I, I feel like I'm losing my mind, mind
She crept into your life, life
And cut me up like a knife, knife, yeah

France approached England's house. He was a mixture of three things that should never be mixed; Drunk, angry and horny. England had started going out with America and France was pissed. He had had a crush on England for a few hundred years, before America was even born. Despite this America had won over England. France was hurt by this.

Hey hey, few things that I wanna say, ay
Still got my dignity, ay
No one'll love you like me, ay

England opened the door for France. It was quite obvious that he was drunk. "I wanna say som'in." France slurred. England rolled his eyes. "God damn it France. You're drunk." France ignored him. "I love you." England huffed. "You're drunk." "Does it matter Angleterre?" France said as he pushed England to the ground.

She's prettier than I'll ever be
Got yourself a beauty queen, yeah
But there's one thing I gotta say

"America is pretty good looking. I can understand why you like him." England murmured, "France what are you doing?" France continued talking, starting to take his and England's clothes off. England tried to resist, to no avail. "I see the appeal but I have one thing to say."

She can fuck you good, but I can fuck you betta

France leaned down, pressing his lips against England's ear. "He can fuck you good, but I can fuck you better." England gasped, finally realizing the situation.

Etta Etta Etta Etta Etta Etta ay
Etta Etta Etta Etta Etta Etta ay
I can fuck you betta
Etta Etta Etta Etta Etta Etta ay
She can fuck you good, but I can fuck you

England was fully stripped by France. France laid him down in bed. He kissed him forcefully. "I-I'm in a relationship." France looked him dead in the eyes and said, "I wouldn't be doing this if I cared." England tried to resist against him but it didn't work. in the end, France won. England had slept with France.

My way, remember screaming my name, ame
'Cause I can sex your brain, ain
But she don't do it that way, ay, no

After a few day England told America. He sat, stunned, next to England on the bed. England sighed. "I'm sorry America." America pat his back. "You couldn't have done anything." England kept apologizing. America pushed him down on the bed.

'Cause she's prettier than I'll ever be
Got yourself a beauty queen, yeah
But there's one thing I gotta say

"France is pretty, huh?" America said with a grin. England was confused. "Long blonde hair, pretty pantaloons. He could be a beauty queen." England finally asked, "Where is this going?" America smirked.

She can fuck you good, but I can fuck you betta

America said loudly, laughing a bit. "He can fuck you good, but I can fuck you better" He leaned down and kissed England, fiddling with his belt.

Etta Etta Etta Etta Etta Etta ay
I can fuck you betta
Etta Etta Etta Etta Etta Etta ay
She can fuck you good, but I can fuck you better

America slept with England. But something was wrong. England had France running through his mind. He went to confront him about it. America drove him to his house and waited outside. England went inside.

I know she's perfect and worth it,
I bet she's beautiful
But can she love you and touch you until you go oh
You keep on tryin' to hide it
But we both know, oh

"Oh hello Angleterre." greeted France. "Didn't have enough of the other day, huh?" England pulled France into a kiss. "I don't know what I'm doing." America walked in. "Get off of him France!" America pulled England back. France smirked. "I see. England is confused about whether he wants me or you." America eyed England. "Well it's me obviously." France retorted, "Funny. Because Angleterre just kissed me." A light bulb went off in Americas brain. He whispered his idea into France's ear.

She can fuck you good, but I can fuck you betta

Both men leaned into England's ear. "We'll compete to see who wins your affections."

She can fuck you good, but I can fuck you betta
Etta Etta Etta Etta Etta Etta ay
Etta Etta Etta Etta Etta Etta ay
I can fuck you betta
Etta Etta Etta Etta Etta Etta ay
She can fuck you good, but I can fuck you betta

England went back and forth between France and America that day. He kissed them, f**ked them, and everything in between. (Take a while to imagine.)

I know she's perfect and worth it,
I bet she's beautiful
But can she love you and touch you until you go oh
You keep on tryin' to hide it
But we both know, oh

England, at the end of the day, was to choose who he wanted. Both men waited in the living room. France offered his hand to America. "What?" retorted America. "Neither of us will be pissed when England picks them okay?" America looked at him funny. "Isn't that what started this shit?" "Whatever. Shake?" "Fine." America agreed. They shook on it.

She can fuck you good, but I can fuck you betta
Betta, betta, betta, betta
But I can fuck you betta
Betta, betta, betta, betta
She can fuck you good, but I can fuck you betta

England came out of the room. America and France stood up. "So Angleterre? Who wins?" "Yeah who wins?" America and France said. England smiles proudly. "Well after a long while of thinking..." Both men were on the edge of their seat. "I win." England said. "Huh?" "Well if my love is only a game to both of you then neither of you win, making me the winner by default."

I can fuck you betta, baby!

England smiled. "I win." He walked out to Japan's car (he was picking him up), leaving both men awestruck. "He wins..." America mutters as he sips his soda. France smirked.

"So I guess the logical thing is that the two grieving men get together right?" America spits out his drink. "WHAT?!"

((USUK vs FRUK with a bit of a FRUS and Asakiku ending. So many ships. Anyways, don't judge me for the insane use of bad language and the smuttiness of it. Sorry! Anyways, vote, comment whatever. Thanks!))