songs: 
Jamie Marie by Girls

Keep On Loving You by Cigarettes After Sex

"Zayn," I manage to let his name out, but not much else. Liam looks surprised and defeated, like he's just as confused as I am.

Zayn looks at me intently, his eyes dark. The lack of sleep is clear on his features and I can't help but feel guilty. Everything about him is dark, his presence alone intimidating me more than ever. He's just staring at me, waiting for an answer I can't give him right now. Or ever, actually. 

I don't know what to say because I can't believe he's here.

"Why are you here, Zayn?" Liam asks, annoyed.

He smirks. "Why am I here?" Zayn mocks, "Why are you here with her?"

"We were just talking," I answer quietly.

My skin is covered in goosebumps, I have the weirdest chills. I'm so happy to see him but at the same time afraid of how this encounter will go. I feel tears forming in my eyes, my own foolish emotions getting the best of me like they always do.

"Talking? About what?" Zayn asks.

So much has changed about him. As he approaches me, getting closer, I can feel him put a hand on my shoulder. He's not the bright, alluring man I once knew, instead his charisma and charm are now replaced with something I can't put into words. 

Liam shakes his head, not making eye contact with me. "About her getting better."

"Is that so?" Zayn drops his hand from my shoulder and pulls up a chair from an empty table next to us. He sits right next to me, his knee and mine brushing against each other purposely. "How have you been, Anastasia?"

I gulp, not liking the way he makes me feel when he's like this. "I'm fine."

"I called you," he says a bit quieter, his own eyes downcast like a guilty child. "I called you so many times. But I guess you could only answer to Liam, huh?"

"It's not like that," Liam intervenes, "I just wanted to make sure she was okay."

Zayn raises a brow, a foul smirk plastered on his lips. I know that this is an act, he's trying not to appear weak in front of me to prove his point. What exactly was his point? To prove he's not as weak as I am, I suppose. All it took was one sight of him for me to be a crying mess, for my mascara to run down my cheeks like my tears because of how overwhelmed I was to see his beautiful face again. 

"Maybe you should go, Liam," I say, biting my lip, "maybe it's time we talk."

Liam breathes a sigh of relief, looking from me to his friend a couple of times as he stood, as if to determine if it was the right choice. Even if it wasn't, I had made my choice, and I was going to stick with it.  "Alright, Ana, just be careful." 

"Her name is Anastasia," Zayn corrected him, his attitude bratty at this point.

Liam rolled his eyes, walking away from the table before I could even speak up. I watched him as he walked away, ignoring Zayn's prying eyes. I could feel the walls I had built up in the past few months begin to crumble, as if they were made of sand instead of plaster. 

As soon as Liam leaves, Zayn stands up and grabs my wrist, pulling me out of my seat and forcing me to follow him, but not before throwing a few twenties on the table. People stare at us as we make way towards the door, but he ignores all of them. He's used to this, I suppose, always making a scene. 

He drags me to his car, which is parked right in front. I assume he's taking me somewhere and I don't care where at the moment, but I'm lost in my own head until he opens the back seat for me. I get in and he closes my door, then going around and getting in next to me immediately after. 

This is familiar and I know it. We've been in this backseat many times before, in different situations with different emotions hanging between both of us. This time, it's just us. It's me trying to make sense of everything and Zayn struggling to believe anything I say to him.

The doors lock and I remember the child's lock.

"Why'd you leave?" he asks again, "I promise I won't bother you again, go look for you, or call you. Just tell me why."

Licking my lips, I found myself staring at his own mouth. "I don't know, Zayn. I don't know why I do the things I do," I sighed, wiping at my cheeks with the back of my hand, "I don't know why I ignored your calls and I don't know why I didn't wanna see you. I just don't fucking know."

"I've been so worried about you, Anastasia. You don't even understand, do you?" 

I nod, "I do understand, I always try to understand. It hasn't been easy for me either, you know." 

Zayn shakes his head. "You think that it's all a game. You just disappeared and expected for me to pretend we never existed. What kind of shit is that? I know, I know you fucking resent me, I know you wish I was dead, I know you wish you never crossed paths with me," I blink away a few tears, "but you did cross paths with me. We did exist."

"I don't wish you were dead-"

He chuckles darkly, leaning back in the seat. "Give it a rest, Ana. We all know who the villain is here."

Zayn points at himself, sighing deeply and looking out his window. "I don't think any of that, can you stop? Why do you put words in my mouth? What do you wanna accomplish here? Did you just drag me in here to throw things in my face?"

"I don't know what I'm doing," Zayn confessed, "I shouldn't have come here, for that I'm sorry. I just needed to see you. I know you're gonna be just fine without me."

"Stop, don't say that."

"You don't know why you left, you don't know why you ignored me for months... so what do you know?"

"I know that I'm so happy to see you. I know I don't want you stop calling, or trying to see me, or anything like that." 

Zayn looks at me like I'm crazy, like I'm talking nonsense and he isn't buying anything I've told him.  I can understand why. From the beginning I've been lying like it's my first language, and I understand why he doesn't wanna believe me, and why he won't. 

"Don't fucking tell me that shit," Zayn says angrily. "For once, just tell me the truth."

"I- I wanna come back," I murmured, watching his expression soften for just a second.

He scoffs, "You wanna come back? Why is it so hard for me to believe you?"

I find myself easing into his chest, wrapping my arms around him and waiting for him to hug me. The leather seats are cold and so am I, all I want is to feel him close again. I just want the warmth only he can give me spread across my chest and melt away all this confusion.

"Ana, come on," he whispers, "you can't do this to me. You can't keep coming back and then leaving me again."

"I'm not leaving again," I whisper against his shirt, feeling one of his hands on my hair. "Promise."

Zayn gives in and really hugs me tight, letting out a shaky breath when he feels me kiss his jaw. "I gotta get you back home, I can't wait to have you back home with me."