Lowkey been thinking about making an Instagram account and posting about upcoming books and like snippets and stuff like that???

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Long sleeves hid his mistakes, they hid his evil thoughts, they hid many things. They weren't even out of character for him to be wearing all year round, jackets had always been his guilty pleasure. Or, any long sleeve for that matter. No one would know what he did as long as he never pulled up his sleeves, which thankfully was not a habit of his. Besides, it was still cold outside, even if his usual habits of wearing jackets wasn't enough to convince anyone.

His bandages were wrapped tightly around his arm, and he questioned himself if he was cutting off his circulation all throughout the day. If he was, he couldn't risk fixing it and letting people find out, his mind was like a minefield that way. He'd rather hurt himself and risk permanent damage rather than let someone know he needed help.

Evan didn't want help, because that meant letting people in, and the people he let in always hurt him. Without fail.

He had let Jonathan in, now his heart worked in shattered pieces, he had let Tyler in, now his arm was wrapped in bandages and he was scared to be around anyone. His anxiety spiked constantly and he no longer had as much control as he once had, if he ever had any control. Depression pressed on his shoulders more and more with each growing day. Nothing was ever quiet anymore, he realized, not after winter break, he no longer had a quiet place. Thoughts no longer settled and let him rest for even a single moment, instead they swirled and slowed and speeded through his mind, hurling themselves at him constantly. He wanted it to be quiet, but it would never be quiet, never again.

Underneath his sleeve, his arm stung with every small movement, he forced himself not to flinch, continuing to work on his class assignment. He bit at his lip, brows furrowing as he couldn't remember the particular math formula. It should have been easy, it was a simple one to remember, but he couldn't. His mind attacked him once more, his wrist throbbed as his eyes stayed focused on the page, his right hand gripping the pencil and hovering over the paper.

Nothing came to mind, he drew a blank, even as he flicked his head to his notebook, searching for the formula but his head couldn't filter it out. All he could think about was the way his blood had been pooled on the floor when he woke up and had to bandage his self-inflicted wounds. It sounded random, but all his notes had been written in red pen and it took him to his bad place, his memories and thoughts. His eyes darted over to the clock, his heart sinking at the realization that he still had half an hour left in class, half an hour left of school before he could go home.

Evan wanted to go home, not because he felt safe there because sure as hell did not. He wanted to go home because if it wasn't a safe space it was familiar and comfortable, at home he could hide away from the world, whereas at school everyone watched him, eyes constantly wanting to see what was up with him. If he could go back in time and change things, he would, he would beg his mom to move to another house, beg her to change his school because maybe he would have never known that Jonathan existed. If he had never known he existed then maybe life would be easier, maybe he wouldn't have had to live his miserable life for this long. Maybe he had never met Tyler, or his friends, or anyone who he cared about even the smallest amount. Maybe he had never met Ash.

Maybe, he would be dead.

Being dead was always a great option in Evan's head, death was not discriminatory in who brought it up, it could either be anxiety, with its constant torment of how death could grab you at any moment, or depression, who placed death on a pedestal of honor it seemed. Either way, death would always be presented as an option, and Evan always wanted to reach for it, truly believing that it held the secret to perfection, the secret to silence. The secret to making his thoughts stop moving and to finally let it be quiet, Evan liked the quiet.

Who would miss him, really? Maybe his friends would, but they would drop their sympathy once they knew everything about Evan. They would know he was weak and pathetic and deserved death. Tyler, well Evan could care less about Tyler, who would be angry that his toy was broken and he could no longer use it. Parents would be happy to see the menace no longer be able to harm their children, and his mother, who he loved the absolute most, she would probably be out of town for business and miss his funeral without a second thought. He wouldn't be mad though, she needed the money. No one would really care if the fuckboy were to drop off the face of the Earth and fall into the endless blackness of death, letting its cold fingers curl around his arm and lead him to the unknown.

Evan's eyes were still on the red ink of his pen, notes written neatly on his notebook page, almost as neat as the horizontal lines running across his wrist. Blood pooled on the tiled flooring, tears mixed in as well, drowned out by crimson hues as his arms shook, his breath fast as he blindly grabbed for the bandages. More tears build up in the corners of his eyes as his thoughts reach a place darker than he had previously been to-

The formula appears in his head and he shuts the notebook softly without any hesitation. Memories of blood and bandages vanish and he is left with is an empty, haunting feeling. Dark thoughts lap at the shore of his island sanctuary he had finally found after what seemed like months of searching. For a moment, all was silent, letting him work the problem easily. Evan wanted to silently be thankful, but he instead moved onto the next problem before his world came crashing down once more.

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"I told you he wasn't worth it." Luke said as Jonathan approached him after school, a smug look on his face before he had caught the distress on his friend's face. "What's wrong?"

Jonathan slowly looks up at him, locking their eyes together. "So much is wrong, Luke, where do you want me to start? I found out some really fucked up things and no one will believe me if I tell anyone because everyone hates me. They hate me because they think I cheated on Evan on purpose when I didn't-"

"Then what happened, Jonathan?" Luke may not like Evan, but he had felt bad when he had seen how badly the boy was clearly hurting. As if he had been shot like a deer being hunted. Evan was wounded, and he couldn't ignore that.

"Tyler, he tricked me. He told me he wanted to talk, said he wanted to use my phone to text his mom since his died, but he lied to me. He got Evan there because he wanted to hurt him, Luke, Tyler kissed me and hurt Evan-"

"Why would he do that?"

"Because he wants Evan all to himself," Jonathan thought back to the way Evan seemed so scared of Tyler lately, like the boy had done something to him that he couldn't move past. Something horrible, absolutely horrible. "No matter how much he hurts him in the process."

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Craig: hey ev! Tyler wanted me to tell you that Chase told him about a party on Saturday, you should go! Me and the guys would be going with you if that helps

Evan: no

Craig: I know you want to be left alone but come on it'll be fun

Evan: no im done with parties

Craig: we will watch your drinks extra carefully this time Evan come on

Craig: we just want you to feel better, Evan, Tyler is really worried about you

Evan: well Tyler can take that worry and shove it up his ass because I'm not going and thats final

Craig: you don't need to be such a dick, Evan

Evan: bite me

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Tyler: you are going to this party whether you like it or not, and you are going to stay by my side the whole night, got it?

Evan: I don't want to go, Tyler

Tyler: you don't get a choice here, fuckboy

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Craig: so you immediately shut me down when I ask nicely but yet immediately say yes when Tyler asks? Fuck you, Evan, I get you're going through some shit but fuck you

Craig: my parents were right about you

Craig: you're just an attention whore, you don't give a shit about anyone's feelings so fuck you you were never really my friend

Evan: Craig you don't understand

Craig: then enlighten me

Evan: I

Evan: I can't tell you

Craig: you don't need to, I get it

Craig: hope Tyler is a nice fuck for you

Evan: Craig please don't do this

Evan: please I'm sorry I promise it's not like that please believe me

!Message failed to send!

Evan: Craig you're one of my best friends please listen to me

!Message failed to send!

Evan: I'm sorry for being such a fuckup

!Message failed to send!