Known this all along

The same animals we've always been

Elloreah woke in a haze of dry mouth and confusion. The TV blared and she blinked at it, trying to make sense of the flickering images. She sat up as she realized it was some sort of wildlife documentary, focused on procreation.

She rubbed her face, mesmerized by the aggressive way the large cat mounted his mate. A flash of a memory of teeth on her own neck caused her to shudder, and she rubbed at the place.

She was sore. All over, as a matter of fact. She forced herself to her feet. Coffee, she needed coffee, she decided. After enough caffeine she might be able to recall exactly what had happened to the night before.

Stumbling into the kitchen, she found a clean glass and filled it with tap water. Drinking it, refilling it, and drinking again, she felt considerably less horrible. With that, she rinsed the pot and filled it, proud when she finally poured it in, she managed to get most of the liquid into the coffee maker. Four scoops of grounds, and then turned it on.

As she leaned against the counter, listening to the coffee percolate, she wondered over the previous evening. A bar, she'd gone to the bar. Since Sarah's illness, she frequented the old haunt more than she cared to admit to herself. She closed her eyes, and leaned her head against the cabinet.

And that's when she remembered. The man, the hazel eyed cowboy she'd noticed at the bar. Long legs and firm ass all wrapped up in too-tight wranglers. She just couldn't help herself. She groaned as her all too tasteful pickup line came back to her.

She'd sauntered up to him, and said simply. "Look, I know you find me attractive. I've seen you looking at my breasts. So, lets cut to the chase. We'll have a few more drinks, and if you're willing, got back to my place."

He'd been willing, and accommodating to her demands. She wanted to smile, to feel pleased with this little escapade. After all, it had been a great deal of fun at the time. But all she felt was empty, as she had for so many weeks now.

She'd relapsed into drinking. Two years, clean and sober. All for what? A chance to forget, to pretend for a night that some sweaty boy she'd found in a bar could even begin to replace... She stopped herself there, hugging her arms around herself.

Mingan. He'd reminded her of Mingan. Mingan, who had left soon after Sarah had returned home. Who had disappeared from her life again, just when she needed him most. Sure, Sarah was recovering, but Elloreah wasn't. She couldn't.

* * *

She made her way to Sarah's sprawling old house. Such was her routine these days. See Sarah, help out in any way she could, head home and wallow.

She found the woman doing surprisingly well, out in the garden, sitting on a bench as she watched little Liza playing. Elloreah couldn't help but smile as she made her way through the lush, fragrant garden.

"Nice to see you out," she called.

Sarah turned to her, and Elloreah's heart tightened just a little. When they'd first met, the woman had been in her early twenties, light, freckled skin tight and tanned, thick blonde hair always pulled back in a long, horsetail length braid, brown eyes sparkling. She was a cheery woman, optimistic, and always had been. Elloreah had loved her dearly, and still did.

Sarah had a motherly nature, and while by the time they'd met, Elloreah had seen far more of life than Sarah had yet, she still cared for Elloreah as she would any wayward wanderer. She became the surrogate mother Elloreah had never realized she needed, caring for her with a tenderness she'd never known.

Elloreah been raised by her father's servants, and he'd rarely been home. Though she'd never wanted for much, there'd long been an emptiness a longing in her she still sought to fill. But during those years she'd spent with Sarah, working on the ranch, she'd felt whole.

Spending time with the elderly woman now still helped to fill that cavernous maw that was her want, but it wasn't the same. Not now, not with time ravaging her beloved friend in a way it failed to touch her. Not with illness and the stink of death lurking.

Elloreah had to shake herself from her thoughts, realizing that Sarah had spoken.

"It's good to be out," the wrinkled woman beamed from under her wide brimmed hat, her thinning, but still thick blonde hair in a braid over her shoulder. In her lap, on her apron was a cluster of bright yellow bell tomatoes, daisies and late pea pods. "Come, sit!" she exclaimed, patting the spot beside her on the moss covered old bench.

"Liza brought you some snacks?" Elloreah asked, stealing one of the sweet little tomatoes as she sat down beside her old friend.

"Ah, yes. She's my little gardener, that one," she murmured, watching the blonde girl stringing together flowers to make a crown. Her gaze turned to Elloreah once more, brow furrowed as she tilted the brim of her hat up to take in the youthful woman beside her. "You're later than usual today. And you look tired. Are you well?"

Elloreah forced out a laugh, and kept her gaze on Liza, knowing that if she looked at Sarah now, she'd surely break down. "I was out late, met some people."

"Oh," Sarah said softly, knowingly.

Elloreah sighed. The woman likely knew the meaning behind that small confession. "Listen, I'm fine. I'm just worried about you." She took the woman's hand squeezing it lightly. "And I'm so pleased to see you out here, with Liza, in the sunshine."

"Oh, Ellie, girl, I'm fine. You know that Mingan came and wasted his magics on this old body. I'll be right as rain in no time."

Elloreah nodded, looking out over the garden, finding herself blinking away tears. Hearing his name caused the ache to grow. She couldn't go to him, not like this. Even if she knew where he was.

"You know, he called me this morning. Would you believe he's all the way up in Canada?" Sarah continued, happy to chat, and not caring that her companion was only half listening, caught up in her own misery.

"Canada?" Elloreah echoed. "Why would he be in Canada?"

Sarah chuckled. "Who knows with that man. He's a wanderer. Always has been."

Elloreah nodded and closed her eyes, tilting her face up to the sun. Canada, it seemed so far off. A world away. She sighed. It was better that way.

"He was wondering how you were doing." She patted Elloreah's hand. "Always makes me sad how you two never patched things up. Makes me worry what you'll do once I'm gone if you insist on pushing him away."

Elloreah straightened at that. "I don't!" she scoffed. "He's the one... He's the one..." she trailed off. He was the one that what? Lived his life and didn't wait for her? He was the one who always found her, made sure to let her know he was still there?

Sarah chuckled, and stood, careful to gather up what was left of the vegetables Liza had brought her. "He'll be hard to catch, but I think he said he'd be in Saskatoon for some time. Said he took the rail part of the way. I think you can take the Amtrak, then transfer to whatever line they've got up there. Might take you a coupled days, but you might enjoy the scenery."

Elloreah stood quickly to help her, stunned into silence. She could do it. She could pack up her things and catch a train. She could go find him, track him down. Turn the tables. She smiled at the thought.

"Come on, Liza," Sarah called. "Elloreah said she'll help me teach you how to make bread."

"I love fresh bread," the little girl exclaimed, dropping her flowers and running to take her grandmother's hand. "With lots of butter," she added to Elloreah, matter of factly.

Once the both Liza and the kitchen had been cleaned up, they settled into the great room, letting the child doze on the couch to a hypnotic children's show. Elloreah sat beside Sarah, working on one end of a quilt. It was soothing and the muscle memory of stitching over and over again came back to Elloreah quite easily. They'd spent many an evening doing much the same during the happier times at the ranch.

Spending time here felt like slipping back in time. Though age ravaged Sarah, her fondness for the simple, traditional ways of life was comforting in the ever increasing franticness of this world. Elloreah had grown up in a more traditional sort of world, much like her years at the ranch had been.

Sitting around a fireplace, telling tales, studying or working on some project had been commonplace to her. Her more recent self-imposed solitude was not what she'd known as a girl, nor what she'd known as Sarah's companion.

Yet, as the years slipped past and she'd done her best to avoid people. To avoid relationships, to cut herself off from loved ones for fear of watching them age, or watching their fragile lives ripped from her too soon. It had happened all too often in her relatively short time in this world of mortals.

Just as she thought her desire for companionship had waned, that she'd finally figured out how to be content living off her reserves, she'd surprise herself. Her trip to the bar the night before was proof of that.

"So," Sarah mused after a while. "When do you think you'll be booking those tickets?"

Elloreah laughed and shook her head. "What tickets?"

"You know which ones I mean. You can use the computer in the office. If you want, you can wait 'till Annalise returns to help you figure it out."

"Determined to see me gone?"

"Some things are certain: if you leave him now, you will regret it forever," Sarah said, not looking up from her work.

Elloreah forced out another laugh. "I'm not leaving him, he's gone..."

"If you don't go to him now, you might as well consider it as such. You've let him off on his own far too long as it is," Sarah snapped.

"Meddling old woman," Elloreah grumbled, uncomfortable with the way the conversation was headed.

Sarah's keen brown eyes met hers. "Listen, Ellie. I've got family. I've had a good life. I don't need you here doting on me. But when I'm gone, who will be here for you?"

Elloreah sighed heavily, hunched her shoulders in defeat and slid the needle into the fabric one last time to set it at a stopping point. "The fact that he's like me isn't reason enough to just pick up my life and run to him."

"The only thing holding you here is me," Sarah said with a sigh. "You care for him, he cares for you. You've taken care of each other over the years. That is reason enough," Sarah said determinedly. "I'll be damned if I die before I see you two work out whatever it was that went wrong."

"An old woman's dying wish, eh?"

Sarah nodded, her smiling eyes still bright. "I know your kind don't pass on. But I also think you don't gain the sort of wisdom that those of us who are constrained by the laws of nature do. Let me impart a piece of wisdom unto you, gained by watching five of my children grow and have their own children.

"Happiness is fleeting. But you can catch it, hold it even, for a while. It'll slip through your hands, but you don't have to give up the chase." She patted Elloreah's hand. "You're past those petty arguments, that kept you and he at odds, don't you think?"

Elloreah nodded.

"Before you let the loneliness consume you, as I know it has in the past," Sarah continued, and Elloreah shook her head. She couldn't help but wonder how much Mingan had told the woman of her mistakes and failings, of the depths he'd pulled her from in years past. "Stop expecting him to come rescue you, and go rescue yourself."

"Okay," she sputtered out. She couldn't take it anymore. "Okay, Sarah, please," she laughed despite herself. "You want me to call you when I get there? Give you detailed reports?"

Sarah nodded grimly. "Of course. I want every sordid detail."

Elloreah couldn't help but laugh for real this time. Getting on in years as she might be, Sarah was had once been a wild and free flower child. They'd gotten into and out of plenty of mischief together. She meant every word.