No week would have been as unpleasant as the week that followed. It was empty, cold, quiet. Everyone kept to themselves in their dorms all day. The Academy had cancelled all the classes. Nothing was there to look forward to anymore.

The funeral was held in the Ellis estate, which Fayth couldn't–wouldn't attend. Instead, she sat alone in the piano room, hugging her legs, staring out of the window. She barely sleeps. Never eats. She was sick, she knew she was, but moving meant feeling and she didn't want to feel. She wanted to stay so still that she wouldn't feel.

Snow was all there was outside. White, cold, and gray skies. She never hated this type of weather more. She'll never hate it coming every year more.

And even though she knew little of what was going on behind the doors of the piano room, she could feel the emptiness Anthony left behind. No more jokes were told. No more pranks were pulled. No one crashed through the doors with a big grin and hugged Fayth like she mattered. Like, for once in her life, she mattered.

Fayth didn't think. She decided not to believe. To not ponder. It was much better this way. Whether what happened did or did not, it was much better to be stronger than life and to not think. To disappear into thoughts of nothing. To believe in nothing. To avoid reality. To not see anyone that might make her face reality. It was a much, much better world she lived in.

If it wasn't for that, she would have become completely mental with the non-physical, psychological pain.

A knock came from the door, but she barely heard it.

Jessie walked into the room. She sat there on the bench, her back to him, her legs pulled up and her arms wrapped tightly around them as she stared out of the window.

Her body was completely still.

He walked towards her, slowly. He wanted to treat her as if she was fragile, which she was. He didn't know what more he can do to relieve her from the state she was in.

When he reached the bench, he peeked around and looked at her face. His heart wrenched at the sight of it. It looked so distraught. A face that wouldn't be categorized in the least way as healthy. She was as pale as a ghost, her eyes hallow with the dark circles around them no longer an imprint from the eyeliner she usually wore.

His heart beat with pain for her. He wanted to comfort her in his arms, but knew better than to touch her. The last time he'd done it, he saw a part of her that scared him.

"Rihanna?"

No answer.

"Rihanna, you need to eat."

No answer.

"This isn't healthy, sweetheart. You need to move. School is starting again next Monday."

No answer.

"We're all mourning, but eating is essential. You and Lexis, what you're doing isn't going to help. No matter how devastating the loss is, you still need to overcome it."

No answer.

He sighed and put the tray of food on top of the piano for her. He was aware of the relationship between Anthony and Fayth, but it seemed like he underestimated it. It was much deeper... so much deeper than what he knew about.

"I think God is getting back at me..." Fayth croaked, her voice raw.

They were the first words she had said all week.

"It's all my fault. All of it."

"What?" Jessie asked.

She looked over at him. "Did anyone find Lexis yet?"

Jessie shook his head.

She looked back out of the window. "I need to see him..."

And she was back at being a still statue again.

Jessie frowned, then sighing again, he turned around and left for the door.

Two days later, the door creaked open and Dawn peeked her head in. "Faith?"

When Fayth didn't answer, she ran in with her little legs and grabbed Fayth's arm. "Faith?" She asked again.

No answer.

"Faith, it's me... Bubbles."

The familiar voice made Fayth's chest warm with good feelings. She looked down at Bubbles, her eyes still dead.

"Faith, what's wrong?" Dawn's voice began to shake. "Are you like this because of uncle Anthony?" and tears began to dwell in her eyes. "It's okay, daddy said he went to live in a castle with a beautiful princess."

Bubbles? "Is that you?"

"You don't remember me...?"

Things began to connect inside Fayth's head. Right in front of her was Dawn. Dawn was crying. Dawn was saying something.

"Hey Bubbles, what are you doing here?"

Dawn wrapped her two small hands around Fayth's fingers and pulled her to her feet. "You have to come with me."

Fayth stood to her feet. She suddenly felt weak and exhausted. Light headed and a bit nauseated. Her head was cloudy and as minutes passed, she was surprised to find herself in the Academy's back garden.

When did I get here...?

"Daddy." Dawn said, calling out.

And there he was, Lexis.

He sat on a bench in the back of the garden, his elbows resting on his knees and his hands clasped together.

"Daddy, something is wrong with Faith. I think its because of uncle Anthony."

Lexis stood up at Dawn's voice. Through the bright lights that lit the darkness of the night, he can see a pale Fayth. She stood next to Dawn, barely standing up straight as if she was in the midst of falling asleep.

Lexis hadn't grieved. He lived the days hating Anthony. It was his way to cope with his absence. So he hated him, got angry, and broke things. He cursed him for being selfish. For leaving when he knew he'd been left too many times by too many people. He became a devil in the form of a human, and because of these frenzied emotions that were out of his control, he kept away from the Academy, from Dawn, the only person he had left.

When Fayth saw Lexis was when she had truly been awakened from the grave she had mimed herself into. It was as if someone had taken a hammer, and slammed it against her, making a wave of sudden recognition travel through her. The wall she had built shattered, and all the feelings she had tried to keep away intruded in an overwhelming rush.

She began to look around her, scared, wide-eyed, not ready to face the reality Lexis was living.

Anthony...

She could suddenly feel the night, the snow, the iciness of the wind.

Anthony, where is Anthony? Tears pooled inside her eyes. She looked around her again, feeling more things. She was suddenly suffocating, forgetting how to breathe all over again.

She stumbled forward towards Lexis, her eyes wide, her innocence and pain making her look like a child.

Lexis stared at her, his heart slowly beginning to break from the frozen state he'd put it in.

Fayth stared back. She took another step forward. "Where is Anthony?"

Another step.

"Is he okay?"

Three more, she stumbled, her legs barely hanging on. He took ahold of her arms and she grabbed his, demanding him with her eyes to respond.

"Why aren't you answering me?"

He closed his eyes, pulled his arms away from hers and took a step back. "Anthony's gone."

He knew that denial was going to play a big part of her around this time, Jessie had told him of her absentmindedness, of her void personality, and if there was one person that could pull her out of it, it was Lexis.

She stared into his eyes, her chest rising and falling.

And then, she broke. The tears fell. They silently did so for the first time. And they didn't stop. Nothing in her stopped. Her feelings began to pour. She didn't just see the emptiness, she felt it. Anthony was no longer around them in person. Anthony will no longer be apart of their lives. Their future.

She felt it.

In that moment, the anger Lexis felt was subdued. He no longer hated Anthony, he no longer felt the outrage he held onto. Instead, like a contagious flu, he began to feel what Fayth felt. He too began the grieving process of it all. And even if it was for a short moment that all of this was happening, even if he was to get back to hating Anthony again, he enjoyed being in pain, feeling the anguish over missing someone he'd loved. He felt safe in that moment to feel those things, because he shared them with someone. They became less scary to handle.

He yearned to wrap his arms around her, much to comfort himself than anything. He needed some sort of it, a kind and warm person to tell him it'll be okay. He needed a mother, which he couldn't easily reach for. He needed a father, who wasn't as cold and distant as the one he had. Or even a sister, who was no longer there to shield his eyes from pain.

Lexis, now sitting alone on the bench, took out the letter Fayth gave him and stared at its surface.

"He told me to tell you something before giving you this letter. He mentioned that the saddest thing in the world is a box. It only knows what's been put inside of it, and it can never know what's outside its walls. And what could be more sadder than a box is for a person to live like one. To only know its own feelings, its own people, but to never realize that close by, right outside that box, there are other things and people that can change everything. That can tear down the walls confining us in. He wanted me to tell you this. Its not word for word, but its as close as I can remember from it."

Lexis opened the letter and took out a paper from the inside. After he opened it, his heart raced at Anthony's familiar handwriting.

Hey bro, if you're reading this right now, it means I'm not there anymore. And right now, you probably hate me and you'll probably think I'm selfish. You'll put the blame on me, like you did when our sister died. Lexis, I'm sorry. If there was a way that I could've stopped this from happening I would have, just so that you don't have to go through this again. Life is so unfair. Even though I knew for years that one day I'll no longer live, I was still worried for you more than I was scared for myself. I hated the fact that you will be alive and well to witness it, to go through it. I hate the fact that you'll hate me, even if it was for a short moment. I love you bro. I love you more than dad, mom, any sister or family I'll ever have. I love you so much. If I could, I wouldn't die just so you won't have to through this pain again because of me.

I know I always wished for dad, you and I to be together. but to tell you the truth, I never really cared. I just wanted you to get closer to dad so that when I'm no longer there, you'll have someone to lean on. If I die, who'll be there for you? Who'll hug you and tell you it's okay?

I never told you this, but there are times when you would call me your brother, these were my favorite. That one time you hugged me, I wish you did it more, because it made me feel so special to you. You never do these things for anyone else, and to me, things this simple from you made me so happy.

Please don't be in pain because of me. Let me rest in peace. Find someone who'll make me an easier memory to remember. I have wish a Lexis, and I promise it'll be the last thing I'll ever ask of you. The girl from the Armstrong Family? Have fayth in dad this time and listen to him. Marry her. I promise you'll never regret it.

I'm okay. Wherever I am right now, I'm really happy. So please live on, have kids, tell them about me, share our pictures with them, and love your future wife the way you love me.

You better not cry because I said this. Plus this place here is awesome! I get to have fun all the time! And you know how much I love to have fun.

I love you Lexis, a love that will never be forgotten. Your little bro who's filled with flaws he knows they're too late to redeem and could only wish to be forgiven, Anthony.

Lexis dropped his arms on his knees, his heart crumbling. He covered his face with one hand and let his heart pour its pain.

Fayth, who couldn't walk that much further, had dropped down against a nearby tree. She watched Lexis, cried with him. Her body shook the way his did. Her heart felt the way his did. And as she stared at his breaking figure, her heart went out to him, wishing she could comfort the brother Anthony loved so much. 

Alright you guys, we got through it. The worst had passed (kinda). Fridays are the official updating days. I'm no longer sick to my stomach. I can do this without a sweat. I feel confident and in the future, I promise I'll let you guys in more often to know what exactly is going on.

All the love,

(Do I deserve you guys? I wonder about that sometimes.)

Jo.  <3