a letter to my most beloved mother.

you say that you love me and that all you want is the best for me. so then if you love me, then love me for who i am. i don't care if you love the person i used to be. i'm not that person anymore. i'm not that person anymore. i'm not that person anymore. i'm /not/ that person anymore. and i never will be.

and just... can you stop asking me what's wrong with me? i know there's enough wrong with me as it is. but you're just adding to it.

i don't want to change who i am for you. i understand that you hate who i am, but i do too. i have to suffer myself every single second of my dreadful, fractured life. learn to deal with me.

my attitude, the way i talk, all of that... it's not something i can just change overnight. and it's not something i want to change. i'm not going to change who i am for you.

you don't like my attitude, my tone of voice, the looks i give, and all of that? i can't control any of that. it's a part of me now. and my sarcasm covers up everything i don't want others to see, a large majority of the time.

also, threatening to send me to a boarding school if i don't fix the way i'm behaving isn't going to do anything.

you've literally told me that even if i'm not feeling happy, i should just fake a smile and talk nicely to people. do you realize how much that hurt?

i wish i could show you all the things you've indirectly caused me to do. maybe then you'd stop.

and you say you'll accept me no matter what and that you unconditionally love me. i'm atheist. i don't believe in karma. i'm a member of the lgbtq+ community, in more than one way. i have internet friends. i swear. i lie without conviction. i cheat.

tell me you didn't just lose all your respect for me. look me in the eyes and tell me that you respect me and that you accept me for who i am. oh, you can't? this comes to prove who was right, now doesn't it?

you once told me to tell you where you went wrong and what my problems are in life. maybe i should just give this to you.

fuck you.

insincerely,

me.

yeah, as you can see, i'm the best child in the world.