Jaypaw stared straight ahead and tried to block out Crowfeather's angry words.

"Why do you constantly go out of your way to make trouble? Harestar and the rest of our Clan have been so accommodating to you, but you don't give them anything back. No, you just act like some sort of loner, going around and doing your own thing, not caring about your clanmates. You do what you want without thinking!"

Crowfeather's lecture droned on and on, but Jaypaw couldn't concentrate over the physical ache in his chest. The pain had been growing ever since he left the tunnels. He shifted around, unable to stay still.

"Crowfeather! Don't yell at Jaypaw. Get away from him," Nightcloud snapped.

Crowfeather jumped back, shutting his mouth.

"Don't speak to him like that. Don't even speak to him at all!" She snarled. Her fur bristled, pressed against Jaypaw as she shuffled him backwards.

"And why can't I speak to him? He's my son too," Crowfeather said, stepping forward again.

"Oh, now he's your son too? He wasn't your son when you stopped playing with him when he was a kit. He wasn't your son when you told Harestar you didn't want him to become a warrior!"

"He's more my son than yours!" Crowfeather roared.

Nightcloud gasped, her body tensing. Grass and dirt uprooted itself, tore from the ground with the strength of how hard she clenched her claws.
"Crowfeather, don't you dare, don't you dare, insinuate that Jaypaw is more of your son than mine."

Jaypaw turned away, breathing heavily, tail lashing.
"Can you two give it up for one moment?" He turned and left, not really sure where he was going. His heart drummed loudly, echoing like his body was an empty cavern. Running through camp, he searched for the one place he knew he could be alone. He skirted around the edge of the gorse bush that was the nursery; he heard the shrieks of kits inside. His paws found the little burrow he and Breezepaw used to hide in whenever their parents were fighting as kits. He crawled inside, his shoulders scraping against the dirt walls. It was much more cramped than it used to be.

He sat there, calming his heart in the familiar feeling of being underground, of being alone. The burrow had a feeling of peace and shelter that the nursery and anywhere else had never provided.

"Jaypaw? Why are you in here?" Crouchkit's quiet voice asked.

Turning around with difficulty, Jaypaw huffed "Why are you here?"

"I'm just walking around camp. There's not much to do when you're a kit. Why are you in the hole?" He asked again.

"Sometimes I just want some peace," he growled.

Waspkit didn't answer. Jaypaw thought he might have left until the kit finally replied.
"Are Nightcloud and Crowfeather arguing?"

Surprise jolted in Jaypaw's chest. He shot up, ears pricked.
"What?"

"You used to run away whenever they fought. Larkkit wanted to find you one time. She made it into a competition. I was looking when I saw Breezepaw's - well, Breezekit's, then - tail coming from a burrow. I just told Larkkit I couldn't find you guys and they gave up."

Before Jaypaw could think of a reply, paws skittered into his hole and Crouchkit lay down beside him, lying against his side. 
"It must be scary having them fight all the time. I got scared that my parents would fight like yours when I was younger. Sedgewhisker told me she and Emberfoot would never fight like that and that they loved each other. I cuddled with her in her nest and I felt so comforted. And then I started thinking that you never had that."

"I had Nightcloud," Jaypaw said shortly, embarrassed. He lay back down next to the kit.

"Yeah, you could sit with her and share tongues and stuff, but she could never reassure you it wouldn't happen again or that she and Crowfeather loved each other and you like Heathwing did to me. And that made me sad. It still does. So I'm going to groom you now and tell you it's okay." Crouchkit placed his paws on Jaypaw's back, leaning over him to lick his shoulder. Jaypaw thought about pushing him away, but as he was about to do so, a warm feeling bubbled inside him, and he found he couldn't quite do it. With a sigh, he leaned into his old friend's touch, and the prickling in his fur subdued.

Later, he walked over to the apprentice's den, still feeling strange over the kit's act of kindness. Slithering into his nest, he tried to ignore the pain in his chest. It burned like a wound about to rupture, an unbearable pressure under his skin.

Entering his den, he found the apprentices in the middle of a heated discussion.

"You she-cats always get so emotional over these sorts of things. Us toms are way tougher!" Boulderpaw was meowing

"Oh, that's fox-dung and you know it," Heatherpaw spat.

"Is it though? You get mollies as camp queens, taking the easy prey. Tell me, Heatherpaw, have you seen any tom camp queens? Have you actually seen any?" Boulderpaw crowed. "No, you haven't. Hey, Jaypaw, you agree, right? Us toms aren't silly like she-cats over kits or whatever?" He continued, noticing Jaypaw's arrival.

Jaypaw blinked, feeling the eyes of all apprentices on him. He grimaced. The "us toms" comment left a foul taste in his mouth and he didn't know why.
"I have no idea what you're talking about and I don't care." He pushed past Whiskerpaw to get to his nest.

"Look, you've just made Jaypaw uncomfortable," Heatherpaw said, noticing Jaypaw's prickling fur. "Don't worry Jaypaw, we all think Boulderpaw's being weird too, trying to make out mollies and toms are different. What about all the toms who are fathers, Boulderpaw? Who visit their kits and play with them just as much as their mothers? Or does Weaselfur just not give two pieces of dung about you?"

Jaypaw didn't say anything. He wasn't entirely sure what made him uncomfortable by Boulderpaw's words, but he figured Heatherpaw must be right. He didn't like what Boulderpaw was trying to argue.

Before Boulderpaw could argue, Furzepaw let out a horrified "all I said was that I was excited for Sedgewhisker's kits to come! I didn't mean to start a drama!"

"Weaselfur is a great father. I'm just saying toms don't get soft over kits like she-cats do! No need to get so offended. Obviously, toms and she-cats are different! If we weren't, there'd be no toms and mollies, just cats," Boulderpaw replied.

"Well, I kind of agree, actually. Toms aren't as soft, not even to their own kits," Breezepaw said.

"Oh, Breezepaw, everyone knows you have issues with your father." Heatherpaw flopped down next to Jaypaw. "You're both absolutely awful and none of you will find mates, that's for sure." She turned around,rustling the long grass of her nest.

There were some shouted replies, but after some harsh words from Gorsetail, the apprentices were quiet. Jaypaw found he missed the noise; nothing could distract him from his burning chest pains. While his denmates fell asleep around him, he found himself unable to sleep, the pull inside him too strong. He moaned, shifting in his nest, desperate for the pain to subside. He'd have to get Kestrelflight to look at it.

Jaypaw stumbled out of his nest, half staggering across camp to the medicine den.
"Kestrelflight," he whispered, poking his head through the den.

Kestrelflight didn't stir, so Jaypaw padded in and hissed "Kestrelflight!"

The tom woke this time, his paw scratching across the ground as he started.
"What? Who's there?"

"Jaypaw," he moaned, overtaken by a wave of dizziness.

"What's wrong?" Kestrelflight asked.

"My chest hurts. Really badly. I can't sleep." His paws trembled as the pain in his chest tightened again.

"Chest pains? That isn't normal. It shouldn't have been something you ate... can you describe the pain? is your chest tight?"

"Yes." He gritted his teeth. "Very. It's been ongoing. It doesn't feel like a normal hurt, it feels like something is pulling me. I don't know. It's weird."

"Hmm...I'll get you some borage leaves and some poppy seeds to ease the pain. If your chest is still sore tomorrow, tell me. It could be serious. I've never heard of a pulling pain before," Kestrelflight said. He thudded away, returning with some leaves in his jaws. He dropped them, and Jaypaw chewed on the herbs, flinching at their vile taste. Kestrelflight chuckled.

"I don't suppose you've needed too many herbs before? I'm sorry to say it doesn't get any better. Whitetail and Tawnyfur still complain about taking their herbs, and those two have been alive forever!" He joked. 

Jaypaw grunted around the mouthful of borage leaves he was choking down. As soon as he swallowed the herb, Kestrelflight stretched out a paw, tapping Jaypaw with it. 

"Lick my paw, you'll find a poppy seed on it," Ketsrelfligth said. Jaypaw 's tongue rasped across his scratchy paw pad, finding the seed and swallowing it. 

"Remember, come back in the morning if your chest still hurts!"

Jaypaw walked away from the den and back to the apprentice's den. He flopped down in his nest, already beginning to feel drowsy. Breezepaw stirred next to him, waking. Jaypaw flicked his tail into his brother's nest, but Breezepaw didn't respond. He shuffled, sitting up in his nest. As he did, a sharp scent of blood hit Jaypaw's nostrils. Breezepaw must've slept on a thorn during the night. Some thorn, it must be pretty deep for me to smell such a small wound. 

He listened to the rhythmic strokes of his brother's tongue as he let the weariness take hold. His eyes began closing but the pain stayed with him, sitting beside him, stroking his back with its tail.

Fragmented voices whipped around him, distorting and disjointed. They spoke in words he could almost understand. Jaypaw twisted around, searching for the voices. The world around him was a share of black so dark he couldn't see a thing.
"What are you trying to say to me?" He begged. He wasn't sure if this was a dream or a vision; he could see nothing at all.

"Don't go!"

"Fallen Leaves!" Jaypaw cried out, so happy to hear someone he recognised. The spirit cat pressed up against Jaypaw, his fur solid. He felt so real. So alive. Jaypaw took in a shaky breath. "Am I dreaming?"

Fallen Leaves didn't answer his question.
"Please take me with you. I can finally go home!"

Jaypaw opened his mouth to question the cat, but Fallen Leaves vanished, leaving Jaypaw cold, and alone. The darkness dug its claws into him, tightening its grip.

"Please," he whispered out into the darkness, but nothing answered him back.