When Evan went home, he didn't really go home, he went into the woods behind it. It was a habit of his after he had a panic attack. It was calm, serene, and a place he could just relax for once. Not even Tyler knew about it, it was all completely his.

His feet brought him down his usual pathway while his mind wandered, his thoughts becoming scattered and free.

But mostly being plagued by Jonathan's face, his gorgeous ocean blue eyes, the ones Evan wishes he could get the chance to lose himself in, his lips, so kissable Evan just wished he could kiss him once. Finally, his laugh, it's sounded so cute when he giggled, but hearing full blown laughter escape his lips was like music to Evan's ears, he was completely mesmerized.

But Evan knew Jonathan didn't like him, and that he never would. So all he could do was dream and hope that maybe he would get the chance to kiss him at a party, which was impossible since he never went to any and if he did, kissing the school's biggest fuckboy was probably on his don't do list.

But hey, you can't blame a guy for dreaming, even someone as stupid and arrogant as him. Because everyone has dreams, even if some peoples are messed up, they still have them.

Evan had come across the lake he usually sat at, it wasn't very big, it might even be considered a pond, but Evan thought of it as a lake because it made it sound cooler. So he sat himself down at its edge, spreading his legs out in front of him as he leaned back, using his arms to support his body as he placed them behind him.

He let out a sigh, staring at the calm water as it glittered underneath the sun, slight ripples moving with the quiet breeze. Evan loved this place, it was peaceful and beautiful, somewhere where he could be himself without any pretending.

Here he didn't have to be that happy-go-lucky fuckboy that everyone thought he was. Because here he was Evan, a normal teenager who had his complications just like everyone else.

He had friends, he had insecurities, he lied, he felt emotions, he even had a crush. Evan was a teenager, due to the disbelief of some people.

He worried about the little things like everyone else, like turning in homework, doing something wrong, saying the wrong thing, and keeping secrets.

Oh, he was an expert at that. Evan had been bottling up quite a few of them actually; his crush on Jonathan, which was the biggest one, his fear of his friends' parents, that one may be obvious, and of course, the fact he wasn't really okay.

Confessions of a teenager, they are never okay, but it would sound like witchcraft if something like that had come out of Evan's mouth. Because he was the happy, popular, party going guy, not the sad, depressed teenager like everyone else. He loved his life, ask anybody, but in reality, it was like anyone else's.

His parents were divorced, have been for years, he always had a pile of homework to get through, he didn't even understand how he managed it, he actually didn't really like the taste of alcohol, and his friends didn't really understand him. Once again, the most common complaint of a bratty teen.

No one understands them, they don't understand how they feel, what they think, why they do things a certain way, why they like certain things. No one understands. Cliche, but true, you can't truly understand someone until you've known every emotion they felt, how long they felt it, and just how badly it hurt.

Maybe that's why teenagers are so moody, because no one gets what they're going through, so they explode. They crash. They burn. They completely fall apart at the seams, like an old but loved toy. Cherished, but falling apart.

Evan's phone rang in his pocket, making him jump up immediately from where he was sat. After taking a second to calm down, he pulled out his phone and answered the call.

"Yo." Was all he said.

"Evan! Dude! What happened to you! We all woke up and you were just like, gone bro!"

"David, you're drunk impression is getting worse by the day, so what are you all doing? I know I'm on speaker."

"How the fuck do you do that?"

"You breathe loudly. Anyways, what do you want? I was busy doing nothing."

"Well, someone woke up on the wrong side of the floor, we were just wondering if you had any parties to go to tonight."

Evan scoffed. "Like you guys would want to go to a party, right. Nope, I don't have any invites."

"Oh come on, Ev! We're bored! I'm sure you got something!"

"I have alcohol and fake IDs."

"Why?"

"Because I'm me, and I have reasons."

"You have a fair point."

"Why don't you guys just play video games or something?"

"Because we want to do something with you! We hardly ever get you for a whole weekend!"

"So, let's just play some games then."

"You don't like games!"

"I also don't like your whiny voice, but I still deal with it. Just get on, you guys can take turns while I talk to you."

"Fine, talk in a bit?"

"Totally."

Evan hung up, sitting back down in his spot. "Not." He didn't want to talk to anyone, not after having that panic attack in front of Tyler, what if it had been one of those ones where Tyler asked what was wrong? What if he had let something about Jonathan slip? Everything could have ruined, he couldn't have that.

Right now, the fact that no one knew about Jonathan was one of the only things keeping him sane.

-------------------

"You think he really is gonna get on?" Brian asked as everyone was lounging around Craig's room.

"No way, he had his 'don't talk to me' voice. Sassy bitch, it's so hard to be friends with him." Craig said.

"Hey, I'm sure he just wants to be alone right now."

"Really? Alone time twice in one month? That's a little weird for him don't you think?"

"No, it's not, Lui! It's perfectly normal, Evan isn't perfect you know."

"Really? I hadn't noticed."

"Guys! Stop fighting, Evan didn't do anything wrong, let's not try to kick him out of the group."

It was silent for a few minutes before Tyler just had to say one more thing in Evan's defense.

"He had an anxiety attack earlier, that's probably why he wants to be alone." He said quietly, drawing everyone's attention.

"What? What happened? Was he okay?" Craig said immediately, jumping up so he was closer to Tyler.

Everyone else leaned in to hear what Tyler had to say next, anything wrong with Evan was definitely worth hearing, in their opinion. He was their friend, but they were a sucker for gossip.

"Yeah, he was fine, but he didn't tell me what it was about-it's Evan, why would he? But, I can't really remember since I was half-asleep."

"It happened while we were asleep?"

"Yes, Craig, now will you stop acting like some fake white girl? He's our friend, and I already betrayed his trust enough when I told you guys."

"Well someone's been taking attitude lessons from Evan. What's next? Sleeping around? Alcohol? Drugs?"

"Okay, that was too far, it really was, Craig. Let's just stop, come on, let's play some games."

"Fine, whatever."