Evan lay on the floor of his bedroom, dazed and lost after waking up hours ago, his alarm for school pulling him out of his anxiety-filled trance. His attacks, they never had consistencies in the way the symptoms hit him, they were just connected by the possible end results, mostly him ending up passed out on a floor or, if he was lucky, his bed. Staring at the white ceiling, he let seconds fade, melting into minutes, transforming into hours, and in those long hours, he let himself think. About love, in particular.

"Why do you do the things that you do?" He asks aloud, his voice hoarse from not having used it. On his desk, there is a constant buzzing, presumably coming from his phone, which he hadn't been able to get to last night while he was struggling to figure out why he did the things he did. Why he said what he had said. It all blurred into one, his actions and the consequences they had.

Evan knew the answer to his question. Love did what it did not because it enjoyed it, but because that's how it was designed. It was designed to be almost a human, the good and bad side of evil and purity. It was gentle, yet harsh, and to harness such a power took great discipline, which is why it hurt so much to fall in and out of love. It held you, keeping a firm grip until you fail your test, then it drops you, and you hit the ground so hard you could make the Earth shake. But, you don't, because as cruel as love is, it will never let you die without a cause, a reason. Love is not a murderer, it's simply an emotion so raw that when exposed to it, some people are unable to handle its power. So, much like stars, they explode, and like stars, sometimes they die.

The pain of a doorbell ringing burst through his eardrums, tearing him from his thoughts but not his spot on the floor. He lets it ring, not having enough in him to get up and answer the door. Maybe they would just leave him alone, no one else had done that yet. The ringing persisted, his phone still vibrated on his desk, he shut his eyes and tried to block it out. It wasn't working. The ringing kept going, he pressed his eyelids shut as tightly as he could, he felt himself begin to shake all over again.

At last, the ringing stopped, and Evan is falling back into his thoughts as he faintly hears the front door opening, his name being called, the voice grew fuzzy and it he couldn't make out who it was. Footsteps hurry up the stairs, Evan is shaking and gasping and fighting for control all over again.

A backpack is dropped in the floor of Evan's doorway.

"I'm sorry." Jonathan drops to his knees, pulling Evan into his lap, petting his hair. Tears fall from his dull blue eyes, Evan's own eyes fighting to stay open. "I'm so sorry, Evan."

"M-me too." Evan's voice is weak, his eyes fluttering shut as he lets himself relax against Jonathan. "I'm sorry for yelling." His breathing evens out after a few more minutes.

"I shouldn't have invaded your privacy like that, I'm sorry, Evan. When you didn't come today I got so worried, I'm so sorry for making you upset, I'm sorry." Jonathan apologizes over and over again, hugging Evan close and kissing the sides of his head over and over again. The clouds over Evan's head clear for a while, letting Evan see the sun, his sun.

He pulled the boy in for a kiss, grabbing the collar of his shirt and pulling their bodies together so they were both sat on the ground, making out. His phone still buzzed from the top of his desk, the couple ignored it.

Evan is falling, falling deeper and deeper in love with the boy he's kissing, smiling with bliss into the kiss, melting against his feelings as they pull him further into the arms of love. Continuing his pattern, he can never fake his feelings around Jonathan, even if he'd be safer in the long run if he did. His feelings could get in the way of the bet, not that the bet mattered to him, but it mattered to Tyler and if Tyler caught whiff of Evan's feelings he'd tell him that it wasn't in the deal, and Evan didn't want Tyler to know.

Despite the fact that it showed like a glow stick in a pitch black alleyway, his feelings, the way his bright smile caught his friends off guard whenever he was around Jonathan, his feelings showed. That scared him. Made him remember that everything that he had carefully woven together could fall apart if so much as one of the many strings came undone. He wasn't invincible, he knew that, but he liked to think he was, and the possibility of being found out would destroy him, especially when the inevitable happened. When Jonathan left him, and he was alone.

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Jonathan: Evan? I'm sorry about yesterday, please tell me you're at school

Jonathan: Evan? I'm coming over, okay?

Jonathan: babe please open the door

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Tyler: Jon said that you were sick, hope you feel better, dude :)

Tyler: btw the vocabulary for biology is due next class and we have a quiz in math and a test in history next week, just so you know

Tyler: okay I'll stop bugging you and let you get some rest, ev

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Mom: hey sweetie please remember to take care of yourself and let me know when you need your prescription refilled

Mom: I tried to prepare some meals for you, they should be in the fridge

Mom: hopefully I'll see you next week, love you <3