Where am I? Is Is this hell or heaven or both. I start thinking of which I would choose. Hell would be nice since I practically experience one everyday at home... if I can call it that.

And as for heaven...hmmm! I don't think I am ready to receive undying love from god knows who. It would technically and literally kill me.

Besides I don't know what it feels like to be loved but I do know how to love and besides my mum and Zora, I don't know who else I can love.
Okay I do love Christopher and Robert but they are never hearing me say it to them.

It's not like they maltreat me or anything, but mother just doesn't pay me attention like a mother should. And my siblings, they just care about themselves. They will surely defend me in public but at home, they blame me for their wrong doings. But I can't blame them entirely can I? I always allow them go scot free.  As for Mr Reeves, he just doesn't like me or anybody.

"Hello",

A beautiful voice brings me out my reverie. A voice as smooth as silk, I wish I can drown in the river of its emotion. The emotion, I'm not sure it's emitting.

That's strange, I don't have a sixth sense, so that means I can't pick up someone's emotion or auras. But I can definitely pick up this emotion of ...love? It can't be mine because I'm feeling confused so whose could it be?

I quickly raise my head and my breath is caught in my throat as I behold the most handsome godmade creature. He's smiling at me, wait...at me, I look around in a hurry and find my surroundings desolate.

The reason being that no one bothers to talk to me in school or at home except if there's something terribly important which there hardly is.

Okay that's a bit of an exaggeration. Well I hardly speak in school. I do have friends in highschool but ugh... It's complicated and at home? Christopher and Robert are so excited to be experiencing their preteen growths plus they have extra curricular activities after school. When they're not doing anything, we're on each other's throats

As for my sister, she's just what makes me talk to my mother. Ever since mother imposed college on me, there has been a strain in our relationship. I still love her though, I love everyone but it's difficult for me to express my love to these people. And Mr Reeves? except he's hungry, he doesn't need me. He's so antisocial. One thing I took from him. Okay and his brown eyes.

So to have this extremely beautiful stranger, smiling at me and offering me his hand...

Oh my! I've left his hand hanging for a long time. I mentally face palm and stretch out my hand. He pulls me up and we access each other. He's tall, so tall compared to my 5ft 7.

He has long wavy hair that's charcoal black with a tint of White by the side like a streak. He has a smooth face and a defined jaw. Eyes as blue as the clearest sky and lips as nude as finger nails... if that even makes sense. He is built, but he's not like guys with abs, he has normal, flat stomach. To say the least, he's beautifully good looking.

It suddenly dawns on me that we are so close.

"Who are you and where am I", I mouth. For some unexplainable reason, I can't voice out my words.

"I am Zayn".

Oh his eyes are so blue wait, not so blue, it has a shade of tourqouise or is it coral blue. I'm immediately lost in his sea of eyes.

"And I'm here to let you know I'm coming".

Coming? Where? How? When? Why? What for? Who are you?

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

My eyes flutter open and I realize that I've been dreaming. This isn't the first time I'd be dreaming of such thing. In fact, this same face has been appearing to me with the same message and each time I try to ask questions, I'm brought back to reality.

The only thing is that, as I grow, the image grows too so I'm guessing he'd be about my age.

Rrrriinngg! Rrrriinngg!

My alarm clock rings signifying 4:30am. Bob is the best alarm clock ever but it still annoys me. Yep I'm that type of girl that names her stuff. That's the result of talking to no one besides homework.

I hurriedly get up, do my domestic chores.

Baanngg! baannngg! baaaannngg!

The community bell rings signifying 5:00am. I wake Robert and Christopher up and get them ready for school.

6:02am They are all ready. They wave mom and Mr Reeves good-bye. It's still dark outside but that's how we always love going to school.

"Mom please let me go to school today", I plead.

Ever since the college whatever, mom doesn't want me to go back to high school for reasons best known to her.

"Fine you can go today"
She says crossed leg on the couch, examining a magazine.

Just like that? Normally, she usually puts up a fight and I end up not going.

"I'm sorry what?"
I ask again just to be sure.

She drops the magazine down, removes her glasses and looks directly at me. Again, that has never happened. She never gives me her full attention.

"I said you can go to school but only because you have to collect your diploma from the principal. She phoned last night, so your journey to Texas will be in less than a few days, no longer weeks. Have fun at school"

She abruptly says and puts back her glasses on and continues reading. She always drops her bombshell like this.

I gulp silently and leave her presence to prepare for school.

I reach school in three minutes time. On a normal day, I'd have taken out my notes to study but not today instead, I think of a certain blue eyed guy, with a white streak who has been occupying my mind for half of my life and the funniest part is I tried telling mom but she just brushed it off as one of those fantasies so I stopped trying...

"Hey! hey!" I quickly raise my head. So I had fallen asleep? I look to see my predator. It's Vivian the school's Queen bee.

"Yeah, how can I help you?" I ask, the only reason she's talking to me now is so I can help her with home work. But her next words shock me.

"Me and my best friend Jane want you to join our group, we could be the three musketeers and we have it all"

Seriously? Is she being serious right now? Final year in highschool and she wants to form a clique?

"What do you mean we have it all". I ask contradicting my train of thoughts.

" I'm the muscle, Jane's the beauty and you...I can't believe I'm saying this but you have two qualities". She stops for effect. "You are both beauty and brain".

I give a forced smile and tell her,

"I understand you want me to join your group but that doesn't mean you should give me false flattery. I don't know why you'd even bother talking to me in the first place. I'm not your 'type' of friend".

She huffs and scoffs obviously annoyed that she has been turned down. Then just as an afterthought, she adds "Please Anita, we can make you become our best friend".

Did I tell her I was looking for friendship?
After all these years? She must be a clown.

I suddenly burst out laughing

"I don't need your friendship or should I remind you that you're the reason why people rarely talk to me or why I won't interact with  my peers. Don't you think it's killing me inside, to be lonely. I've never had any friends here all because of your jealousy. But your ego won't allow you to admit it".

I suddenly notice the throng of eyes staring at us obviously annoyed that I'm disturbing their peace. I hastily mouth an apology and turn to face Vivian.

"Just go and let me be, I'd like to be on my own just like I've always been". I say a little bit too harsh. She leaves vowing to take her revenge.

It's actually true, when I first came to this college, I encountered Jane and I immediately liked her, she was tall and beautiful and she has the body of a model. We introduced ourselves and we became friends.

One morning, Vivian, with a pretty muscular body and awesome shape, came earlier than usual and she started talking to me. When Jane came, I introduced the both of them and we became friends. After few weeks, Jane and Vivian stopped talking to me and sitting with me.

I tried talking to them during recess period but before I could say peanut butter, Vivian pushed me in the trash can, out of the corner of my eyes, I saw the entire school laughing at me including Jane.

I still had a mustard seed's courage because I asked her why she did it and she said she and Jane doesn't wants to be friend with a low class like me, a two-timing bastard and most of all, a witch. I ran out of the cafeteria and for the past  two years, I've never set foot there again. I didn't know rumors were as sharp and hurtful as spear when thrust through the chest until the following week when no one refused to talk to me, they all avoided  me like a plague.

Seriously people, witches don't exist! This is the 21st century but I couldn't say it to anyone.
Some people still remained my friends but after being stigmatized as the friend of a "witch", the relationship was constrained

The first bell rings signifying first period. I heave a sigh of content and mentally prepare myself for the day.

************************************

"Hi Mom!"
I greet my mom after coming back from school.

"Hey Ni. How was school today?"

"Absolutely not fine. A girl thr..."

"Yea just fine will do", she says cutting me off.

Ouch! That hurts. It's no big deal, I'm used to this by now.

"By the way, did you get the diploma?"

"Yes. I got your diploma"

I say swallowing back the tears and handing the diploma to her. It honestly didn't feel like mine. I rush to my room not wanting to hear the response. I shut the door, surprised that the tears wouldn't come out, I start doing my homework.

I don't know why I even bother with it. I'm not going back there.

"Ni?"

Mom calls through the door.

"I know I've upset you again and honestly I don't know how. I just want you to understand that I'm working my butt off for all my kids to be comfortable..."

I roll my eyes with the knowledge that she can't see me.

"Also um... Pack your things we leave for Texas tomorrow"

My head immediately snaps towards the door and I hear her retreating footsteps.

I slump my shoulders and groan into the pillow.

"Help me God"
I mutter aloud and just stare into nothingness.

I check Bob and realize it's past dinner time. I'm not even hungry. The sound of glass crashing immediately sends me flying out of my room and I scream. Oh no, Robert has broken Mr Reeves favorite mug.

Someone's in big trouble. I turn to go back to my room but he holds me back and begs. I decide to help him and as if on cue, Mr Reeves enters. Seeing the damage, he asks who did it and to my surprise, Christopher and Robert point at me.

Is this seriously the height of how they want me to be punished? For once can't they take the blame themselves. I look at mm and she shrugs. Then on a second thought, she opens her mouth to speak but shuts it again.

Mr Reeves raises his hand to hit me but mother butts in, preventing him from hitting me. But he was already blinded by range, he pushes her out of the way with Zora in her arms.

He pounces on me and beats me.

I see my brothers look at their father in disbelief. I'm sure they weren't expecting him to react this way.

"You little miscreant", Mr Reeves scream in anger and I scream in pain from his beating.

After the beating, I look at him, and my brothers and say,

"Today, three of you have killed Anita, she no longer exist to three of you again".

I look at mum and see her crying whilst holding Zora. I walk up to her take Zora away from her and tell her

"You're not worthy to be called mother. From today, I'm Zora's mum and sister but you'll still pay the bills".
I know she really tried to protect me but her tries were poor.

There and then, I vowed to be independent and never ask money from them. Good thing my life savings is enough to sustain me. I go to my room ignoring the two traitors calling themselves brothers. I lock my room door and wail at the same time cradling Zora in my arms. I look at myself in the mirror.

"At least, he didn't leave any bruise", I muse out loud but oh the pain I feel in my head.  I wince severally and take some Advils for the migraine. My ribs hurt so bad

For a moment I contemplate calling 911.

"You know none of what you just said made any sense?"

I giggle and nod. I honestly didn't mean what I just said . I mean, I'm supposed to go to college tomorrow and I'm telling my mom she's no longer my mother?

I laugh at the thought.

But one thing's for sure, the Anita they know is officially dead.

Zora looks up at me and raises her chubby fingers and clean my tears. I smile at this gesture and close my eyes willing my self to  sleep....

****