@ my friend who knows who she is; I updated, are you happy now?

Last chapter btw if you want an epilogue you can ask, but I wasn't planning on writing one just so you know, but I'll gladly write one if you want

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Everything was bright as Evan opened his eyes, trying to adjust to the sudden change in lighting. The last thing he remembered was being cold, an icy feeling had been running through his veins before everything had gone dark and numb. Now, everything just seemed to be way brighter than it should be. He felt like he was floating, just a bit, like he was still in the water and his body was swaying with the gentle waves.

Was this what heaven felt like?

——

"Tyler, you're aware of the victim's condition, right?" It twisted Tyler's insides that the police referred to Evan as a victim. It sounded wrong. Evan wasn't a victim, he was Tyler's best friend. Best friends don't hurt each other, Evan had to be fine. He was always fine.

Fuckboys are fine.

"He told me he was going home, he said he wanted to go home..." Tyler spoke hollowly, remembering how Evan had begged Tyler to let him go home as he lay on the grass. There was desperation in his eyes, he didn't want to be with Tyler. Tyler knew he didn't want to be there, but he wanted him there. He forced him there.

"I know he did, but, he's not home, Tyler, not in the home we know, at least. He's in a different home." Tyler didn't understand what the officer was saying, looking at him from across the table he had been handcuffed to.

"He's sleeping in his bed at home, I know he is. He didn't feel well after the party, he went home to sleep....he went home!" Tyler insisted even though he knew he was lying to himself. That wasn't what happened at the party, he knew that Luke and Jonathan would explain what really happened. He knew that they had evidence of what happened, he knew.

The officer shook his head, motioning for his partner to leave the room. "No, Tyler, he's not. Unfortunately, Evan passed away a few minutes ago. We have his note if you would like to read it-"

"You're lying." Tyler spoke, unable to comprehend the words he had heard. It couldn't be true, he couldn't have pushed Evan over the edge, he couldn't have, it didn't make sense. Evan was fine, yes he had his issues with certain things but, he wouldn't do that....he wouldn't. "He's at home, he's sleeping." The officer shook his head once again.

"I'm sorry, Tyler, but it's the truth. Now," his voice lowered, capturing the arrested teen's attention, "why don't you tell me what really happened at that party?" He pulls out the disc, stored in a plastic bag with a flimsy paper cover for it. "Can you explain this too? The night Evan broke up with his boyfriend?" Tyler gulped.

Was it too late to say that him and Evan had technically been dating? Or, maybe they hadn't. His memory had been growing fuzzy, the shock of what the officer told him was running deep.

Fuckboys are fine.

Tyler looked at how scared Evan had been as he lay on the grass, barely knowing what was happening because of the drug in his system. As he remembered the party, Tyler's face paled. He knew that the officer could read his body language, he was a cop, after all.

"Tyler?" The boy snapped his head up, his fearful eyes looking everywhere except the officer who called his name. "Tyler, I'm gonna need you to answer my questions, alright? Just tell me what happened and maybe," the officer sighs, rubbing at his eyes with one hand, the other sliding across the metal surface of the table. Tyler looked down, guilt pressing on his shoulders. "Maybe we can cut you a deal." The tone of his voice made it clear to Tyler that he was being lied to. "Just tell me what happened." The officer's voice was softer, gentler than the harsh voice he had been using before. "All your other friends are out there waiting, they want to know what happened to. The victim's-"

"Don't call him that." Tyler swallows a sob as he finally speaks up, unable to listen to the word 'victim' anymore. Evan wasn't a victim. He was fine.

Fuckboys. Are. Fine.

Fine.

Everything was fine.

"Evan's ex-boyfriend is real upset, too. Your friends are all talking about it, have been since they got here. They're worried, you know." Silence falls between them once again. The officer pulls up a chair for himself and settles down across from Tyler. "You'll be fine if you just tell me what happened, Tyler."

That word. Fine.

Fine.

Fine. Fine. Fine. Fine. Fine. Fine. Fine. Fine. Fine. Fine. Fine. Fine. Fine. Fine. Fine. Fine. Fine. Fine. Fine. Fine. Fine. Fine. Fine. Fine. Fine. Fine. Fine. Fine. Fine. Fine. Fine. Fine. Fine. Fine. Fi-

He lets out a sob, curling in on himself to cover his face with his handcuffed hands. Letting out everything he had been holding in felt like such a relief. "I'm sorry." He choked out. "I'm so sorry, I never- I didn't want this to happen, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. I just- I-I loved him! I'm sorry, so sorry. I made him break up with Jon because I knew it would hurt him, it was wrong and I'm sorry!"

"Tyler, calm down, please-"

"No, I can't! I took advantage of him when he was hurting and now he's dead!" Tyler wailed, removing his hands so his voice tore through the air. His face was covered in streams of tears. "I killed him....I killed my best friend! I made his life hell, I ruined him! Now..." Tyler sniffles, "now he's gone, it's my fault. I didn't mean to, I didn't mean to...I'm so sorry." He thought of how broken Evan had looked as he cried about Jonathan, the only person he had ever cried over, the only person he had ever loved besides his mom and the guys. He had cried about how the boy he loved had broken him, holding onto Tyler for comfort as he wailed. "What the fuck did I do to him..." he whispered to himself, closing his eyes as he thought back to the last time he had seen Evan smile.

It had been winter break. Jonathan was with them, of course. Evan hardly liked to go anywhere without him, Tyler understood.

He had known Evan truly loved the boy.

The two had been sharing a milkshake, piled next to them were all the bags that the group had from their mall excursion. Their meals were placed in front of the couple, the other guys not paying much mind to them since they were used to it by now. The foodcourt was pretty empty, so no one around them really cared, especially not the two boys who were enjoying one another's company. Tyler had been watching the couple all day, taking note of how happy they were with one another.

When they parted ways, the couple walked in the same direction, their hands laced together as they had been all day. Evan had glanced over his shoulder to say goodbye to his friends, a wide smile spread across his facial features. Tyler smiled at the sight of it, unable to remember the last time Evan had been that happy.

It must have been before high school.

Sobs continued to rip through the guilty boy's throat as he thinks back on every memory he ever shared with Evan, down to the very last. The quiver of his bottom lip, the tears glistening on his cheeks, his blurred brown eyes. Everything about the boy, absolutely everything.

------

"He's not really dead, is he?" Craig asked from behind the one-way glass that looked into the interrogation room where Tyler was sat, having his breakdown with one of the officers. The cop who stood behind the group of boys exhaled, wiping away the small beads of sweat that had accumulated on his forehead with the back of his left hand.

"No, he's not." He admitted, causing the group to look back at him with a silent question. "If the situation requires us to do so, we can lie to get a witness to confess. Since Tyler was very close to Evan, it figures that if he believed Evan was dead, something would trigger a confession. If not, then we would have been here for a long time trying to get something out of him." The officer explained, the boys nodding as they slowly began to understand why the interrogation officer had done what he did.

"I don't care how much he cries, I'll never feel sorry for him." Brock growled, his hardened gaze watching as Tyler hunched over once more. The others hummed their agreement. Craig's phone rang in his pocket.

Pulling it out, Craig looked at the screen with a worried frown. "It's Luke." He explained, picking up the call. "Hello?"

-------

It had caught Jonathan off-guard when he had barely stood up from the chair besides Evan's bed and a pair of arms were suddenly thrown around his waist. Bandaged arms were pressed onto the sides of his shirt, Jonathan let out a gasp of surprise as the boy underneath him begins to cry against Jonathan's stomach.

"I'm sorry." Evan repeats over and over again, shaking and holding Jonathan like he was the only thing keeping him alive. After a few seconds, Jonathan tried to shush the boy, running his fingers through his hair as if nothing had happened between them. Just like he used to do whenever the boy was feeling panicked.

"It's okay, Evan, you're okay." He whispered. "Don't apologize for the things you can't control, this isn't your fault." The boy still sobbed. "You're okay, Evan. It's okay."

"J-Jon?" The boy choked out after a few more moments, his words muffled by the fabric of Jonathan's t-shirt.

"Yeah, Ev?" He spoke with a soft voice, hoping it brought Evan comfort and closer to feeling calm.

"I love you, I love you so fucking much." He confessed, pulling his face away from the boy's shirt, letting go of it as well as he tried his best to wipe away his stray tears without disturbing the wires he just noticed were attached to him.

Sadly, Jonathan smiles, using two fingers to make Evan gently look up at him.

"I love you, too, Evan."