Chapter 58

I graduated after first semester, so I still had to wait for the second semester to end for the ceremony. Before, I really did not care for the ceremony. But I really did work hard for my degree. I was actually looking forward to it. But since we still had to wait for five more months, we just had a dinner outside. My parents gave me money for my graduation gift. They actually said that they thought about giving me a car, but Austin's always picking me up. They actually considered the condo, but they said that they didn't think there's a need for that anymore. Instead, they deposited money in my account. They said if I wanted to travel, I could use that. O sa kung anuman daw ang gusto ko.

Today was February 5. Kasama ko si Ate Gina sa grocery. It's Austin's birthday tomorrow, and I initially planned on an out of town trip with him, but the last few weeks, he's always tired because there were functions he had to attend almost every day. Instead, I decided to just fix him a dinner in his condo. I liked staying in, anyways.

"Maybe I should just order," I said as I was pushing the cart.

"Kaya mo 'yan," Ate Gina said. "Sa steak naman e basta sundin mo lang iyong instructions na sinulat ko. Saka dahan-dahan lang sa asin at baka masyadong maging maalat."

I nodded. "Okay... but I am actually worried about the mashed potato."

"Basta ilaga mo lang iyong patatas tapos iyong gatas at butter."

"If I mess it up?"

"Magpa-deliver ka na lang sa KFC."

I nodded. "You're right," sabi ko.

We already finished with my grocery list tapos ay naggrocery naman kami para sa bahay. I was just pushing the cart habang si Ate Gina iyong namimili.

"Karma," pagtawag niya.

"Yes?"

"Lagi ka namang nasa condo ni Austin... Balak mo na bang doon tumira?"

Kumunot ang noo ko. "No," I replied. "Lagi ba talaga akong nandoon?" I asked because I haven't really noticed.

Tumango siya. "Minsan na nga lang kita makita sa bahay."

"Really..."

Ate Gina nodded again. "Natanong ko lang..." she said as she was looking at which tomato to pick. "Kasi naka-bili kami ng Kuya mo ng lupa sa probinsya."

"Aalis na kayo sa bahay?" I asked, suddenly sounding alarmed at the thought of them leaving me.

"Hindi naman agad," sagot niya. "Habang nandoon ka sa bahay niyo, doon lang kami ng Kuya mo. Pero kapag umalis ka na, balak namin na sa probinsya na tumira sana—" Her eyes widened. "Umiiyak ka ba? Bakit ka umiiyak?!" she asked, getting a tissue from her bag and handing it to me.

Napa-hawak ako sa pisngi ko. I was crying. I dabbed the tissue to dry my cheek. I looked at her.

"Di ko alam kung bakit ako umiyak."

"Di naman nga kami aalis habang nasa bahay ka pa. E kung nandun ka hanggang magtrenta ka, e 'di doon din kami."

"So... you're just staying there because of me?"

"Oo. Syempre kami na nagpa-laki sa 'yo. Busy parents mo sa trabaho. E ngayon may Austin na na mag-aalaga sa 'yo. 'Di na kami masyadong nag-aalala—jusko, bakit ba umiiyak ka?!"

Napa-hawak na naman ako sa pisngi ko. The last time I cried was when Austin told me we should just be friends.

"Can I think about this?" I asked.

"Aba, oo naman. 'Di ko rin sinasabi na tumira ka na kasama si Austin, ha."

I was silent the whole time. Hanggang sa maka-uwi kami sa bahay ay tahimik lang ako. I didn't have dinner. I went straight to sleep. I woke up early and grabbed the things I needed. I booked a ride and went to Austin's early in the morning.

I was quiet as I got inside his unit. Kaka-sikat lang ng araw. I quietly opened the ref para ilagay iyong meat doon dahil pangdinner pa ito. I thought I was quiet enough, but I heard the bedroom door open at nakita ko si Austin na lumabas doon. He was wearing his navy blue boxers na nasa kalahati ng binti niya at puting t-shirt na pantulog niya. He was also yawning.

"Happy birthday," I said while I was still holding three potatos on my hands.

"Thank you," he replied, his forehead creased. "Is that for later's dinner?"

I nodded. "Yes... Sorry kung maaga akong nandito."

"It's fine," he replied as he sat on the counter stool. "You can go whenever you like."

"Okay..." sabi ko habang patuloy na inilagay iyong mga gamit sa ref niya. And then I quietly put the trash in the trash can. Tapos ay nagbrew ako ng coffee para kay Austin. And then I had nothing left to do but to wait for the coffee to brew.

"Austin, I'm upset," I said.

"Why?" he asked.

"Sabi ni Ate Gina aalis na raw siya sa bahay kapag hindi na ako roon naka-tira."

"Okay?" he replied. "But you still live there..."

"Yes, but she also mentioned that I'm almost always here."

"Well... she's not wrong."

"I'm really almost always here?"

Austin nodded. "You have your own cabinet. You have your own toiletries. Some of your packages are on the lobby," he said. "Your notebooks and pens are here."

"Oh..." I said. "I am basically living here."

"Yeah."

"We're living together?"

"I... don't think so. You don't sleep here."

"Ate Gina said na halos hindi niya na ako nakikita."

"Well, you always go home at midnight."

I remained silent. Dito na nga ako halos naka-tira. When the coffee finished brewing, Austin poured each of us a cup of coffee. He placed mine in front of me. I even had a mug here.

"I am living here," I said.

"You don't sleep over," he replied.

"I will sleep over later," I said and he choked on the coffee he was drinking. I grabbed a paper towel and handed it to him. I got him a glass of water at saka inabot sa kanya iyon. Kalahati iyong nainom niya sa tubig.

"I'm sorry—did I hear it correctly? You'll sleep over later?"

I nodded. "Yes."

"Does your parents—" sabi niya tapos ay tumigil siya. I waited for him to finish his question, but it seemed like that was it.

"I told them. They didn't ask any question. I asked if they had questions, and they said they didn't really want to know," I said, hoping that my answer was the answer to his question dahil hindi naman natapos ang sinasabi niya.

"Oh," was all he said.

I looked at the clock. "Hindi ka pa ba maliligo?" I asked dahil may pasok pa siya.

"I..." he trailed. "I think I'll skip work."

"Why?" I asked, my forehead creased. "Di ba busy kayo palagi?"

"The function was yesterday. I can actually skip today."

"Won't they look for you?"

"I'll pretend to be sick."

"That's lying."

"I know," he said.

"Why can't you just go to work?" I asked.

"Because I want to spend the whole day with you," he replied, looking into my eyes. "Plus—I can't leave while knowing that you're upset."

I sighed. "Okay... but let it be in record na hindi kita pinilit na umabsent."

Humalakhak siya. "Noted," he replied.

* * *

It was Austin's birthday, but he cooked breakfast for us. Hindi kami lumabas dahil pagod pa rin siya sa lahat ng function na pinuntahan niya. He cooked bacon, eggs, and buttered fried rice. While he was cooking, I sent a text message to Papa na na kila Austin ako dahil baka hanapin ako. Tapos ay itinago ko na sa drawer iyong cellphone ko. Austin was right—I had the whole drawer all to myself. I had shirts, shorts, underwear, and some dress kapag aalis kami.

While he was finishing cooking, naghain na ako sa lamesa.

"Ate Gina texted earlier asking if you're here," Austin said.

"You said na nandito ako?"

"Yes. I didn't want her to worry."

"Okay."

"You know that she won't leave until you're there, right?"

I nodded. "I know... but she sounded so happy when she talked about the lot they bought in the province," I said, sighing. "Am I being selfish? Because she's only staying dahil sa akin. She already spent years raising me. If she wants to leave, I should let them, right?"

Austin didn't answer me, but his silence comforted me. I just sighed. After eating, I washed the dishes while Austin looked for movies that we can watch. We ended up watching comedy. My mood lightened up a little. We had pizza and chicken delivered for lunch na umabot hanggang meryenda.

"Do you still want to cook?" he asked nang tumayo na ako para magluto.

I nodded. "Yes. You can just watch. I promise I won't mess the food," sabi ko tapos ay dumiretso na ako sa kusina para ihanda iyong sa may mashed potato dahil mabilis lang naman iyong sa steak.

I forgot the measurement, so I got the paper Ate Gina gave me earlier and stared at it.

Napa-tigil ako nang bigla akong yakapin ni Austin. He arms were wrapped around me. My face was against his chest. I didn't even know why he did this.

"Ate Gina said they'll just move to Bulacan. We can go there every day if you like," sabi ni Austin.

"Bulacan? I thought they'd move to Ilocos."

"You didn't ask?"

"No. I was upset."

I felt his chest reverberating because of his laughter. "No. They're just moving to Bulacan. It's just two hours away."

I nodded against his chest and then looked up to him. "I should tell them to leave," I said, asking for confirmation.

"They'll stay while you're there, don't worry."

"Can I stay here?"

Kumunot ang noo niya. "What?"

"I'm basically always here anyway... unless you don't want me to move in," I said.

He blinked—just like he did before when we were still in school and he was still a basketball player and I was the assistant manager of the team.

"Are... you sure?"

"I still have to ask my parents," I said, but I just realized that they're right—I was already living here. And I always wanted to be with Austin. He's always busy with work, so I was always here pag-uwi niya para magkita kami. I felt guilty asking him to pick me up at home dahil pagod na siya sa trabaho niya kaya ako na ang pumupunta sa condo niya.

"Okay..." he replied.

"And you have to ask your parents," I said because as far as I was concerned, his family's very traditional. Saint and Mary got married just so Mary could live with Saint abroad.

"We're moving in together," he said.

"Kapag pumayag lang ang parents natin."

"If they don't?" Austin asked.

I shrugged. "I'll just buy a condo somewhere," I said. "Binigyan ako nila Mama ng pera para sa graduation ko. I was actually planning on traveling," sabi ko sa kanya. When I asked him before about traveling, nagkwento siya and it felt like traveling would be nice... I wanted to go to Paris because it's the city of love. Maybe I'd be inspired to write more kapag pumunta ako roon.

"Alone?"

"Syempre kasama ka."

A smile appeared on his face. "You have a place in mind?"

"Paris," I replied.

"We should stay there for at least a week so we can really explore the place," he said and then we talked about traveling in Europe while Austin helped me prepare the dinner.

When we finished preparing the food, I told Austin to change clothes for our dinner.

"Really?" he asked. "Can't I eat steak in my boxers?"

"I mean... okay," sabi ko sa kanya. "I brought dress with me, but I'm fine wearing this," sabi ko dahil naka-dolphin shorts lang din ako at maluwag na puting shirt.

"I'll be quick," sabi ni Austin at pumunta siya sa CR. Pumunta ako roon sa CR sa kabilang kwarto. Nagmamadali ako dahil 10 minutes lang daw. I wore the spaghetti strap black dress that fell three inches above my knee that I got last month. It was fitted like it was my second skin. And then I wore the strappy red heels. I did not usually wear them. I did not like wearing them. But we're just inside his condo. I just had this shoes for formal occasions.

Paglabas ko ay akala ko on time ako pero nandoon na siya sa labas. He was folding the sleeves of his polo to the middle of his arms nang mapa-tingin siya sa akin nang bumukas ang pinto. His lips parted after he looked at me from my head to toe. Kumunot ang noo ko nang mabilis siyang maglakad papunta sa akin.

"Happy birthday," I said.

"Yes, happy birthday to me," he replied as he placed his arms around me, lifted me up, and kissed me on the lips. I wrapped my arms around his neck para hindi ako malaglag kahit alam ko na hindi naman niya ako bibitawan. I was not able to lock the door behind me, so when he tried to push me against the door ay agad na bumukas iyon. He kept on walking until the back of my legs felt the bed. There was no wall to push me up against. We fell on the bed.

Austin kept on kissing me like he was a thief of air. I tried to keep on with him, but tonight felt different—tonight, I felt like I would not be able to keep up.

But when he finally let go of my lips, we were both catching for air.

"I'm sorry—I couldn't help it. It's those heels."

"Because of the straps? Or because it's red?"

"No idea," he replied as he was still panting for air. His lips were red from all the kissing. We were staring at each other's eyes. "The food—" he said.

"We'll just reheat them later," I said, reaching for his cheek. "Or tomorrow," I added.

His eyes widened. "You mean—" he said. Normally, I would wait for him to finish what he was saying because unfinished sentence really do bother me. But not tonight.

"Sex, Austin. Tonight, we'll finally have sex," I said, finishing his sentence as I pulled him close and kissed him again. 

**
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