it.

_____

It looked like his nose was touching the book. Only his luscious wavy locks were visible to me. His concentration was solely invested in that sci-fi book his hands held. He took home some historical fiction the other day. The guy is seemed to switch between genres.

I was seeing him dressed in casuals for the first time. Eventhough it was only my second time seeing him, when he walked in today, clad in sweatpants and t-shirt, I was stunned. It was a huge constrat to his formal clothings from the other day. However, I paid no attention to him, afraid that I would be caught again.

It seemed as though he wasn't aware of his surroundings when he entered the land of books. He sat in a secluded corner, away from the rest. He seemed reversed and polite to me. He sat---

Ughh Naura! Not again. Stop checking him out. Asthaghfirullah.

I lowered my gaze and looked into the book in my hands, The Fault In Our Stars. Again, I was glad he was unaware of my ogling. Atleast I really hope he isn't aware. I took in a deep breath and let it out, hoping that all my stupid thoughts will fly away with it.

It was a Saturday morning. After my shift here, at the library, I had tuition classes during that time. I chose sunday as a holiday from all the work, as per my mother's demands. But I do have to catch up on my studies tomorrow.

I did bring my books along with me for that, but I couldn't go along with my plan as the copy of this book seemed really tempting at the moment.

I tried not to waver my focus from Augustus' and Hazel's trip to Amsterdam and on to some stranger, which would definitely do me any good.

A few minutes into reading, someone step foot in the library. I raised my eyes to identify it as my best friend.

Oh no! I had completely forgotten about her.

After the incessant texts and calls the day before yesterday, Nikhat was absent the next day. I had called her in the morning, only to have Shahida aunty pick up and say that Nikhat was asleep. When I enquired about what had went wrong, she said that it would be better if Nikhat told me herself knowing that she always hated when someone else shared her matters for her.

Now, as she walked towards me in a not greatly ironed Abaya and carelessly wrapped hijab, she looked like a mess. Her eyes were bloodshot, as if she cried for hours. Worry poked my heart and I stood up asking, "What happened to you Nikk?"

She sat in the chair opposite to me and I continued, "I tried calling you, but atlast aunty picked up. Also didn't you see my texts? Why weren't you at uni yesterday? And you look really sad? Are you alright? And--"

I clamped my mouth shut when I realised that I was blabbering on and on. Nikhat held a blank face, just like she had when he entered.

"Just--" I started. "What happened? Are you alright?"

"I'll be alright," She said hoarsely. It was very unlike her.

"What happened?"

She started, "It's just--"

"Hey, Can I take this copy home?" The guy approached my desk while my gaze was fixated on Nikhat, curiously waiting for her to open up. Without realizing what came out of my mouth, I said rather rudely, "Not now!"

My eyes widened once the words involuntarily left my mouth, Nikhat too looked perplexed. I shifted my gaze to him in panic. He too was caught off-guard.

"Oh! I am so sorry. I was really caught up in the moment. I shouldn't have done that," I apologised, while standing up from my chair. You are going to have to search for another job now.

"It's alright," He said curtly "Sorry for interrupting the conversation."

"No, I should be apologising, sorry again," I said with a sorry tone, grabbing the book he held for me and looked at Nikhat, mouthing a 'sorry' seeing her face was again dull.

After I finished the work and he heads out with the book, I sit back down, "Spill."

"If you are busy, I could come back later," She replied, sounding somewhat annoyed.

"No, no. What happened Nikk?"

"Remember how I texted that Haitham's sister was coming?"

"Hmm."

"She just returned from the US. Her husband works there and so they are settled there."

"Okay?"

"She is in her mid-thirties I guess. Has a daughter and two sons. I have heard many nice things about her," Nikhat groaned when she realized that she was going off-topic.

I chuckled at that and calmly said, "Take your time."

She was about to let the words out when two teenage girls entered. They walked towards me and I again apologise to Nikhat for not being able to listen to her without any interruptions. One of the girl enquires about some reasearch book and so I stand up, to assist them to find it. After some minutes of me impatiently trying to dig out that book, we return to the desk when I succeeded in doing so.

Nikhat already stood up by then, "You know what? I will come back later. We can talk then."

I was about to coerce her into staying while still entering the book details in the register, but she leaves without hearing me. I called her name from behind, persauding her to say but she just waved me off. She left the place and I sighed, focusing on the work at hand.

The girls leave and I sit back in my chair, rubbing my temples, "What just happened now?" I mumbled to myself.

Was I at fault here? It must have really affected her when we couldn't speak about her problems properly. Nevertheless, she looked like a complete mess and as a best friend, it was my duty to help her out. Just like she did for me tirelessly without any hesitation. A quick thought of whether I was not giving Nikhat much attention and solace as before hits me.

I shook off the thoughts, making a mental note to visit her before going back to my home. Losing interest in reading the book and taking advantage of the solitude in the library, I take out my text books so that I could atleast try to study.

_____

Ringing the doorbell, the front door of the Ali household opened to reveal a tired looking Nikhat. "Assalamu Alaykum," I greeted her, smiling.

She returned the greeting and opened the door wider to let me in. After she closed it behind me, I stand there dumbfounded not knowing what to do next. She walked over to the kitchen. I follow her in suit and she picked an opened tub of ice cream with a spoon in it that was on the kitchen counter.

"Aah! Ice cream," I exclaimed mindlessly and sat on of the chairs while she settled
on the countertop.

She hummed in reply, making me think that she was not in the mood to talk.

"Which flavour?"

Really Naura? You've started being awkward around Nikhat now?

"Red velvet."

"Red velvet ice cream?"

"Yeah, even I was amazed to discover this gem when Ishaaq brought it."

Eventhough me and Nikhat sat there together, chatting, it didn't feel like it was us. It wasn't how we used to be. I would definitely lose my mind trying to find out the reason for this looming distance between us.

"Is it tasty?"

"Do you want to try?"

I shook my head in reply. And after that we sat silently, Nikhat licking more and more ice cream off the spoon while I found my fingers interesting.

"Get to the point Nau," Nikhat breaks the ice as always.

"Okay," I took in a deep breath and rub my hands together, thinking about what to say. "I am really sorry that I haven't been there when you needed me the most. I really tried to, but I failed. What really went down Nikk? And why are you so upset?"

Nikhat set the ice cream tub beside her and said, "I understand that you are busy with everything."

I looked at her for more explanation. She sighed and then started, "So when Haitham's sister came, I was so nervous. So nervous that I started shaking. More nervous than the day he was coming to see me. I was on the verge of a breakdown somehow."

"Anyway, her name is Mahira. She came with Haitham's mother actually. They came in and I met her. His mother was extremely polite and kind as usual. A look at her smiling face, my nerves were slowly going away. But I sensed a distasteful stare coming from Mahira but tried reasoning it as me overthinking. She didn't spare me any more glances afterwards or even properly talk to me."

Nikhat narrated the rest of the incident and I couldn't help but gasp upon the words. "THAT VILE WOMAN!" I said out, anger taking the best of me. I have never felt so furious in a long time.

Tears welled up in Nikhat's eyes while narrating the incident while I stood there, the anger making me see red. "How dare she say such things to you? How can someone be so insensitive?"

"But there is truth behing her words," Nikhat was discouraged

"Nikhat!" I stopped her. "I can't believe you are believing in that bully's words. What she said was extremely wrong, no matter how much you consider it to be true. Her 'Perfect Brother' doesn't deserve someone as good as you apparently. Don't you see? She is one of those people blinded by society's take on beauty standards."

"Let me get this straight, we should all know that being fair or dark or slim or fat, nothing matters. Why does everyone have to look perfect when it's human nature to have flaws? Who made this rule that fair skin is the only perfect one? She didn't have any right to disrespect you. And I know it may not be eaay for you to let her words go, but you must understand that you are perfect being yourself. You don't need to prove her yourself."

Nikhat sat sobbing while I tried to reassure her. "You are confident, funny, strong and beautiful. And only Allah knows how much you have helped me in coping with life. If you weren't there for me, I would have forgotten what it is to smile. I may not say this everyday but I am so lucky to have you in my life. If Mahira is so adempt on finding the best for her brother, why don't she use her common sense and look for someone who has the best personality instead of physical features? Who gave her the permission to comment like that about Allah's creation?

I placed my hands on her shoulders in order to comfort her and she finally pulled me into a side-hug. "Don't settle for anything less than what you deserve Nikk. Never doubt yourself."

Nikhat wiped her tears and said "In the 8 years of our friendship, it took some random judgmental lady for you to praise me like that."

She grinned proudly, a look of accomplishment masking her weary face. I rolled my eyes at her, pulling away.

"You are supposed to praise me for being an amazing friend now."

"Nah," She retrieved back to her tub of ice cream. "I don't lie."

"I would really love to sit and chat with you but my students might be on their way."

"Bye teacher," She said, her mood seemingly fine. I knew she needed time to cope completely.

I waved at her and left the house.

On the short journey to my house, I was alone with my inscrutable thoughts, the gloomy yet appealing sky that hovered above me.

And somewhere, maybe in my heart, Allah resided too.

I thought about Nikhat and her situation. The mindless society who never failed to let us down.

Then I thought about my family and my mind instantly recalled yesterday's conversation with Zayba.

I am going to fix that now.

______

I entered my house, shutting the front door behind me.

"NAURA! IS THAT YOU?" Zayba yelled from somewhere in the house.

"Yes, Zayba," I sighed.

She marched towards me, Sanam in tow. They both had huge grins plastered on their faces.

"So do you wanna hear the good news?" Zayba asked.

I rolled my eyes and walked towards the sink, washing my hands.

"Khalil Mamu visited," Sanam announced, "and he brought chocolates."

The both of them cheered like excited toddlers.

"Your students will arrive soon, right? So we will divide it ourselves."

"No, no, no" I denied, heading towards the kitchen. "I don't trust such chocolate obsessed people to make a fair distribution."

In the middle of tbe countertop, numerous chocolates laid, waiting to be tasted.

"Woah! That's so many calories," I commented.

"It's like he brought a bakery home," Sanam added.

"And we are forever grateful for that," Zayba finished.

While distributing the chocolates equally between the three of us and keeping a small amount for mama as well, I asked Zayba about yesterday.

"I am thinking of starting a job," She said coolly.

Involuntarily a shocked gasp escaped my lips.

"As in, not a job job," She clarified.

"Explain then."

I swatted her hands that took an extra piece of chocolate.

"I was thinking of starting to sell my art? You see, we can start a page on instagram and then sell it? At first it definitely won't be easy, but  In sha Allah if I succeed then it would really help bringing money in, maybe not much but like a pocket money for my little expenses."

I went silent for a few seconds, thinking of the right words. After taking in a deep breath and looking at mt sister's who looked at me in anticipation, I said, "I think that is a fantastic idea," I smiled at her. "There are so many self-made people out there and so I think you will get enough exposure. And what is better than doing something on your own? Also it would be lovely to do something you love and earn money for it."

"Really?" She asked happily as if she had expected me to deny.

"Yes," I nod. "But how will you start now? I mean if you want people to like your work there should be soemthing unique about it. And I am afraid I won't be able to help set up things. But I will give you my best try."

"Don't worry about that. My friends will help me. Hazel was the one who actually suggested the idea. I will ask them for suggestions and Sanam will help me," Hazel was Zayba's best friend.

"Okay then go for it. After taking mama's permission that is," I said and Zayba quickly got up, grabbing her share of chocolated saying 'on it' and practically running towards mama.

"Also," I called out while she reached the doorway of the kitchen. "It must not effect your studies."

She nodded and then continued her pace. I shook my head at her excitement adoringly.

"Did you hear?" Sanam asked.

"What?"

"I overheard mama talking with someone on the phone. Apparently our neighbours have been making saying ill things about you because you are working on your own."

I huffed at that, an unsettling feeling growing.

"They think that you should get married and they said and I quote 'stop wasting her time because she will definitely get tired of it soon. Don't let the family go down the drain eventhough they are already on the path to. A girl shouldn't be handling the house. Bring in a son'. Mama was so furious."

"I was thinking why nobody said anything about it till now. Do they have no other job than to make stupid rumours about people? It's their agenda to bring anyone looking happy down. These people really need a lesson on how to mind their own business."

"Don't pay attention to them," Sanam said. I smiled at her.

"The Naura from few months ago will be crying about it now. I am glad that I don't care about them anymore," But still it made me doubt me for a second there.

Just because the outsiders have nothing better to do, I won't give up.

Flumadiddle (n.): Utter nonsense.

______

Hope you guys liked this chapter xx.