WARNING: This chapter contains mature content and themes as well as triggering/sensitive topics. Please read with caution or skip and it will be referenced later. Thank you

(This was also super weird to write I've never written anything like this before so I'm sorry if it sucks)

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Evan was laughing- giggling more like- from all the alcohol he had consumed, smiling at Tyler as he made stupid jokes and funny faces. He took another sip from his cup of vodka, the two having finished the beer that Evan had in his pantry already.

"Oh, we're out of drinks, here give me your glass I'll go get more." Tyler said, nearly completely sober since he had barely touched any of his drinks, mostly giving them to Evan so he could try to forget what had happened earlier in the day, wanting him to feel better.

-

Tyler came back in with two glasses full of vodka- really it was just one glass since he had no intention of drinking his, he handed the vodka to his friend. "Here." He smiled, catching Evan's attention as he looked up from his phone, his finger clicking something on the screen without either of them knowing before he locked his phone.

The drunken boy carefully put his phone next to him, the screen face down. Next, Evan easily downed the beverage in one gulp, handing the glass back to Tyler once he had finished with it, continuing to laugh and smile as his friend put down the glass onto the desk.

"Feeling better?" Tyler asked, staring intensely at Evan as he nodded. "Good." He took a small sip from the other glass before placing it down onto the nightstand. There was a few heartbeats of silence, Tyler's eyes shifting between the boy in front of him and the floor.

He looked so beautiful, Tyler thought, with his eyes, bloodshot from crying, his hair messed up from his head being pressed up against his chest. The smile that had been drunkenly painted on his lips, the laugh that sounded forced from his throat. Tyler couldn't help it, Evan looked so beautiful, like a wilted flower petal, you couldn't help but admire the beauty in a tragedy.

Without warning, he forced himself onto Evan, connecting their lips and pushing him onto the bed. Evan almost immediately pressed his hands on Tyler's chest, trying to get him off.

"Tyler, no, stop, not right, no-" Evan slurred, having a vague understanding of what was happening. Tyler gently moved away the newly single boy's hands, his sinisterly sober blue eyes meeting Evan's fearful and drunk ones, realization slowly filling them. Tyler smiles at the boy he had trapped on the bed, who surely had a million thoughts running through him as the boy above him tried to pull their bodies even closer.

"Shh, don't worry, Ev, I'm gonna make you feel even better, it's gonna be okay." Kissing him again, he forced his tongue in Evan's mouth, holding his arms above his head-against the pillows so he couldn't resist. Tyler was easily able to gain dominance over the intoxicated boy, who still tried to pull away even though there was no way he could.

Slowly, Tyler had climbed on top of Evan, the boy still whimpering cries of protest underneath him. Ignoring the objections, he straddled Evan's hips, grinding against his area as he deepened the kiss between them. Below him, Evan involuntarily moaned from the contact and their connected lips. As soon as the sound escaped him, Evan scolded himself internally, knowing that it was definitely the wrong move to make.

"Tyler, stop, please, no, I don't want this." Evan spoke in between the kisses that Tyler was giving him, his breathing was heavy. "Stop, no!" He moaned as Tyler ran a hand along his side, slipping into his shirt and running over his stomach. Evan shivered and squirmed, uncomfortable with the cold touch of Tyler's fingertips making contact with his skin.

"It's gonna be okay, Ev. I promise. Just trust me, okay?" Tearing his gaze away from his friend, Tyler messed with the waistband of Evan's jeans, undoing the buckle with ease even though he still had a firm grip on Evan's arms. Underneath him, Evan continued to object, trying to move away while simultaneously saying anything he could think of to get Tyler off him, he even tried to kick him, although it was no use since Tyler had his legs pinned down onto the navy comforter.

All the while, Tyler pressed kisses along his jawline, slowly traveling down to his collarbone, where his lips lingered, hovering over Evan's skin. Internally, the teen debated whether or not he wanted to leave a hickey on the boy. In the end, he decided against it, not wanting to leave any trace of evidence besides the memories that would be burned into each of their brains.

Before he went any further, Tyler reached over and grabbed the second glass of vodka- it was next to Evan's phone, which was face down.

Releasing his arms, Tyler grabbed Evan by the collar of shirt and pulled him up, forcing the drink into his mouth. Involuntarily, he gulped it one, much like he had done willingly just a few minutes ago, when Tyler was just a friend trying to make him feel better about being single.

"Good job." Tyler said, putting the glass back before kissing him again, this time upright as he still had his legs wrapped around his waist to hold him in place.

As they kissed, he tasted the vodka that was still fresh on his lips as he softly nibbled on them, Evan didn't even try to stop him, a part of him still hoped that this wasn't real.

"Don't worry, Ev. I'm not gonna hurt you, you're my best friend, I'd never dream of hurting you." He speaks in between forced kisses as Evan still tries to squirm out of his grip.

Liar. Evan thought to himself, the vodka slowly dulling his senses, and the boy questioned whether or not the drink had consisted of primarily alcohol.

Evan's head now felt fuzzy, senses were becoming numb and even though he knew what was going on, there was too much alcohol in his system for him to do anything about it. Quickly, his protests to Tyler's actions became weaker and weaker as his strength depleted.

"It's gonna be okay." Tyler repeated as he let Evan lay back down, now going back to take off his jeans.

"Stop, please." Evan protested one last time, on the verge of tears. Tyler pretended he didn't hear him as he took off his own jeans as well.

Best friends don't hurt each other. Evan thought to himself, screwing his eyes shut as he felt warm tears escape between his eyelids.

"Tyler- ahhh!" Evan screamed as Tyler thrust into him, no warning whatsoever. He tried to move away immediately, not wanting this to continue. He couldn't even remember how it had started.

Tyler grabbed him and pulled him back, thrusting harder. "Stay there." He ordered, ignoring how badly Evan was shaking under him, the best friend he had just promised not to hurt. The best friend who was now crying because of how he had taken advantage of him, but Tyler ignored past that and focused on what he was doing.

Every once and a while, Evan let out an involuntary moan-he couldn't help it, those things come naturally when he's pleasured, whether he enjoys it or not. When he did, Tyler thought it meant to go faster and harder.

At this point, Evan had given up on his protests, now closing his eyes and letting it happen, hoping it would all be over soon as he felt Tyler slowly begin to stroke him. His head was too fuzzy to try to leave again.

Half an hour later- Evan assumed that was how much time had passed- Tyler finished and also finished off Evan, using a napkin that he had brought up earlier to clean them both up.

Afterwards, Tyler slid off of Evan, going into his closet and coming out with a pair of underwear and sweatpants, he threw them at his friend. "Here." He said as he pulled out a pair of his own from his backpack.

Evan didn't remember putting them on, but he remembered Tyler climbing onto the bed next to him, pulling a blanket around the two before wrapping an arm around Evan's waist, a gesture that caused Evan to flinch away. "Come here." Tyler said, causing Evan to stop and obey.

"Tyler, I-" Evan was so scared to speak to his friend.

"Go to sleep, Evan." Tyler grumbled from beside him, scaring the boy he held next to him into silence.

-

Evan hadn't slept. He was too busy trying not to have a mental breakdown and cry, he had even started shaking a couple times, to which Tyler only pulled the blanket closer around them, thinking he was just cold.

Cold was the least of his problems.

Evan felt weird, it was a feeling he had never felt before, he felt disgusting, dirty, and used. Tyler had just used him, Evan was sure of it.

It had been Tyler feeding him those drinks, he didn't put anything in them- or at least that's what Evan liked to believe, he just gave the teen a lot of them, he even felt drunk as he heard Tyler leave- he had pretended to be asleep, but he still felt Tyler press a kiss to his forehead. He tried not to flinch.

Only when he heard the front door close did he cry, bursting into tears and curling up into the fetal position, not caring if it was cold or not, everything hurt. If it wasn't physically, it was mentally, not to mention the headache that was forming from the alcohol, only worsening the more he cried. He just couldn't stop crying, it had been ages since he had last let himself cry like this, making him feel weak and vulnerable. Sure, he had been crying into Tyler's arms the night before, but to save himself the trouble of thinking about that night, to help erase it from his memory, he didn't even validate it anymore.

He wanted to sleep, but every time he closed his eyes all the memories from last night flooded his senses, and he felt like he was going to have a panic attack. If he wasn't already having one.

After spending such a long time crying by himself, he got up abruptly, practically ripping the sheets off his mattress, leaving it bare. He walked into his closet, grabbing a blanket and tossing it on top, he'd replace the sheets later.

He dragged what used to be his current bedsheets to the backyard, a pack of matches clutched in his other hand, the memory of when he had grabbed them was distant and fuzzy.

Putting them into a pile, Evan shakily struck the match against the flint on the back of the box, tossing the flame directly onto the fabric without a second thought.

Evan watched the sheets burn for a few more seconds before collapsing onto the ground, curling into a ball and continuing to cry, the flames leaping into the sky for a while before they died down, unlike the swirl of sadness Evan found himself caught in the middle of.

He wished there was someone he could talk to, someone who would believe him, but no one would, because things like this don't happen to people like him.

It's just a joke. Don't joke about that, Ev. There's nothing wrong with you, Evan, you're fine. You're always fine.

Quit being an attention whore, Evan. We get it, everyone wants to fuck you, shut up already, Evan. Quit being selfish, Evan. It's not just about you, Evan. Shut up, Evan.

He had always thought that he hated himself, but he never knew what that had really meant until this moment, crying amongst the ashes of painful memories and lost love.

--

The next day, after Evan had gotten over his migraine and calmed down about everything, he realized that it was Monday and they had school.

He sighed as he stepped into closet, knowing he had to hurry since his friends would be there in a few minutes.

They were going to ask him what was going on, he would say nothing, he was just too lazy to answer their texts. Tyler is going to act like his best friend, like nothing happened, Evan is going to play along because no one will believe him if he tries to confess.

Evan didn't even notice he had put on two pairs of underwear until he was slipping on his jeans, he didn't even care at this point, it actually made him feel safer.

As he reached the kitchen, finally ready to leave, he realized that he wasn't hungry at all, although his stomach growled, he didn't want to eat. The thought of digesting food made him physically sick, his knees felt like they would fail him at any second, shaking immensely with every step he took.

Silently, he prayed that he would blackout.