*be safe loves. warning*

My dearest Alexander,

You may be wondering why I did this. I know most people say that there are other options but... for me, I really felt like I was trapped. I was cornered. No way out.

No more options.

Why? Why did I do this? Well... it started when we met, just at the beginning of college. My first thought when I saw you: wow. I mean, who wouldn't think that?

I'd never accept myself. I never have. Hah, I know for a fact I never will. My father used to call me the devil, an abomination. My mom never stopped him. She's just look at me sadly.

I still have the cuts he gave me. I supposed no one cared enough about me to ask me about them. Where was I again? Ah yes. You.

I'm not saying you're the reason why I did this to myself. It wasn't you, it was me. I loved you. I hated myself for it.

Not only did I hate myself, I felt like everyone else hated me too. Who wouldn't. I'm not exactly handsome, my freckles make my skin uneven. My eyes are the ugliest green. Like pond muck or something.

I've never liked my hair. I've always wanted it to be straight, so at least I could cut it and not have it look like a wonky Afro.

So the fact that you didn't like me- it just put it into perspective I guess. I realized that no one would ever love me like I love them. But still, I was okay with you by my side.

And then she came along.

I have nothing against Elizabeth. She's kind and funny. And she's pretty. It just... it hurts. So much.

You had only been dating for a few months when you told me you loved her.

I forced a smile, made myself look excited. I cried for an hour after you went to your own dorm. Hercules tried to comfort me. But it didn't help.

I was there when you asked for her hand in marriage. I was there when you two kissed and laughed together when she said yes.

I was there when you announced her pregnancy.

Sometimes, things become to hard to live through.

You quit coming over. You quit hanging out with me.

I still can't figure out why.

Between me hating myself, and the sleepless (tear filled) nights, and you not talking to me anymore... you loving someone else, you.. you hating me...

I can't do it anymore.

I'm in love with you Alexander, and I only wish the best for you and your family.

Yrs Forever,

J.Laurens

Alexander sobbed when he saw his best friend beneath a thin white sheet. Dead. It shouldn't of ended this way.